Day 160

Good Evening everyone!!! I hope you all had a great Christmas! Ours was definitely interesting! Alayna got very sick on Christmas Eve, Christmas and finished it off today. And then I got a cold/cough and her stomach bug on top of it...it's been a really fun couple days! Poor Hayden has had to take care of us for the past three days. He's been such a good nurse to us!!!

I hope you all had a very blessed day yesterday!! As sick as we were, we had a great first Christmas by ourselves! It was quiet and different, but it was great! It was nice to get time off to relax and just have a day as a family!

We had a nice healthy dinner and we were very good yesterday. I decided once I get back to better, and not feeling like my insides are going to die, I am back in the gym. I got a ton of workout clothes for Christmas, and I can't wait to wear them! And the only place to wear them, would be at the gym!!

I have decided 2014 has to be my year. I make changes constantly, and I "stick to it", and then I fail....but this year is different. I WILL make 2014 my year. I mean I have made it this far, it would be a shame to have to start all over again right? SO I will make this work. And once my work schedule settles down, it will be that much easier. I am so ready to get back to the way things were before.

So I hope you all had a great Christmas, and I hope you all are preparing for the New Year, the Kennedy family sure is!! Hopefully I will be able to write a longer post tomorrow! Goodnight everyone!!!!

Day 159

Alright everyone, it's Christmas Eve so today and tomorrow will be kept small. I hope you have an incredible Christmas morning with your families tomorrow!! I know we are setting new traditions this year, so hopefully it goes well tomorrow morning!! I will write a nice little merry Christmas lost tomorrow, but it won't be long!

Have a good night everyone!!

Day 158

Well it's Christmas Eve, eve and I have still so much to do!!! I just now am starting baking cookies. We still have Christmas presents to wrap and I just feel like it all isn't going to get done. 

And then I sit down and think....that's not all that's important. What is important is that we will all be together Christmas and that is such a blessing. Not everyone has that luxury, and we do. So I should just be thankful for that. 

We are actually eating pretty healthy for the holidays. Since we have never had our own Christmas we can set whatever traditions we want. And those are what are important. Those are what Alayna will remember. The traditions. 

So tonight, as I write late and bake cookies with my daughter, remember your traditions. They are what people remember more than gifts or food or anything. The memories you make are what last!!! 

Goodnight everyone!!!

Day 157

Good Evening Everyone! I'm sorry I have been posting so late, and never in the mornings, I've decided maybe I should take a break from my blog. I don't think that anyone is reading it anymore, if I am looking at my stats, no one is really reading anymore. I know it's because I have taken a turn from weight loss and going to the gym, but it's this schedule at work that I just am waiting for the holidays to be over, so that I can get back to the gym. I have still been able to eat right, but I am not able to get to the gym because of my work schedule. But I promise I am still in this.


I hate that I have let all of you down. I write late, and you all probably don't read until next day, if at all. And I just am not writing like I used to. It's the holiday season, and I am so focused on being with my family every free second I have. I mean, if you compare last year to this year, I had all my wrapping done and everything ready to go. This year, I have NOTHING done yet. Just tonight we started wrapping presents. So I really need to use every second to spend with my family. But I do still find time to write, it's just usually late!!

SO I guess I will continue to write. I like to write, it keeps me sane!! It's always one of my ten things that I am thankful for at the end of the night!! So how could I stop writing??

Alright, I talked myself into it, even if it's just for me! I hope you all had a good night and are getting ready for Christmas!!

Day 156

So I just realized that I didn't blog today. I had to call the cops on a customer today at work, and it just was not my day. Everything and everyone is okay, but I am just really tired. I'm ready for my holiday in retail to be over!!! 

But I hope you all had a good Saturday!! I work again tomorrow, no day off until Christmas, but we are taking Alayna to see Santa tomorrow!!! So pictures will be posted tomorrow!!!

Have a good night everyone!!

Day 155

Oh what a day!!!! I don't even know where to start for today's post!!! It was a long and stressful day at work, but I had to constantly remind myself all day, to be positive. I have felt so blessed these last few weeks that I just cannot be angry about the things that are not in my control. That is what I have been doing. Things that are out of my hands, I should leave out of my hands and just worry about what I can control. 

You know, my mom told me to figure our ten things a day that I am thankful for. And she is so right, they make the rest of it seem silly. So I have started doing that, finding ten things a day I am thankful for and am blessed with. 

I am headed to bed now, but maybe tomorrow I will let you in on my ten things!! Anyone want to know?

Day 154

Good Evening Everyone!!!! When I tell you I am in a great mood...I am in a great mood! Today has been a very blessed day. I am thankful for EVERYTHING in my life today. I should really be every day, and I am, but I am just feeling so so blessed today. God is good.

When I ever feel overwhelmed, I always think of all the bad things going on in my life, and now I am thinking of all the positive things!!! I think that should have been my mind set for months and it just was not! I am sorry for all the negativity I have put you all through, but I just am going through a stage. I am ready for a new stage in my life. I am ready for 2014....it will be MY YEAR!!!!!! This blog has turned into not just a weight loss and fitness journey, but a story of my life. My ups and my downs. My life and how it functions daily be it sane or not.

Thank you to all the readers that have stayed loyal to reading. I know that this blog has changed and morphed but through it all, it has been my journey. And quite a journey it has been so far. We have lots of posts left to write, but I just want to say thank you.....and that here's to more positive attitudes!!!!!!

Day 153

I'm keeping it short tonight. Mostly because I'm on my phone, but also because I'm really sick. Seems like it's always this time of year that I am getting a really bad cold. So I am going to eat the soup that my amazing husband made for me and go to bed early. 

I hope you all had a great Wednesday and I will write lots more tomorrow!!!

Day 152

Alright Everyone, I'm back.....Disney was a BLAST!!!!!!!!! I have so much that I wish I could tell you all about, but honestly, this would be the worlds longest blog post if I told you about everything. It was so nice to spend a week with my family. I can't wait to get all of our pictures together so I can post them on Facebook. It was absolutely the best trip I could even imagine, and it went by too fast.

The Mickey Christmas party was a blast, the rides were fun, and I fit in ALL of them!! I was worried for nothing! Alayna had such an incredible time with her family and meeting all of her favorite characters at the parks. It was just such an experience just to be with my family for a whole week. It made me realize how much I just miss being around them. But it is what it is, and I am trying my best to move forward and make this Christmas the best it can be.

To highlight some of our trip, we all got a chance to be in a show, one way or another. My sister and I were able to be in the Indiana Jones show which was so awesome! Andrew and Alayna got to be pirates. Andrew got to be a Jedi in training! My dad got to be a guard at Belle's castle. And Hayden got to dance at Mike's laugh factory. Sorry Dan and Mom, you guys at least got to watch us all make fools of ourselves!!

On the first day we got there, we lost Alayna's Brave dress. I was so mad that we lost it, because Merida is one of her favorite princesses. So when we met her, I showed Merida a picture from Halloween of when she dressed up like her, and told her that we had lost the dress and couldn't dress up like her to see her. The "guard" that was with Merida then proceeded to get Alayna a dress and give it to her out of the kindness of their hearts. I was in tears that they had done that for her. He said, "No princess should be without her dress".

Disney truly was an incredibly, amazingly, magically, awesome experience. I was so blessed I got to spend a whole week their with my family. And I promise I am back to blogging every day!!

I hope you were all good while I was gone and didn't miss me too much! Talk with you all tomorrow!!!

Day 151

Hello from the car everyone. We have begun our travels down to Florida and have been been taking turns driving. I still have not decided if I am going to actually write while I am down there. Part of me doesn't want to break my streak, but the other part wants to completely disconnect from the outer world. You know what I mean?

I mean I have uninstalled my email on my phone and have completely checked our from work. I want this vacation to just be about family and fun. I NEED fun right now. 

So I guess I'll leave it to all of you...write while I'm here or not? 

And vote!!!!

Off to the rest of my trip!!!

Day 150

Alright....shorter than ever because we are in packing mode!!!! I have so much packing to do it is unreal!!! I hope you all have an incredible evening and I will talk more to you all tomorrow!!

I'm in a better mood though, so that's a good thing!!

Have a good Saturday night everyone!!!!!!!!!

Day 149 - Weigh In

So...I know I skipped a day of weighing in last week, due to the holiday, but I got back on that scale today...and let me tell you, I was terrified. I had felt as if I had put it all back on. I haven't been eating like I should be. I have been eating more emotionally than normal. So when I got on the scale this morning and saw that I had lost 1.6 pounds bringing my total back up to 39.5. It was exactly what I needed to kind of get me out of this funk.

I am not going to put on all smiles and say I am all better, but I am definitely on my way to being there. I feel better today. I feel more positive. I feel like this can all be managed. Which is the first time in a long time I have felt this way.

I know that a ton of people have stopped reading because this blog changed from what it originally was. But to be honest, I think this is exactly what I intended it to be. Somewhere that I could vent my daily problems to, while also taking myself on this incredible journey. I am still very much on that journey, it's just become more of a struggle than I thought it would be.

I am doing my best to play this big balancing act. I am doing my best to also keep sane through all of this. So I hope that you all can bear with me, and see that this is a journey for me. This is unlike any changes I have made in my life before and I am more than committed to it. Even if I say I quit some days, that means nothing, because I am more than committed. It's okay to slip every once in a while...but I ALWAYS get back up!!

Have a wonderful Friday everyone. I will try my best to stay more upbeat from here on out!!!

Day 148

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm trying my best to keep my mind set positive and a good outlook on life. I am unfortunately so tired today. I haven't been sleeping well, so we will see how tonight goes, since I am exhausted. I have been so busy today, packing and preparing for our trip to Disney World. It is incredible how much stuff you think you need! And don't even realize it!

I am supposed to be up early tonight, so I should be able to write a little longer. It seems like time is going by so quickly these days, so I am just trying to make the best of it all. I know that we are almost done with this year, but I really want to go back on 2013 and realize all the things I am thankful for.

So while I close out this short post tonight, I want you all to remember what you are thankful for this past year! I hope you come up with some good things, and I would love to see them!! Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 147

Good Evening everyone. I know I keep promising these long posts, but I just can't tonight. I have a had a long day, and I am just not feeling it tonight. I feel like that seems to be a very common these days. I feel like I'm just giving up on myself, and I feel like everyone else has already given up on me. It should motivate me, but I'm just running out of energy. I'm running out of "want". So I guess I just need to reassess what is going on with me.

I don't want everyone to give up on me, and more than anything I don't want to give up on myself. So please, don't take these last few days or weeks or however long it has been for me giving up. Take it as I am just finding my way. I am figuring out what I need to do to get where I need to be. I am trying....I really am!

So I guess this is my plea...I am still here...I am still trying (I am just hitting my bottom)....I'm ready to start digging my way out, I guess! So I am leaving you with those words for the night. Have a great evening everyone, and I will write tomorrow.

Day 146

I don't really even want to write tonight. I am not in any mood to dish how I feel tonight, because how I feel tonight will hurt others, and not intentionally. I have been very emotional lately, and it will be my downfall. I'm trying to stay focused on Disney world next week, and let that be the positive thing that propels me through this next week. Because honestly, it is all that is keeping me going.

I don't want you all to think I am this negative person, because I am not. I honestly usually have a very positive outlook on life, but lately, I am just thinking of all the bad things that are keeping me down. I am trying my best to move on from them and stay positive, but it is difficult.

I don't want to write tonight, and bring you all down, so hopefully tomorrow will bring sunshine and some positive vibes! I will always make it work!! So hopefully this small burst of energy I may have gotten now, will help with tomorrow's attitude.

Enjoy your evening everyone! I'm sorry about the blah post!!

Day 145

Good Morning everyone!! I woke up with a bit of a better attitude today. I am trying my best to think optimistically. I have a lot going on before Disney, and as my sister has put it so simply, I just need to make some lists and go through them! That will help organize and attack what I need to get done!!! Sometimes I find that lists help me more than anything else. Maybe that's how I should attack everything in life?? With lists!

I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday weekend. It brought on a lot of thoughts of family and holidays. I am so thankful that I was able to spend it with Hayden and Alayna and even made a couple new friends. But it truly felt like things were missing. We are so blessed that we live this life rather independently, and are lucky to do that. I love my family and I truly have the best one around, so I know that no matter how near or far we are from each other, we love each other and can feel that from any distance!!! So maybe if I just keep an attitude like that for the holidays, that will help!

Now, Christmas is literally right around the corner and I am getting ready for that as well. Last night Hayden and I talked about my gym schedule! It's been a little much with all this holiday planning, so I am trying my best to do as much at home, as well as being able to go to the gym a couple days a week. SO right now, that is the game plan! Do as much as possible so the holidays will be as awesome as possible!!

Alright, today was a bit rambly! I know it was shorter than I promised, but I only have a little bit of time left with Alayna and I want to enjoy it! I hope you all have a great day!!!

Day 144

Oh my....so much for that early post huh?? I didn't get up until 10 today, and was too late to be able to write. So, my apologies. I hope you all had an excellent Sunday home and were able to relax quite a bit. This week should be nice and busy for me, because I have to get work ready for my week long absence, and also, have to get ready at home to prepare for our week long absence!!!

I have been contemplating on whether or not I want to write while I'm on vacation. It is my first vacation in over a year. We did not go on our annual beach trip, so it is a long time coming!! It will be nice to be with family, and I want to completely disconnect, but I know that I want to keep you all in the loop. I know I am disconnecting my email from my phone so that I am not tempted to be in contact with anyone. I just want to ENJOY!!!

I need a week away. I need some time away from this place. I'm tired and stressed and just ready to get away. I have a lot going on in my life, and a lot of things that I am thinking about, that a break will be perfect. I know that I have been rambling a lot about work, but I have just been so tired. And not feeling all that well. I need to really start focusing on me. I have put that on the back burner too many times. I need to focus on that.

So I am leaving with that today. I am tired and need to get a good nights sleep. I really do apologize that my posts have been short, and pointless...but I'm working on getting it together.

Day 143

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm sorry I am so late again tonight! I got home late again, after a long day at work. I am so so so so tired......these long days are killing me. I mean, I have completely lost track of time! I mean, I didn't even realize that today was Saturday and that I hadn't weighed in yesterday. (which was probably good because of the holiday!) But I just lost my days...I need a day off!

I hope you all had an incredible holiday and a wonderful Friday. I know I didn't write much, and I said I would write more today, but I am just so beat. I am here for a good part of the morning tomorrow, so I should be able to write a lot more then. I just can't seem to keep up with all of this! These 12/13 hour days are too much. I had intended on going in today at 1:30, but had to go in at 10 instead, and it just threw my whole day off. You know how you start a day off bad, and everything else seems to follow??? That's how today has gone.

SO I will talk a little more about it tomorrow, all the stress of the day/weekend, but I have more time then! Have a great night everyone!

Day 142

Alright everyone, after my 12.5 hour work day....and just having a rough day all around I am keeping it more than short. It was almost non existent today but I couldn't imagine not blogging. Today was so rough. I emotionally was not ready for it. But I made it through. I hope you all had a good day today!!! And I will write more tomorrow I promise!!!!

Day 141

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!!!!!!!! Today all my post is going to consist of, what I am thankful for!!

I first and fore most am thankful for my family. I wouldn't be an ounce of the person I am with out them. My father and mother have taught me so much. They are truly the most incredible parents a girl could ask for! They have supported me through everything I have decided to do with my life. They have been so incredible and loving I couldn't imagine my life being any other way.

Second I am thankful for my sister and her family. Lauren and I didn't always get along, actually we fought all the time as children. But now I couldn't ask for a better friend. She is my best friend really. We can laugh, cry, and grow from each other. I am so lucky for that. I hope to some day be just an ounce of the mother and wife she is, and I will be okay.

Third, I am so thankful for my daughter and husband. I am blessed that I get to call them mine every day. I get to watch my little girl grow up every day into a sophisticated little lady. I get to watch Hayden be the most incredible father in the entire world. I have never seen someone love their child like he does.

Fourth, I am thankful for our Army family both near and far. We have been blessed enough to spend holidays with them, when family is not near. Each year we have had people to support us and help us through the tough times so we are not alone! I couldn't ask for a better network of people, friends, and family.

And last of all, (obviously I'm thankful for so much more, but not much more room) I am thankful for my friends. I am so lucky to have the friends that I have in my life. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have the support I have from them.

No matter what happens in my life, sometimes it is good to say thank you to the people I love the most. I am so thankful to have you all in my life. I am just feeling so so blessed and no matter what, however sad I am, I am happy and thankful for the life I am living. From my family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving. I hope it is full of love and joy!!! And family!!!!

Day 140

Good Evening everyone. Today was quite the day getting ready for the holiday prep at work! We will be open nice long hours on Friday, so it should be quite enjoyable.....kinda. So I am so excited for tomorrow, to cook our turkey and to just relax all day and really enjoy my time with Hayden and Alayna. If I said I wasn't sad, that would be a lie. I am sad to not be with my family this year. I mean...I was talking with my Mom today and almost cried just talking on the phone with her. This year is just going to be different. And it's not that I am not happy to be spending it with Hayden and Alayna, but for 24 years I have done the same thing every year. I have woke up with the same people and opened my presents with the same people. It all changed a few years ago when my Nonnie passed away, but we were there for each other. We were able to help each other through it and support each other. I promised myself I would be with my family for every Christmas I could, because I needed them. And then this year came along.

Now I have done Thanksgiving's alone...but this one feels different. The last time we were alone, I had my best friend Melissa with me, the year before that, Hayden's dad came up with us. But this year, it's just the three of us, and it feels so lonely and sad. I know that it should be our time to build our own traditions, but you can not deny it's sad to have no one. I mean it's not even like we have friends to go over their house and enjoy their company. We will obviously make the most of it. We always do, but just know that all of you will be in my thoughts all day. I hope you all have an absolutely incredibly blessed Thanksgiving! Enjoy the time you have with your families! Enjoy every moment, every crazy and hectic moment! I would give anything for some crazy hectic moments this year. So I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and give thanks to the incredible amount of blessings you all have!!!

Day 139

Alright everyone.....I owe you a nice long post. A post with promise and hope....but tonight....I want to write about a comfy bed. And a fluffy pillow and blanket. Today was way longer than I had intended. Well, I guess it really went the normal length, but it felt so much longer.

I have so many things I want to say today about the day, but don't know how to put them into words. I never thought I would be lost for words, but I am. I don't know how to say what I need to say with out being angry or upset. So I think it is best if I just keep it to myself. I am going to use that frustration at the gym tonight. I am not going for long, but enough to relax myself and de-stress.

I wish I could write you more. I wish I could put into words what I need to say to all of you tonight, but I am at a loss. I am just too upset. I know I keep saying that, but it's how I feel. I will write more tomorrow. Hopefully I will be a little more of sound mind then!

Enjoy your evenings everyone!

Day 138

Good Evening everyone!! I am not writing much today, because I just got home from work! These long days have made it very difficult to stay up late at night. I hope you all are having a wonderful evening. I am going shopping this week to try and figure out what a healthy thanksgiving I can have. I need to figure out how to get that same great flavor with not so unhealthy meals!

I know that we are making the turkey healthy and looking to cut down on the carbs, as much as Hayden is begging for mac and cheese with dinner, but I am trying my best! What are all of you doing to cut down on carbs and fats for Thanksgiving??

I hate to cut it here, but I will write more tomorrow when I have time! Enjoy your evenings everyone!!!!

Day 137

Happy Sunday Everyone. I have decided that the reason I am losing readers is because I'm not talking about fitness. Remember when that's what this blog was all about??? So that's what it's going to focus on from here on out. I figured out that what really sparked my reason I essentially have given up is because when I got hurt, I thought "why bother?". But NO MORE!

I started this journey because I was so unhappy with myself that I couldn't bear the thought of living life like this forever. And I SWEAR I WON'T!!!! So I have got to step up the game. Now...I know what you are thinking, "Bethany, you say this every day and nothing changes". That's just it. I give up on myself every time I start this journey and just fall back into habits....but at least this time I haven't completely given up on myself. So I just want you all to know I am trying. Life has gotten in my way ever so slightly, but I am working through it.

It is back to clean eating (right before the holidays....I know it's risky), but I KNOW I can do it! I will work as hard as I need to to make sure that I keep on track with this journey. I don't expect the changes to come over night, and it will be a struggle, but with your support, and my families support, and my friends....I will get through this. I refuse to let in and let this win. I am stronger than that. Food will not beat me!!!!

Have a wonderful Sunday night everyone. I hope you all jump back on my wagon with me and keep reading. I know there is a lot of fight left in me! So stick around for the ride!!!

Day 136

Alright guys....I'm not apologizing for a short post, because I have had a long day. I got new tires put on my car, because it was becoming life threatening with the ones I had on there. Needless to say, it was a lot of running around today and I am just ready for bed. Hayden and I had a nice long deep discussion about where I am at in my journey and he said something that really made me put things into perspective. "I don't care if your big as a house, or small as a twig, I'll love you all the same". I think I am so stuck up on making everyone else happy and worried what others will think, that I have lost site of one very important thing....Am I happy? Because that is what this journey is really about....being happy with who I am. So....I am going to focus on that for tomorrow's post. That's what you have to look forward to!

Have a good Saturday night everyone.

Day 135 - Weigh In

Where do I even start to write this post. I have been dreading it since I woke up this morning, because I knew when I got on that scale today, it wasn't going to be good. I gained .9 pounds this week. There is no one that could more disappointed than me. However, I knew this was coming. I don't think I have been as honest with myself or you guys as I really should be. I am stressed and the thing I do best when I am stressed....is the thing I should NOT be doing. I can't even believe that I am sitting here writing this.....I know what I NEED to do, but for some reason I am just having a really hard time with it. I really need to refocus myself and figure out what I can do to get back on track. I am so upset with this week and it was quite the realization of how bad I really have been doing.

So this week needs to be a fresh start. Restart those initial two weeks to get back on track when I started. I don't know why I have been having such a hard time, but this is me taking the high road and admitting that I have failed. I have failed pretty miserably....So I have to do something about it. I'm not trying to be negative about this situation. I know that this happens in any journey, but I just thought this time would be different. I am so used to disappointing myself and everyone around me, and I'm right back to that point. I can't believe that I have done it again. So I need to figure out what makes this time different!

I had such high hopes for this trip, and now all that is rushing through my mind are all my initial fears going on this trip. This is not how I imagined going and looking when going. But I have to somehow make the most of it. I wanted to be in a different place in this journey and I am no where near that. Not that I want to blame anyone for my mistakes, or my faults, but this job has been rough to make it all work. And it seems like any time something changes, I make an excuse to quit. So no more. I am going to make this work....I don't know how, but now it is just about figuring it out!

So to close, I think what is weighing on me most, is I had a conversation with my Mom when I started this job. I told her no matter what I would keep doing everything I was doing, because I didn't want to change anything about this journey and I failed. I hate going back on something I thought I could do. And I know that she won't be upset, but I am so disappointed in myself. I know you all are going to say I am too tough on myself, and I am, but it's how I have to be if I want something to change. And I do. I am so upset with where I am, and I am just hoping that I can turn that into motivation. I made a promise to my mom and myself that I would keep going through it all, and I have let her and myself down. Time to make the change. Better late than never right?

You all have an excellent Friday....I have a lot of thinking and rearranging to do on mine!!!

Day 134

Alright everyone...I'm keeping it short today. Alayna was not feeling well today and I want to keep cuddling her and get her ready for bed!! I hope you all had an awesome day and that you had an even better evening!!! I know we spent it full of movies and cuddles. And good TV!! 

I can't believe how little time there is until we head off to Disney!!! So with so much left to do, I must leave you for the evening. I want to enjoy my small amount of time Alayna tonight!! Have a great night everybody and I'm sorry for the short post!! Tomorrow will be longer!!

Day 133

Good Morning Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great morning! I am trying to keep positive. I also had a discovery last night.....no matter how much I try to focus on just me, like I talked about last night, I will always put others first, and that's okay. I don't know why, but it's just how I am. I try to switch it off, but I just can't, and that's not a bad thing! You know, when I was in school, I was the person other people came to with problems. People would let me know what was going on, and I was just a good ear, shoulder, or hug that they needed. I am okay with being that. So I will continue to focus on me, but I will make sure to have a balance. And I will ALSO make sure to go to someone if I feel the need to talk to someone!

So I also know I keep saying that I don't really have anyone here....wah wah wah...right? I hate feeling sorry for myself. And then I had a shocking realization, I do have people. They know who they are, and I am so thankful for their support. It truly does keep me going every day. I know that working, eating right, going to they gym, taking care of Alayna and Hayden, and keeping a house clean is not all that much work, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. And I am so lucky to have these people in my life. I guess I just thought it was time to give some credit, where credit is due, so to you guys, I say THANK YOU! I have been so lucky to find people here, not many, but enough to make my days so much better!!!

So I'm trying to think of what the point of this post was supposed to be....early mornings tend to mess with my brain a little bit! I guess what it really comes down to, is I don't think I can change who I am. I will always put others first. I got it from my grandmother. I guess it is why I care so much about what others have to say about me, because I work so hard to make everyone else happy. I know I shouldn't care, but I do.....So I will continue to care about others, I will thank everyone for what they do (too much usually), and I will try my very best to still keep a focus on me!!!

So I think this post was a little rambly, but I hope it got my point across. I am happy to help others, and I thought that would be what I needed to focus on to make myself more focused, but it isn't. I need to focus on doing everything! I need to just spread myself evenly across everything! So in closing, have a great Wednesday and I will talk to all of you tomorrow!!!!

Day 132

Hello Everyone!!! Today Alayna and I spent allllll day together! And it was wonderful. I have been feeling kind of stuck lately. Not sure why I am feeling this way, but I am. I guess it's just something I need to put on my list of things to figure out. I work hard to keep my sanity on a daily basis. I work hard to make sure that everyone and everything around me works the way it should. Sometimes it takes more than I have in me, but I do it. Maybe that is why I am feeling so stuck? I am spreading myself very thin. I am concentrating so much on what everyone else needs to be happy, that I have lost focus on what makes me happy. I have lost focus on Bethany. Bethany needs things to be happy too.

I used to do things for me. But now I feel like I am so focused on everyone else's feelings that I have forgotten what this whole thing started out as!! It started out as a journey to find me. A journey to figure out what made me so unhappy and how I could change that. When did that journey turn in to something else? I have no idea how I got to be like this. How I began thinking more about others than what was important to me?

Now I don't say all of this to say I will stop caring about others, because I will NEVER stop doing that. But I am saying I have to focus on me too. I am so busy and caught up helping others that I have left myself in the dust. I feel like a little kid stuck in the clothes rack at JCPenney's....lost and left behind. So this next week...I am focusing on ME! I am focusing on why I started this and how I can get out of this rut!

I hope you all have a nice evening!!!

Day 131

Well everyone I am stuck writing on my iPad tonight. I am really not feeling good and am ready to get to bed. My head has been pounding all day and I just haven't been feeling like myself. I think maybe it's just the full moon...is anyone else a believer in that? I have always been a firm believer that the full moon changes things. But I am trying to not let it get the best of me. 

So today I am going to take it easy and head to the gym a little later tonight. Sometimes that helps with my headaches. Weird, I know. But you all have a great night. I am off tomorrow so I will have a nice long post for you all!!!

 Have a good night!

Day 130

Good Evening everyone. Is it completely ridiculous that I decided to decorate my house for Christmas today??? We put our tree up, and I will tell you, I think it's because I am so sad to be alone for the holidays this year. As happy and blessed as I am to get to spend it with Hayden and Alayna, it will be my first year without my mom, dad, sister, brother, and nephews. It will be weird. I love my family more than words can even amount to, so it will be strange not to spend this time of year with them. I told Hayden today that it's not that I want Christmas to last longer, it's that the tree is really just a symbol of family, love, laughter, and a true feeling of joy. So of course I want it up as soon as possible because really....it just makes me happy!!

After I started talking about the holidays, I began to get very sad. I took a hard look at my situation right now, and realize that all the friends I have...live very far away. I haven't really found anyone down here, and it is really starting to bring me down. I don't have people to hang out with on the weekends, or girls night with my friends anymore....I have Hayden and Alayna. So I think if I could just find some friends maybe the holidays wouldn't feel so lonely!!!

Alright, sob story over....I can't believe how late it is, I'm sorry for writing so late again everyone!!! I will talk with all of you tomorrow!!!

Day 129

Well....today was a long one. And very limited time to write, so I am keeping it short. Hayden's army birthday today so we decided to go celebrate! He turned 8 army years old!!!! I am so proud of the soldier and man and father that he has become. It has been an incredible journey so far and I am excited for more to come!! 

I know this post is pretty disappointing but I will write more tomorrow since I am off. Have a great Saturday night everyone!!

Day 128 - Weigh In

FINALLY!!!!!!! I finally saw the scale go down this week!!!!! I couldn't be happier about what I saw today. I am down 2.3 pounds for a total of 38.8 pounds GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was terrified to jump on the scale today, but turns out, it wasn't so scary!! I know this week has been crazy, and I am still feeling all the feelings I was feeling yesterday, but I feel better knowing that something is improving!!!

I sat down last night, and prayed about all my stress and worrying. I prayed for some peace of mind. I think right now, that is my biggest down fall, is that I worry too much. I stress out too easy. And most of all I think too deeply into things. I need to have some peace of mind with these things in life. God would not hand me anything I can not handle, and I have to hold true to that. If I don't, what else do I have??

I have been through a lot in life, and I tend to continue to let things weigh on me, far longer than they need to. I worry more than any other person I know, and I stress out easier than any other person I know. It's just how I have always been. How do I change that about myself? I know I get it from my grandmother, and I get wonderful things from her as well, but these are the two things I wish and try to change about myself, but am simply unable to. I have tried numerous things, and I still tend to come up short. So I guess for now I just keep trying. Like every other journey in my life I need to take time to do it. I have so much going on and I need to organize all my quirks I guess.

They make me who I am, but sometimes, they make me hate myself. They cause trouble at times. Sometimes, I need to just let go, and let God.....and I don't. I hold on and try to handle it all myself, and it NEVER works!!! So I guess as happy as I am today, I am still burdened (and pretty scatter brained too!). I hate feeling so much weight on my shoulders and still do nothing about it

So I am going to try to handle today one moment at a time, take time to celebrate the little things, and not stress or worry too much about the other things. Realize that they are out of my hands, and whatever happens, happens. No matter what I always stay true to myself....it makes me a stronger person.

I hope you all have an incredible Friday...enjoy the little things and don't worry about the big things!!!

Day 127

Good Morning-ish everyone. I have done a whole bunch of typing today, but for some reason I feel like typing some more. To fore warn, today's post is going to be pretty....I guess whiney is the word....but just having a bad couple days.

I love my job, I love my husband, I love my daughter, and I truly realize how blessed I am every day to be where I am. But there is one thing I don't like......and that is to be lied to. I have always been very perceptive and I know when things are not what they seem. So to not go into detail, I know something is going on, and that I am being lied to, and I DON'T LIKE IT....it is bringing me down and causing me to trip (metaphorically). I hate this feeling...so much!!! So I know I am being whiney-ish, but I just feel uneasy today. I hate it.

So on a some what good note, I am finally getting my eyes checked, after 3 years of wearing long past due glasses and contacts that are torn....I am going to get new contacts and glasses!!!! Finally!!!!! It has been hard to work out because I have had to wear my glasses, which are old prescriptions, which gives me a headache, which makes me sick when I work out!!! It's this spiraling cycle that makes life hard. If you have never had bad vision, it is hard to understand, but for all of you that do, wearing glasses that are not the correct prescription makes life in general more difficult. I struggle every day to see things, and I am finally doing something about it!!! I really need to get new glasses and some new, more comfortable contacts. SO I will update you all tomorrow on what he as to say, I'm sure he will be upset that I wore the same contacts for so long. So we will see!!

I am hopefully going to get a trial set that I can wear and be able to work out comfortably. I hate not being able to see every day, and having migraine after migraine, just from struggling to see!!!

I wanted to write one more thing today...I can see how may people read every day, and I am down to the single digits. I know my posts have been nothing to write home about lately, but I am trying! I am trying to write more deep posts, but at 9 pm, after a long day of work, it is hard to find motivation...you know? So I hope that I can win some of you back over...I promise to write a little heartier entries! I also promise that things will get better with me, and less wah wah wah!!! I can't wait to get to Disney, but I have a lot to do until then. I have not lost anything in far too long, and why would anyone want to read about a journey of someone who has basically given up. So that stops now! I promise!!!!! I hope you all continue to read and have full faith that this is just the beginning!!!

Day 126

Thanks for your support everyone....I don't feel well tonight so I am not going to write much. I have tomorrow off and I think that might be why I feel so blah. Is that possible???

Either way I am taking it easy tonight. I get a whole day of just Alayna and I, and I am so excited. So I am going to get a good nights sleep to prepare for my whole day with her!!!! 

Enjoy your Thursdays everyone!! 

Day 125

Good Evening all!!!! I am keeping it really short today. A lot happened at work today that makes me sad, and angry, and frustrated, and a whole array of feelings that I don't want to attack today! So I am keeping them in for another day. I hope you all had an incredible day today and that you remember to keep your heads up in the best of situations.

Remember that of all the hats we wear, some are more important than others...please keep that in mind. I can't stress that enough to all of you. I wear a lot of hats.....Mother, Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Boss, Co-Worker, Photographer, Salesperson.....and so much more...but remember the ones that count the most!!

That is all I have to preach to you tonight. Just had a rough day and ready to get into bed!! Have a great sleep tonight everyone!!

Day 124

I have been thinking of something to post all day and I just keep coming up short. I can't put my words together enough to thank the people who have protected our country and continue to protect our country day in and day out. Whether that is here helping with the battle at home or over seas fighting a dangerous game, you are appreciated and loved.

Marrying Hayden changed my life in more ways than one, and becoming an army wife was one of the most drastic changes I have ever made. I am honored to be a part of this military family because we are strong and stick together. It is hard at times, moving and really having no one but Hayden around, but it's all worth it in the end. We are so lucky to have each other and I am even more lucky to have him support me in everything I do. I know changing my life like this takes a world of dedication and it is amazing that we are able to commit to each other like this. 

So I know I promised you all something a little better but.....this one goes out to the man I love, my best friend, my other half, and most of all, my real life hero!

Thank you again to everyone. Our freedom is never truly free and you fight for us every day. We are eternally grateful!!!

Day 123

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I will be very honest with all of you....I forgot to even think about writing today!! I was so caught up with work, and then when I got home....I wanted nothing more than to relax with Hayden and Alayna. I know that my commitment is still here, but I just wanted to spend the day with them, uninterrupted.

This next few weeks is going to be very very busy. I have to work on training a new hire, and making sure that my team is ready for the holidays. I also have to make sure that I am all ready to go for this Disney trip, so the posts will be just as frequent, but maybe a little shorter....and more scatter brained. But I WILL make it work!!!

I know some times I can get a bit distracted, but I promise I am still here. I promise I am still totally present and ready to do what comes at me. And I will try my very best to communicate that to all of you. So I know most of you won't get this until the morning, but I will write again tomorrow. A little more in detail, I promise!!!! Have a wonderful sleep tonight everyone!!

Day 122

I will be honest with all of you, I am tired. So I think I am keeping today short and sweet!

I hope you all had an awesome Saturday!!! I spent it partially at work and partially at home, so it could have been better! I had to get up early and head to work for something that never even happened, and then I went home and I cuddled up with Hayden and Alayna all day watching movies and playing games!

So I guess all in all it was an awesome day. I needed some time with Hayden and Alayna, so I did get that....and am continuing now, and must return to them!!!

Enjoy what is left of your evenings and I will catch all you crazy kids tomorrow!!!

Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 120

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having an incredible morning! I woke up this morning with a new out look. My dad sent me this message yesterday that was so full of impact for me!!

"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."

That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.

I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.

To give you all a little snapshot of my days:

6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.

7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.

7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner

8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.

9:00 pm - BED!!!!!

So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!

I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!

Day 119

Good Morning Everyone!!!!!! I woke up nice and early to make sure that I could get Alayna ready, get myself ready, and STILL have time to write. I know that I have been slacking on my blog a bit. And that I have been promising things that I have not held up. But I am working on it! I have decided that I NEED to get into a routine. It will be hard at first, but as soon as I can do that, I will be better off. After all, it is all about getting into a routine! And as long as I can knock this sense of feeling tired all the time, I can do it!!!

I have tried Chia seeds as energy, and I just don't seem to be getting enough energy from them. I am looking for redbull sized energy, and am not finding it naturally occurring in nature! So I am continuing my search!! I hope that I can figure this all out soon, because I am tired.....of being tired!!!

I have to get back that motivation I had a month ago. So I MUST work hard to get back to that person. I have only 32 days, 15 hours, and 42 minutes before our trip!!! So I HAVE to get my butt going, so that this trip is the best trip I could possibly make it!!!

So all those feelings I had when I started....the frustration of the first two weeks, the angry feeling I had when not seeing results....the irritation of not being able to eat the things I wanted.....I need to find those feelings again, because they gave me results!! So back to the basics everyone....Gotta hold myself accountable, no matter what!!!!

SO on that note, I am starting off my day right!!! Focusing on things that I REALLY REALLY want!!!!! What are you focusing on today??!

Day 118

Hello again hello again!!! So I did post yesterday, but apparently didn't put it up on Facebook. I'm stuck posting from my phone again tonight so please excuse any spelling errors. My computer died and it has to charge, so phone will do!!

Today's work day went pretty well. I have decided (after much talk from others including some of you) that I just stress out way to easy! I work too hard and get too stressed out over little things, and it makes my day worse. How do I stop doing that? So that is my focus for the next couple days. Working on letting the little things go, so I can focus on what REALLY matters!! My journey and my family. Work is work and it should stay there. As much as I love the people is work with, I need to make sure I am giving home the attention they deserve. I'm starting (or continuing) to feel like this awful mother who barely gives her daughter the time of day. So that all needs to change. Time to focus on family and staying on my journey to a better life. For Alayna and for me!!!

Hope you all sleep well and hopefully I can get to writing a little earlier tomorrow morning!!!

Day 117

Good evening everyone!!! Today was my early day at work, and boy am I wiped!!! Amazing how a long day of running around all day really takes it out of you. I can't believe how tired I have been lately. I mean, I go to bed at an average of 9 as of lately. How is that even possible??? I mean Alayna is going to bed later than me. So my goal this week is to figure out why I am so sleepy, and what I can do to get my energy back up. Any suggestions from anyone?

I know that I don't want to use energy drinks or coffee all the time, so something with a natural energy would be much preferred!!! Does anyone have any good recommendations for such a thing?

Well as I said before, I am averaging a 9:00 pm bed time, and I'm already past that for the evening. I went bowling with Hayden's work and it literally took every last ounce of energy I had! So I am off to bed....early....again!!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening and can't wait to hear what you all have to say about natural energy sources!!

Day 116

So today we went to the Columbia County Fair, and my goodness was it fun!!! I had such a good time with Alayna, and when we originally got there, I didn't want to ride the rides. The feelings I had when I tried to ride rides last time returned. "I'm not going to fit, I'm too big, people will ask me to get off". It was embarrassing last time. It hurt inside more than I can even explain....but this time...I fit in everything I went on!!! It was SO much fun to do these things as a family! I had such a blast with Hayden and Alayna. And we took pictures together, and guess what....I liked them!!! I for some reason just feel like I look better....happier!

Can anyone please fill me in...do I look happier in pictures? Because I feel happier in them. I don't feel like the Big Girl anymore! It is such a relieving feeling!

Tomorrow I have to be up early to go to work. So I am unfortunately going to keep it kind of short tonight. I want you all to know that I am scarily close to my Disney trip, so it is time to really step it up! I am ready to have the most amazing time of my life....I want my sister and brother to see me and say "WOW!". So I need to really start working hard. I am still tweaking how I am going to make it work, but I am going to MAKE IT WORK!!!


Have an amazing Sunday night everyone!!

Day 115

Alright Everyone, today was a strangely long day...I don't even know where to start. But I am definitely sure I know where to finish, in bed...I'm so so so tired!!!! So I am doing what I know is best for me, curling into bed and watching a movie with Hayden....


I will write more tomorrow since I am off. I have figured out a schedule I want to share with all of you. <3

Day 114 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone. Like I said yesterday, I knew this weigh in would be pointless. Nothing changed. And I realized that I didn't log into My Fitness Pal yesterday, so all 113 days of hard work aren't even showing on there anymore. I can't believe I didn't log in?!?! I felt very angry that I did that....I have worked too hard to give up now, but honestly, that's what it feels like I'm doing. I feel like I have been going on this journey so long, that now, I'm just kind of faking it. Yeah, I'm still losing weight, but not the way I was before. This feels so much like the lazy way.

So now, the feeling I have RIGHT NOW....is fury....and it is motivating. I am so furious with myself. I told myself (and other people too) when I got this job I would NOT let it get to me. I would keep going like I was before and I would let NOTHING get in my way. And then I let work get in my way. How could I??? I lied and cheated myself out of months of hard work. So I feel like I have to jump on this horse all over again. I don't think I wanted to admit to you guys (although I'm sure you could tell) that I had not been doing everything that I should be. And I am more mad at myself than anyone could be. I have been faking for too long, and it is time for me to jump on this horse, and try again. I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to let the food and laziness win.

I know in life that I will come into busy spots and life will just happen, but I can't let up completely. I have almost already given up on myself, and I just can't bear to do that. I am better than that. I know you all tell me, "You are too hard on yourself." "You are working and being a mom, you are doing great." "You are making it work.". But honestly, I'm not. I'm not making anything work. It is hard. Being a working mom, who is also trying to lose weight by eating healthy, and who is also trying to go to the gym at least 4 times a week, and who is also trying to make sure she is spending enough time with her family....it is so hard. I mean, like, unbelievably hard. I don't know how people do it.....I mean really...I need some professional advice, because it is just really proving difficult. I said I wouldn't use tired as an excuse, but I am so damn tired it is unreal!!! How do I dig down deep and find the energy???


I apologize for all the venting. I think the missing a day on MFP was really my final straw. I can't keep being lazy. My body is paying for it, and I am so unhappy with myself for it. I am back at not wanting to look in the mirror really....So time to re-focus myself. Remember why I started, and GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!!!!

Have a great Friday Everyone.

Day 113

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!!!!

I am keeping it to just sentences today, we just finished trick or treating and I am BEAT!!! It was so nice to go out with friends to trick or treat! Alayna had a blast! Feel free to check my facebook for Alayna's pictures! She had so much fun with her friend Ja'shaun tonight! It was just too cute watching them trick or treat.

Now, I know tomorrow is weigh in day, but I know that I have not lost anything. I am sitting at the same thing I was at last night. This week got away from me!!! But I will still make sure to write nice and early in the morning!!

Have a good Halloween Everyone!!

Day 112

Good Evening everyone. I got done with work early today, and it was so nice to spend some time with Alayna. Although, I woke up with such a wonderful cold today, so I'm not feeling so well. Headed to the store now to grab the essentials. But I am lucky I have off tomorrow to kind of prepare myself. I am excited that tomorrow is Halloween, even though it is really my least favorite holiday, I love getting Alayna all ready to go. She is so excited!! She still has not decided between her two costumes. She is deciding daily what she wants to be, and whatever the verdict is tomorrow night, is what we will go with!!

I really am not into Halloween at all, but I will be walking around with Alayna and saying trick or treat!! I remember our first Halloween how I looked at the pictures and was so unhappy with myself. I felt like I looked ridiculous. I was unhappy and miserable and just all around angry with myself. This Halloween, it was so nice to be in front of the camera. I don't know why, but I am just enjoying taking pictures with Alayna and Hayden now. I like seeing myself...and I NEVER thought I would think that way.

I guess things change as you change, and I sure am changing! I hope you all have a wonderful evening. I am going to curl up with some chicken noodle soup and some hot tea and relax. Until tomorrow!

Day 111

Hello Everyone!! Today was a LONG day! I can't believe how busy it was. I ran around with the owner of the company today, and it was really awesome. When I worked at Splendid, it was no big deal to see Ken (no offense Ken, I saw you all the time!), but here, he lives in Chicago, and you are lucky to see him twice a year. So to meet him this soon....was pretty cool!!

I have been so focused on work lately, and it is paying off. I love my job, and to be noticed for doing well...it's nice. I don't want to talk just about work...but I do want to talk about life. There are only 40 days left until Disney, and I have a lot of work to start putting in. Now that this stressful period at work has slowed down a little, I can get back focused on that!!!

So I am keeping it short tonight. I'm tired, and I want to spend some time with Hayden and Alayna. I hope you all have an amazing evening and I will write more tomorrow!!!

Day 110

Good Evening Everyone!!!! Today was quite a bit to handle! I have FINALLY finished my training binders, so I thought I would be able to focus a little more on life, but unfortunately something else came around the corner.....BUT it should be a quick thing!!!

I found my old journal and have been looking through some of my posts....boy was I unhappy....I'm happy I have made the decisions I have made in my life. Granted I complain a lot, I am happier!! I have come a long way from there. So I really do have all of you to thank for that. I am so happy that 110 days ago I decided to do something about it. I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't...probably really unhappy!!!!

So I am going to work on more work...exciting right?? Like I don't do enough of that! But I am watching SNL with Hayden...and boy is it a good one. So I am going to go and multi-task and you all go and enjoy your evenings!!!

Day 109

Good Evening everyone. I have decided I'm not going to keep apologize for writing at night....it's writing at all that is important right? It's just whatever time is easiest for me!!!

So this morning I had a training at work, and it went alright. I wish I could have been home with Alayna, and so did everyone else, but it just was a long morning. I wish I could say I was totally there, but my heart just wasn't there. I was too busy thinking about other things. I wish I could spend more time with Alayna. It is becoming more and more clear, how much I'm missing from her life. I feel so guilty leaving every day and I'm not sure why it is becoming more and more difficult. But I guess it's just another schedule I need to figure out! These next few days will be busy, but once that is over, it is time to really focus on the important things over all. My family.

So with that being said, Hayden is making us a fire tonight. It's the perfect "Chilly" evening, so we will be cuddling up and watching Alayna have fun! I hope you all remember to enjoy the family time. Because through this whole journey, that is taking precedent! I promise this "fitness" blog will be returning to normal soon. I know I have let you down with all this talk of being overwhelmed and what not, but I WILL be making sure to post some interesting developments coming up!

Have a wonderful evening everyone!!!!!

Day 108

Another late post....I didn't work today and it was nice to relax with my favorite people today. But now I am working on things for our training tomorrow, so unfortunately I have to keep it short today. I will probably be keeping it very short these next few days as I am working on some extra things around the work place. But I will make sure to fill you all in along the way.

Lots of big things in the works for at work that I can't wait for you all to hear about. Managing two locations has already proven to be challenging, but NOTHING I can't handle!!! 

I hope you all had a nice Saturday!!

Day 107 - Weigh In

Well.....I knew I wasn't going to hit my goal from last week. I didn't work for it. I should have worked harder and I didn't. I made excuses. I was tired, I got home too late, I have a headache, I want to spend time at home....they are excuses. I could have gone, and I just chose not to.

So I jumped on that scale today, knowing I wouldn't be happy with it, and boy was I right. I was .2 pounds down for a total of 36.5 pounds down.

Right now I think I am in a place where I just really need to time manage more than ever. It's going to be even more difficult when trying to run two stores, not just one, and still trying to somewhat have a life outside of work. I had this thought dropping Alayna off at Miss J's house (sitter), I bet she likes her more than me, she sees her more than me....I'm a terrible mother....

I wish I could say this wasn't a real thought, but it is. I hope some day she understands that I am working so hard for her. I work the hours and times I work, to provide her a better life. She deserves the most out of life, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to provide her with that.

So....what I think I need now, more than ever, is an daily agenda. Keeping to a strict daily routine will hopefully make it a little less difficult to keep on track. So when I said I wanted to work on lists on Tuesday, this was one of them. Making a schedule for me to keep to, would be amazing, and more convenient. Forcing myself to go to the gym at least four times a week. Making family time a special time, and really being there. Getting my blogs done in the mornings, so that I can have the evenings to really focus on Hayden and Alayna. And when I'm at work, be there....but disconnect once I get home.

That is what I need to work on for myself. A routine. Once I am in a routine, the rest will all fall into place.

SO I am leaving you all with that. I still need to get ready for work and somehow wake up. I slept awful again. I keep dreaming of work, so it's like I'm pulling 24 hour shifts! So off to the coffee machine for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I know I am going to try to keep my head up and "Get em' next time". Because it's not how you start, but how you finish, and I WILL finish this next 44 days strong!!

Day 106

Good evening everyone. I am sorry I did not write this morning. Hayden got in a car accident last night, and I had so many calls to make this morning with both insurance companies, work, and the hospital. He has a concussion and has been feeling pretty bad all day, but right now he seems to be feeling a little bit better. Rest will do him good.

But that's what my day has consisted of. It has been a lot of calls and emails and working on my conference call for the morning, which at 6:30 pm, I was told I was in charge of....nothing like last minute right??? But I will handle it like I always do!

So I know last week I promised you I would lose this big amount of weight...and I hate to report, that I did not. I know tomorrow is weigh in day, but I KNOW I did not lose as much as I had wanted. This week was way more hectic than I had imagined it to be.

So I am going to try and relax a little bit, and take care of Hayden. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and I will be weighing in tomorrow!!

Day 105

Oh my goodness what a day!!!! I'm so sorry this is so late and going to be so short. I PROMISE tomorrow will be meaty! I got done late today and rushed home to be with my family. 

That's what is important. Spending time with them. No matter what I'm doing in life, that's my priority! So I will leave you at that. Remember what is important!!

I will write more tomorrow. I absolutely promise!!!!

Day 104

Good news all around, that is why I am late! I promise, it was worth it! I got called into work today, and it was announced across the board that I will be taking over two locations. I am nervous, but beyond words excited. I know that I have the dedication and hard working attitude it takes, so that is exciting!!

As far as everything else is going, I was unable to finish my lists because I did get called in today. I will try to find some more time somewhere else to take care of it! Hopefully tomorrow morning! I wanted to tell you all a short little story about what happened on my way home today. I almost got into a not terrible accident, but pretty stupid one. Someone wasn't paying attention and pulled out in front of me, so I slammed on my breaks and happened to miss them. But I accidentally changed the stations when I did it. When I regained composure, it was Nickleback singing, "Amen, I'm Alive". How fitting!

And then it REALLY made me think....amen, I AM alive!! So I am taking this next few days to celebrate my life!!! Where I am, and where I am coming from. I ask you all to do the same tonight! Remember to celebrate life!!! Be happy you are alive!!! And I will write more tomorrow!!!

Day 103

I'm stuck on my phone tonight everyone. I'm sorry!!! I am keeping it short because I have a horrible headache. I am going to try and get a nice long nights sleep tonight since I have off tomorrow. 

I am going to be making lots of lists tomorrow and I will be filling all of you in on what the next few weeks will be holding. I can't wait for you to see them!!

Have a wonderful Monday night everyone!!!!

Day 102

Good Evening everyone! I'm sorry this is so late. I got very down after my Mom and Dad left. Their time here went just way too fast! I don't know how it happens so fast!!! I wish I could slow things down to truly enjoy this time with my family. Alayna had such a great time with her Mema and Pappy! She loved carving pumpkins and making smores with them!

All in all, this weekend was incredible! I have no words for how much fun I had with them! I love being able to see them enjoy time with Alayna. I really enjoyed being able to have that special time with my parents. That race was so much fun! I can't wait to do another one with my Dad!!

So I know I should have more to say, but I have a lot to do before work tomorrow and have to be up by 5:00 am! SO you all have a wonderful evening! I'll write nice and early tomorrow.

Day 101

Hello Everyone!!! Today my dad and I did our walk, and let me tell you, it was AWESOME!!! We even ran some of it!!!! It felt nice to get back in my running shoes and have fun with it!! Granted not many people were running, we finished in the top 25! It was so nice to have that experience with my dad. He even at one point said, "Our first race together!!" and I replied with, "And I can't wait till our last one at Disney!". Because remember...that's my goal, to at some point finish a half marathon or maybe even a marathon with my Dad!

It wasn't the longest run I've ever done, and it probably wasn't my best, but I had a blast! We walked all around before the race and then walked/ran the whole thing together. It was for such a great cause too. I even thought right before I started running, "This is for you Mom!". What a powerful group of women to run for. I am so happy we picked that race to do.

So as I help my dad cook dinner and I enjoy my last day and a half with them, I think of how far I have come. I am so excited to be on this journey and for them to be such a huge part of it!

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!! I know I am...small little shout out to my Mom and Dad for coming to visit. This has been such an incredible visit so far, I wish it never had to end. Thank you for all you do, and thank you for supporting me in all that I do, as crazy as some of it seems sometimes. I wouldn't be an ounce of the person I am today with out you. I am on this journey because you have supported me through it.

Have a good Saturday Night Everyone!

Day 100 - Weigh In

Day 100??!!!?!?!?!?! Where are the streamers and confetti??? Isn't that what day 100 is supposed to feel like??? Well inside my head it does!! I had a really bad week this week. I mean with the party last week, to some not so great decisions this week, I kind of figured I was going to gain, I mean I should have! But I didn't......I stayed on my steady track moving downward at .8 pounds lost for a total of 36.3 pounds gone!! It may only be .8 pounds, but it is that much closer to my goal!!!

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about work, weight loss, and my family. I tossed and turned all night, and honestly, it has been like this for the past week or so. I am not sure what is causing it, but I just dream about work and Hayden, that it feels so real and when I wake up, it felt like I had been working all night and not sleeping. It is starting to get really stressful, and I don't like it. I wish I knew how to fix it, because trust me, the LAST thing I want to be doing is working more than I already am. I guess I will just have to try and figure that out on my own time.

So like I said last night, it is time for me to really kick it back into gear. I finally got my okay to get my butt back in the gym, so that will be starting as soon as my parents are gone (for obvious reasons!!), and then today starts me back on weighing all my food and making sure I am eating proportionally. We all stumble at some point during a journey, and that is all this past few weeks has been. I have been writing less, working out less, working more, and eating less then perfect. So that all stops today. My body is basically yelling at me, "Bethany, you've had your fun, now it's time to kick that butt back into gear. Do you want to be around forever for Alayna? Do I need to remind you of all those goals?? Then just do it, Bethany!!!!!". So I hear you Body, and I am!!! I am sorry I treated you less then "temple-ish" this past couple weeks. I should have never done that.

Somehow, even through the crap, no working out, and just the plateau I was on, I still managed to lose weight, but not what I know I am capable of. So now it's time to see those numbers go up (and down!). I'm ready to love the scale again and not fear it each week. SO this is me making a promise to myself, and maybe even all of you too, that I WILL lose more than .8 pounds next week!!!

Alright, I think I've made you all read enough this morning! I am going to go finish getting ready for work, so I can get my butt home to hang out with my Mom and Dad!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and remember to NEVER give up on what you truly want. Remember why you want the things you want. Remember why you started this journey, and don't you DARE settle for less than what you started all of it for! You ARE worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 99

Alright I know I told everyone that I would write earlier after my appointment, but I got very caught up in hanging out with my parents. We did so much today! We did some shopping, went bowling, and then watched movies while we ate!! It was perfect!!!

As for the doctor's appointment, I'm all good and ready to go!!!! They said that if it was something, it seems to have gone away now. It may be tendonitis, but if it flares up again, just to take it easy!!! So I will be doing my walk this weekend, and I am back to full throttle at the gym!!!

As far as everything else, I am just ready to kick my life back into gear!!!! I have slacked a little the last few weeks and I'm ready to really get back on track now that I am cleared for the gym!!!

I am really sorry that it is short again today, but I will write a little more tomorrow when I weigh in tomorrow!!!! I'm a little nervous, but I am ready for it, because I have big things ahead of me!!!!!

Have a good night everyone!!!!

Day 98

Hello everyone! I know this is a very late post, but I was trying my best to enjoy my time with my Mom and Dad since they just drove in today. It was nice being able to have lunch with them and going to dinner as well. As much as I wish I wasn't working while they were here, I am stuck working Friday still. At least I have the rest of the weekend off to spend with them. Alayna is so over the moon with them being here. It's nice to see her so excited!

So tomorrow morning is my doctors appointment and I want to be well rested for it. I will write as soon as I am done with the doctor. Hopefully it's all good news, and I am just fine!! I know this is a short post, but I just want to enjoy my time with my parents!!

Have a great night everyone!!!

Day 97

Good Morning everyone!! I told you I was going to be up and at em this morning!!! I just wanted to let you all in on what was going on with me and this week!!!

On Thursday morning I have a doctors appointment with the ortho doctor. Hopefully I can figure out what is going on with my ankle. It seems to be feeling a little bit better, but all of a sudden this past week, it started hurting really bad. So I will just have to take it one step at a time and see what he thinks is going on.

My dad and I figured out which race we are going to do. It is a nice casual walk, so it should be easy on both of us!! It's the miracle mile, 3 mile race in Augusta. It's the Breast Cancer Awareness walk, and it should be a blast!! I love supporting a good cause, so it should be a good time for everyone!!

The other thing we were planning on doing this weekend was going pumpkin picking!!! Alayna is so excited to go pick pumpkins with Mema and Pappy!!! This years holidays are going to be so much different with her actually understanding, and getting excited about them! We have been talking up Santa for quite some time now, and she couldn't be more excited! So these holidays are DEFINITELY going to be different!!!!

Well, I know I didn't talk much about how my fitness life is going, but I am just so excited for this week/weekend!! I hope you all have a great day and enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 96

I am so so sorry it is so late tonight!! I got home late and then decided to eat dinner and enjoy it with my family instead of keeping my nose in my computer. I am going to work late tomorrow so I will be able to be up and blogging in the morning!!!

I know I have been kind of short with you guys, and I am sorry for that, but life has been really busy these last few days with work and trying to catch up around the house. BUT I will make sure to write a nice long post tomorrow. Tell you all about my upcoming doctors appointment and my visit that is coming up with my mom and dad!!!!

SO you all have a wonderful evening and I PROMISE you more to come tomorrow!!

Day 95

Good Evening everyone. I had to work today so I have just been lounging around since I got home. Not really wanting to do anything. I can't even put it into words how excited I am for my mom and dad to come visit. Alayna has asked every morning "are mema and pappy here yet?" She is very excited for them to come and see her!

I wish I had some insightful words for all of you tonight, but I just am not feeling up for it tonight. I really love being able to tell you how my days go and what I am up to, but not much happened today. A nice long work day and then relaxing at home, preparing for my parents to come!!!

Soooo that is that for tonight. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and I promise tomorrow will be a heartier entry!!!!!

Day 94

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great Saturday with family!! We have been grocery shopping all day and we have been cleaning. It's been a VERY productive day. I am getting ready for my mom and dad to come, and I could NOT be any more excited!!!!

I am keeping it short because I have so much cleaning to do before our little get together tonight, but I just wanted to pop in and tell you all what I have been up to today. I have been in this absolutely amazing mood lately, that I can't seem to shake, which is a good thing!! I just want to take every day one step at a time and enjoy it. Everything that is happening to me, is happening for a reason, and I just need to enjoy it!!!

I will leave you with that. Enjoy your days and remember that every little thing that is happening in your life right now, is happening for a reason!!  Happy Saturday everyone!! Enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 93 - Weigh In

Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone!!! I hope you all are excited for the weekend and ready to relax as much as I am!! I got on that scale today....ready to face whatever it had to say....and I pleasantly looked down at a 1.8 lb loss bringing my total up to 35.5 lbs!!! That's a lot of weight to be missing!!! And I truly hope I never find it!!!!!

I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.

I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!

Day 92

Good morning everyone! SO I sat down last night and thought about what the top three things that were really important to me that were related to this journey. And this is what I came up with:

1. Being able to be around for Alayna. Being able to live a long live and being able to keep up with her. If I could have as much energy as she has, that would be incredible!! She is the most important thing in the world to me, and it is so important that I am here for her.

2. My health. I really don't have much extra to say than that. It is important that I treat my body as a temple. And this is the best way I know how. Eat right and exercise, that is what is important to me and to make sure that I make it to where I want to really be in my life.

3. Disney World.....I want....no NEED....to keep that in my forefront of my mind. I want to get the absolute most out of this trip, and being over weight and not being able to keep up with my family would be the worst thing for me. I want to go on every ride and not worry "do I have to sit in that special seating, and will I even fit in that???"

So that was what I came up with. Those are the things both short term and long term that are the most important to me. Losing weight is important to me, but it shouldn't be at the front of my mind all the time. I have a full time job, come home and take care of Alayna, and somehow have to work out as well. So I really need to focus on short term goals and not long term goals. I will admit that the biggest thing that got me down was not that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but looking back on notes I had taken when I started, I thought I could do it all and get the most incredible results quickly. That is simply unrealistic for me. I have too much going on to keep up the progress I had when I was not working. So I vow to not get as easily frustrated!! Or at least I will try!!

I will leave you all with that. It is almost time for me to go to work so I will talk to all you lovely people tomorrow!! Have a wonderful Thursday!!

Day 91

Alright everyone....I caught a lot of heat yesterday and today for being so down on myself! So no more!!!!! I am keeping it short tonight because I have a lot to think about and do for tomorrow. I want to make a more realistic goal. Sit down and prioritize my life!!! How does that sound to everyone???

Thank you all for the kind words about yesterdays post! I know I can be a bit hard on myself, but I am working on it! So have a nice night everyone!!

Day 90

Wow....day 90.....almost 100 days and I am NO where near where I wanted to be. This day was supposed to be this very celebratory day, and it is quite the opposite. I am very far from happy today. I look in the mirror and I am back to seeing the girl from 90 days ago. I am not seeing the girl I thought I would be seeing. So I just really need to hone in and figure out what is the most important to me. Figure out what it is that is important and stick to that. I know this seems like I am complaining, but I am just no where near where I thought I would be at this point in this journey.

I know this is a marathon and not a sprint, but I am unhappy with my progress so I am just going to have to figure out what I can do to fix it. I know I said that I would post a list today about what I really am going to start focusing on these next few weeks, but I don't know what that is just yet. I am thinking too long term when I really need to be thinking short term. I am thinking too much about what I want now, but can't have, then what I need now and what is to come. (if that makes sense).

I have so much work still to do that I don't know how I will ever get there. I am unfortunately thinking so much about what I want when this is over, than what I need to be focused on now. So I will leave you all with that this evening. I am trying to just vent this one out and work it out on my own, so I will let you all know how that goes tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 89

Good Evening everyone!! I can't apologize enough for yesterday! I was so tired and honestly I am again today. I can't believe how much I have been trying to catch up on the last couple days, that it is really wearing me out. I want to to keep it really short today and just talk a little bit about some goals I want to set tomorrow morning. I want to figure out some things that I really want to achieve before December, and I will post it tomorrow.

Any good goals you all think I should try to reach soon? I can't wait to hear them!

Have a wonderful evening everyone! I am heading to bed early again tonight!! Sleep well everyone!!!

Day 88

I am keeping it to only sentences today!!! I have had such a nice day of doing nothing that it carried right on through to the evening! Heading to bed early and hoping for a brighter day tomorrow!!!

Day 87

Good Evening everyone!! I had to work today, and I was unable to write this morning. I was too tired this morning to even function. After working a 13 hour day in prep of our birthday party weekend at work.....I had so much to do! But it was all worth it, because the place looked amazing!!

As far as what I want to talk about today...I want to talk about my dad. My dad is an incredible person. He is one of the most motivational and inspirational people I know. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my family more than anything, and when I talk about my mom and my dad I talk about them like they are my best friends. I am so lucky to have him in my life. It's not every day that people have a relationship like that with their dad, and I do! They are coming to visit us soon, and my dad asked if we could do a 5K together and I immediately was sooooooo excited! I can't think of anything that would make me more excited and happier than to walk with my dad in my first *post life style change* 5K. So that will be coming up shortly, but I have SO much going on that I need to start being more consistent to get ready for it!!

So that is all that is going on here. I will keep you all posted on race details and what we sign up for and all that fun stuff!!! Have a wonderful night with your families and be good everyone!!!

Day 86 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone!!! Today was the day...and I am just going to say that I am satisfied. It's not that I'm overwhelmingly happy, but I am content with what popped up today! I promise next week is going to be bigger because I am stepping it up this next week!!!

So the scale was exactly 1 pound down today for a grand total of 33.7 pounds gone and never coming back!!!!!! I can't believe in just 86 days....33.7 pounds is no where to be found!!!! It is mind blowing. I mean...33.7.....that's a lot of weight. I have almost lost Alayna!!! Come to think of it....lifting her up....I can't believe that I used to carry that around with me....how did I do it??? Either way...I am happy to be rid of it!!!

SO I know what you are all going to say, a pound is a pound which is better than a gain!! Which I am totally agreeing with! However, I'm ready to see bigger numbers which is why this week is a no excuses week. I know I have been saying that, but I really mean it this time! I can not keep making excuses for why I can't get everything done. I just need to suck it up, and get it done!! I really wanted to be past a certain goal by now, and I am currently no where near it. SO it is time to step up the intensity a bit!

Lastly today....I'm going to shamelessly promote myself! I know that there are so many of you that read every day! And I couldn't be any more thankful to you all than I already am, but do any of you have friends, family, coworkers, or even just a gym you go to where people are struggling? Not sure if they can do it? Well send them over to my blog!!! I write in hopes of inspiring. I don't ever want anyone to feel how I feel. No child or adult should have to go through this! So please...I don't have anything to gain from it, other than inspiring people. Which is what I really want this blog to be. SO again...any one you know needing some extra motivation or who really likes to read, send em my way!!! We can ALL do this together!

SO I will leave you at that! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!! Be inspired to make a change. You are a beautiful person...yes you!!! Get up and take your life back....you deserve it!!!

Day 85

Good Afternoon everyone! Day 85 is here....I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but it happened!!!! I am so happy that I have been able to keep my focus for 85 days. Not only in life, but in writing. I don't know how I have done it, but I have done it. I have managed to write to all you wonderful people for 85 days!!!!

I have never thought of myself as a writer. It isn't something I have ever been all that good at. I don't know a ton of big words and my grammar isn't the best....I mean I just spelled grammar-grammer and auto-correct had to tell me it was wrong. But I have always known how to express myself. Not necessarily to others, but to myself. I have always been able to be brutally honest with myself, and that is all this blog really is, me being brutally honest with myself, and I have just finally chosen to let you all in on it. I know that sometimes I am overly harsh on myself, but it's how I have always been. I have always had this attitude that was all or nothing. But I was never able to be serious about it.....and this time I am more than serious...I think 85 days proves it!!!

So I don't want to keep you too long, but I have been trying to keep the blogs a little heartier. I wanted to just fill you in on the newest with my ankle. I am heading to the Ortho on October 17th and hopefully will get some answers. I have been actually feeling pretty good, but I still want to know what is going on and how to prevent any further damage!!!! So I will make sure to keep you all posted on that!!

Alright I am done...I promise! I hope you all have a wonderful evening and enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!

Day 84

I knew I couldn't do it 3 days in a row!! I'm sorry everyone. And I am even more sorry that I am going to be really short tonight. Alayna is in QUITE the mood today, and I am busy dealing with that. Today I had the most awful urge to have something sugary and sweet...and I fought temptation all day with it. So when I got home, I had dinner and thought, "Maybe just a glass of lemonade". But then I REALLY thought about that decision. Was that what is best for me right now??? NOOOO!!!! I decided to go with water instead! I know it is just a small victory, but sometimes those are what we need to take. I am not the BEST at saying no to things. I am terrified when I need to go on my Disney trip, and giving in to all my favorite things. I know it is about portion control, and not over doing it, but sometimes that doesn't come as easily to me.

I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.

I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!

Day 83

Wow, two mornings in a row I have managed enough time to do everything!! Maybe I CAN do this after all!! I could not sleep well last night due to all the recent news stories. I know that it was decided yesterday evening that no matter what happened, troops would get paid, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't even imagine Hayden working 58+ hours a week for nothing. I couldn't imagine being one of the wives with a husband over seas and they wouldn't pay you to risk your life? I mean...I don't talk politically very often, because I think everyone is entitled to an opinion, but the idea of not paying the people protecting your country, but pay the people who are sitting in comfy chairs trying to figure all of this out, and fighting like children....doesn't quite add up to me. So at the end of the day, I just couldn't sleep thinking about all of that. So I wake up today and see....they are all closed up. I can't help but have a heavy heart for those people that are going to be put on a furlough. I can't help but feel so sad for people who work so hard to make a living and you are not going to pay them until this is over? It just weighs on me. Maybe I have too much of my grandmother in me...I don't know. Either way...I am just going to pray on it. Nonnie and God tend to listen when they know it is something big, so hopefully these prayers are heard!

On a less heavy note, I did wake up this morning with a positive attitude and I whole heartedly want to keep that! I have been so invested in trying to just FEEL happy and I refuse to let anything burden that. I have always had a firm believing that WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS....and by this, I mean anything. Any sort of troubling time that I have encountered, my dad and mom have always said, "You will get through it". And like my dad always says, no matter what happens today, what will happen tomorrow? The sun will come up and it will be a new day and a new start. Don't ever get caught up on what mistakes you have made in the past, but look to the future. Always have faith in the future! 

I want to leave you with that, because that is what I am thinking about today. I can not focus on my falls from the past. The times where I just didn't get it together and quit on myself. I focus now, only on the future! Focus on what is to come for me and how no matter what, if I fall, I get back up! I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday and take full advantage of whatever is to come today. Because it is GREAT!!!

Day 82

Guys...I think I have gotten lazy again. And not in a way that I was before, but in a way that I really hate. I work so hard all day (I know...boo hoo me), that when I get home, I head straight for the couch. That's not how it should be! I mean look at other moms who work all day, come home and cook this incredible dinner, and then work out at night and still manage to look incredible?!? How do they do it??? I mean I'm lucky if I can get salad on the table for everyone let alone some incredible feast. I refuse to let this job defeat me, but it is starting to look exactly like that. I hate the idea of not being able to accomplish everything I set my mind to. I look at how I was doing before I was at work, and I had much more food temptation at home than when I am at work, but some how, I find it more difficult there. I know I am still doing well...and that this is a marathon and not a sprint (thank you special someone!).....but somehow I just want to start seeing those same results I was seeing before I got this job.

I know this all sounds so whiney, and like I can't handle it all, but I can. It is just about figuring out how to manage it all again. I have been feeling really up for the gym, other than the whole being tired thing. I use it as an excuse and continue to say, "I'll go tomorrow". But today is tomorrow...and I keep losing out on that "tomorrow" opportunity! When is enough, enough? So today I refuse to lose...I refuse to let anything take advantage of me. I will make positive decisions today and I will look forward to days to come. I will make it to my goal....one way or another!

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday! I am going to focus very hard on what I REALLY want...will you?