Day 4

I know it is so silly, but one of my biggest fears is going to the gym. Everyone there is so fit and built up, and here I am, my flabby self just trying to do my best. I hate looking to my left and right and seeing that everyone else is running and I am at best strolling (sometimes a jog here and there). It makes me feel like they are all just looking at me with a "she shouldn't be here" thought in their head.

BUT, contrary to my beliefs, no looks were given. No words were said. And best of all...I felt really confident. I felt empowered by the sweat just pouring off of me. You know they say that pain is fear leaving the body...and if that's the case, my body is about to be terrified!

Yesterday I really didn't want to go to the gym. I was tired and my head hurt and I thought maybe I could just take one day off. Then Hayden and I talked and I realized that I am just making excuses. I think about Alayna, Hayden, my family, and it makes me just want to work harder. There is no excuse in the world that could be big enough to make this goal unimportant.

I don't know how many of you actually read this, and I don't think it matters. Maybe I am just doing this for my own selfish reasons but more importantly, I am doing this so that if I can just inspire ONE person to change something in their lives for the better, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I know I am not perfect in my ways. I know I am not a physical fitness or health nut, but I am trying. Harder than anyone will know. Some days it scares the living day lights out of me. Some times I get frustrated because I know there is a plate of fried cheesesticks out there, waiting for me to eat them. But I have to keep my head on straight. I HAVE to keep pushing and looking at my end goal. I know this is not a Diet, and I hate that word. This is a life change and life style choice. I am making that choice to change for the better.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! To my family (If you are reading this!), I hope you have fun at the beach this week! I miss you guys more than you know, but next year...I'll be bikini ready!!!