Day 113

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!!!!

I am keeping it to just sentences today, we just finished trick or treating and I am BEAT!!! It was so nice to go out with friends to trick or treat! Alayna had a blast! Feel free to check my facebook for Alayna's pictures! She had so much fun with her friend Ja'shaun tonight! It was just too cute watching them trick or treat.

Now, I know tomorrow is weigh in day, but I know that I have not lost anything. I am sitting at the same thing I was at last night. This week got away from me!!! But I will still make sure to write nice and early in the morning!!

Have a good Halloween Everyone!!

Day 112

Good Evening everyone. I got done with work early today, and it was so nice to spend some time with Alayna. Although, I woke up with such a wonderful cold today, so I'm not feeling so well. Headed to the store now to grab the essentials. But I am lucky I have off tomorrow to kind of prepare myself. I am excited that tomorrow is Halloween, even though it is really my least favorite holiday, I love getting Alayna all ready to go. She is so excited!! She still has not decided between her two costumes. She is deciding daily what she wants to be, and whatever the verdict is tomorrow night, is what we will go with!!

I really am not into Halloween at all, but I will be walking around with Alayna and saying trick or treat!! I remember our first Halloween how I looked at the pictures and was so unhappy with myself. I felt like I looked ridiculous. I was unhappy and miserable and just all around angry with myself. This Halloween, it was so nice to be in front of the camera. I don't know why, but I am just enjoying taking pictures with Alayna and Hayden now. I like seeing myself...and I NEVER thought I would think that way.

I guess things change as you change, and I sure am changing! I hope you all have a wonderful evening. I am going to curl up with some chicken noodle soup and some hot tea and relax. Until tomorrow!

Day 111

Hello Everyone!! Today was a LONG day! I can't believe how busy it was. I ran around with the owner of the company today, and it was really awesome. When I worked at Splendid, it was no big deal to see Ken (no offense Ken, I saw you all the time!), but here, he lives in Chicago, and you are lucky to see him twice a year. So to meet him this soon....was pretty cool!!

I have been so focused on work lately, and it is paying off. I love my job, and to be noticed for doing well...it's nice. I don't want to talk just about work...but I do want to talk about life. There are only 40 days left until Disney, and I have a lot of work to start putting in. Now that this stressful period at work has slowed down a little, I can get back focused on that!!!

So I am keeping it short tonight. I'm tired, and I want to spend some time with Hayden and Alayna. I hope you all have an amazing evening and I will write more tomorrow!!!

Day 110

Good Evening Everyone!!!! Today was quite a bit to handle! I have FINALLY finished my training binders, so I thought I would be able to focus a little more on life, but unfortunately something else came around the corner.....BUT it should be a quick thing!!!

I found my old journal and have been looking through some of my posts....boy was I unhappy....I'm happy I have made the decisions I have made in my life. Granted I complain a lot, I am happier!! I have come a long way from there. So I really do have all of you to thank for that. I am so happy that 110 days ago I decided to do something about it. I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't...probably really unhappy!!!!

So I am going to work on more work...exciting right?? Like I don't do enough of that! But I am watching SNL with Hayden...and boy is it a good one. So I am going to go and multi-task and you all go and enjoy your evenings!!!

Day 109

Good Evening everyone. I have decided I'm not going to keep apologize for writing at night....it's writing at all that is important right? It's just whatever time is easiest for me!!!

So this morning I had a training at work, and it went alright. I wish I could have been home with Alayna, and so did everyone else, but it just was a long morning. I wish I could say I was totally there, but my heart just wasn't there. I was too busy thinking about other things. I wish I could spend more time with Alayna. It is becoming more and more clear, how much I'm missing from her life. I feel so guilty leaving every day and I'm not sure why it is becoming more and more difficult. But I guess it's just another schedule I need to figure out! These next few days will be busy, but once that is over, it is time to really focus on the important things over all. My family.

So with that being said, Hayden is making us a fire tonight. It's the perfect "Chilly" evening, so we will be cuddling up and watching Alayna have fun! I hope you all remember to enjoy the family time. Because through this whole journey, that is taking precedent! I promise this "fitness" blog will be returning to normal soon. I know I have let you down with all this talk of being overwhelmed and what not, but I WILL be making sure to post some interesting developments coming up!

Have a wonderful evening everyone!!!!!

Day 108

Another late post....I didn't work today and it was nice to relax with my favorite people today. But now I am working on things for our training tomorrow, so unfortunately I have to keep it short today. I will probably be keeping it very short these next few days as I am working on some extra things around the work place. But I will make sure to fill you all in along the way.

Lots of big things in the works for at work that I can't wait for you all to hear about. Managing two locations has already proven to be challenging, but NOTHING I can't handle!!! 

I hope you all had a nice Saturday!!

Day 107 - Weigh In

Well.....I knew I wasn't going to hit my goal from last week. I didn't work for it. I should have worked harder and I didn't. I made excuses. I was tired, I got home too late, I have a headache, I want to spend time at home....they are excuses. I could have gone, and I just chose not to.

So I jumped on that scale today, knowing I wouldn't be happy with it, and boy was I right. I was .2 pounds down for a total of 36.5 pounds down.

Right now I think I am in a place where I just really need to time manage more than ever. It's going to be even more difficult when trying to run two stores, not just one, and still trying to somewhat have a life outside of work. I had this thought dropping Alayna off at Miss J's house (sitter), I bet she likes her more than me, she sees her more than me....I'm a terrible mother....

I wish I could say this wasn't a real thought, but it is. I hope some day she understands that I am working so hard for her. I work the hours and times I work, to provide her a better life. She deserves the most out of life, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to provide her with that.

So....what I think I need now, more than ever, is an daily agenda. Keeping to a strict daily routine will hopefully make it a little less difficult to keep on track. So when I said I wanted to work on lists on Tuesday, this was one of them. Making a schedule for me to keep to, would be amazing, and more convenient. Forcing myself to go to the gym at least four times a week. Making family time a special time, and really being there. Getting my blogs done in the mornings, so that I can have the evenings to really focus on Hayden and Alayna. And when I'm at work, be there....but disconnect once I get home.

That is what I need to work on for myself. A routine. Once I am in a routine, the rest will all fall into place.

SO I am leaving you all with that. I still need to get ready for work and somehow wake up. I slept awful again. I keep dreaming of work, so it's like I'm pulling 24 hour shifts! So off to the coffee machine for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I know I am going to try to keep my head up and "Get em' next time". Because it's not how you start, but how you finish, and I WILL finish this next 44 days strong!!

Day 106

Good evening everyone. I am sorry I did not write this morning. Hayden got in a car accident last night, and I had so many calls to make this morning with both insurance companies, work, and the hospital. He has a concussion and has been feeling pretty bad all day, but right now he seems to be feeling a little bit better. Rest will do him good.

But that's what my day has consisted of. It has been a lot of calls and emails and working on my conference call for the morning, which at 6:30 pm, I was told I was in charge of....nothing like last minute right??? But I will handle it like I always do!

So I know last week I promised you I would lose this big amount of weight...and I hate to report, that I did not. I know tomorrow is weigh in day, but I KNOW I did not lose as much as I had wanted. This week was way more hectic than I had imagined it to be.

So I am going to try and relax a little bit, and take care of Hayden. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and I will be weighing in tomorrow!!

Day 105

Oh my goodness what a day!!!! I'm so sorry this is so late and going to be so short. I PROMISE tomorrow will be meaty! I got done late today and rushed home to be with my family. 

That's what is important. Spending time with them. No matter what I'm doing in life, that's my priority! So I will leave you at that. Remember what is important!!

I will write more tomorrow. I absolutely promise!!!!

Day 104

Good news all around, that is why I am late! I promise, it was worth it! I got called into work today, and it was announced across the board that I will be taking over two locations. I am nervous, but beyond words excited. I know that I have the dedication and hard working attitude it takes, so that is exciting!!

As far as everything else is going, I was unable to finish my lists because I did get called in today. I will try to find some more time somewhere else to take care of it! Hopefully tomorrow morning! I wanted to tell you all a short little story about what happened on my way home today. I almost got into a not terrible accident, but pretty stupid one. Someone wasn't paying attention and pulled out in front of me, so I slammed on my breaks and happened to miss them. But I accidentally changed the stations when I did it. When I regained composure, it was Nickleback singing, "Amen, I'm Alive". How fitting!

And then it REALLY made me think....amen, I AM alive!! So I am taking this next few days to celebrate my life!!! Where I am, and where I am coming from. I ask you all to do the same tonight! Remember to celebrate life!!! Be happy you are alive!!! And I will write more tomorrow!!!

Day 103

I'm stuck on my phone tonight everyone. I'm sorry!!! I am keeping it short because I have a horrible headache. I am going to try and get a nice long nights sleep tonight since I have off tomorrow. 

I am going to be making lots of lists tomorrow and I will be filling all of you in on what the next few weeks will be holding. I can't wait for you to see them!!

Have a wonderful Monday night everyone!!!!

Day 102

Good Evening everyone! I'm sorry this is so late. I got very down after my Mom and Dad left. Their time here went just way too fast! I don't know how it happens so fast!!! I wish I could slow things down to truly enjoy this time with my family. Alayna had such a great time with her Mema and Pappy! She loved carving pumpkins and making smores with them!

All in all, this weekend was incredible! I have no words for how much fun I had with them! I love being able to see them enjoy time with Alayna. I really enjoyed being able to have that special time with my parents. That race was so much fun! I can't wait to do another one with my Dad!!

So I know I should have more to say, but I have a lot to do before work tomorrow and have to be up by 5:00 am! SO you all have a wonderful evening! I'll write nice and early tomorrow.

Day 101

Hello Everyone!!! Today my dad and I did our walk, and let me tell you, it was AWESOME!!! We even ran some of it!!!! It felt nice to get back in my running shoes and have fun with it!! Granted not many people were running, we finished in the top 25! It was so nice to have that experience with my dad. He even at one point said, "Our first race together!!" and I replied with, "And I can't wait till our last one at Disney!". Because remember...that's my goal, to at some point finish a half marathon or maybe even a marathon with my Dad!

It wasn't the longest run I've ever done, and it probably wasn't my best, but I had a blast! We walked all around before the race and then walked/ran the whole thing together. It was for such a great cause too. I even thought right before I started running, "This is for you Mom!". What a powerful group of women to run for. I am so happy we picked that race to do.

So as I help my dad cook dinner and I enjoy my last day and a half with them, I think of how far I have come. I am so excited to be on this journey and for them to be such a huge part of it!

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!! I know I am...small little shout out to my Mom and Dad for coming to visit. This has been such an incredible visit so far, I wish it never had to end. Thank you for all you do, and thank you for supporting me in all that I do, as crazy as some of it seems sometimes. I wouldn't be an ounce of the person I am today with out you. I am on this journey because you have supported me through it.

Have a good Saturday Night Everyone!

Day 100 - Weigh In

Day 100??!!!?!?!?!?! Where are the streamers and confetti??? Isn't that what day 100 is supposed to feel like??? Well inside my head it does!! I had a really bad week this week. I mean with the party last week, to some not so great decisions this week, I kind of figured I was going to gain, I mean I should have! But I didn't......I stayed on my steady track moving downward at .8 pounds lost for a total of 36.3 pounds gone!! It may only be .8 pounds, but it is that much closer to my goal!!!

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about work, weight loss, and my family. I tossed and turned all night, and honestly, it has been like this for the past week or so. I am not sure what is causing it, but I just dream about work and Hayden, that it feels so real and when I wake up, it felt like I had been working all night and not sleeping. It is starting to get really stressful, and I don't like it. I wish I knew how to fix it, because trust me, the LAST thing I want to be doing is working more than I already am. I guess I will just have to try and figure that out on my own time.

So like I said last night, it is time for me to really kick it back into gear. I finally got my okay to get my butt back in the gym, so that will be starting as soon as my parents are gone (for obvious reasons!!), and then today starts me back on weighing all my food and making sure I am eating proportionally. We all stumble at some point during a journey, and that is all this past few weeks has been. I have been writing less, working out less, working more, and eating less then perfect. So that all stops today. My body is basically yelling at me, "Bethany, you've had your fun, now it's time to kick that butt back into gear. Do you want to be around forever for Alayna? Do I need to remind you of all those goals?? Then just do it, Bethany!!!!!". So I hear you Body, and I am!!! I am sorry I treated you less then "temple-ish" this past couple weeks. I should have never done that.

Somehow, even through the crap, no working out, and just the plateau I was on, I still managed to lose weight, but not what I know I am capable of. So now it's time to see those numbers go up (and down!). I'm ready to love the scale again and not fear it each week. SO this is me making a promise to myself, and maybe even all of you too, that I WILL lose more than .8 pounds next week!!!

Alright, I think I've made you all read enough this morning! I am going to go finish getting ready for work, so I can get my butt home to hang out with my Mom and Dad!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and remember to NEVER give up on what you truly want. Remember why you want the things you want. Remember why you started this journey, and don't you DARE settle for less than what you started all of it for! You ARE worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 99

Alright I know I told everyone that I would write earlier after my appointment, but I got very caught up in hanging out with my parents. We did so much today! We did some shopping, went bowling, and then watched movies while we ate!! It was perfect!!!

As for the doctor's appointment, I'm all good and ready to go!!!! They said that if it was something, it seems to have gone away now. It may be tendonitis, but if it flares up again, just to take it easy!!! So I will be doing my walk this weekend, and I am back to full throttle at the gym!!!

As far as everything else, I am just ready to kick my life back into gear!!!! I have slacked a little the last few weeks and I'm ready to really get back on track now that I am cleared for the gym!!!

I am really sorry that it is short again today, but I will write a little more tomorrow when I weigh in tomorrow!!!! I'm a little nervous, but I am ready for it, because I have big things ahead of me!!!!!

Have a good night everyone!!!!

Day 98

Hello everyone! I know this is a very late post, but I was trying my best to enjoy my time with my Mom and Dad since they just drove in today. It was nice being able to have lunch with them and going to dinner as well. As much as I wish I wasn't working while they were here, I am stuck working Friday still. At least I have the rest of the weekend off to spend with them. Alayna is so over the moon with them being here. It's nice to see her so excited!

So tomorrow morning is my doctors appointment and I want to be well rested for it. I will write as soon as I am done with the doctor. Hopefully it's all good news, and I am just fine!! I know this is a short post, but I just want to enjoy my time with my parents!!

Have a great night everyone!!!

Day 97

Good Morning everyone!! I told you I was going to be up and at em this morning!!! I just wanted to let you all in on what was going on with me and this week!!!

On Thursday morning I have a doctors appointment with the ortho doctor. Hopefully I can figure out what is going on with my ankle. It seems to be feeling a little bit better, but all of a sudden this past week, it started hurting really bad. So I will just have to take it one step at a time and see what he thinks is going on.

My dad and I figured out which race we are going to do. It is a nice casual walk, so it should be easy on both of us!! It's the miracle mile, 3 mile race in Augusta. It's the Breast Cancer Awareness walk, and it should be a blast!! I love supporting a good cause, so it should be a good time for everyone!!

The other thing we were planning on doing this weekend was going pumpkin picking!!! Alayna is so excited to go pick pumpkins with Mema and Pappy!!! This years holidays are going to be so much different with her actually understanding, and getting excited about them! We have been talking up Santa for quite some time now, and she couldn't be more excited! So these holidays are DEFINITELY going to be different!!!!

Well, I know I didn't talk much about how my fitness life is going, but I am just so excited for this week/weekend!! I hope you all have a great day and enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 96

I am so so sorry it is so late tonight!! I got home late and then decided to eat dinner and enjoy it with my family instead of keeping my nose in my computer. I am going to work late tomorrow so I will be able to be up and blogging in the morning!!!

I know I have been kind of short with you guys, and I am sorry for that, but life has been really busy these last few days with work and trying to catch up around the house. BUT I will make sure to write a nice long post tomorrow. Tell you all about my upcoming doctors appointment and my visit that is coming up with my mom and dad!!!!

SO you all have a wonderful evening and I PROMISE you more to come tomorrow!!

Day 95

Good Evening everyone. I had to work today so I have just been lounging around since I got home. Not really wanting to do anything. I can't even put it into words how excited I am for my mom and dad to come visit. Alayna has asked every morning "are mema and pappy here yet?" She is very excited for them to come and see her!

I wish I had some insightful words for all of you tonight, but I just am not feeling up for it tonight. I really love being able to tell you how my days go and what I am up to, but not much happened today. A nice long work day and then relaxing at home, preparing for my parents to come!!!

Soooo that is that for tonight. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and I promise tomorrow will be a heartier entry!!!!!

Day 94

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great Saturday with family!! We have been grocery shopping all day and we have been cleaning. It's been a VERY productive day. I am getting ready for my mom and dad to come, and I could NOT be any more excited!!!!

I am keeping it short because I have so much cleaning to do before our little get together tonight, but I just wanted to pop in and tell you all what I have been up to today. I have been in this absolutely amazing mood lately, that I can't seem to shake, which is a good thing!! I just want to take every day one step at a time and enjoy it. Everything that is happening to me, is happening for a reason, and I just need to enjoy it!!!

I will leave you with that. Enjoy your days and remember that every little thing that is happening in your life right now, is happening for a reason!!  Happy Saturday everyone!! Enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 93 - Weigh In

Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone!!! I hope you all are excited for the weekend and ready to relax as much as I am!! I got on that scale today....ready to face whatever it had to say....and I pleasantly looked down at a 1.8 lb loss bringing my total up to 35.5 lbs!!! That's a lot of weight to be missing!!! And I truly hope I never find it!!!!!

I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.

I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!

Day 92

Good morning everyone! SO I sat down last night and thought about what the top three things that were really important to me that were related to this journey. And this is what I came up with:

1. Being able to be around for Alayna. Being able to live a long live and being able to keep up with her. If I could have as much energy as she has, that would be incredible!! She is the most important thing in the world to me, and it is so important that I am here for her.

2. My health. I really don't have much extra to say than that. It is important that I treat my body as a temple. And this is the best way I know how. Eat right and exercise, that is what is important to me and to make sure that I make it to where I want to really be in my life.

3. Disney World.....I want....no NEED....to keep that in my forefront of my mind. I want to get the absolute most out of this trip, and being over weight and not being able to keep up with my family would be the worst thing for me. I want to go on every ride and not worry "do I have to sit in that special seating, and will I even fit in that???"

So that was what I came up with. Those are the things both short term and long term that are the most important to me. Losing weight is important to me, but it shouldn't be at the front of my mind all the time. I have a full time job, come home and take care of Alayna, and somehow have to work out as well. So I really need to focus on short term goals and not long term goals. I will admit that the biggest thing that got me down was not that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but looking back on notes I had taken when I started, I thought I could do it all and get the most incredible results quickly. That is simply unrealistic for me. I have too much going on to keep up the progress I had when I was not working. So I vow to not get as easily frustrated!! Or at least I will try!!

I will leave you all with that. It is almost time for me to go to work so I will talk to all you lovely people tomorrow!! Have a wonderful Thursday!!

Day 91

Alright everyone....I caught a lot of heat yesterday and today for being so down on myself! So no more!!!!! I am keeping it short tonight because I have a lot to think about and do for tomorrow. I want to make a more realistic goal. Sit down and prioritize my life!!! How does that sound to everyone???

Thank you all for the kind words about yesterdays post! I know I can be a bit hard on myself, but I am working on it! So have a nice night everyone!!

Day 90

Wow....day 90.....almost 100 days and I am NO where near where I wanted to be. This day was supposed to be this very celebratory day, and it is quite the opposite. I am very far from happy today. I look in the mirror and I am back to seeing the girl from 90 days ago. I am not seeing the girl I thought I would be seeing. So I just really need to hone in and figure out what is the most important to me. Figure out what it is that is important and stick to that. I know this seems like I am complaining, but I am just no where near where I thought I would be at this point in this journey.

I know this is a marathon and not a sprint, but I am unhappy with my progress so I am just going to have to figure out what I can do to fix it. I know I said that I would post a list today about what I really am going to start focusing on these next few weeks, but I don't know what that is just yet. I am thinking too long term when I really need to be thinking short term. I am thinking too much about what I want now, but can't have, then what I need now and what is to come. (if that makes sense).

I have so much work still to do that I don't know how I will ever get there. I am unfortunately thinking so much about what I want when this is over, than what I need to be focused on now. So I will leave you all with that this evening. I am trying to just vent this one out and work it out on my own, so I will let you all know how that goes tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 89

Good Evening everyone!! I can't apologize enough for yesterday! I was so tired and honestly I am again today. I can't believe how much I have been trying to catch up on the last couple days, that it is really wearing me out. I want to to keep it really short today and just talk a little bit about some goals I want to set tomorrow morning. I want to figure out some things that I really want to achieve before December, and I will post it tomorrow.

Any good goals you all think I should try to reach soon? I can't wait to hear them!

Have a wonderful evening everyone! I am heading to bed early again tonight!! Sleep well everyone!!!

Day 88

I am keeping it to only sentences today!!! I have had such a nice day of doing nothing that it carried right on through to the evening! Heading to bed early and hoping for a brighter day tomorrow!!!

Day 87

Good Evening everyone!! I had to work today, and I was unable to write this morning. I was too tired this morning to even function. After working a 13 hour day in prep of our birthday party weekend at work.....I had so much to do! But it was all worth it, because the place looked amazing!!

As far as what I want to talk about today...I want to talk about my dad. My dad is an incredible person. He is one of the most motivational and inspirational people I know. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my family more than anything, and when I talk about my mom and my dad I talk about them like they are my best friends. I am so lucky to have him in my life. It's not every day that people have a relationship like that with their dad, and I do! They are coming to visit us soon, and my dad asked if we could do a 5K together and I immediately was sooooooo excited! I can't think of anything that would make me more excited and happier than to walk with my dad in my first *post life style change* 5K. So that will be coming up shortly, but I have SO much going on that I need to start being more consistent to get ready for it!!

So that is all that is going on here. I will keep you all posted on race details and what we sign up for and all that fun stuff!!! Have a wonderful night with your families and be good everyone!!!

Day 86 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone!!! Today was the day...and I am just going to say that I am satisfied. It's not that I'm overwhelmingly happy, but I am content with what popped up today! I promise next week is going to be bigger because I am stepping it up this next week!!!

So the scale was exactly 1 pound down today for a grand total of 33.7 pounds gone and never coming back!!!!!! I can't believe in just 86 days....33.7 pounds is no where to be found!!!! It is mind blowing. I mean...33.7.....that's a lot of weight. I have almost lost Alayna!!! Come to think of it....lifting her up....I can't believe that I used to carry that around with me....how did I do it??? Either way...I am happy to be rid of it!!!

SO I know what you are all going to say, a pound is a pound which is better than a gain!! Which I am totally agreeing with! However, I'm ready to see bigger numbers which is why this week is a no excuses week. I know I have been saying that, but I really mean it this time! I can not keep making excuses for why I can't get everything done. I just need to suck it up, and get it done!! I really wanted to be past a certain goal by now, and I am currently no where near it. SO it is time to step up the intensity a bit!

Lastly today....I'm going to shamelessly promote myself! I know that there are so many of you that read every day! And I couldn't be any more thankful to you all than I already am, but do any of you have friends, family, coworkers, or even just a gym you go to where people are struggling? Not sure if they can do it? Well send them over to my blog!!! I write in hopes of inspiring. I don't ever want anyone to feel how I feel. No child or adult should have to go through this! So please...I don't have anything to gain from it, other than inspiring people. Which is what I really want this blog to be. SO again...any one you know needing some extra motivation or who really likes to read, send em my way!!! We can ALL do this together!

SO I will leave you at that! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!! Be inspired to make a change. You are a beautiful person...yes you!!! Get up and take your life back....you deserve it!!!

Day 85

Good Afternoon everyone! Day 85 is here....I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but it happened!!!! I am so happy that I have been able to keep my focus for 85 days. Not only in life, but in writing. I don't know how I have done it, but I have done it. I have managed to write to all you wonderful people for 85 days!!!!

I have never thought of myself as a writer. It isn't something I have ever been all that good at. I don't know a ton of big words and my grammar isn't the best....I mean I just spelled grammar-grammer and auto-correct had to tell me it was wrong. But I have always known how to express myself. Not necessarily to others, but to myself. I have always been able to be brutally honest with myself, and that is all this blog really is, me being brutally honest with myself, and I have just finally chosen to let you all in on it. I know that sometimes I am overly harsh on myself, but it's how I have always been. I have always had this attitude that was all or nothing. But I was never able to be serious about it.....and this time I am more than serious...I think 85 days proves it!!!

So I don't want to keep you too long, but I have been trying to keep the blogs a little heartier. I wanted to just fill you in on the newest with my ankle. I am heading to the Ortho on October 17th and hopefully will get some answers. I have been actually feeling pretty good, but I still want to know what is going on and how to prevent any further damage!!!! So I will make sure to keep you all posted on that!!

Alright I am done...I promise! I hope you all have a wonderful evening and enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!

Day 84

I knew I couldn't do it 3 days in a row!! I'm sorry everyone. And I am even more sorry that I am going to be really short tonight. Alayna is in QUITE the mood today, and I am busy dealing with that. Today I had the most awful urge to have something sugary and sweet...and I fought temptation all day with it. So when I got home, I had dinner and thought, "Maybe just a glass of lemonade". But then I REALLY thought about that decision. Was that what is best for me right now??? NOOOO!!!! I decided to go with water instead! I know it is just a small victory, but sometimes those are what we need to take. I am not the BEST at saying no to things. I am terrified when I need to go on my Disney trip, and giving in to all my favorite things. I know it is about portion control, and not over doing it, but sometimes that doesn't come as easily to me.

I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.

I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!

Day 83

Wow, two mornings in a row I have managed enough time to do everything!! Maybe I CAN do this after all!! I could not sleep well last night due to all the recent news stories. I know that it was decided yesterday evening that no matter what happened, troops would get paid, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't even imagine Hayden working 58+ hours a week for nothing. I couldn't imagine being one of the wives with a husband over seas and they wouldn't pay you to risk your life? I mean...I don't talk politically very often, because I think everyone is entitled to an opinion, but the idea of not paying the people protecting your country, but pay the people who are sitting in comfy chairs trying to figure all of this out, and fighting like children....doesn't quite add up to me. So at the end of the day, I just couldn't sleep thinking about all of that. So I wake up today and see....they are all closed up. I can't help but have a heavy heart for those people that are going to be put on a furlough. I can't help but feel so sad for people who work so hard to make a living and you are not going to pay them until this is over? It just weighs on me. Maybe I have too much of my grandmother in me...I don't know. Either way...I am just going to pray on it. Nonnie and God tend to listen when they know it is something big, so hopefully these prayers are heard!

On a less heavy note, I did wake up this morning with a positive attitude and I whole heartedly want to keep that! I have been so invested in trying to just FEEL happy and I refuse to let anything burden that. I have always had a firm believing that WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS....and by this, I mean anything. Any sort of troubling time that I have encountered, my dad and mom have always said, "You will get through it". And like my dad always says, no matter what happens today, what will happen tomorrow? The sun will come up and it will be a new day and a new start. Don't ever get caught up on what mistakes you have made in the past, but look to the future. Always have faith in the future! 

I want to leave you with that, because that is what I am thinking about today. I can not focus on my falls from the past. The times where I just didn't get it together and quit on myself. I focus now, only on the future! Focus on what is to come for me and how no matter what, if I fall, I get back up! I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday and take full advantage of whatever is to come today. Because it is GREAT!!!