Where do I even start to write this post. I have been dreading it since I woke up this morning, because I knew when I got on that scale today, it wasn't going to be good. I gained .9 pounds this week. There is no one that could more disappointed than me. However, I knew this was coming. I don't think I have been as honest with myself or you guys as I really should be. I am stressed and the thing I do best when I am stressed....is the thing I should NOT be doing. I can't even believe that I am sitting here writing this.....I know what I NEED to do, but for some reason I am just having a really hard time with it. I really need to refocus myself and figure out what I can do to get back on track. I am so upset with this week and it was quite the realization of how bad I really have been doing.
So this week needs to be a fresh start. Restart those initial two weeks to get back on track when I started. I don't know why I have been having such a hard time, but this is me taking the high road and admitting that I have failed. I have failed pretty miserably....So I have to do something about it. I'm not trying to be negative about this situation. I know that this happens in any journey, but I just thought this time would be different. I am so used to disappointing myself and everyone around me, and I'm right back to that point. I can't believe that I have done it again. So I need to figure out what makes this time different!
I had such high hopes for this trip, and now all that is rushing through my mind are all my initial fears going on this trip. This is not how I imagined going and looking when going. But I have to somehow make the most of it. I wanted to be in a different place in this journey and I am no where near that. Not that I want to blame anyone for my mistakes, or my faults, but this job has been rough to make it all work. And it seems like any time something changes, I make an excuse to quit. So no more. I am going to make this work....I don't know how, but now it is just about figuring it out!
So to close, I think what is weighing on me most, is I had a conversation with my Mom when I started this job. I told her no matter what I would keep doing everything I was doing, because I didn't want to change anything about this journey and I failed. I hate going back on something I thought I could do. And I know that she won't be upset, but I am so disappointed in myself. I know you all are going to say I am too tough on myself, and I am, but it's how I have to be if I want something to change. And I do. I am so upset with where I am, and I am just hoping that I can turn that into motivation. I made a promise to my mom and myself that I would keep going through it all, and I have let her and myself down. Time to make the change. Better late than never right?
You all have an excellent Friday....I have a lot of thinking and rearranging to do on mine!!!
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