Rainy Day Blues

So today I am in one of those really nervous moods. I am going to the doctor tomorrow, and getting results of some bloodwork back, and having more bloodwork done. I am so nervous any time I am getting any kind of news back from the doctor. I don't like feeling so in the dark. And even worse, I hate when they call to give you results and say, "This came back this way, and the doctor would like to discuss it with you in person.". I ask why, but all I get back is, they would prefer to speak to me about it in person. I'm already nervous enough, don't keep me waiting!

Luckily this time, the discussion is just about me not eating and what exactly can be prescribed to fix that, or what I can at least use to supplement. When I talked to him on the phone it was one of two options, so I guess it's all in what he sees is best. I am just letting it go and not letting it weigh on my shoulders.

Today I also wanted to address something else, my weighing in. I had been messaged, about if I was still doing weekly weigh ins, and I am. But I am finally brave enough to admit, that I gained back the weight I had lost, and now I've lost it again but not the right way. So I feel like I'm just not ready to do weigh in's until I'm losing weight in a healthy way. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I just want to be happy about the weight loss before I start the real journey. 

I also wanted to talk a little bit about how upset I am at myself, I have truly let myself down in the way that, I should have been ready for a marathon by now, or at least a half marathon. And I let myself down, because if I tried that right now, first mile I would fall over. So instead of letting it really bother me, I am going to pick myself up, and aim for 2017/2018. I am giving myself 2-3 years to get ready, back to healthy, and ready to do a full marathon. I know it sounds silly to set a goal that far away, but I need time to get my body back to where it was, and I need to get money together, because if I'm going to do a marathon, I'm going to do it in style, and in Disney! So time to start keeping a jar to save up for that marathon....because I am going to do it. I will not let myself down. I will not lose this time. I am going to fall down sometimes. And that's going to be okay. To anyone who reads this, just know that even if it is just you Dad, you motivate me to move and keep going. Even if I did stop for a little bit, it doesn't mean that we stop. We get back up, brush off the dirt and keep going. So Dad, and whomever else is reading....keep going...and help me keep going. Obviously I need a little help or I wouldn't have taken a year off!