Friday....You Tricky Devil

So I don't know about any of you, but if you have ever worked in retail, you would understand that there are no weekends, so Friday, hardly ever exists for me. And when it does, it is usually on a Sunday or Monday, and if I ever have two days off in a row, I immediately think the first day back is Monday. So my life never really has a TGIF, because I couldn't tell you the last time I had a Saturday AND a Sunday off. It never happens in retail. But, we do have family in town, so it gives me some motivation to get up, get the job done, and come back home.

I never thought, that at 25, I would be working in retail, and not living out my dreams of opening an extremely new age photography gallery in New York City. Somewhere that new photographers show their work, and eventually famous artists pick up on this strange little hole in the wall gallery and want to show there. But instead, I'm chasing escaped hamsters around the house, getting an almost 5 year old dressed for school with my eyes half-way closed, cleaning vomit off the floor and my clothes, and waking up for a job that sucks a small amount of my soul away each day. I just am not where I saw myself. I read my ten year plan from high school and I am nothing like that ambitious person that I wanted to be in High School or even in the beginning of college. I miss that person. I just haven't seen her in a long time.

I think a very small part of that creative Bethany lives inside this blog each day. With her snarky remarks and negative attitude about all things retail and corporate america. But I just want to have that paint covered jeans, hole-y t-shirt from high school, and long crazy thrown up hair girl back. I miss her. She was motivated at all times. She was positive at all times. She was happy at all times. I try to be here through these small writings each day, and to whoever reads them every day (the few people that I know of), I am grateful that you put up with the rants and "boo hoo me"'s all the time. I know there can be quite a few of them. But my intentions when I started this blog was weight loss. Not life sharing, just what I ate, what was motivating me, and what I lost each week. 

But, life threw me some curve balls that I tried my best to swing at, and surely missed. And this blog has become somewhat of an outlet for me. Don't get me wrong, it is still, at it's core, a weight loss journey and the pages do consist of that. But this has become so much more for me. I have shared more than I ever thought I would. I have cried writing some of these more times than I can think of. I have been so grateful for comments people have made when I write. You all do push me to be a better me and a more complete Bethany. So right now, in the midst of all this hectic insanity that I am suspiciously calling "life", I am going to try and find a little bit more of that Bethany I lost in college when vomit and diapers became the main concern. I know she is inside here somewhere, just feels like the right time to dig her out. 

I hope I have not made anyone else question their days, or maybe I do. I think it's healthy to question what you are doing with your life every once in a while. What some may call a "reality check". If you do choose to have one, I hope it is for the positive. Maybe you used to bike all the time, and realized that made you happy....well why did you stop? Maybe you used to make art in the basement and stopped for job purposes....make the time! I am actively going to make the time to find that part of myself again, and now I encourage you to. In a positive way. Question things from your past....it's the only way to make your future new and exciting again. It also may bring back some happiness, because I know mine will, that you didn't know you still had left in you. Have a good day, not Friday, because those don't mean anything to me anymore, but just a good day. Embrace it, and remember what made you happy...bring it back!