Day 147

Good Evening everyone. I know I keep promising these long posts, but I just can't tonight. I have a had a long day, and I am just not feeling it tonight. I feel like that seems to be a very common these days. I feel like I'm just giving up on myself, and I feel like everyone else has already given up on me. It should motivate me, but I'm just running out of energy. I'm running out of "want". So I guess I just need to reassess what is going on with me.

I don't want everyone to give up on me, and more than anything I don't want to give up on myself. So please, don't take these last few days or weeks or however long it has been for me giving up. Take it as I am just finding my way. I am figuring out what I need to do to get where I need to be. I am trying....I really am!

So I guess this is my plea...I am still here...I am still trying (I am just hitting my bottom)....I'm ready to start digging my way out, I guess! So I am leaving you with those words for the night. Have a great evening everyone, and I will write tomorrow.

Day 144

Oh my....so much for that early post huh?? I didn't get up until 10 today, and was too late to be able to write. So, my apologies. I hope you all had an excellent Sunday home and were able to relax quite a bit. This week should be nice and busy for me, because I have to get work ready for my week long absence, and also, have to get ready at home to prepare for our week long absence!!!

I have been contemplating on whether or not I want to write while I'm on vacation. It is my first vacation in over a year. We did not go on our annual beach trip, so it is a long time coming!! It will be nice to be with family, and I want to completely disconnect, but I know that I want to keep you all in the loop. I know I am disconnecting my email from my phone so that I am not tempted to be in contact with anyone. I just want to ENJOY!!!

I need a week away. I need some time away from this place. I'm tired and stressed and just ready to get away. I have a lot going on in my life, and a lot of things that I am thinking about, that a break will be perfect. I know that I have been rambling a lot about work, but I have just been so tired. And not feeling all that well. I need to really start focusing on me. I have put that on the back burner too many times. I need to focus on that.

So I am leaving with that today. I am tired and need to get a good nights sleep. I really do apologize that my posts have been short, and pointless...but I'm working on getting it together.

Day 143

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm sorry I am so late again tonight! I got home late again, after a long day at work. I am so so so so tired......these long days are killing me. I mean, I have completely lost track of time! I mean, I didn't even realize that today was Saturday and that I hadn't weighed in yesterday. (which was probably good because of the holiday!) But I just lost my days...I need a day off!

I hope you all had an incredible holiday and a wonderful Friday. I know I didn't write much, and I said I would write more today, but I am just so beat. I am here for a good part of the morning tomorrow, so I should be able to write a lot more then. I just can't seem to keep up with all of this! These 12/13 hour days are too much. I had intended on going in today at 1:30, but had to go in at 10 instead, and it just threw my whole day off. You know how you start a day off bad, and everything else seems to follow??? That's how today has gone.

SO I will talk a little more about it tomorrow, all the stress of the day/weekend, but I have more time then! Have a great night everyone!

Day 136

Alright guys....I'm not apologizing for a short post, because I have had a long day. I got new tires put on my car, because it was becoming life threatening with the ones I had on there. Needless to say, it was a lot of running around today and I am just ready for bed. Hayden and I had a nice long deep discussion about where I am at in my journey and he said something that really made me put things into perspective. "I don't care if your big as a house, or small as a twig, I'll love you all the same". I think I am so stuck up on making everyone else happy and worried what others will think, that I have lost site of one very important thing....Am I happy? Because that is what this journey is really about....being happy with who I am. So....I am going to focus on that for tomorrow's post. That's what you have to look forward to!

Have a good Saturday night everyone.

Day 115

Alright Everyone, today was a strangely long day...I don't even know where to start. But I am definitely sure I know where to finish, in bed...I'm so so so tired!!!! So I am doing what I know is best for me, curling into bed and watching a movie with Hayden....


I will write more tomorrow since I am off. I have figured out a schedule I want to share with all of you. <3