Day 136

Alright guys....I'm not apologizing for a short post, because I have had a long day. I got new tires put on my car, because it was becoming life threatening with the ones I had on there. Needless to say, it was a lot of running around today and I am just ready for bed. Hayden and I had a nice long deep discussion about where I am at in my journey and he said something that really made me put things into perspective. "I don't care if your big as a house, or small as a twig, I'll love you all the same". I think I am so stuck up on making everyone else happy and worried what others will think, that I have lost site of one very important thing....Am I happy? Because that is what this journey is really about....being happy with who I am. So....I am going to focus on that for tomorrow's post. That's what you have to look forward to!

Have a good Saturday night everyone.

Day 127

Good Morning-ish everyone. I have done a whole bunch of typing today, but for some reason I feel like typing some more. To fore warn, today's post is going to be pretty....I guess whiney is the word....but just having a bad couple days.

I love my job, I love my husband, I love my daughter, and I truly realize how blessed I am every day to be where I am. But there is one thing I don't like......and that is to be lied to. I have always been very perceptive and I know when things are not what they seem. So to not go into detail, I know something is going on, and that I am being lied to, and I DON'T LIKE IT....it is bringing me down and causing me to trip (metaphorically). I hate this feeling...so much!!! So I know I am being whiney-ish, but I just feel uneasy today. I hate it.

So on a some what good note, I am finally getting my eyes checked, after 3 years of wearing long past due glasses and contacts that are torn....I am going to get new contacts and glasses!!!! Finally!!!!! It has been hard to work out because I have had to wear my glasses, which are old prescriptions, which gives me a headache, which makes me sick when I work out!!! It's this spiraling cycle that makes life hard. If you have never had bad vision, it is hard to understand, but for all of you that do, wearing glasses that are not the correct prescription makes life in general more difficult. I struggle every day to see things, and I am finally doing something about it!!! I really need to get new glasses and some new, more comfortable contacts. SO I will update you all tomorrow on what he as to say, I'm sure he will be upset that I wore the same contacts for so long. So we will see!!

I am hopefully going to get a trial set that I can wear and be able to work out comfortably. I hate not being able to see every day, and having migraine after migraine, just from struggling to see!!!

I wanted to write one more thing today...I can see how may people read every day, and I am down to the single digits. I know my posts have been nothing to write home about lately, but I am trying! I am trying to write more deep posts, but at 9 pm, after a long day of work, it is hard to find motivation...you know? So I hope that I can win some of you back over...I promise to write a little heartier entries! I also promise that things will get better with me, and less wah wah wah!!! I can't wait to get to Disney, but I have a lot to do until then. I have not lost anything in far too long, and why would anyone want to read about a journey of someone who has basically given up. So that stops now! I promise!!!!! I hope you all continue to read and have full faith that this is just the beginning!!!

Day 104

Good news all around, that is why I am late! I promise, it was worth it! I got called into work today, and it was announced across the board that I will be taking over two locations. I am nervous, but beyond words excited. I know that I have the dedication and hard working attitude it takes, so that is exciting!!

As far as everything else is going, I was unable to finish my lists because I did get called in today. I will try to find some more time somewhere else to take care of it! Hopefully tomorrow morning! I wanted to tell you all a short little story about what happened on my way home today. I almost got into a not terrible accident, but pretty stupid one. Someone wasn't paying attention and pulled out in front of me, so I slammed on my breaks and happened to miss them. But I accidentally changed the stations when I did it. When I regained composure, it was Nickleback singing, "Amen, I'm Alive". How fitting!

And then it REALLY made me think....amen, I AM alive!! So I am taking this next few days to celebrate my life!!! Where I am, and where I am coming from. I ask you all to do the same tonight! Remember to celebrate life!!! Be happy you are alive!!! And I will write more tomorrow!!!

Day 72 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday! Boy am I happy that full moon is over. I couldn't handle another day of that. I don't know what it is about the full moon that just puts me in a bad mood. BUT I can't help but be happy this morning....because.....the scale said.............

2.6 pounds down for a total of 32.1 pounds down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!! I hit 30 pounds!!! I have NEVER lost this much weight before and it such motivation to KEEP losing!!! I was so tired this morning when I woke up and just couldn't help but feel so happy and awake after seeing that scale. It just goes to show that being on my feet constantly all day and eating right is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered (well actually, he ordered me to be off my feet but YOLO(I don't actually say YOLO, just seemed to fit!!))!

Now I can honestly say that I was floored this morning when I saw that number. I wasn't even sure I was awake enough to be reading that correctly. But it was right (I checked a few times!). I can't believe that all of this is happening. I still have a long way to go before Disney, but I am so so soooo happy with how far I have come already. I never, 72 days ago, thought that I would have been able to do this. I definitely thought I would have given up, or given in, by now. And I have stumbled at some points during this journey (let's not talk about the cupcake I ate last weekend), but that is exactly what is supposed to happen. Am I REALLY supposed to go on living life with out cupcakes and fried foods??? No. That would be ridiculous and I would die a very sad, but healthy, person.

I know I have been kind of flaky lately, and I wanted to give you a nice hearty entry today. I have been distant and not paying attention, but I promise....I still think of you all constantly. On the days that I don't write until late, I know that some of you don't read those, but in the mornings I am just so rushed around getting everyone ready that I forget. So I promise I will try to do better with writing in the mornings. I mean it really doesn't take up that much time!

I hope you all have an incredible Friday! Remember....don't give up on your goals....it's okay to trip or stumble at times, because it's not how you start the race, but how you finish that makes a difference. So everyone go out and KILL IT this weekend. I know I will NOT be eating any cupcakes!!!! Happy Friday again!!!

Day 58 - Weigh In

Weigh in day...it's finally here. Seems like since I started back to work, it is happening more often than not! But it keeps me on my toes! So I was thinking today that maybe I would make all of you wait until the VERY END of this post to see what I weighed in at this week. But then I assumed that people would just scroll to the bottom, read, and then scroll back up and read the rest. So go ahead everyone.....scroll to the bottom of the page....read my numbers.................


Tricked you...I am going to put them right here! This week I weighed in 2.9 lbs. down for a total of 28.8 lbs. down in 58 days! Again, it wasn't quite where I wanted to be, but I will take 28.8 over 0 any day of the week!!!!

So for all of you that scrolled down for nothing, I apologize. Just feeling in a cheerful mood this morning! I woke up feeling tired, down, and ready to just crawl back into bed. Until I went to get my morning shake and I saw something on my fridge. It's a little card from my Nonnie's funeral and it says:

God hath not promised

skies always blue. Flowers strewn

pathways all our lives through;

God hath not promised

sun without rain, joy without sorrow,

peace without pain. 

But God hath promised 

strength for the day, rest for the labor,

light for the way, grace for the trials,

help from above, unfailing sympathy,

undying love.

It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Nonnie always has a way of coming into my life exactly when I need her. When things weren't going well, and I really needed to get a job, she was there. I know I have a guardian angel watching over me through all of this. So because I know she is reading or listening, thank you. Thank you for guiding me when you knew I needed it, and allowing me to figure things out on my own when you knew that was what was best for me. You have always had a faith and love in me that was unexplainable. You have pushed me through this journey more than I ever thought possible, because you weren't here, but I found out you are always here. It is just how you choose to make yourself present, that makes me see you now. So, thank you.

And thank YOU! All of you have kept on pushing. When I'm down, injured, sick, failing, or even just happy and having you share in that! This journey is hard. Anyone who has ever been through it, or tried and stumbled, knows it is a hard thing to do. You are changing your entire life around to adapt to a new way of life. So thank you all for sticking with me!

Have a wonderful Friday! Enjoy your family, friends, and even co-workers. They are what make you who you are, and keep you on the journey you are on. Don't ever forget that!

Day 54

Good Morning Everyone, and a VERY happy Monday to you! Today is my first day in my actual position. And let me tell you, my stomach is TURNING!!!! I never thought I could feel this sick over a job. There is so much responsibility that comes with this position. When I originally took the job, I asked if there would be an assistant manager for me, or a general manager for me to go to, and the response was, "No, just you.". So I guess I just have to take the bull by the horns and run with it!

Now I decided yesterday that I would not let this injury get me down. I am working my butt off at work and coming home and trying to separate myself from that, and then I head to the gym and separate myself from home as well. So I guess I just decided to keep my head fully focused on these two things for the next week since I can't go to the gym any way (although I might sneak over and do some arms and abs one day). I know that the doctor knows what is best for me, but it is just frustrating to feel like I hit a road block. At least I am making sure to eat healthy and am still doing a good amount of walking each day at work.

I never thought I would be able to juggle all of this when I saw how many hours a week I would be working. Yet somehow, I seem to be doing it. Some days I am absolutely more tired than others (usually Friday's because I work from 8-8), but I get by. I feel like I see my family managing more than one thing and I think, "Why can't I do that???". You readers, friends, and family are what push me through my day, each day. I think about how you all keep me uplifted and motivated when I am at my lows. I know there have been quite a few of them already and I am sure there are more to come, but you are always there. Time after time you all amaze me with your support.

So I close today with a HUGE thank you. And a PLEASE continue with me on this journey. I know I have such a long way yet to go, and it would be absolutely impossible without all of you!! I hope that in some small (or possibly big) way I have helped inspire you to make changes, or think before you do. I hope that I can, from here on out, lead by example. I thank and love all of you!!!

Day 37 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday!! Also, today I want to wish my wonderful sister a very Happy Birthday today!!! I wouldn't be 1/1,000th of the woman, mother, sister, wife, friend or even human being I am today if it weren't for her. She is an inspiration to me every day and I couldn't imagine asking for a better sister in the world! I hope you have an incredible day!! You deserve it!!!

Now....as you know....Friday is weigh in day. So today I hopped on that scale...not feeling confident at all. And I look down....and I lost two pounds! With mother nature working against me, I didn't expect that at all this week!! So now I am down a total of 19.5 pounds!!! I am so close to that 20 pound mark!!! Hopefully I can break it next week!!

Speaking of next week, I am really nervous. I love all the time that I get to spend home with Alayna each day, and I have really just begun to get used to my working out schedule....and it is all about to change. I am so nervous about it, but I know it is what I need to do. I promised myself that I would make it work. I really don't want to fail just because I am working full time. So I have decided to try and do early morning workouts. If I have the sitter, why shouldn't I? These next few weeks will have a funny schedule because it is all training, but once I get into my routine, I think it will become easier.

Now today I can't help but think of a certain someone who has been an inspiration to me in more ways than I can begin to count. She crazily enough is still a huge motivation and inspiration point for me. She is there when I need her and there when I don't. She was a strong and powerful woman who would do anything in her power to make you happy. She was an incredibly strong woman who made everyone around her happy. She was beautiful, full of love, and always giving. She would have given you the shirt off her back if you told her you needed it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And recently I have been praying to her and with all of the good things I have been blessed with lately, I can't help but KNOW she is listening and helping. She was that person when she was here with us on Earth, and she is that person up in Heaven. I can't help but think she is doing incredible things up there. She was a saint down here, what would make it any different up there? I love you Nonnie, and I miss you more and more each day. But I KNOW you are looking down on me and I hope that I can make you proud. You make sure that I keep my head up high no matter what the situation and I swear you speak through Lauren sometimes with the things she tells me to keep going. We all love and miss you like crazy Nonnie, it's just not the same without you. But we know you are looking down on all of us, no matter what our journey is, or where our lives take us, you are there to keep us going. You push us just as far as we can go. So thank you Nonnie.....don't think I don't know you are there!

I think I am going to leave things on that note. I will write more tomorrow everyone. Have a wonderful Friday, and count your blessings!!! You don't know how long you get them for so love them whole heartedly and don't ever let a day go by without telling them just how much you love them!!!

Day 36

Good Morning everyone!!! Today couldn't be a better day....I don't care that it's rainy and gloomy out...inside this house it is all sunshiny!!!

So why the good mood you might ask? I have finally been blessed with a Full Time Job!!! I am so so thankful for this amazing opportunity and I just still can't believe that I got this position. I start Monday, and I am so nervous and excited all wrapped in one!!

Now when I called my family to tell them about finally getting a job after all the stress of not having one, they were happy, but immediately reality set in. I'm going to be working full time, opening and closing some nights, and working certain Saturdays during the Month. So when will I have time to work out? What if I slip up during the stress of work and cheat or am just too tired to work out? Since we are hiring a full time sitter, I talked with Hayden about possibly going in the morning before work to they gym and just taking advantage of having the sitter there early. I have never been one for working out early in the morning, but if that is what it's going to take to get my work out in each day, then so be it! Have any of you made it a routine to work out in the morning before work? If so, how does that work for you?

Now as overwhelmingly excited as I am about this position, I am so sad to be leaving Alayna every day. I have just enjoyed spending this time with her so much. It's been such a blessing to be able to stay with her and watch her grow these last two months. She is so intelligent and creative and funny and just FUN to be around! I will miss her, but I know she will be in good hands. And will have some friends to play with every day! I think this will be such a great opportunity for Alayna as well. Now as soon as she gets off the waiting list for Daycare, she will be going there, but until then, this is such a wonderful alternative. (as sad as I get about leaving her each day!) I think we will all just have to get used to the new schedule. Whether that is Alayna getting used to having some new friends at the house with her, Hayden getting used to me not being home when he gets home, or me getting used to working full time again...it will all work out! And I couldn't be more thankful that things ARE working out!!!


Thank you to everyone who has had nothing but encouraging words for me! You guys all got me through this last month when I was feeling down. It all paid off!! So now off to enjoy my last couple days with Alayna at home!!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 17

Happy Saturday Everyone!!!

All that is on our schedule is to watch some movies, clean, and have a nice relaxing day. I did a lot of weight training last night, so my body feels like jello today. But in a really good, blueberry jello kind of jello! There is something so satisfying about working out and feeling like your whole body is about to fall apart. It feels good! I really pushed myself yesterday and I think it was part frustration, anger, and motivation. 

I have been working really hard and am finally starting to feel the difference. I feel stronger. I can feel that gym high that people talk about. I am always so happy when I get home from the gym. I have been staying at the gym longer and longer because I just don't want to leave and lose that amazing feeling I get. 

I will admit that yesterday was a bad day. I beat myself up all day and kept asking, "Am I doing the right thing". But yesterday at the gym solidified every small positive feeling I was having. I absolutely am at the correct place in my life. You know there is an old wives tail that says Deja Vu is just your life's way of telling you that you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. And last night, at the gym, I had this strange feeling of Deja Vu. And it hit me like a ton of bricks...I am exactly where I need to be! 

SO...what I am really saying...is I'm feeling great!! And I am right where I need to be in my life. I know there will be a lot of doubts along this journey. And I know that I will get angry and frustrated through this, but it is how I handle this that makes the difference between being weak and being strong. 

I owe a huge thank you to all of you. Yesterday was tough for me, but all of you made a difference!! So thank you <3

Have a great weekend!

Day 14

I made it!!! I made it to two weeks! I have never made it this far, and the feeling I have right now is indescribable. I am so proud and excited and I just want to keep going!! There is nothing quite like feeling healthier to make your life better. I feel like I keep selling my self short about this whole thing. Without sounding too full of myself, which are not my intentions at all, I am proud. I have been able to take my life from processed, oily, and deep fried, to healthier, green, and good for me. It takes a lot of focus to be able to do those things. I can honestly say that I definitely could not have done it alone.

As this week is halfway over and Friday is quickly approaching, I can't help but get nervous. I am an avid Biggest Loser watcher. The show is so inspiring and is incredible to be able to see these peoples journey to a better life. If those people can do this, there is absolutely nothing to stop me. BUT, with that being said, anyone know of the dreaded week two curse? I mean, I'm not working out for 6 hours a day, so I don't expect to compare to them at all. However, there has to be some truth to that week two plateau. If there is, I am nervous to see what Friday has in store for me. I know I have worked hard this week and pushed myself further than I have been able to go in a very long time. I guess only time will tell, and the numbers will speak for themselves on Friday.

When I originally started this blog, it was late at night. I was angry with myself, and the person I had become. I would always say, "You know I'll just start tomorrow. I'll just wait until event X happens and then I'll start. I'll just run around the house, that counts". All these were, were excuses. What I really needed to do was look in the mirror and realize how unhappy I was. I'm 24 years old and I'm not living even half the life that is possible. So I decided I needed to make a change. And with it being about the 50th time I decided to do that, I needed to do it different. And that was to involve all of you. So late at night, just 14 days ago, I decided to bring you all so much further into my life. It took more courage than I thought I had. I am a very scared person and very rarely go outside of my comfort zone. So this....this is far scarier than I thought it could ever be. I am ready to enjoy and embrace every moment of this, though. I will make it through and keep going. And I could not have made it even this short distance without all of you!

Off to hang out with Alayna today! I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

Day 12

Good morning everyone!! Happy Monday!!!


You know I thought all night about what I was going to write about today. It kept me awake far longer than I care to share. But I got to thinking about all sorts of things. There has been this outreach of people both old and new from my life reading the blog. I didn't think it was anything to start writing. I just thought it was a way to get through this and it (in just 12 short days) has turned into so much more!! So today I want to say thank you! Thank you everyone who has decided to hop on during this journey!

My question to all of you is, do you know someone in your life who is struggling through weight loss or a change such as this? I would love to have them read and be a part of this journey as well! If I can do this, anyone can!

I am so blessed to have all of you in my life! From family to friends I feel so motivated by all of you. Every time I think I should just quit, or give it less time at the gym I think about all of you pushing me. I can honestly say that I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I actually look forward to it each day. It's such a nice way to spend time with myself. It's relaxing and I feel so great when I do push myself harder than the day before. I'm doing things I never thought possible. I am running again...who would have ever thought I would be running again! When I do things like this it makes me feel like all things are possible!! I dream about what my life will be like in six months. And for the first time in a long time, those aren't nightmares, but great dreams that I don't ever want to wake from!!!

I hope that in some way you all can find something that makes you as happy as I am. If that is going to the gym and running, doing Zumba, or taking a kickboxing class, that's great!! Even if it's just playing in the backyard, that is great too! You should always do something for yourself, be selfish, and make yourself happy in the healthiest way possible. That is exactly what I am doing with my life. You should do the same!!!

Hope to see some new visitors on the site! If you are new, feel free to comment!! Even if you aren't new, but a ghost reader, feel free to comment as well!! I love seeing how all of you are enjoying the blog. It makes my day!

Have a wonderful Monday all!

Day 11

I survived the movie theater everyone....no candy, no pop, and no pretzels!! I was so proud! And the movie wasn't half bad either.

We went to the mall yesterday afterwards so that I could look for some new shoes. I was told that the reason my hips and knees were hurting could possibly be the shoes I was running in. So while on the search I encountered another one of my fears. How do I go into a store and request running shoes? With me looking the way I look, I was terrified. There were a few whispers and giggles when I was asking for a running shoe, but I just brushed it off. I'll show them.

Anyway, the woman helped me just fine. I found an amazing shoe that I really liked and that would last long enough for me. But my oh my that price!!! I know I'm paying for quality and to be able to use the shoe for far longer than any cheaper shoe that I buy. Hopefully Amazon.com will have a lower price for me because if not, I will NOT be getting those shoes any time soon. I did buy some of the Dr. Scholl's custom fit inserts so maybe that will help. They were much cheaper and hopefully will solve my problem. I'm really enjoying the running/jogging and it is getting easier and easier. I can't wait until I am able to do it for longer than I can now! Maybe I'll even do a 5k before the year is up!!

I know that sometimes this journey will get difficult. The shoe store definitely proved that. But I am strong and I can put up with anything from anyone!! You wonderful guys and gals are what are keeping me going. I am just so blessed to have you all by my side!

Today we are going grocery shopping, which is getting easier and easier. And then a nice workout with the new shoe inserts. We will see how it goes!!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!

Day 9 - Weigh In

Alright.....the numbers are in.......nice and early this morning I jumped on the scale after one week of hard work. Or at least harder work than I had put in for the past few years (shamefully).

Here it is.....10.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One week and 10.5 lbs down....I'm speechless. I KNOW this will not be a weekly number. That would be unrealistic. But this is just such an incredible start. And before anyone chimes in that it is unhealthy to lose this much, I have contacted my doctor, and it is perfectly healthy as long as I am eating the calories I need to be in a day. Which I am.

I am just so overwhelmed by that number. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to see that number every week. It would be incredible if I could, but I know it just isn't going to happen.

Knowing that I am headed in the right direction...that is my motivation for this next week. This next week has never happened for me. I have ALWAYS given up by now. I  never make it this far because I love food too much and just always want to fall back into that horrible routine of my old life. I hope that seeing this number has really triggered something in my head to keep going. I want to just keep seeing that number go down.

I am so thankful to all of you for pushing me through this week. I know with all of you amazing people behind me, I can keep going and going until I reach my goal! I have been just so excited to see all of the people reading. I hope all of you incredible people have a wonderful weekend. Remember I still update on weekends, so remember to read!!!

Day 7

So it has arrived....Day 7...this is the day I always say that I'm happy enough with who I am. Hayden loves me the way I am so why change? But all those are just excuses. I'm not happy and I'm not fooling anyone! I decided when I got to this day I would make a list. A list of all the things that should be keeping me in this. So here goes!!

• Alayna
• Hayden
• My Family
• To be able to go into the same store Hayden shops at, and pick something out!
• To be able to run and not run out of breath
• Disney World
• A swim suit
• ABS!!!
• To not be out of breath doing something simple
• Run around with Alayna and play
• To have a healthier outlook on life
• To be able to wear heels comfortably!!
• To raise my arms without looking like a lunch lady 
• To not be afraid of being in front of the camera as opposed to being behind it
• To not be so hurt by what others say
• most of all.....FOR ME!!!!

I know that some of the things on the list are silly. But they are honest. There are more but these things are what keep me going. Knowing that I have these things to motivate and keep me going...then I can stay on track. 

I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life to support me through this. My Mom and Dad are the best parents in the entire world. They are my heroes. They are who I want to make proud in life, and if this one small thing can achieve that, then I will push through until the very end. They are strong...and if they can be strong, then so can I!!

My sister and her family are one of my other biggest motivators. They are incredible people who push and motivate me in every way. My brother (in-law doesn't need to be said, because he just isn't that anymore) is such an inspiration to me. He has made it to where I want to be and I couldn't be anymore proud. They have such faith, drive, and motivation. I hope that some day I can make it to a point in my life where they can see me as such!

I love my family, and I wouldn't be here without them. They are what push me every day. When I want to give up...I KEEP GOING...because I know I have them. I love you guys and I couldn't be 1/1,000th of the person I am without you guys.

So I leave you all with this, who is your motivation? Who pushes you to do more?

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

Day 6

Well I have a few VERY small victories to share with all of you. Please....don't be too harsh, they are very very small!!

My wedding rings are MUCH looser, which is great!!

And

Yesterday at the gym, I ran....I HATE to run and I ran. I would walk for 4 minutes and then run for 1 minute, for a total of 45 minutes. I felt good. At a certain point it actually felt better to run than it did to walk!!

I know these are such small things, and there are much bigger things to come, but I just felt like I had to share. Sometimes I feel like looking at the small things is what keeps me motivated. Last night for the first time through this, I was actually very hungry. Hayden had made a frozen pizza and it took every single muscle in my body to not have a slice. I thought about it...over and over again. It's just one slice...what will one slice do?? But I didn't. I ate my dinner, I drank some water, and I had a banana and peanut butter as a snack later in the evening to curb any of those feelings.

I am so happy I did what I did. I am surprised I was able to stick to my guns and keep clean.

I have significantly cut out the amount of processed foods in my daily eating habits and I just feel better because of it! The only real foods I have been eating that are pre-packaged are string cheese, peanut butter, and cream cheese. I can't believe I am actually doing this!

Again, I know these are just some small acheievements, but they feel so big to me! I hope you all have an amazing Tuesday and KEEP MOTIVATED...no matter what little obstacle comes along!

Day 4

I know it is so silly, but one of my biggest fears is going to the gym. Everyone there is so fit and built up, and here I am, my flabby self just trying to do my best. I hate looking to my left and right and seeing that everyone else is running and I am at best strolling (sometimes a jog here and there). It makes me feel like they are all just looking at me with a "she shouldn't be here" thought in their head.

BUT, contrary to my beliefs, no looks were given. No words were said. And best of all...I felt really confident. I felt empowered by the sweat just pouring off of me. You know they say that pain is fear leaving the body...and if that's the case, my body is about to be terrified!

Yesterday I really didn't want to go to the gym. I was tired and my head hurt and I thought maybe I could just take one day off. Then Hayden and I talked and I realized that I am just making excuses. I think about Alayna, Hayden, my family, and it makes me just want to work harder. There is no excuse in the world that could be big enough to make this goal unimportant.

I don't know how many of you actually read this, and I don't think it matters. Maybe I am just doing this for my own selfish reasons but more importantly, I am doing this so that if I can just inspire ONE person to change something in their lives for the better, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I know I am not perfect in my ways. I know I am not a physical fitness or health nut, but I am trying. Harder than anyone will know. Some days it scares the living day lights out of me. Some times I get frustrated because I know there is a plate of fried cheesesticks out there, waiting for me to eat them. But I have to keep my head on straight. I HAVE to keep pushing and looking at my end goal. I know this is not a Diet, and I hate that word. This is a life change and life style choice. I am making that choice to change for the better.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! To my family (If you are reading this!), I hope you have fun at the beach this week! I miss you guys more than you know, but next year...I'll be bikini ready!!!

Day 2

Before I post anything I just wanted to make a small note that I have enabled commenting from anyone, not just those with a blogger account, so PLEASE feel free to comment if you would like to....actually I encourage it!!!

So, Happy Friday everyone! I know for me I couldn't be more thrilled. I woke up this morning really lagging and was so tempted to hit snooze, BUT I have been reading so many things that say getting up early is better for your metabolism, so my butt got out of bed anyway! I woke up with a nice big glass of cold water which I have also been reading about. I am on average drinking at least 120 oz. of water a day. I have a blender bottle that I fill every time I finish it, and it just adds up so quickly. I know sometimes it is hard to get that water down, so I am looking into using fruit to flavor the water. Anyone have any luck with that?

Along with my own flavored water as opposed to any name brand water sweetener, I am going to do something I have never in my life done. I am going to try something new! As I posted yesterday on Facebook....I have never been one for seafood. I can remember as a child waiting at the dinner table well after everyone else, just because I didn't want to eat the seafood cause it was "GROSS!!!". And believe me, I still have a good majority of those feelings. BUT....I know all the benefits of fish and I know that I need to broaden my horizons...so I will try it. All of the times that I have tried this losing weight thing, or getting healthy thing it has been with just a normal "salad, chicken, veggies, and fruit". This is the first time I have really branched out and told myself that everything has to change in order for my body to want to change. I may not like it now, but once I get to my finish line....I am going to thank my past self for the hard work I put in.

And speaking of hard work, I should get on to my workout today. Usually I would take Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, but until my body starts getting used to this and doesn't feel like it got run over by a truck....every day it is! I am definitely hurting today from yesterday (which some people would say was a weak workout, but I'm trying here!!), but it's just fear leaving the body. And my mother has always said..."Anything you can do for two weeks becomes a habit".....so let's do this friends! Do something new...and do it for two weeks so it is a permanent change in your life!

I leave you all with this question today....What is a food you don't like but would be willing to eat for the sake of change and a healthier way of living??

Day 1 - Part 2

Let me just begin with a huge THANK YOU!!! The support that has already been shown is appreciated more than I can put into words!

I ironically enough woke up this morning feeling very sick. Stayed in bed longer than I should have and thought to myself "Bethany, tomorrow may be a better day to start if you are feeling like this" and then and even louder voice said "BETHANY!!! No....no excuses. Giving up isn't an option no matter how you feel! Get it..."

Needless to say I followed the second voice (I should get that looked at) and worked out today. It hurt and I expected it to. I haven't worked out in a long time and my body was happy to tell me that it hated me afterwards. I then pep talked that I'm doing this for you and I want to make you happier...you just wait and see body, you are going to be so happy in six months!!!

I am not going full Crossfit or P90X right away. I am starting out with what feels comfortable to me. I think that is for the best if I want to make sure I don't get hurt or discouraged. And as far as eating, I will not be going Paleo or Juicing or whatever other Food Fads there are right now...I will cut back portions and watch that what I am eating is healthy.

I want to take this one day at a time. That is how it's done after all! Progress doesn't happen overnight and I don't expect to start out like a body builder right away.

I want to leave you with this my supporters.....what is your LEAST favorite workout to do that you just REALLY have to push yourself to do??