Keeping Up

So I promised that I would keep up with my blog, and I will not let you down. I will not be writing every day. I would not set myself up for that kind of failure anymore. It was ridiculous to think that I could continue that. However I will write whenever I can. I am doing a great job of keeping up with my lifestyle change! The yoga however has been a little bit more difficult to keep up with. I am trying my best to at least work out though. I have been going for walks, I have been going to work and making sure to walk around and keep busy as often as possible, walking the steps at home up and down, anything I can possibly do. I know some of those things sound silly, but they keep me active!

This change in my life has been eye opening, it has been really difficult not to weigh in every week, but as someone who has made a huge impact on my life once said, it's not the pounds that matter, but how you feel, and the inches that matter. Health is always more important, and something that should be noted is that my liver has been getting healthier and healthier. The test they did last time showed that my fatty liver disease had severely decreased which is just fantastic!!! Apparently this diet and exercise thing really do work!

I have been scolded though through this process that I have not been eating enough. I went to see a nutritionist and dietitian and they told me that what I was doing was all wrong. So I decided to switch it up, and make sure that I was doing what was right for my body and I have seen a huge difference! I am so lucky to have such a support system in this journey though. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers, since this isn't going to facebook any longer. That was my biggest market for this blog, so hopefully this will reach other people!

I am leaving you all to that, and I promise that I will make an effort to write sooner. If there is anything more you would like to read, feel free to leave a comment and let me know! I am an open book!

Day 148

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm trying my best to keep my mind set positive and a good outlook on life. I am unfortunately so tired today. I haven't been sleeping well, so we will see how tonight goes, since I am exhausted. I have been so busy today, packing and preparing for our trip to Disney World. It is incredible how much stuff you think you need! And don't even realize it!

I am supposed to be up early tonight, so I should be able to write a little longer. It seems like time is going by so quickly these days, so I am just trying to make the best of it all. I know that we are almost done with this year, but I really want to go back on 2013 and realize all the things I am thankful for.

So while I close out this short post tonight, I want you all to remember what you are thankful for this past year! I hope you come up with some good things, and I would love to see them!! Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 136

Alright guys....I'm not apologizing for a short post, because I have had a long day. I got new tires put on my car, because it was becoming life threatening with the ones I had on there. Needless to say, it was a lot of running around today and I am just ready for bed. Hayden and I had a nice long deep discussion about where I am at in my journey and he said something that really made me put things into perspective. "I don't care if your big as a house, or small as a twig, I'll love you all the same". I think I am so stuck up on making everyone else happy and worried what others will think, that I have lost site of one very important thing....Am I happy? Because that is what this journey is really about....being happy with who I am. So....I am going to focus on that for tomorrow's post. That's what you have to look forward to!

Have a good Saturday night everyone.

Day 127

Good Morning-ish everyone. I have done a whole bunch of typing today, but for some reason I feel like typing some more. To fore warn, today's post is going to be pretty....I guess whiney is the word....but just having a bad couple days.

I love my job, I love my husband, I love my daughter, and I truly realize how blessed I am every day to be where I am. But there is one thing I don't like......and that is to be lied to. I have always been very perceptive and I know when things are not what they seem. So to not go into detail, I know something is going on, and that I am being lied to, and I DON'T LIKE IT....it is bringing me down and causing me to trip (metaphorically). I hate this feeling...so much!!! So I know I am being whiney-ish, but I just feel uneasy today. I hate it.

So on a some what good note, I am finally getting my eyes checked, after 3 years of wearing long past due glasses and contacts that are torn....I am going to get new contacts and glasses!!!! Finally!!!!! It has been hard to work out because I have had to wear my glasses, which are old prescriptions, which gives me a headache, which makes me sick when I work out!!! It's this spiraling cycle that makes life hard. If you have never had bad vision, it is hard to understand, but for all of you that do, wearing glasses that are not the correct prescription makes life in general more difficult. I struggle every day to see things, and I am finally doing something about it!!! I really need to get new glasses and some new, more comfortable contacts. SO I will update you all tomorrow on what he as to say, I'm sure he will be upset that I wore the same contacts for so long. So we will see!!

I am hopefully going to get a trial set that I can wear and be able to work out comfortably. I hate not being able to see every day, and having migraine after migraine, just from struggling to see!!!

I wanted to write one more thing today...I can see how may people read every day, and I am down to the single digits. I know my posts have been nothing to write home about lately, but I am trying! I am trying to write more deep posts, but at 9 pm, after a long day of work, it is hard to find motivation...you know? So I hope that I can win some of you back over...I promise to write a little heartier entries! I also promise that things will get better with me, and less wah wah wah!!! I can't wait to get to Disney, but I have a lot to do until then. I have not lost anything in far too long, and why would anyone want to read about a journey of someone who has basically given up. So that stops now! I promise!!!!! I hope you all continue to read and have full faith that this is just the beginning!!!

Day 72 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday! Boy am I happy that full moon is over. I couldn't handle another day of that. I don't know what it is about the full moon that just puts me in a bad mood. BUT I can't help but be happy this morning....because.....the scale said.............

2.6 pounds down for a total of 32.1 pounds down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!! I hit 30 pounds!!! I have NEVER lost this much weight before and it such motivation to KEEP losing!!! I was so tired this morning when I woke up and just couldn't help but feel so happy and awake after seeing that scale. It just goes to show that being on my feet constantly all day and eating right is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered (well actually, he ordered me to be off my feet but YOLO(I don't actually say YOLO, just seemed to fit!!))!

Now I can honestly say that I was floored this morning when I saw that number. I wasn't even sure I was awake enough to be reading that correctly. But it was right (I checked a few times!). I can't believe that all of this is happening. I still have a long way to go before Disney, but I am so so soooo happy with how far I have come already. I never, 72 days ago, thought that I would have been able to do this. I definitely thought I would have given up, or given in, by now. And I have stumbled at some points during this journey (let's not talk about the cupcake I ate last weekend), but that is exactly what is supposed to happen. Am I REALLY supposed to go on living life with out cupcakes and fried foods??? No. That would be ridiculous and I would die a very sad, but healthy, person.

I know I have been kind of flaky lately, and I wanted to give you a nice hearty entry today. I have been distant and not paying attention, but I promise....I still think of you all constantly. On the days that I don't write until late, I know that some of you don't read those, but in the mornings I am just so rushed around getting everyone ready that I forget. So I promise I will try to do better with writing in the mornings. I mean it really doesn't take up that much time!

I hope you all have an incredible Friday! Remember....don't give up on your goals....it's okay to trip or stumble at times, because it's not how you start the race, but how you finish that makes a difference. So everyone go out and KILL IT this weekend. I know I will NOT be eating any cupcakes!!!! Happy Friday again!!!

Day 57

Another morning up early and post late. I don't know what I need to do to get up early and just write! I have been working 12 hour days lately, and they just have me so tired. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I can honestly say I think I am about the same as last week. I have been fluctuating all week and it just hasn't been enjoyable to see. So hopefully I can turn it around this next week.

I have felt very hopeless this week because of not being able to work out. It has been a very painful week because I am both in pain from my ankle hurting and in emotional pain from not working out. I just really want to get back in the gym, and my body is telling me it's not ready to go back. So I sit and wait until my ankle is ready to run again. I have been doing abs and arms until then, but it is just not sufficing me. I WANT/NEED to get back in that gym on the elliptical and on the treadmill and the stepper and rower. I'm tired of being at a stand still.

I know have been complaining about this a lot lately, but it is what I am feeling. I can't help but feel so angry with my results. I am angry with how my body is treating me after I try to help it to feel better and healthier. I am ANGRY with the results that are showing up while I am not working out like I want. And I just need to figure out how to get past all this anger.

I wish I could tell you all I went back to the gym yesterday, but I couldn't. I was just in too much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to break apart as soon as I started just stretching to run. SO I think I just need to focus on very healing thoughts. Hopefully that will benefit me in the long run.

Alright...enough rambling from me. I am finally home from work, and I want to relax. You all do the same! Talk to you tomorrow AM for weigh in day!

Day 54

Good Morning Everyone, and a VERY happy Monday to you! Today is my first day in my actual position. And let me tell you, my stomach is TURNING!!!! I never thought I could feel this sick over a job. There is so much responsibility that comes with this position. When I originally took the job, I asked if there would be an assistant manager for me, or a general manager for me to go to, and the response was, "No, just you.". So I guess I just have to take the bull by the horns and run with it!

Now I decided yesterday that I would not let this injury get me down. I am working my butt off at work and coming home and trying to separate myself from that, and then I head to the gym and separate myself from home as well. So I guess I just decided to keep my head fully focused on these two things for the next week since I can't go to the gym any way (although I might sneak over and do some arms and abs one day). I know that the doctor knows what is best for me, but it is just frustrating to feel like I hit a road block. At least I am making sure to eat healthy and am still doing a good amount of walking each day at work.

I never thought I would be able to juggle all of this when I saw how many hours a week I would be working. Yet somehow, I seem to be doing it. Some days I am absolutely more tired than others (usually Friday's because I work from 8-8), but I get by. I feel like I see my family managing more than one thing and I think, "Why can't I do that???". You readers, friends, and family are what push me through my day, each day. I think about how you all keep me uplifted and motivated when I am at my lows. I know there have been quite a few of them already and I am sure there are more to come, but you are always there. Time after time you all amaze me with your support.

So I close today with a HUGE thank you. And a PLEASE continue with me on this journey. I know I have such a long way yet to go, and it would be absolutely impossible without all of you!! I hope that in some small (or possibly big) way I have helped inspire you to make changes, or think before you do. I hope that I can, from here on out, lead by example. I thank and love all of you!!!

Day 46

So today I decided I wanted to talk about my frustrations as of late. I am so frustrated with where I am right now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and am so unhappy with who I see. I know she is different than the girl that I was when I started, but I still see her. I still see that girl from 46 days ago that was so unhappy. I still feel like that girl. How do I STOP from feeling like her? And then when I do feel like her, it makes me want to hole up in a corner and just cry. I know these feelings are normal but I am so tired of getting them. I am no where near where I want to be in this journey and I don't know how to get there. I wanted to be well over 35 lbs. down by now and I am still a far ways away from that. I thought I could do it, and now I'm thinking I can't. And 35 lbs at this point is nothing compared to where I really need to be. So now I'm stuck with this feeling of not being good enough to meet my goal and what if I can't meet my goal by the time we need to go on our trip in December. I would be so unhappy that I did all this work for nothing.

I know this post is a little "venty", but it's how I'm feeling. I am just really really frustrated with myself. I am really unhappy today. Maybe it's that I'm sick, or tired from working so much, or just overworked with this crazy busy schedule. But what I do know is that I have to kick this feeling and quick! I can't let it get the best of me, or I will be able to see it in my numbers next Friday! So hopefully today it will be a nice slow work day and I can keep calm and focus on what my goal really is.

Maybe if I actually take those before and during pictures I was talking about, it might give me a little bit of push. Sometimes my eye can't see exactly what is there, but a photograph captures it a little better. And a side by side is always easier to see results in. So I will do those tomorrow....with my day off. You will get to see where I started and where I am, and you all can be the judge of if I'm just crazy, or there really is nothing to see!!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone! I'm going to try to keep calm and count my positives today!

Day 31

Happy Saturday everyone!!! I started my day out my most favorite way and that is at the gym! Who would have thought?

Last night Hayden and I were talking about the last four weeks and the things that have changed. He said he was so proud that I have stuck to it this far and I can honestly say I am too. But I promise, today won't be about that. (not again!)

Today I decided to talk about Magic Pills. That magic pill that will allow you to lose weight. That magic pill that makes you skinny. That magic pill that will make every health issue go away and make you healthy. Now think about that magic pill....do you want that magic pill?? Who doesn't right??

Well I hate to break it to you all, but that magic pill doesn't exist. There is no magic pill, powder, or liquid that will make all your dreams come true. It takes hard work, dedication, and more self-motivation than you ever even thought you had inside you. I used to think that if I try this fad or that one, that the fat would just melt off of me. That if I half ass it, I can still get what I want. But I KNOW now that it won't work. Only I can make this happen for myself. It is up to my mind to push my body through this. Through the pain and through every other sacrifice I make, I push harder each day for the better of myself.

The moral of today's post is....you can't just take some magic item to make things better. It just doesn't work. You have to want the change to make it happen. What is important enough to you to make the change?? Is it your family, children, job, or just wanting to get healthy? No matter what it is, it should be important enough to make that change. So I hope today you all just do one thing....one healthy change. Whether that be drinking water instead of pop or walking around the whole mall while doing your Saturday shopping or just going for a small walk....that's all it takes.....so get out there and start today!!! There is no magic pill waiting for you...only your mind waiting to push your body!

Good luck <3

Day 28

Day 28!!!!! I made it to the 4 week mark already!! I am just so happy about it!! I can't even to put it into words how great I feel! Can't you tell by all the exclamation marks?

Now today I thought of things I could talk about....what I do at the gym or food I eat, or what I do every day to keep myself going, or what goals I set for myself...But then I realized last night that I want to talk about gym etiquette! This may not apply to everyone, so if you want to jump ship for the rest of todays lesson feel free!

I have been going to the gym for almost 28 straight days (missed 2 days) and feel like I have made sure to do everything right. I bring my required towel, wipe my machine down after I'm done with each machine, go through each machine correctly without letting the weights bang around, and I take it really seriously!! Oh, and most of all.......I don't bring FOOD into the gym.

Last night was not the first time I have seen this happen. I don't know why it bothers me so, but it does! When I got to the gym yesterday, I got on my treadmill and started off any normal evening. I look to my right and there is a woman eating a Twix....ON the treadmill. I couldn't even believe it. But I got past it, because it's not me! She can do what she wants I guess!

And then...these two girls come in. Bigger girls and my thought was "good for you girls! That's great for you!!" But nay....they stayed on the treadmills taking (and I sadly quote) "SELFIESSSSS!!!". I quickly turned my headphones up higher. They continued to stay on the treadmills for about 5 minutes after taking a good amount of pictures and then moved onto the stepper for 5 minutes, elliptical for 5 minutes, bike for 5 minutes, then on to the weighted machines. Oh, and do you think they wiped any of the machines down after use??? Now I don't know if that goes for all gyms that you have to wipe them down with a disinfectant wipe, but you do here. Because who wants to touch a machine with all of your body sweat on it....ew.

So then they move onto the weight machines...which I have seen some really sweaty people get on and they always wipe it off with multiple wipes when finished. Now when I am on a machine I am doing 3-4 sets of 10-15 reps on each machine with a 60 second break in between. That is a (somewhat) proper way to be on a machine. I go slowly as to not let the weights bang when you go back to your start. (I have seen people get yelled out for the banging of weights) But these girls went to each machine and did one rep of each while loudly banging the weights around.

Now I don't know why I am so frustrated by this....I didn't think I was going to be a gym snob about it, but I am being one. This is not the first time any of these things have happened, but each time it does....my skin crawls with the idea of having to sit in someone else's sweat on a machine!!! So I apologize for the rant, but hopefully it can help you to prevent gym germs!!

Tonight we are doing lean lettuce wrapped burgers! I will post the recipe tomorrow!! Enjoy your Wednesday everyone!!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 15

Well, I know I'm late today. I was lacking all motivation to write today. I'm not even sure if too many of you read this, but for the few that do, I will make sure to push through even bad days for you!

Tomorrow is weigh in, and I am so nervous. I will be happy with anything as long as I don't gain anything. I am making all the right decisions so I just hope the hard work has paid off.

Last night I was really disappointed in myself. I went for my nightly visit to the gym, and all of a sudden I felt this really sharp pain in my right knee. It felt like my knee cap was just floating around my leg. I pushed through until I had finished my walk, but I didn't push through enough to run. I know that it wasn't anything terrible, but I still feel like I quit on myself by just walking. Hayden told me I should take a day off, and of course I don't want to listen. I still plan on going to the gym tonight, but I guess I will just make it about distance tonight and not speed.

I hate that I am my worst critic through all of this. I should be happy and proud of all the hard work I have done. I have made it further than I ever thought possible. I ALWAYS stop at the two week point and say that I'm happy with how I am. But today is two weeks and one day, further than I ever thought possible. And I made it!!! So if there is anything to be proud of, I can be proud of that. After all, I'm not doing this to lose everything quickly and run a marathon tomorrow. It's work, I have to give it time to pay off. I should just be happy that I decided to make the change right?

SOOO...now that my childish rant is over. I know that no matter what number comes up tomorrow, I will be proud. Because no matter what, my life is different than it was two weeks ago. And that is the real reward.

Day 14

I made it!!! I made it to two weeks! I have never made it this far, and the feeling I have right now is indescribable. I am so proud and excited and I just want to keep going!! There is nothing quite like feeling healthier to make your life better. I feel like I keep selling my self short about this whole thing. Without sounding too full of myself, which are not my intentions at all, I am proud. I have been able to take my life from processed, oily, and deep fried, to healthier, green, and good for me. It takes a lot of focus to be able to do those things. I can honestly say that I definitely could not have done it alone.

As this week is halfway over and Friday is quickly approaching, I can't help but get nervous. I am an avid Biggest Loser watcher. The show is so inspiring and is incredible to be able to see these peoples journey to a better life. If those people can do this, there is absolutely nothing to stop me. BUT, with that being said, anyone know of the dreaded week two curse? I mean, I'm not working out for 6 hours a day, so I don't expect to compare to them at all. However, there has to be some truth to that week two plateau. If there is, I am nervous to see what Friday has in store for me. I know I have worked hard this week and pushed myself further than I have been able to go in a very long time. I guess only time will tell, and the numbers will speak for themselves on Friday.

When I originally started this blog, it was late at night. I was angry with myself, and the person I had become. I would always say, "You know I'll just start tomorrow. I'll just wait until event X happens and then I'll start. I'll just run around the house, that counts". All these were, were excuses. What I really needed to do was look in the mirror and realize how unhappy I was. I'm 24 years old and I'm not living even half the life that is possible. So I decided I needed to make a change. And with it being about the 50th time I decided to do that, I needed to do it different. And that was to involve all of you. So late at night, just 14 days ago, I decided to bring you all so much further into my life. It took more courage than I thought I had. I am a very scared person and very rarely go outside of my comfort zone. So this....this is far scarier than I thought it could ever be. I am ready to enjoy and embrace every moment of this, though. I will make it through and keep going. And I could not have made it even this short distance without all of you!

Off to hang out with Alayna today! I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

Day 12

Good morning everyone!! Happy Monday!!!


You know I thought all night about what I was going to write about today. It kept me awake far longer than I care to share. But I got to thinking about all sorts of things. There has been this outreach of people both old and new from my life reading the blog. I didn't think it was anything to start writing. I just thought it was a way to get through this and it (in just 12 short days) has turned into so much more!! So today I want to say thank you! Thank you everyone who has decided to hop on during this journey!

My question to all of you is, do you know someone in your life who is struggling through weight loss or a change such as this? I would love to have them read and be a part of this journey as well! If I can do this, anyone can!

I am so blessed to have all of you in my life! From family to friends I feel so motivated by all of you. Every time I think I should just quit, or give it less time at the gym I think about all of you pushing me. I can honestly say that I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I actually look forward to it each day. It's such a nice way to spend time with myself. It's relaxing and I feel so great when I do push myself harder than the day before. I'm doing things I never thought possible. I am running again...who would have ever thought I would be running again! When I do things like this it makes me feel like all things are possible!! I dream about what my life will be like in six months. And for the first time in a long time, those aren't nightmares, but great dreams that I don't ever want to wake from!!!

I hope that in some way you all can find something that makes you as happy as I am. If that is going to the gym and running, doing Zumba, or taking a kickboxing class, that's great!! Even if it's just playing in the backyard, that is great too! You should always do something for yourself, be selfish, and make yourself happy in the healthiest way possible. That is exactly what I am doing with my life. You should do the same!!!

Hope to see some new visitors on the site! If you are new, feel free to comment!! Even if you aren't new, but a ghost reader, feel free to comment as well!! I love seeing how all of you are enjoying the blog. It makes my day!

Have a wonderful Monday all!

Day 11

I survived the movie theater everyone....no candy, no pop, and no pretzels!! I was so proud! And the movie wasn't half bad either.

We went to the mall yesterday afterwards so that I could look for some new shoes. I was told that the reason my hips and knees were hurting could possibly be the shoes I was running in. So while on the search I encountered another one of my fears. How do I go into a store and request running shoes? With me looking the way I look, I was terrified. There were a few whispers and giggles when I was asking for a running shoe, but I just brushed it off. I'll show them.

Anyway, the woman helped me just fine. I found an amazing shoe that I really liked and that would last long enough for me. But my oh my that price!!! I know I'm paying for quality and to be able to use the shoe for far longer than any cheaper shoe that I buy. Hopefully Amazon.com will have a lower price for me because if not, I will NOT be getting those shoes any time soon. I did buy some of the Dr. Scholl's custom fit inserts so maybe that will help. They were much cheaper and hopefully will solve my problem. I'm really enjoying the running/jogging and it is getting easier and easier. I can't wait until I am able to do it for longer than I can now! Maybe I'll even do a 5k before the year is up!!

I know that sometimes this journey will get difficult. The shoe store definitely proved that. But I am strong and I can put up with anything from anyone!! You wonderful guys and gals are what are keeping me going. I am just so blessed to have you all by my side!

Today we are going grocery shopping, which is getting easier and easier. And then a nice workout with the new shoe inserts. We will see how it goes!!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!

Day 10

Hope you all are having a wonderful start to your weekend. Today Hayden, Alayna, and I will be going to the movies. I am going to really have to test my temptations here with all the milk duds, popcorn, and pretzels. It's hard for me. I am not sure when it will get easier. Yesterday we went to Wal-Mart to get a food scale, and walking through the grocery part was harder than I thought it would be. There are temptations lurking around every single corner. You go around one corner and the candy is hiding. You go around the next and the chips are laughing at you.

This is the last thing I really need to get into control. I am having a really hard time with food cravings. Last night, I finally broke down and made pita pizzas. I had been trying to avoid them, but with every pizza commercial, it got harder and harder to hold out. I know it is unrealistic to think I will NEVER eat another donut, slice of pizza, or fried food again. I'm 24 with a lot of years ahead of me. Things are bound to happen. BUT, right now I need to stay as far away from it as I can so that I can be okay without it.

This is always the harder part for me. I love food. Obviously or I wouldn't be in the position I'm in. My father is this incredible cook and you can't help but to love food growing up in that house. Every function my family has we cook for about 4,385 people, and you just feel like you have to eat. And I could blame it on that if I really wanted, but it isn't like anyone was forcing the food in my mouth. (Although my Nonnie was pretty persuasive "Mangia, Mangia!") I made the decisions and I put the food in my mouth. I made myself this way, and it's up to me to fix what I've done.

Even with all of the food doubt in my head I can honestly say that I feel good. I'm on my way to happy. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I am doing something for me. I am very conscience of others. I try so hard to make everyone else happy and I am VERY hard on myself when I fail at that. And I should have the same mentality about this. I can't and won't let myself down. Time to start doing things for me. And this is my first step!

Have a good Saturday everyone!!

Day 9 - Weigh In

Alright.....the numbers are in.......nice and early this morning I jumped on the scale after one week of hard work. Or at least harder work than I had put in for the past few years (shamefully).

Here it is.....10.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One week and 10.5 lbs down....I'm speechless. I KNOW this will not be a weekly number. That would be unrealistic. But this is just such an incredible start. And before anyone chimes in that it is unhealthy to lose this much, I have contacted my doctor, and it is perfectly healthy as long as I am eating the calories I need to be in a day. Which I am.

I am just so overwhelmed by that number. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to see that number every week. It would be incredible if I could, but I know it just isn't going to happen.

Knowing that I am headed in the right direction...that is my motivation for this next week. This next week has never happened for me. I have ALWAYS given up by now. I  never make it this far because I love food too much and just always want to fall back into that horrible routine of my old life. I hope that seeing this number has really triggered something in my head to keep going. I want to just keep seeing that number go down.

I am so thankful to all of you for pushing me through this week. I know with all of you amazing people behind me, I can keep going and going until I reach my goal! I have been just so excited to see all of the people reading. I hope all of you incredible people have a wonderful weekend. Remember I still update on weekends, so remember to read!!!

Day 8

I can't believe the things that have changed in just one week. My attitude for one is probably the biggest thing to change. I feel so so driven through this. Maybe it is you guys pushing me that is making this so much easier. You know last night I came home from the gym and was in a lot of pain. Every time I walk my hip feels as though it is going to dislocate from my body, but I PUSHED through it. I got home and was so upset. Hayden asked why I was so upset over it and I responded with, "It means I either can't work out, or it is just going to have to be really painful while I do".

The old me would have just given up. Hip pain = DONE. But now, I'm upset that I can't work out as hard as I want to.

Also last night, for the first time in a long time, I ran...

Well I think that's what it was. I mean I probably looked like Pheobe from Friends, but I did it. It wasn't for long. It was for short amounts of times, but enough to get a good sweat out of me. I was so proud that I was running. I would love to be a runner and my head just always stops me from taking that next step. And last night....I just went for it.

I keep putting up my blinders to make this easier. I will be completely honest with myself that I am having a hard time these past couple days with temptation. I really do love food and I have to understand that I am just fine without it. I feel happier and healthier without all that processed food. But let's be honest....who doesn't crave a big slice of pizza every once in a while. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. BUT, it's times like these that make me put those blinders up again and keep my eye on the prize. I have to realize who and what and why I am doing this. Those things are more important than any one of those greasy, fatty, processed foods.


As a close, tomorrow is weigh in morning. And that terrifies me. I know that I have worked hard this past week. I know I have done what I can in the kitchen to make a change. I just hope I can see it tomorrow morning. I know that I could work harder, and I will try this next week, but for my first week doing this....I pushed it. I pushed harder and faster every day. So tomorrow will tell if all the hard work will pay off.

Day 7

So it has arrived....Day 7...this is the day I always say that I'm happy enough with who I am. Hayden loves me the way I am so why change? But all those are just excuses. I'm not happy and I'm not fooling anyone! I decided when I got to this day I would make a list. A list of all the things that should be keeping me in this. So here goes!!

• Alayna
• Hayden
• My Family
• To be able to go into the same store Hayden shops at, and pick something out!
• To be able to run and not run out of breath
• Disney World
• A swim suit
• ABS!!!
• To not be out of breath doing something simple
• Run around with Alayna and play
• To have a healthier outlook on life
• To be able to wear heels comfortably!!
• To raise my arms without looking like a lunch lady 
• To not be afraid of being in front of the camera as opposed to being behind it
• To not be so hurt by what others say
• most of all.....FOR ME!!!!

I know that some of the things on the list are silly. But they are honest. There are more but these things are what keep me going. Knowing that I have these things to motivate and keep me going...then I can stay on track. 

I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life to support me through this. My Mom and Dad are the best parents in the entire world. They are my heroes. They are who I want to make proud in life, and if this one small thing can achieve that, then I will push through until the very end. They are strong...and if they can be strong, then so can I!!

My sister and her family are one of my other biggest motivators. They are incredible people who push and motivate me in every way. My brother (in-law doesn't need to be said, because he just isn't that anymore) is such an inspiration to me. He has made it to where I want to be and I couldn't be anymore proud. They have such faith, drive, and motivation. I hope that some day I can make it to a point in my life where they can see me as such!

I love my family, and I wouldn't be here without them. They are what push me every day. When I want to give up...I KEEP GOING...because I know I have them. I love you guys and I couldn't be 1/1,000th of the person I am without you guys.

So I leave you all with this, who is your motivation? Who pushes you to do more?

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

Day 6

Well I have a few VERY small victories to share with all of you. Please....don't be too harsh, they are very very small!!

My wedding rings are MUCH looser, which is great!!

And

Yesterday at the gym, I ran....I HATE to run and I ran. I would walk for 4 minutes and then run for 1 minute, for a total of 45 minutes. I felt good. At a certain point it actually felt better to run than it did to walk!!

I know these are such small things, and there are much bigger things to come, but I just felt like I had to share. Sometimes I feel like looking at the small things is what keeps me motivated. Last night for the first time through this, I was actually very hungry. Hayden had made a frozen pizza and it took every single muscle in my body to not have a slice. I thought about it...over and over again. It's just one slice...what will one slice do?? But I didn't. I ate my dinner, I drank some water, and I had a banana and peanut butter as a snack later in the evening to curb any of those feelings.

I am so happy I did what I did. I am surprised I was able to stick to my guns and keep clean.

I have significantly cut out the amount of processed foods in my daily eating habits and I just feel better because of it! The only real foods I have been eating that are pre-packaged are string cheese, peanut butter, and cream cheese. I can't believe I am actually doing this!

Again, I know these are just some small acheievements, but they feel so big to me! I hope you all have an amazing Tuesday and KEEP MOTIVATED...no matter what little obstacle comes along!