Day 148

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm trying my best to keep my mind set positive and a good outlook on life. I am unfortunately so tired today. I haven't been sleeping well, so we will see how tonight goes, since I am exhausted. I have been so busy today, packing and preparing for our trip to Disney World. It is incredible how much stuff you think you need! And don't even realize it!

I am supposed to be up early tonight, so I should be able to write a little longer. It seems like time is going by so quickly these days, so I am just trying to make the best of it all. I know that we are almost done with this year, but I really want to go back on 2013 and realize all the things I am thankful for.

So while I close out this short post tonight, I want you all to remember what you are thankful for this past year! I hope you come up with some good things, and I would love to see them!! Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 147

Good Evening everyone. I know I keep promising these long posts, but I just can't tonight. I have a had a long day, and I am just not feeling it tonight. I feel like that seems to be a very common these days. I feel like I'm just giving up on myself, and I feel like everyone else has already given up on me. It should motivate me, but I'm just running out of energy. I'm running out of "want". So I guess I just need to reassess what is going on with me.

I don't want everyone to give up on me, and more than anything I don't want to give up on myself. So please, don't take these last few days or weeks or however long it has been for me giving up. Take it as I am just finding my way. I am figuring out what I need to do to get where I need to be. I am trying....I really am!

So I guess this is my plea...I am still here...I am still trying (I am just hitting my bottom)....I'm ready to start digging my way out, I guess! So I am leaving you with those words for the night. Have a great evening everyone, and I will write tomorrow.

Day 144

Oh my....so much for that early post huh?? I didn't get up until 10 today, and was too late to be able to write. So, my apologies. I hope you all had an excellent Sunday home and were able to relax quite a bit. This week should be nice and busy for me, because I have to get work ready for my week long absence, and also, have to get ready at home to prepare for our week long absence!!!

I have been contemplating on whether or not I want to write while I'm on vacation. It is my first vacation in over a year. We did not go on our annual beach trip, so it is a long time coming!! It will be nice to be with family, and I want to completely disconnect, but I know that I want to keep you all in the loop. I know I am disconnecting my email from my phone so that I am not tempted to be in contact with anyone. I just want to ENJOY!!!

I need a week away. I need some time away from this place. I'm tired and stressed and just ready to get away. I have a lot going on in my life, and a lot of things that I am thinking about, that a break will be perfect. I know that I have been rambling a lot about work, but I have just been so tired. And not feeling all that well. I need to really start focusing on me. I have put that on the back burner too many times. I need to focus on that.

So I am leaving with that today. I am tired and need to get a good nights sleep. I really do apologize that my posts have been short, and pointless...but I'm working on getting it together.

Day 136

Alright guys....I'm not apologizing for a short post, because I have had a long day. I got new tires put on my car, because it was becoming life threatening with the ones I had on there. Needless to say, it was a lot of running around today and I am just ready for bed. Hayden and I had a nice long deep discussion about where I am at in my journey and he said something that really made me put things into perspective. "I don't care if your big as a house, or small as a twig, I'll love you all the same". I think I am so stuck up on making everyone else happy and worried what others will think, that I have lost site of one very important thing....Am I happy? Because that is what this journey is really about....being happy with who I am. So....I am going to focus on that for tomorrow's post. That's what you have to look forward to!

Have a good Saturday night everyone.

Day 115

Alright Everyone, today was a strangely long day...I don't even know where to start. But I am definitely sure I know where to finish, in bed...I'm so so so tired!!!! So I am doing what I know is best for me, curling into bed and watching a movie with Hayden....


I will write more tomorrow since I am off. I have figured out a schedule I want to share with all of you. <3

Day 95

Good Evening everyone. I had to work today so I have just been lounging around since I got home. Not really wanting to do anything. I can't even put it into words how excited I am for my mom and dad to come visit. Alayna has asked every morning "are mema and pappy here yet?" She is very excited for them to come and see her!

I wish I had some insightful words for all of you tonight, but I just am not feeling up for it tonight. I really love being able to tell you how my days go and what I am up to, but not much happened today. A nice long work day and then relaxing at home, preparing for my parents to come!!!

Soooo that is that for tonight. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and I promise tomorrow will be a heartier entry!!!!!

Day 90

Wow....day 90.....almost 100 days and I am NO where near where I wanted to be. This day was supposed to be this very celebratory day, and it is quite the opposite. I am very far from happy today. I look in the mirror and I am back to seeing the girl from 90 days ago. I am not seeing the girl I thought I would be seeing. So I just really need to hone in and figure out what is the most important to me. Figure out what it is that is important and stick to that. I know this seems like I am complaining, but I am just no where near where I thought I would be at this point in this journey.

I know this is a marathon and not a sprint, but I am unhappy with my progress so I am just going to have to figure out what I can do to fix it. I know I said that I would post a list today about what I really am going to start focusing on these next few weeks, but I don't know what that is just yet. I am thinking too long term when I really need to be thinking short term. I am thinking too much about what I want now, but can't have, then what I need now and what is to come. (if that makes sense).

I have so much work still to do that I don't know how I will ever get there. I am unfortunately thinking so much about what I want when this is over, than what I need to be focused on now. So I will leave you all with that this evening. I am trying to just vent this one out and work it out on my own, so I will let you all know how that goes tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 64

Good evening everyone. I am keeping it really really short tonight. I am in one foul mood and don't want to stay on for too long. I just don't have it in me to keep my attitude up and staying happy today.

I had a really awful day at work and found out some things that were very hurtful that I am just needing to think about tonight. I hope you all understand.

Tomorrow is weigh in day, so hopefully after a good nights sleep I can think a little more clearly tomorrow. Have a good night everyone....