Day 57

Another morning up early and post late. I don't know what I need to do to get up early and just write! I have been working 12 hour days lately, and they just have me so tired. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I can honestly say I think I am about the same as last week. I have been fluctuating all week and it just hasn't been enjoyable to see. So hopefully I can turn it around this next week.

I have felt very hopeless this week because of not being able to work out. It has been a very painful week because I am both in pain from my ankle hurting and in emotional pain from not working out. I just really want to get back in the gym, and my body is telling me it's not ready to go back. So I sit and wait until my ankle is ready to run again. I have been doing abs and arms until then, but it is just not sufficing me. I WANT/NEED to get back in that gym on the elliptical and on the treadmill and the stepper and rower. I'm tired of being at a stand still.

I know have been complaining about this a lot lately, but it is what I am feeling. I can't help but feel so angry with my results. I am angry with how my body is treating me after I try to help it to feel better and healthier. I am ANGRY with the results that are showing up while I am not working out like I want. And I just need to figure out how to get past all this anger.

I wish I could tell you all I went back to the gym yesterday, but I couldn't. I was just in too much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to break apart as soon as I started just stretching to run. SO I think I just need to focus on very healing thoughts. Hopefully that will benefit me in the long run.

Alright...enough rambling from me. I am finally home from work, and I want to relax. You all do the same! Talk to you tomorrow AM for weigh in day!