Keeping Up

So I promised that I would keep up with my blog, and I will not let you down. I will not be writing every day. I would not set myself up for that kind of failure anymore. It was ridiculous to think that I could continue that. However I will write whenever I can. I am doing a great job of keeping up with my lifestyle change! The yoga however has been a little bit more difficult to keep up with. I am trying my best to at least work out though. I have been going for walks, I have been going to work and making sure to walk around and keep busy as often as possible, walking the steps at home up and down, anything I can possibly do. I know some of those things sound silly, but they keep me active!

This change in my life has been eye opening, it has been really difficult not to weigh in every week, but as someone who has made a huge impact on my life once said, it's not the pounds that matter, but how you feel, and the inches that matter. Health is always more important, and something that should be noted is that my liver has been getting healthier and healthier. The test they did last time showed that my fatty liver disease had severely decreased which is just fantastic!!! Apparently this diet and exercise thing really do work!

I have been scolded though through this process that I have not been eating enough. I went to see a nutritionist and dietitian and they told me that what I was doing was all wrong. So I decided to switch it up, and make sure that I was doing what was right for my body and I have seen a huge difference! I am so lucky to have such a support system in this journey though. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers, since this isn't going to facebook any longer. That was my biggest market for this blog, so hopefully this will reach other people!

I am leaving you all to that, and I promise that I will make an effort to write sooner. If there is anything more you would like to read, feel free to leave a comment and let me know! I am an open book!

Day 165

Good Evening Everyone!! Sorry about yesterday....I am coming down with the plague...again....I can't seem to catch a break this season. I was starting to feel better and then all of a sudden, I took another turn for the worse. It started yesterday at work, and then this morning I woke up with a 102 temperature. So I'm starting to feel a little better tonight, but I am still not at 100%. The biggest reason I am not getting better is that I am not resting. Every night when I get home I am so busy trying to take care of things at home, that I don't just sit down and relax. So I am going to try my best, over the next couple days, to just relax. Because this illness is just too much for me to handle.

As for the working out thing, it's going well! I am enjoying getting back into the swing of things. I enjoy being in the element I most enjoy! I forgot how much happier I was when I was at the gym. Other things don't seem to be as stressful or worrisome when I have been working out.

I wanted to be a new person this year. Really focus on doing good for others. I want to look into new things and new adventures, and so far, I have had great support in that area. My mother in particular has been very helpful with some great bugs in my ear. I want to just "DO GOOD" this year. I can't really put it into more detailed words, but that's my goal for 2014. I have had so many positive influences in my life, that I have been lucky to have, that I just want to give that positive energy back to my friends and people that I meet. They deserve to meet someone like that, just like I deserved to meet someone like that. I guess what it really comes down to, is I want to pay it forward. I think that I have the ability to do that, pay it forward I mean. I even looked into how I can help at possible homeless shelters, volunteering at the local hospitals, and possibly even going to nursing homes to volunteer there as well. I just want to bring joy to the people around me.

SO I know that today's post was a little here and there, but I hope it was readable! I hope you all have a great night!!!

Day 132

Hello Everyone!!! Today Alayna and I spent allllll day together! And it was wonderful. I have been feeling kind of stuck lately. Not sure why I am feeling this way, but I am. I guess it's just something I need to put on my list of things to figure out. I work hard to keep my sanity on a daily basis. I work hard to make sure that everyone and everything around me works the way it should. Sometimes it takes more than I have in me, but I do it. Maybe that is why I am feeling so stuck? I am spreading myself very thin. I am concentrating so much on what everyone else needs to be happy, that I have lost focus on what makes me happy. I have lost focus on Bethany. Bethany needs things to be happy too.

I used to do things for me. But now I feel like I am so focused on everyone else's feelings that I have forgotten what this whole thing started out as!! It started out as a journey to find me. A journey to figure out what made me so unhappy and how I could change that. When did that journey turn in to something else? I have no idea how I got to be like this. How I began thinking more about others than what was important to me?

Now I don't say all of this to say I will stop caring about others, because I will NEVER stop doing that. But I am saying I have to focus on me too. I am so busy and caught up helping others that I have left myself in the dust. I feel like a little kid stuck in the clothes rack at JCPenney's....lost and left behind. So this next week...I am focusing on ME! I am focusing on why I started this and how I can get out of this rut!

I hope you all have a nice evening!!!

Day 97

Good Morning everyone!! I told you I was going to be up and at em this morning!!! I just wanted to let you all in on what was going on with me and this week!!!

On Thursday morning I have a doctors appointment with the ortho doctor. Hopefully I can figure out what is going on with my ankle. It seems to be feeling a little bit better, but all of a sudden this past week, it started hurting really bad. So I will just have to take it one step at a time and see what he thinks is going on.

My dad and I figured out which race we are going to do. It is a nice casual walk, so it should be easy on both of us!! It's the miracle mile, 3 mile race in Augusta. It's the Breast Cancer Awareness walk, and it should be a blast!! I love supporting a good cause, so it should be a good time for everyone!!

The other thing we were planning on doing this weekend was going pumpkin picking!!! Alayna is so excited to go pick pumpkins with Mema and Pappy!!! This years holidays are going to be so much different with her actually understanding, and getting excited about them! We have been talking up Santa for quite some time now, and she couldn't be more excited! So these holidays are DEFINITELY going to be different!!!!

Well, I know I didn't talk much about how my fitness life is going, but I am just so excited for this week/weekend!! I hope you all have a great day and enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 94

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great Saturday with family!! We have been grocery shopping all day and we have been cleaning. It's been a VERY productive day. I am getting ready for my mom and dad to come, and I could NOT be any more excited!!!!

I am keeping it short because I have so much cleaning to do before our little get together tonight, but I just wanted to pop in and tell you all what I have been up to today. I have been in this absolutely amazing mood lately, that I can't seem to shake, which is a good thing!! I just want to take every day one step at a time and enjoy it. Everything that is happening to me, is happening for a reason, and I just need to enjoy it!!!

I will leave you with that. Enjoy your days and remember that every little thing that is happening in your life right now, is happening for a reason!!  Happy Saturday everyone!! Enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 84

I knew I couldn't do it 3 days in a row!! I'm sorry everyone. And I am even more sorry that I am going to be really short tonight. Alayna is in QUITE the mood today, and I am busy dealing with that. Today I had the most awful urge to have something sugary and sweet...and I fought temptation all day with it. So when I got home, I had dinner and thought, "Maybe just a glass of lemonade". But then I REALLY thought about that decision. Was that what is best for me right now??? NOOOO!!!! I decided to go with water instead! I know it is just a small victory, but sometimes those are what we need to take. I am not the BEST at saying no to things. I am terrified when I need to go on my Disney trip, and giving in to all my favorite things. I know it is about portion control, and not over doing it, but sometimes that doesn't come as easily to me.

I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.

I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!

Day 69

Good morning everyone! You know it's going to be a good day when you hit snooze 4 times in a row....I can only imagine how today is going to go!! Last night I was talking to a friend and it really did make me look at my life in a whole new way.

When I moved to Virginia with Hayden, I was lucky enough to land an amazing job. I got to do something I love, learn new things, and work with some of the most incredible people that I have ever met to this day. I thought even living in Virginia was hard. I was far from family, I was far from friends, and people kept coming and going. But it was truly nothing compared to here. I still have yet to make any real friends that I have hung out with recreationally, and it was starting to take a toll on me. But then, I realized that I have been so blessed with an amazing daughter, incredible husband, and a wonderful job to occupy my time. So in reality I have a very small amount of free time, that is already being kept by my family. It is hard to be so far from everything you know, but I make the most of it! I love traveling, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love the life we live and I am thankful that I was able to write like this to keep myself motivated.

I will admit the last weeks I haven't been doing the best. I have been slacking and giving excuses, but it was just a stumble. I am no longer going to make those excuses. I am going to stick to my guns and be ready for December! After all, I need to make the most out of the one vacation I have this year!

I hope you all have an incredible day today. I have to go out of town for a meeting all day, so I will be in the car most of the day. Stay on track today...it happens (tripping that is), but it's how you handle it that makes you who you are!

Day 58 - Weigh In

Weigh in day...it's finally here. Seems like since I started back to work, it is happening more often than not! But it keeps me on my toes! So I was thinking today that maybe I would make all of you wait until the VERY END of this post to see what I weighed in at this week. But then I assumed that people would just scroll to the bottom, read, and then scroll back up and read the rest. So go ahead everyone.....scroll to the bottom of the page....read my numbers.................


Tricked you...I am going to put them right here! This week I weighed in 2.9 lbs. down for a total of 28.8 lbs. down in 58 days! Again, it wasn't quite where I wanted to be, but I will take 28.8 over 0 any day of the week!!!!

So for all of you that scrolled down for nothing, I apologize. Just feeling in a cheerful mood this morning! I woke up feeling tired, down, and ready to just crawl back into bed. Until I went to get my morning shake and I saw something on my fridge. It's a little card from my Nonnie's funeral and it says:

God hath not promised

skies always blue. Flowers strewn

pathways all our lives through;

God hath not promised

sun without rain, joy without sorrow,

peace without pain. 

But God hath promised 

strength for the day, rest for the labor,

light for the way, grace for the trials,

help from above, unfailing sympathy,

undying love.

It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Nonnie always has a way of coming into my life exactly when I need her. When things weren't going well, and I really needed to get a job, she was there. I know I have a guardian angel watching over me through all of this. So because I know she is reading or listening, thank you. Thank you for guiding me when you knew I needed it, and allowing me to figure things out on my own when you knew that was what was best for me. You have always had a faith and love in me that was unexplainable. You have pushed me through this journey more than I ever thought possible, because you weren't here, but I found out you are always here. It is just how you choose to make yourself present, that makes me see you now. So, thank you.

And thank YOU! All of you have kept on pushing. When I'm down, injured, sick, failing, or even just happy and having you share in that! This journey is hard. Anyone who has ever been through it, or tried and stumbled, knows it is a hard thing to do. You are changing your entire life around to adapt to a new way of life. So thank you all for sticking with me!

Have a wonderful Friday! Enjoy your family, friends, and even co-workers. They are what make you who you are, and keep you on the journey you are on. Don't ever forget that!

Day 57

Another morning up early and post late. I don't know what I need to do to get up early and just write! I have been working 12 hour days lately, and they just have me so tired. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I can honestly say I think I am about the same as last week. I have been fluctuating all week and it just hasn't been enjoyable to see. So hopefully I can turn it around this next week.

I have felt very hopeless this week because of not being able to work out. It has been a very painful week because I am both in pain from my ankle hurting and in emotional pain from not working out. I just really want to get back in the gym, and my body is telling me it's not ready to go back. So I sit and wait until my ankle is ready to run again. I have been doing abs and arms until then, but it is just not sufficing me. I WANT/NEED to get back in that gym on the elliptical and on the treadmill and the stepper and rower. I'm tired of being at a stand still.

I know have been complaining about this a lot lately, but it is what I am feeling. I can't help but feel so angry with my results. I am angry with how my body is treating me after I try to help it to feel better and healthier. I am ANGRY with the results that are showing up while I am not working out like I want. And I just need to figure out how to get past all this anger.

I wish I could tell you all I went back to the gym yesterday, but I couldn't. I was just in too much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to break apart as soon as I started just stretching to run. SO I think I just need to focus on very healing thoughts. Hopefully that will benefit me in the long run.

Alright...enough rambling from me. I am finally home from work, and I want to relax. You all do the same! Talk to you tomorrow AM for weigh in day!

Day 55

Day 55......already???? I don't even believe it! It doesn't feel like it has been that long already! I know towards the beginning of this journey, I made a list of why I was doing this. Some of those things have changed, and some have stayed the same, and I have also added to that list. I thought maybe today I would take a look at that list and remind myself why I want to be this new person so bad....

• Alayna....she is so important to me, and I know that she is (other than myself) the biggest reason I want to change.
• Hayden, of course. I want him to get the best possible version of me that is possible.
• My family....they also deserve the most amazing daughter and sister and aunt that is possible. So I need to be healthy and happy for them.
• To go shopping and not walk out of the store crying. Being able to shop at the same store as Hayden. I've never been able to, and I would love to not have to go to a special store just because I can't fit in the ones where he is (the clothes, not the store...that would be ridiculous!).
• Disney world!!!!! To be able to fit in the rides and keep up with my family. I want to make the most out of this trip, and if that means being healthy and happy, so be it!
• Fitting into a nice swimsuit without having to wear a cover up or tshirt the whole time!!
• To have some ABS!!!!! This one is self explanatory!
• Being able to keep up with Alayna and letting nothing hold me back!!
• Being able to wear heels and not feel like I'm going to fall down with every step!
• To feel comfortable in front of the camera, not just behind it.

So I changed and expanded some of the list, but they are all still relevant. I just feel like there is so much left to change, but still so much that has. I most of all, more than anything on this list, just want to be 100% happy and healthy with myself. I just want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, friend, and person I can possibly be. I hope that I can constantly keep these goals in mind even when I am feeling down. 

All of you, don't forget why you start something. I know sometimes we get so blinded by what we want...like that pizza, or drink, or whatever else is something you LOVE, but you just have to remember why you started. And don't EVER forget where you came from...it will help push you through any road block you come across.

Day 54

Good Morning Everyone, and a VERY happy Monday to you! Today is my first day in my actual position. And let me tell you, my stomach is TURNING!!!! I never thought I could feel this sick over a job. There is so much responsibility that comes with this position. When I originally took the job, I asked if there would be an assistant manager for me, or a general manager for me to go to, and the response was, "No, just you.". So I guess I just have to take the bull by the horns and run with it!

Now I decided yesterday that I would not let this injury get me down. I am working my butt off at work and coming home and trying to separate myself from that, and then I head to the gym and separate myself from home as well. So I guess I just decided to keep my head fully focused on these two things for the next week since I can't go to the gym any way (although I might sneak over and do some arms and abs one day). I know that the doctor knows what is best for me, but it is just frustrating to feel like I hit a road block. At least I am making sure to eat healthy and am still doing a good amount of walking each day at work.

I never thought I would be able to juggle all of this when I saw how many hours a week I would be working. Yet somehow, I seem to be doing it. Some days I am absolutely more tired than others (usually Friday's because I work from 8-8), but I get by. I feel like I see my family managing more than one thing and I think, "Why can't I do that???". You readers, friends, and family are what push me through my day, each day. I think about how you all keep me uplifted and motivated when I am at my lows. I know there have been quite a few of them already and I am sure there are more to come, but you are always there. Time after time you all amaze me with your support.

So I close today with a HUGE thank you. And a PLEASE continue with me on this journey. I know I have such a long way yet to go, and it would be absolutely impossible without all of you!! I hope that in some small (or possibly big) way I have helped inspire you to make changes, or think before you do. I hope that I can, from here on out, lead by example. I thank and love all of you!!!

Day 49

Good Morning everyone! I am going to have to keep today VERY short because I am running behind. Alayna is really sick again today and being very cuddly so my priority is there. But while she eats some breakfast, I am going to write to all you wonderful people!

I was going to talk today about how nice it has been to go to the gym alone every night and have the whole gym to myself, and then last night, it was packed!!! There were a surprising amount of people at the gym at 11:30 at night! I was back to my old shy self again. I kept going to the other side of the gym where no one was at, and keeping to myself...I just felt like I was starting all over again. I wish I was more confident when I was there, but I just haven't gotten to that point yet. I guess it is just another one of those things that take time.

Last night I was late coming home from work, and it was so nice to come home to dinner ready and on the table. I can honestly say that through all of this, I have had the best support system possible!!! Hayden pushes me harder than I thought possible, and I am so lucky to have him!! Remember, if any of you out there are trying to start a journey like mine, make sure you have a strong support system...because without that, it just won't work!! I used to keep it to myself, and not let anyone in on my journey, and this time I am so motivated because of my strong support system!

So like I said, I'm keeping it short to get as much cuddle time in with Alayna as I can. Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!!

Day 48

So the illness that Hayden and I were holding onto finally got Alayna yesterday. Her temperature was much higher than it has ever been with a cold and reached up into the 102's. I hate seeing her so miserable and unhappy so luckily today Hayden gets to stay home with her to make her feel a little bit better (although she keeps asking for Riley, our babysitter's daughter). So hopefully tomorrow she will feel better and be able to play all day.

It was so nice getting to spend the day just Alayna and I yesterday. I really do miss that. We played, did our nails, and watched movies. It was the perfect day (other than being sick). So much of my motivation comes from all of you but even more so from her. Every day I look into that face and realize that I NEED to be around as long as possible for that little girl. And I am taking every possible step to make sure that is possible.

I sometimes have to take a reality check and figure out how I have made it this far. It seems now, more than ever, I have had some really bad cravings, and have almost given into them. I have come so close to just ordering that piece of pizza, or carb loaded lunch, or something even worse. I have come close to drinking that pop, lemonade, or tea....I hate those feelings. I know that I will some day be in control of them, but right now, I feel very out of control. I hope that the cravings get easier. I am tired of constantly feeling that struggle when I say no to things.

I am signing off early today, still have to work and get the baby comfortable before I go. I hope you all have a wonderful day! And thank you again for all of your kind words yesterday!! I was so honored that you all had such wonderful things to say! Have a wonderful day!

Day 33

So Monday....we meet again....its incredible how this day has such a bad reputation!! It's the day that 46% of people decide to start a diet. And........are you ready for this incredibly depressing statistic? By Tuesday night, a shocking 31% of those people have quit or cheated in some way and just say "next week", but never go back. That is an incredible amount of people unable to stick to it! So if you started something today, just because it was Monday, don't. I made my decision mid week and I gave myself a whole week to just cheat!! To cheat like I had never cheated before. Eat everything that I possibly wanted, and everything I craved. Cravings can be so bad that they are all you think about, so it is good to nip some of those in the butt.

Now, I'm not saying I don't have cravings, because I absolutely do!! Maybe even more than others. But I have found a healthy way to exchange those cravings for new ones. Like pizza, I LOVE pizza. I mean I could totally eat a nice cheesy piece of pizza today...heck I used to be able to down lots of pizza. BUT like I have said previously, I just see it as every other time I quit, and I don't want it anymore. So now we make nice healthy pizzas. They have all the same flavor, but almost 75% less calories and 100% more health benefits. We started making new ones on whole grain flatbread wraps as opposed to the pitas. Much thinner than the pita, but so many more health benefits in the wrap, but same concept!

Another food I love so much is a good, juicy, cheesy, cheeseburger!!! I was a sucker for Elevation Burger in VA, but I can't even tell you how gross it was to see the calorie count next to the burger, and I still ordered it!!! So we decided to make our own version! They are lean lettuce wrapped burgers. The recipe is below!

1 lb ground beef (93/7) you could use lean ground turkey breast as another lean meat, I just prefer red meat!
salt
pepper
garlic powder
worcestershire sauce
4 large lettuce cups (I used a head of lettuce and then made a salad on the side with the leftovers)
1 cup shredded low-fat mozzarella
4 slices of tomato
57 sauce


Mix the meat with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and worcestershire sauce (like a teaspoon or two). Mix well and form into four patties (make the patties with a small bump in the middle, they cook better that way since the middle tends to sink in). We grilled ours, but you can do it any way you prefer! Once both sides are cooked to your liking, add 1/4 cup cheese to each burger and melt. Once done cooking, put a burger in each lettuce cup and add a slice of tomato and about a tablespoon of 57 sauce (or less depending on what you like). Enjoy!

I have found out through this journey that it is all about making decisions that are better for you! Just because things taste great, and look great, doesn't mean they are the best thing for your body. And on the contrary, it doesn't mean you can't have them ever again! It's about the choice to make healthier alternatives!! Your body is a temple, and you are the only one who can upkeep it!! So I will leave you all on that note, since today was a little lengthy. Just remember, if you are part of that 46% that started today....keep to it! Be the 14% that make it!! Prove that statistic wrong! I hope you all have an incredible Monday!

Day 30 - Weigh In

Well today has come!! It's finally weigh in day....And I can honestly say...I was REALLY hoping for more, but I am still happy!

This week I lost 2 lbs for a grand total of 17.5 pounds in 4 weeks gone. And never to be seen again!


Do I wish it was more around the 20 mark....absolutely! But I can honestly say that I am so happy to just be losing!! I know this is going to be a very long journey, and sometimes things will get frustrating, but slow and steady wins the race right? But I just need to keep my head up, and keep trucking no matter what the number says. I used to quit because the number was small, a zero, or I gained weight. I would just get so discouraged and just give up. Why keep going if I'm not doing it right??? And now I don't want to quit. Why would I change my life so drastically just to turn back into that very unhappy girl??

I can think of so many moments when I was unhappy with myself, and I could feel that disappointment in myself, but did NOTHING about it. You know Hayden and I went to a Nationals game last year, and I was so uncomfortable the whole time! The seat was too small for me and I was so embarrassed by it. I thought everyone in the whole place was looking at me....like I was not supposed to be there. Well later on in the game, we moved a couple rows down as people began to leave, and the seats were HUGE! So I began to think that maybe I over reacted a little bit, and maybe we just got really cheap seats! In my head...when things like that happen, I immediately think that everyone is just staring and laughing at me. It was almost all I thought about the whole time. I couldn't even enjoy one of the few date nights Hayden and I got because I was too upset with myself And I hate that I have that feeling (or HAD), every time I went in public. I just don't feel that way anymore, because I am so proud. I'm putting in a lot of hard work to change my life, and I wish I could just spread it around to the whole world!

So on that note, no more of that kind of negativity in my life. On to bigger and better things!! All these changes have made me a better person....and I can't wait to see the final person they change me into!!!

Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Day 28

Day 28!!!!! I made it to the 4 week mark already!! I am just so happy about it!! I can't even to put it into words how great I feel! Can't you tell by all the exclamation marks?

Now today I thought of things I could talk about....what I do at the gym or food I eat, or what I do every day to keep myself going, or what goals I set for myself...But then I realized last night that I want to talk about gym etiquette! This may not apply to everyone, so if you want to jump ship for the rest of todays lesson feel free!

I have been going to the gym for almost 28 straight days (missed 2 days) and feel like I have made sure to do everything right. I bring my required towel, wipe my machine down after I'm done with each machine, go through each machine correctly without letting the weights bang around, and I take it really seriously!! Oh, and most of all.......I don't bring FOOD into the gym.

Last night was not the first time I have seen this happen. I don't know why it bothers me so, but it does! When I got to the gym yesterday, I got on my treadmill and started off any normal evening. I look to my right and there is a woman eating a Twix....ON the treadmill. I couldn't even believe it. But I got past it, because it's not me! She can do what she wants I guess!

And then...these two girls come in. Bigger girls and my thought was "good for you girls! That's great for you!!" But nay....they stayed on the treadmills taking (and I sadly quote) "SELFIESSSSS!!!". I quickly turned my headphones up higher. They continued to stay on the treadmills for about 5 minutes after taking a good amount of pictures and then moved onto the stepper for 5 minutes, elliptical for 5 minutes, bike for 5 minutes, then on to the weighted machines. Oh, and do you think they wiped any of the machines down after use??? Now I don't know if that goes for all gyms that you have to wipe them down with a disinfectant wipe, but you do here. Because who wants to touch a machine with all of your body sweat on it....ew.

So then they move onto the weight machines...which I have seen some really sweaty people get on and they always wipe it off with multiple wipes when finished. Now when I am on a machine I am doing 3-4 sets of 10-15 reps on each machine with a 60 second break in between. That is a (somewhat) proper way to be on a machine. I go slowly as to not let the weights bang when you go back to your start. (I have seen people get yelled out for the banging of weights) But these girls went to each machine and did one rep of each while loudly banging the weights around.

Now I don't know why I am so frustrated by this....I didn't think I was going to be a gym snob about it, but I am being one. This is not the first time any of these things have happened, but each time it does....my skin crawls with the idea of having to sit in someone else's sweat on a machine!!! So I apologize for the rant, but hopefully it can help you to prevent gym germs!!

Tonight we are doing lean lettuce wrapped burgers! I will post the recipe tomorrow!! Enjoy your Wednesday everyone!!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 20

Day 20??? It can't be!!!

I keep looking in the mirror and thinking "nothing has changed", but I know that I have. I feel my shirts and pants fit differently. I can feel my watch getting bigger each time I put it on, and needing to tighten it. I can feel my wedding rings slipping around more than usual. So I have to stop looking in the mirror and hoping that I'm looking skinny. Because that is so absurdly ridiculous! My sister sent me a little picture message the other day that said "It takes four weeks for you to start seeing a difference, eight weeks for your family and friends to start seeing a difference, and 12 weeks for the world to start seeing a difference, so give it 12 weeks, and don't quit" And I have no intentions of.

Yesterday for a split second I was really down and just wanted to eat a Ho Ho....and I really thought about how bad it would REALLY be for me. I was down, and I wanted chocolate to pull me out of it. I didn't want to go to the gym either. I wanted to hang out with Alayna and Hayden and not leave for two hours away from them. I then paused.....and thought about a biiiiiig steak. With a big mashed potato side and cheesy broccoli. And I started to get a little sick. I wasn't hungry....I was sad, and my body was getting those two confused. I have learned that when you are hungry and craving something, think of a HUGE meal that is really filling. If the thought of it makes your stomach hurt, you aren't hungry. Your brain is just playing tricks on you! So I stopped thinking about the Ho Ho and got ready for the gym, and ran all the negative feelings away.

I did a sprint yesterday at 8.0 MPH.......I couldn't even believe it!! I know it doesn't sound like much, but 8.0 is a lot for me!!!! I was so happy when I got home. I also leg pressed 380 lbs, which made me feel amazing too!!! I love that feeling I get after working out. I just have to keep that feeling in my head when I want to give up, and know that it feels great when I succeed!!

Hope you all have an excellent Tuesday!! I'm working on this weeks meals tonight, so I will keep you all in the loop on the recipes!

Day 19

Good Morning all! Happy Monday!!!

I have been trying really hard these last couple days to keep calm and relaxed. Stress, as I'm sure you know, can hinder weight loss. And believe me, I have been under an incredible amount. I try so hard to keep calm, because for once in my life I'm thinking about me first, but that is hard. I feel so much pressure from everyone and now from myself that I am finding it difficult to keep calm and (cliche-ly enough) carry on. Everything that I am stressing about is out of my hands and really just needs to be prayed and thought over. So maybe that is what I should just buck up and do. Maybe it will help me de-stress a little. I'm doing everything I can possibly do to eliminate the stress, and that's the best I can do right?

So with all that stress, it has been difficult to focus on not eating. I am an emotional eater. I always have been. Even when I was in school, if I got upset over someone making fun of me because I was overweight, I ate. How does that even make sense? You would think that if other kids were making fun of me, I would want to stop and make the change. But for some reason, my head didn't want to do that. My head wanted to just eat more to numb the pain of other peoples crude opinions. I tried different things through high school. I ate differently, I played a TON of volleyball, and I actually kept pretty active. But it didn't stop the food from going in my mouth. I have no one to blame but myself for the way that I am, but I can blame it on the stress of high school. The stress of being a teenager that is overweight. Stress has always been a trigger for me to just eat to make myself feel better.

That has been one of the hardest things to try and change. Stress eating. I know that it isn't the solution to my problems. And my stress isn't just going to disappear because I am eating a fried, cheesy, calorie packed death trap. I am getting better or at least trying to get better about thinking like that. Hopefully this feeling is only temporary and I can shake this feeling quickly. It can't possibly be permanent to be this stressed or nervous about things! And eating is DEFINITELY not the solution!!


On a side note.....today I put on an outfit that I really don't like much. It's tighter pants and a tighter shirt. I don't like it because I feel like it makes me look like the Michelin man. BUT, I looked in the mirror after I put it on, and I actually felt good. I felt like I looked really cute and less puffy than usual! So hopefully this is the start of many happy feelings! Have an awesome Monday everyone!

Day 18

I can't believe it is Sunday already. This weekend went by so fast!!

I think back to what a normal Saturday night used to be. Sitting around, eating pizza, and having a drink or two.

Now...my Saturday night is going to the gym until 10, coming home to eating an apple and some peanut butter for protein, and drinking water. It's amazing how much better I feel. I never would have thought that just two and a half weeks would make a difference in how I see things. I haven't eaten anything fried, greasy, or processed in quite some time. My body is so happy with me.

It has been really nice to cook such healthy foods, and have Alayna and Hayden enjoy them. I feel like sometimes when I would go on health kicks, Hayden would cook something different for himself because he didn't want to eat the veggies and healthy foods that I was eating. But now, he is just as into eating healthy as I am. It's been such a good support to have that. Maybe that's why it didn't work the other times. I felt like I was doing it myself. And this time, I'm not alone.

Alayna has been loving all of the vegetables we have been eating. And ever since I have been drinking only water, I can't get her to drink any juice at all anymore. Which is GREAT!! She no longer is weighed down by all that artificial sweetener. Now I know that they still eat things they aren't supposed to...for example...last night Hayden and Alayna had milkshakes. And I didn't even want one. It smelled so sweet and sugary. And I actually got a little sick to my stomach smelling it. But as long as they enjoyed it, that's what's important!!

I'm so happy with all the progress that is being made. It has made me realize that even if the pounds aren't always going down....I'm still making a change for the better.

On my last note, I was thinking of putting up some of my daily foods (for all of you that don't follow me on My Fitness Pal). Maybe some recipes that I have been making for dinner? Would anyone be interested in that?

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!