Day 148

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm trying my best to keep my mind set positive and a good outlook on life. I am unfortunately so tired today. I haven't been sleeping well, so we will see how tonight goes, since I am exhausted. I have been so busy today, packing and preparing for our trip to Disney World. It is incredible how much stuff you think you need! And don't even realize it!

I am supposed to be up early tonight, so I should be able to write a little longer. It seems like time is going by so quickly these days, so I am just trying to make the best of it all. I know that we are almost done with this year, but I really want to go back on 2013 and realize all the things I am thankful for.

So while I close out this short post tonight, I want you all to remember what you are thankful for this past year! I hope you come up with some good things, and I would love to see them!! Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 137

Happy Sunday Everyone. I have decided that the reason I am losing readers is because I'm not talking about fitness. Remember when that's what this blog was all about??? So that's what it's going to focus on from here on out. I figured out that what really sparked my reason I essentially have given up is because when I got hurt, I thought "why bother?". But NO MORE!

I started this journey because I was so unhappy with myself that I couldn't bear the thought of living life like this forever. And I SWEAR I WON'T!!!! So I have got to step up the game. Now...I know what you are thinking, "Bethany, you say this every day and nothing changes". That's just it. I give up on myself every time I start this journey and just fall back into habits....but at least this time I haven't completely given up on myself. So I just want you all to know I am trying. Life has gotten in my way ever so slightly, but I am working through it.

It is back to clean eating (right before the holidays....I know it's risky), but I KNOW I can do it! I will work as hard as I need to to make sure that I keep on track with this journey. I don't expect the changes to come over night, and it will be a struggle, but with your support, and my families support, and my friends....I will get through this. I refuse to let in and let this win. I am stronger than that. Food will not beat me!!!!

Have a wonderful Sunday night everyone. I hope you all jump back on my wagon with me and keep reading. I know there is a lot of fight left in me! So stick around for the ride!!!

Day 127

Good Morning-ish everyone. I have done a whole bunch of typing today, but for some reason I feel like typing some more. To fore warn, today's post is going to be pretty....I guess whiney is the word....but just having a bad couple days.

I love my job, I love my husband, I love my daughter, and I truly realize how blessed I am every day to be where I am. But there is one thing I don't like......and that is to be lied to. I have always been very perceptive and I know when things are not what they seem. So to not go into detail, I know something is going on, and that I am being lied to, and I DON'T LIKE IT....it is bringing me down and causing me to trip (metaphorically). I hate this feeling...so much!!! So I know I am being whiney-ish, but I just feel uneasy today. I hate it.

So on a some what good note, I am finally getting my eyes checked, after 3 years of wearing long past due glasses and contacts that are torn....I am going to get new contacts and glasses!!!! Finally!!!!! It has been hard to work out because I have had to wear my glasses, which are old prescriptions, which gives me a headache, which makes me sick when I work out!!! It's this spiraling cycle that makes life hard. If you have never had bad vision, it is hard to understand, but for all of you that do, wearing glasses that are not the correct prescription makes life in general more difficult. I struggle every day to see things, and I am finally doing something about it!!! I really need to get new glasses and some new, more comfortable contacts. SO I will update you all tomorrow on what he as to say, I'm sure he will be upset that I wore the same contacts for so long. So we will see!!

I am hopefully going to get a trial set that I can wear and be able to work out comfortably. I hate not being able to see every day, and having migraine after migraine, just from struggling to see!!!

I wanted to write one more thing today...I can see how may people read every day, and I am down to the single digits. I know my posts have been nothing to write home about lately, but I am trying! I am trying to write more deep posts, but at 9 pm, after a long day of work, it is hard to find motivation...you know? So I hope that I can win some of you back over...I promise to write a little heartier entries! I also promise that things will get better with me, and less wah wah wah!!! I can't wait to get to Disney, but I have a lot to do until then. I have not lost anything in far too long, and why would anyone want to read about a journey of someone who has basically given up. So that stops now! I promise!!!!! I hope you all continue to read and have full faith that this is just the beginning!!!

Day 114 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone. Like I said yesterday, I knew this weigh in would be pointless. Nothing changed. And I realized that I didn't log into My Fitness Pal yesterday, so all 113 days of hard work aren't even showing on there anymore. I can't believe I didn't log in?!?! I felt very angry that I did that....I have worked too hard to give up now, but honestly, that's what it feels like I'm doing. I feel like I have been going on this journey so long, that now, I'm just kind of faking it. Yeah, I'm still losing weight, but not the way I was before. This feels so much like the lazy way.

So now, the feeling I have RIGHT NOW....is fury....and it is motivating. I am so furious with myself. I told myself (and other people too) when I got this job I would NOT let it get to me. I would keep going like I was before and I would let NOTHING get in my way. And then I let work get in my way. How could I??? I lied and cheated myself out of months of hard work. So I feel like I have to jump on this horse all over again. I don't think I wanted to admit to you guys (although I'm sure you could tell) that I had not been doing everything that I should be. And I am more mad at myself than anyone could be. I have been faking for too long, and it is time for me to jump on this horse, and try again. I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to let the food and laziness win.

I know in life that I will come into busy spots and life will just happen, but I can't let up completely. I have almost already given up on myself, and I just can't bear to do that. I am better than that. I know you all tell me, "You are too hard on yourself." "You are working and being a mom, you are doing great." "You are making it work.". But honestly, I'm not. I'm not making anything work. It is hard. Being a working mom, who is also trying to lose weight by eating healthy, and who is also trying to go to the gym at least 4 times a week, and who is also trying to make sure she is spending enough time with her family....it is so hard. I mean, like, unbelievably hard. I don't know how people do it.....I mean really...I need some professional advice, because it is just really proving difficult. I said I wouldn't use tired as an excuse, but I am so damn tired it is unreal!!! How do I dig down deep and find the energy???


I apologize for all the venting. I think the missing a day on MFP was really my final straw. I can't keep being lazy. My body is paying for it, and I am so unhappy with myself for it. I am back at not wanting to look in the mirror really....So time to re-focus myself. Remember why I started, and GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!!!!

Have a great Friday Everyone.

Day 90

Wow....day 90.....almost 100 days and I am NO where near where I wanted to be. This day was supposed to be this very celebratory day, and it is quite the opposite. I am very far from happy today. I look in the mirror and I am back to seeing the girl from 90 days ago. I am not seeing the girl I thought I would be seeing. So I just really need to hone in and figure out what is the most important to me. Figure out what it is that is important and stick to that. I know this seems like I am complaining, but I am just no where near where I thought I would be at this point in this journey.

I know this is a marathon and not a sprint, but I am unhappy with my progress so I am just going to have to figure out what I can do to fix it. I know I said that I would post a list today about what I really am going to start focusing on these next few weeks, but I don't know what that is just yet. I am thinking too long term when I really need to be thinking short term. I am thinking too much about what I want now, but can't have, then what I need now and what is to come. (if that makes sense).

I have so much work still to do that I don't know how I will ever get there. I am unfortunately thinking so much about what I want when this is over, than what I need to be focused on now. So I will leave you all with that this evening. I am trying to just vent this one out and work it out on my own, so I will let you all know how that goes tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 78

Day 78.....the day before weigh in day and I will tell you it has been weighing on me all day. I DON'T think tomorrow is going to look good for me. I have not been as good as I would have hoped, and only worked out a couple times. It just wasn't the week I had hoped for. Next week is full force and taking care of myself!!! Working out, just the way that I need it to!

I know that I have been slacking on posts...I do! But we are heading into a new month and I PROMISE to take better care of all of you and post nice long posts every morning. It's just when I get up in the morning, it's either 15 minutes extra sleep or write...and some mornings, the extra sleep out weighs the writing. I'm sorry!!!! But we all know that weigh in day I am up and at em' nice and early, so I will definitely have a nice long post to write tomorrow. I also want to update you all on how things are feeling with my ankle....which is looking on the positive side!!!

SO unfortunately, Big Bang Theory is premiering tonight and I need to get watching!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening, and I will talk to you bright and early in the morning!!!

Day 65 - Weigh In

I wish I could be writing and telling you that I lost all this weight this week, and that I was feeling better this morning. But unfortunately, I can't shake this mood, and I am NOT happy with what came up on the scale today. I weighed in .7 pounds down for a total of 29.5 pounds down in 65 days.

I know what everyone is going to say, "Bethany, you've lost 29.5 pounds!!!". I am happy with that number, please don't take my bad mood as me being unhappy about losing 29.5 pounds. However, I am just not happy to lose less than 1 pound in one week.

I think it is time to go back to the gym no matter what. I guess I will just need to suck it up and try the bike again. I just can't stand this not going anymore. I know I will need to be more careful, but .7 every week is just not going to cut it in my book. I NEED to be putting in harder work to get better results. I know I am capable of more, because I have seen more in weeks previous.

On a different note, I think what has me feeling so down lately is that I feel very stuck. Granted I know changes are happening, I am feeling more stuck than ever. I think what it really is, is that I haven't seen any real physical changes in a couple weeks and it is starting to really weigh on me. I expect these great changes to happen and then nothing is happening. I look in the mirror and I am still that same person I was two weeks ago, and sometimes I look in the mirror and I feel like nothing has changed at all.

I know that I am sounding really sorry for myself right now, but I'm not. I am trying my best to take this attitude and do something about it, but it is very difficult. I just need to find that internal motivation to keep moving and I am having to dig deeper than I have in a very long time to do that. I mean.... .7 pounds in one week should be motivation enough to kick my butt into the gym and to go even harder. So hopefully this will jump start me ASAP!

I am going to leave you all there. I still have to get ready for work, and try to cheer up enough to be happy at work. I hope you all have an excellent Friday.

Day 57

Another morning up early and post late. I don't know what I need to do to get up early and just write! I have been working 12 hour days lately, and they just have me so tired. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I can honestly say I think I am about the same as last week. I have been fluctuating all week and it just hasn't been enjoyable to see. So hopefully I can turn it around this next week.

I have felt very hopeless this week because of not being able to work out. It has been a very painful week because I am both in pain from my ankle hurting and in emotional pain from not working out. I just really want to get back in the gym, and my body is telling me it's not ready to go back. So I sit and wait until my ankle is ready to run again. I have been doing abs and arms until then, but it is just not sufficing me. I WANT/NEED to get back in that gym on the elliptical and on the treadmill and the stepper and rower. I'm tired of being at a stand still.

I know have been complaining about this a lot lately, but it is what I am feeling. I can't help but feel so angry with my results. I am angry with how my body is treating me after I try to help it to feel better and healthier. I am ANGRY with the results that are showing up while I am not working out like I want. And I just need to figure out how to get past all this anger.

I wish I could tell you all I went back to the gym yesterday, but I couldn't. I was just in too much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to break apart as soon as I started just stretching to run. SO I think I just need to focus on very healing thoughts. Hopefully that will benefit me in the long run.

Alright...enough rambling from me. I am finally home from work, and I want to relax. You all do the same! Talk to you tomorrow AM for weigh in day!

Day 31

Happy Saturday everyone!!! I started my day out my most favorite way and that is at the gym! Who would have thought?

Last night Hayden and I were talking about the last four weeks and the things that have changed. He said he was so proud that I have stuck to it this far and I can honestly say I am too. But I promise, today won't be about that. (not again!)

Today I decided to talk about Magic Pills. That magic pill that will allow you to lose weight. That magic pill that makes you skinny. That magic pill that will make every health issue go away and make you healthy. Now think about that magic pill....do you want that magic pill?? Who doesn't right??

Well I hate to break it to you all, but that magic pill doesn't exist. There is no magic pill, powder, or liquid that will make all your dreams come true. It takes hard work, dedication, and more self-motivation than you ever even thought you had inside you. I used to think that if I try this fad or that one, that the fat would just melt off of me. That if I half ass it, I can still get what I want. But I KNOW now that it won't work. Only I can make this happen for myself. It is up to my mind to push my body through this. Through the pain and through every other sacrifice I make, I push harder each day for the better of myself.

The moral of today's post is....you can't just take some magic item to make things better. It just doesn't work. You have to want the change to make it happen. What is important enough to you to make the change?? Is it your family, children, job, or just wanting to get healthy? No matter what it is, it should be important enough to make that change. So I hope today you all just do one thing....one healthy change. Whether that be drinking water instead of pop or walking around the whole mall while doing your Saturday shopping or just going for a small walk....that's all it takes.....so get out there and start today!!! There is no magic pill waiting for you...only your mind waiting to push your body!

Good luck <3

Day 16 - Weigh In

Well today was that dreaded day. And it was everything I knew it was going to be this week. I've lost nothing. I hopped on that scale this morning and saw the same number that was there last Friday. I can't say it doesn't hurt....because it absolutely does. I worked really hard this week through pain and blisters. And I ate exactly what I needed to be eating.

It's when things like this happen that I just want to stop. Old me would have thought, "What's the use? If all this hard work isn't going to pay off anyway, why even keep going?" But I just can't hold on to an attitude like that. I knew that the number I got last week was crazy hight, but I really thought I would have lost something in the last week.

I know I have so much to be proud of. I have done things this past week that I didn't know I was capable of. I finally started to do a little weight lifting last night, as terrified as I was. I am running for longer periods of time. I am sprinting at higher speeds. I am finally starting to not crave some of my favorite foods. With all of these things, I can't help but not be that upset about being the same weight as last week. So no matter what, I will keep my head held high, because I worked hard and I will see it pay off soon.

I feel like I have let you all down, but know that I will work twice as hard this week to prove it to myself and all of you. Next week will get better!! I just know it!!

Hope you all have an excellent Friday!

Day 15

Well, I know I'm late today. I was lacking all motivation to write today. I'm not even sure if too many of you read this, but for the few that do, I will make sure to push through even bad days for you!

Tomorrow is weigh in, and I am so nervous. I will be happy with anything as long as I don't gain anything. I am making all the right decisions so I just hope the hard work has paid off.

Last night I was really disappointed in myself. I went for my nightly visit to the gym, and all of a sudden I felt this really sharp pain in my right knee. It felt like my knee cap was just floating around my leg. I pushed through until I had finished my walk, but I didn't push through enough to run. I know that it wasn't anything terrible, but I still feel like I quit on myself by just walking. Hayden told me I should take a day off, and of course I don't want to listen. I still plan on going to the gym tonight, but I guess I will just make it about distance tonight and not speed.

I hate that I am my worst critic through all of this. I should be happy and proud of all the hard work I have done. I have made it further than I ever thought possible. I ALWAYS stop at the two week point and say that I'm happy with how I am. But today is two weeks and one day, further than I ever thought possible. And I made it!!! So if there is anything to be proud of, I can be proud of that. After all, I'm not doing this to lose everything quickly and run a marathon tomorrow. It's work, I have to give it time to pay off. I should just be happy that I decided to make the change right?

SOOO...now that my childish rant is over. I know that no matter what number comes up tomorrow, I will be proud. Because no matter what, my life is different than it was two weeks ago. And that is the real reward.

Day 12

Good morning everyone!! Happy Monday!!!


You know I thought all night about what I was going to write about today. It kept me awake far longer than I care to share. But I got to thinking about all sorts of things. There has been this outreach of people both old and new from my life reading the blog. I didn't think it was anything to start writing. I just thought it was a way to get through this and it (in just 12 short days) has turned into so much more!! So today I want to say thank you! Thank you everyone who has decided to hop on during this journey!

My question to all of you is, do you know someone in your life who is struggling through weight loss or a change such as this? I would love to have them read and be a part of this journey as well! If I can do this, anyone can!

I am so blessed to have all of you in my life! From family to friends I feel so motivated by all of you. Every time I think I should just quit, or give it less time at the gym I think about all of you pushing me. I can honestly say that I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I actually look forward to it each day. It's such a nice way to spend time with myself. It's relaxing and I feel so great when I do push myself harder than the day before. I'm doing things I never thought possible. I am running again...who would have ever thought I would be running again! When I do things like this it makes me feel like all things are possible!! I dream about what my life will be like in six months. And for the first time in a long time, those aren't nightmares, but great dreams that I don't ever want to wake from!!!

I hope that in some way you all can find something that makes you as happy as I am. If that is going to the gym and running, doing Zumba, or taking a kickboxing class, that's great!! Even if it's just playing in the backyard, that is great too! You should always do something for yourself, be selfish, and make yourself happy in the healthiest way possible. That is exactly what I am doing with my life. You should do the same!!!

Hope to see some new visitors on the site! If you are new, feel free to comment!! Even if you aren't new, but a ghost reader, feel free to comment as well!! I love seeing how all of you are enjoying the blog. It makes my day!

Have a wonderful Monday all!

Day 10

Hope you all are having a wonderful start to your weekend. Today Hayden, Alayna, and I will be going to the movies. I am going to really have to test my temptations here with all the milk duds, popcorn, and pretzels. It's hard for me. I am not sure when it will get easier. Yesterday we went to Wal-Mart to get a food scale, and walking through the grocery part was harder than I thought it would be. There are temptations lurking around every single corner. You go around one corner and the candy is hiding. You go around the next and the chips are laughing at you.

This is the last thing I really need to get into control. I am having a really hard time with food cravings. Last night, I finally broke down and made pita pizzas. I had been trying to avoid them, but with every pizza commercial, it got harder and harder to hold out. I know it is unrealistic to think I will NEVER eat another donut, slice of pizza, or fried food again. I'm 24 with a lot of years ahead of me. Things are bound to happen. BUT, right now I need to stay as far away from it as I can so that I can be okay without it.

This is always the harder part for me. I love food. Obviously or I wouldn't be in the position I'm in. My father is this incredible cook and you can't help but to love food growing up in that house. Every function my family has we cook for about 4,385 people, and you just feel like you have to eat. And I could blame it on that if I really wanted, but it isn't like anyone was forcing the food in my mouth. (Although my Nonnie was pretty persuasive "Mangia, Mangia!") I made the decisions and I put the food in my mouth. I made myself this way, and it's up to me to fix what I've done.

Even with all of the food doubt in my head I can honestly say that I feel good. I'm on my way to happy. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I am doing something for me. I am very conscience of others. I try so hard to make everyone else happy and I am VERY hard on myself when I fail at that. And I should have the same mentality about this. I can't and won't let myself down. Time to start doing things for me. And this is my first step!

Have a good Saturday everyone!!

Day 9 - Weigh In

Alright.....the numbers are in.......nice and early this morning I jumped on the scale after one week of hard work. Or at least harder work than I had put in for the past few years (shamefully).

Here it is.....10.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One week and 10.5 lbs down....I'm speechless. I KNOW this will not be a weekly number. That would be unrealistic. But this is just such an incredible start. And before anyone chimes in that it is unhealthy to lose this much, I have contacted my doctor, and it is perfectly healthy as long as I am eating the calories I need to be in a day. Which I am.

I am just so overwhelmed by that number. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to see that number every week. It would be incredible if I could, but I know it just isn't going to happen.

Knowing that I am headed in the right direction...that is my motivation for this next week. This next week has never happened for me. I have ALWAYS given up by now. I  never make it this far because I love food too much and just always want to fall back into that horrible routine of my old life. I hope that seeing this number has really triggered something in my head to keep going. I want to just keep seeing that number go down.

I am so thankful to all of you for pushing me through this week. I know with all of you amazing people behind me, I can keep going and going until I reach my goal! I have been just so excited to see all of the people reading. I hope all of you incredible people have a wonderful weekend. Remember I still update on weekends, so remember to read!!!

Day 7

So it has arrived....Day 7...this is the day I always say that I'm happy enough with who I am. Hayden loves me the way I am so why change? But all those are just excuses. I'm not happy and I'm not fooling anyone! I decided when I got to this day I would make a list. A list of all the things that should be keeping me in this. So here goes!!

• Alayna
• Hayden
• My Family
• To be able to go into the same store Hayden shops at, and pick something out!
• To be able to run and not run out of breath
• Disney World
• A swim suit
• ABS!!!
• To not be out of breath doing something simple
• Run around with Alayna and play
• To have a healthier outlook on life
• To be able to wear heels comfortably!!
• To raise my arms without looking like a lunch lady 
• To not be afraid of being in front of the camera as opposed to being behind it
• To not be so hurt by what others say
• most of all.....FOR ME!!!!

I know that some of the things on the list are silly. But they are honest. There are more but these things are what keep me going. Knowing that I have these things to motivate and keep me going...then I can stay on track. 

I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life to support me through this. My Mom and Dad are the best parents in the entire world. They are my heroes. They are who I want to make proud in life, and if this one small thing can achieve that, then I will push through until the very end. They are strong...and if they can be strong, then so can I!!

My sister and her family are one of my other biggest motivators. They are incredible people who push and motivate me in every way. My brother (in-law doesn't need to be said, because he just isn't that anymore) is such an inspiration to me. He has made it to where I want to be and I couldn't be anymore proud. They have such faith, drive, and motivation. I hope that some day I can make it to a point in my life where they can see me as such!

I love my family, and I wouldn't be here without them. They are what push me every day. When I want to give up...I KEEP GOING...because I know I have them. I love you guys and I couldn't be 1/1,000th of the person I am without you guys.

So I leave you all with this, who is your motivation? Who pushes you to do more?

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

Day 6

Well I have a few VERY small victories to share with all of you. Please....don't be too harsh, they are very very small!!

My wedding rings are MUCH looser, which is great!!

And

Yesterday at the gym, I ran....I HATE to run and I ran. I would walk for 4 minutes and then run for 1 minute, for a total of 45 minutes. I felt good. At a certain point it actually felt better to run than it did to walk!!

I know these are such small things, and there are much bigger things to come, but I just felt like I had to share. Sometimes I feel like looking at the small things is what keeps me motivated. Last night for the first time through this, I was actually very hungry. Hayden had made a frozen pizza and it took every single muscle in my body to not have a slice. I thought about it...over and over again. It's just one slice...what will one slice do?? But I didn't. I ate my dinner, I drank some water, and I had a banana and peanut butter as a snack later in the evening to curb any of those feelings.

I am so happy I did what I did. I am surprised I was able to stick to my guns and keep clean.

I have significantly cut out the amount of processed foods in my daily eating habits and I just feel better because of it! The only real foods I have been eating that are pre-packaged are string cheese, peanut butter, and cream cheese. I can't believe I am actually doing this!

Again, I know these are just some small acheievements, but they feel so big to me! I hope you all have an amazing Tuesday and KEEP MOTIVATED...no matter what little obstacle comes along!

Day 5

Today has started out really slow. It's usually about now that I start contemplating if I should really be doing this, and if it is all worth it. And then a couple days later I give up. This time feels different. While I am lagging today, I do not have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that says it's time to give up.

I have had a couple people ask what I am using to track my caloric intake, and I just wanted to talk a little bit about my day to day. Seeing as I am just starting out, I am no expert, but this is how I do things every day! I use a website called www.myfitnesspal.com to track my calories, keep track of my water intake, and also track my exercise. It is free and really helpful to make sure I log every single thing that goes into my mouth. Please feel free to add me as a friend on there if you would like, my username is whocrux (nerdy, I know). It is really nice because it has a large database of foods both name brand and generic, and it includes all the nutritional information you would possibly want for a product.

Now, I used it a while back, and fell off the bandwagon then. I decided to delete that account because I was so embarrassed that I had just given up. I feel like that is what I am good at. So I will do everything I possibly can this time to make sure that giving up is not an option. I know I have what it takes, I am ready to stick it through to the end.

Now as for exercise, I am keeping it really simple for now. I am walking about 2-3 miles a day on a treadmill. I usually do a minute run/jog, and then 5 minutes walking at a comfortable pace. I repeat it a couple times, or until I know my body just can't do it anymore. I like to try to go for about an hour, or 3 miles, whichever I hit first. I know it isn't much, but believe me, my body would beg to differ. It works for me. I do some stability ball ab workouts as well, but I really do just enjoy walking/jogging most.

I hope to some day get better with my jogging and hopefully I can run some day...but for now....I just need to keep doing what I am doing until I feel comfortable. Two weeks and I should start getting more comfortable (and less sore!!).

Now I see on my stats page that my numbers are dropping :( If there is anything I can write that would keep everyone more captivated, or if there is something you are really curious about, I would love any suggestions on topics! Enjoy your Monday everyone! I know mine will involve job searching, cleaning, and prepping for the week!

Day 4

I know it is so silly, but one of my biggest fears is going to the gym. Everyone there is so fit and built up, and here I am, my flabby self just trying to do my best. I hate looking to my left and right and seeing that everyone else is running and I am at best strolling (sometimes a jog here and there). It makes me feel like they are all just looking at me with a "she shouldn't be here" thought in their head.

BUT, contrary to my beliefs, no looks were given. No words were said. And best of all...I felt really confident. I felt empowered by the sweat just pouring off of me. You know they say that pain is fear leaving the body...and if that's the case, my body is about to be terrified!

Yesterday I really didn't want to go to the gym. I was tired and my head hurt and I thought maybe I could just take one day off. Then Hayden and I talked and I realized that I am just making excuses. I think about Alayna, Hayden, my family, and it makes me just want to work harder. There is no excuse in the world that could be big enough to make this goal unimportant.

I don't know how many of you actually read this, and I don't think it matters. Maybe I am just doing this for my own selfish reasons but more importantly, I am doing this so that if I can just inspire ONE person to change something in their lives for the better, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I know I am not perfect in my ways. I know I am not a physical fitness or health nut, but I am trying. Harder than anyone will know. Some days it scares the living day lights out of me. Some times I get frustrated because I know there is a plate of fried cheesesticks out there, waiting for me to eat them. But I have to keep my head on straight. I HAVE to keep pushing and looking at my end goal. I know this is not a Diet, and I hate that word. This is a life change and life style choice. I am making that choice to change for the better.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! To my family (If you are reading this!), I hope you have fun at the beach this week! I miss you guys more than you know, but next year...I'll be bikini ready!!!

Day 3

What an adventure today was!!! I had down a list of all the new things I wanted to try and had been reading that eating organic was a better way to go when it came to putting all those veggies in your body. So I looked up the closest place to buy all organic and come across a store called Earth Fare...beautiful store, wonderful choices....but my oh my that price!!! For now I think we will just have to stick to our regular grocery store. However, most of what I did get was organic with a much more reasonable price attached to it (excluding cherries....those things are super expensive!! $9 for a small bag!). I am so proud of myself for getting all these new things to try! We got sweet potatoes, which in my head I swear I hate. I got spaghetti squash which I am also very weary of, but excited to try. And I got ginger! Not sure what exactly I am going to use it for, but I am excited to try!!

I am notorious for spending money on all these healthy foods, and then never keeping up my end of the bargain. I don't know what is so different about this time, but I feel so motivated. I feel excited and nervous but most of all ready. I am 24 years old and I am ready to start really living.

I hope that in some small way I am motivating other people to make smart decisions when it comes to what you are putting in your bodies. I know I am not one to talk because I am a sucker for a grilled cheese or anything fried, but I am accepting change, and finding that other things can be just as delicious as well.

So for your question today...what is your favorite vegetable and how do you like to eat it best?

Day 2

Before I post anything I just wanted to make a small note that I have enabled commenting from anyone, not just those with a blogger account, so PLEASE feel free to comment if you would like to....actually I encourage it!!!

So, Happy Friday everyone! I know for me I couldn't be more thrilled. I woke up this morning really lagging and was so tempted to hit snooze, BUT I have been reading so many things that say getting up early is better for your metabolism, so my butt got out of bed anyway! I woke up with a nice big glass of cold water which I have also been reading about. I am on average drinking at least 120 oz. of water a day. I have a blender bottle that I fill every time I finish it, and it just adds up so quickly. I know sometimes it is hard to get that water down, so I am looking into using fruit to flavor the water. Anyone have any luck with that?

Along with my own flavored water as opposed to any name brand water sweetener, I am going to do something I have never in my life done. I am going to try something new! As I posted yesterday on Facebook....I have never been one for seafood. I can remember as a child waiting at the dinner table well after everyone else, just because I didn't want to eat the seafood cause it was "GROSS!!!". And believe me, I still have a good majority of those feelings. BUT....I know all the benefits of fish and I know that I need to broaden my horizons...so I will try it. All of the times that I have tried this losing weight thing, or getting healthy thing it has been with just a normal "salad, chicken, veggies, and fruit". This is the first time I have really branched out and told myself that everything has to change in order for my body to want to change. I may not like it now, but once I get to my finish line....I am going to thank my past self for the hard work I put in.

And speaking of hard work, I should get on to my workout today. Usually I would take Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, but until my body starts getting used to this and doesn't feel like it got run over by a truck....every day it is! I am definitely hurting today from yesterday (which some people would say was a weak workout, but I'm trying here!!), but it's just fear leaving the body. And my mother has always said..."Anything you can do for two weeks becomes a habit".....so let's do this friends! Do something new...and do it for two weeks so it is a permanent change in your life!

I leave you all with this question today....What is a food you don't like but would be willing to eat for the sake of change and a healthier way of living??