Day 164

Good Evening everyone! I'm so sorry I forgot to write yesterday, but I have realized that I don't feel as bad if I don't write. I know before I felt obligated to write, and write long posts, but not anymore. If I don't feel up for writing, and know that all I would be writing is filler and fluff, than I know that it's probably just best if I don't write. So I am writing tonight to let you know that yesterday, I came home late and wanted to just spend time with Hayden and Alayna, so I didn't write. It was nice to just relax and have fun with them, and not feel like I HAD to write.

I felt so obligated before. Like people just sit around waiting for me to write.....which they obviously don't. So I don't feel as bad about not writing if I am too busy to...

Alright, so I don't want this post to make you feel like I don't want to write, I just wanted to explain why I don't post all the time now! Nothing personal everyone!

So today I would have written earlier, but I was enjoying watching some movies with Hayden and Alayna and wanted to just relax! Sometimes that is my favorite thing to do. I admitted to Hayden today I had the worst snack cravings, but I was so happy that I decided on oranges and some fruit leather, over some other not so great choices!!! Sometimes I just need to put things back into perspective to realize that I am doing okay!! I know it has only been a few days, but I am making it by! I am nervous and excited to see what Friday has in store, but until then.....I am going to just keep kicking butt!!!

Have a good Sunday night everyone!

Day 163

Good Evening everyone! I had a nice long day today and I am so tired. I didn't think that I would have trouble waking up this morning after getting home late, but boy was I wrong. I was so tired this morning because I could not seem to go to bed after the gym last night. I was so fired up that I wanted to just keep going, so when I came home, I wanted to just stay up!!

So back to this morning, I did get on the scale for the first time in a while. I reset my "MFP" and I am not happy with what I saw at all. But like I said, I am ready to make that number just rocket downwards! I know that I wasn't on my A game these last few months, but it is back to business. I am tired of letting myself and others down. I know that I can commit to this!! I am ready to start that initial 2 weeks that I hate so much....If I can get there, I can get back on track and start seeing the results I love so much!!!

So I hope that you all are back on board with me! I know that I was absent for some time, but I am here, and I am ready to start this journey back up again. I am not happy with myself, but I am letting it motivate me. I look in the mirror now and see potential! That's something that has taken me a very long time to come to terms with. It's not that I am demotivated by that person, but I strive to make her a better person. I love myself, and I never thought that possible. This journey is just about improving upon what is already there!!

Have a great Friday Night everyone! We are spending ours cuddled up watching movies and keeping the fire on since it's freezing!! Enjoy!!!

Day 162

Alright everyone, another night of confessions coming your way! I hate admitting this one, but it's something I have to do to really feel like I'm starting fresh this year........I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks. Probably since I got home from Disney World is the last time I weighed myself. I have been so worried about what I am going to see what I get on that scale, that I have just been avoiding it all together. So for now, I am going to just breath deep breaths tomorrow and see what it says. I will continue to weigh in on Fridays, I preferred it really, but I will have a official weigh in next week. Tomorrow will just be me getting on the scale to see a "start-ish" point. I don't want to say that I am starting completely over, because I have made progress, I just.....digressed a little bit along the way. So tomorrow...I jump on that scale and will brave it just like other week. And KNOW that it will be going down the week after that.

So I am heading back into the place I fear so much, which is the grocery store....I don't like going in just because there is just so much temptation that lurks around every corner. There are so many options to derail me, that I just hate going. I know that there are foods that are good for me there, but come on....bunch of chocolate cookies is going to look much better than cup of carrots. I mean who doesn't agree with me on that one???? So I will venture back in tonight and see what lies in store for me.

I also am headed back to the gym tonight. As tired as I know I am, I know what is more important to me. And what will always be more important to me, is making sure that I am healthy and happy, and around for forever with Alayna!!

So I leave you all with a thought, what changes are you making in your lives for the better this year? Now, I made a resolution on top of this change, to be a better person....that means mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. Sometimes I get distracted with things that I can be a bad one of the above, and this year, I want to change that. I also want to live by one of my favorite TV show quotes.....I leave you with that tonight to think about...it's my new years goal!!

Day 120

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having an incredible morning! I woke up this morning with a new out look. My dad sent me this message yesterday that was so full of impact for me!!

"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."

That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.

I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.

To give you all a little snapshot of my days:

6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.

7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.

7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner

8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.

9:00 pm - BED!!!!!

So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!

I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!

Day 100 - Weigh In

Day 100??!!!?!?!?!?! Where are the streamers and confetti??? Isn't that what day 100 is supposed to feel like??? Well inside my head it does!! I had a really bad week this week. I mean with the party last week, to some not so great decisions this week, I kind of figured I was going to gain, I mean I should have! But I didn't......I stayed on my steady track moving downward at .8 pounds lost for a total of 36.3 pounds gone!! It may only be .8 pounds, but it is that much closer to my goal!!!

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about work, weight loss, and my family. I tossed and turned all night, and honestly, it has been like this for the past week or so. I am not sure what is causing it, but I just dream about work and Hayden, that it feels so real and when I wake up, it felt like I had been working all night and not sleeping. It is starting to get really stressful, and I don't like it. I wish I knew how to fix it, because trust me, the LAST thing I want to be doing is working more than I already am. I guess I will just have to try and figure that out on my own time.

So like I said last night, it is time for me to really kick it back into gear. I finally got my okay to get my butt back in the gym, so that will be starting as soon as my parents are gone (for obvious reasons!!), and then today starts me back on weighing all my food and making sure I am eating proportionally. We all stumble at some point during a journey, and that is all this past few weeks has been. I have been writing less, working out less, working more, and eating less then perfect. So that all stops today. My body is basically yelling at me, "Bethany, you've had your fun, now it's time to kick that butt back into gear. Do you want to be around forever for Alayna? Do I need to remind you of all those goals?? Then just do it, Bethany!!!!!". So I hear you Body, and I am!!! I am sorry I treated you less then "temple-ish" this past couple weeks. I should have never done that.

Somehow, even through the crap, no working out, and just the plateau I was on, I still managed to lose weight, but not what I know I am capable of. So now it's time to see those numbers go up (and down!). I'm ready to love the scale again and not fear it each week. SO this is me making a promise to myself, and maybe even all of you too, that I WILL lose more than .8 pounds next week!!!

Alright, I think I've made you all read enough this morning! I am going to go finish getting ready for work, so I can get my butt home to hang out with my Mom and Dad!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and remember to NEVER give up on what you truly want. Remember why you want the things you want. Remember why you started this journey, and don't you DARE settle for less than what you started all of it for! You ARE worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 99

Alright I know I told everyone that I would write earlier after my appointment, but I got very caught up in hanging out with my parents. We did so much today! We did some shopping, went bowling, and then watched movies while we ate!! It was perfect!!!

As for the doctor's appointment, I'm all good and ready to go!!!! They said that if it was something, it seems to have gone away now. It may be tendonitis, but if it flares up again, just to take it easy!!! So I will be doing my walk this weekend, and I am back to full throttle at the gym!!!

As far as everything else, I am just ready to kick my life back into gear!!!! I have slacked a little the last few weeks and I'm ready to really get back on track now that I am cleared for the gym!!!

I am really sorry that it is short again today, but I will write a little more tomorrow when I weigh in tomorrow!!!! I'm a little nervous, but I am ready for it, because I have big things ahead of me!!!!!

Have a good night everyone!!!!

Day 92

Good morning everyone! SO I sat down last night and thought about what the top three things that were really important to me that were related to this journey. And this is what I came up with:

1. Being able to be around for Alayna. Being able to live a long live and being able to keep up with her. If I could have as much energy as she has, that would be incredible!! She is the most important thing in the world to me, and it is so important that I am here for her.

2. My health. I really don't have much extra to say than that. It is important that I treat my body as a temple. And this is the best way I know how. Eat right and exercise, that is what is important to me and to make sure that I make it to where I want to really be in my life.

3. Disney World.....I want....no NEED....to keep that in my forefront of my mind. I want to get the absolute most out of this trip, and being over weight and not being able to keep up with my family would be the worst thing for me. I want to go on every ride and not worry "do I have to sit in that special seating, and will I even fit in that???"

So that was what I came up with. Those are the things both short term and long term that are the most important to me. Losing weight is important to me, but it shouldn't be at the front of my mind all the time. I have a full time job, come home and take care of Alayna, and somehow have to work out as well. So I really need to focus on short term goals and not long term goals. I will admit that the biggest thing that got me down was not that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but looking back on notes I had taken when I started, I thought I could do it all and get the most incredible results quickly. That is simply unrealistic for me. I have too much going on to keep up the progress I had when I was not working. So I vow to not get as easily frustrated!! Or at least I will try!!

I will leave you all with that. It is almost time for me to go to work so I will talk to all you lovely people tomorrow!! Have a wonderful Thursday!!

Day 87

Good Evening everyone!! I had to work today, and I was unable to write this morning. I was too tired this morning to even function. After working a 13 hour day in prep of our birthday party weekend at work.....I had so much to do! But it was all worth it, because the place looked amazing!!

As far as what I want to talk about today...I want to talk about my dad. My dad is an incredible person. He is one of the most motivational and inspirational people I know. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my family more than anything, and when I talk about my mom and my dad I talk about them like they are my best friends. I am so lucky to have him in my life. It's not every day that people have a relationship like that with their dad, and I do! They are coming to visit us soon, and my dad asked if we could do a 5K together and I immediately was sooooooo excited! I can't think of anything that would make me more excited and happier than to walk with my dad in my first *post life style change* 5K. So that will be coming up shortly, but I have SO much going on that I need to start being more consistent to get ready for it!!

So that is all that is going on here. I will keep you all posted on race details and what we sign up for and all that fun stuff!!! Have a wonderful night with your families and be good everyone!!!

Day 81

Good Evening everyone!!! I know this sounds absolutely terrible, but today, I just wanted to be totally invested in my time with Hayden and Alayna. I know I have been short and late as of lately, but I am just loving every and all amount of time I have with them. I love them and don't seem to get much time with them lately, so I want to breath it all in while I can.

It seems a little crazy that ever since I got this job, I have been realizing how precious my time with Alayna is! I mean I did before, but I REALLY do now. I look back on pictures that were as little as 6 months ago, and I can't believe how big she has gotten. She, in such a short amount of time, has just become such a little lady. It pains me to see her not needing me as much anymore and it scares me. I don't know what I will do when it comes time to send her to school...I can barely handle leaving her every day! I miss her more and more each day!! So that is why I write late, and take advantage of my time with her!

I know this blog has taken a weird turn, away from fitness, but I am starting this week with a very strict eating plan and going to the gym every day. I keep saying that, but am "too tired" but those are just excuses. So this week starts a very strict eating and exercise plan. That is just how it needs to be for a couple weeks so I can start seeing results! I did it before I got this job, and I can do it while I have this job. So I am making a promise that you WILL see an increase in more fitness and food related posts!! Not "Boo, I'm so tired and working hard". No more excuses....they don't exist anymore!

Day 76

Hello everyone. I decided to wait until late to write today because it was my day off. I wanted to enjoy my time with Alayna, and boy was it nice to relax with her all day. I didn't have a care in the world today but just me and Alayna relaxing!! It was so nice to just relax!!!

Last night I went to the gym, and it honestly felt AMAZING!!! My ankle hurt today, but not what I thought it was going to be! I am finally ready to step back into it. I know that I should take it easy, but it honestly felt good just to get back into things. I didn't stay as long as I thought I was going to but it was enough to make me feel like it was worth it!!

It was just a testament that no matter what you want to achieve, you can. Carefully, but you can!! I really do know that it may have been dumb for me to go and to somewhat push myself, but it was something I needed to do for myself. I think it is what I have REALLY needed. I have been feeling sorry for myself and looking in the mirror really unhappily, and I think this is JUST what I needed!!!

Well...I don't want to spend my evening typing on a computer, but would rather take advantage of the time I have with Alayna and Hayden!!! Have a wonderful evening yourselves and remember, it's okay to fall behind, as long as you promise yourself to catch back up!!!!

Day 75

Good Morning!! And a very happy Monday!!! I don't know why, but I am just in a great mood, ready to face the day!! I have been trying really hard to just keep a very positive attitude about all of these changes that are going on. I know that more than anything right now, this is what will keep me going each day, is a positive attitude.

Last week I just had this glum attitude and I can't keep going like that. It makes me feel like I am giving up when I feel so down. So onward with the good attitude!!!!

So I have decided that I need to get back into that really tight diet. I have been slacking a little lately and allowing things here and there, and I just HAVE to stop doing that. I am not going to lose anything if I keep eating things I KNOW I am not supposed to. I know that every once in a while I am going to find myself in a situation that it will be okay, but I just can't allow that to happen right now. I have such a long way to go that I CAN NOT let off the gas now. I will admit that it will take some serious motivation, but it is not impossible!! So that is my goal for this week. Find my way back to that really tight diet!!!

I am signing off there. Lots to think about and figure out!! Have a wonderful Monday everyone! Enjoy whatever life throws at you!

Day 60

Day 60!!!!! Two Months down and a lifetime to go!! I can't even believe I am almost 30 pounds down! I am so so soooo ready to get back in that gym and make an even bigger difference. I tried biking last night and let me just tell you....probably one of my worst ideas I've had in a while. If anyone knows anything about me, I'm stubborn. When I hurt my thumb in high school, playing volleyball, I went back after resting three weeks instead of the recommended 6-9 months. I don't like to rest. Although I'm sure that is why my thumb still hurts to this day. From everyone I have spoken to, an Achilles injury is nothing to mess around with, so I won't. Hayden is going to talk to the Radiologist tomorrow and see about getting an MRI as soon as possible. And then we will go from there.

I feel like I have been really lucky so far to still be losing weight, even though I am unable to go to the gym. But I don't know how long that will be happening for. I am hoping that I can heal quickly and be back at it in no time!! No matter what has happened though, I have still been eating right and making sure to take care of myself as much as possible.

Well today is football day in our house, it's Pittsburgh Steeler time!! We are a house divided, but at least I have Alayna on my side!! I know I said I would write an in-depth post, but I can't help but spend my one day off with Hayden and Alayna. I hope you all enjoy your Sundays with family and friends. I will post our recipe for Teriyaki Pork Wraps tomorrow after we eat them tonight!!!!

Day 57

Another morning up early and post late. I don't know what I need to do to get up early and just write! I have been working 12 hour days lately, and they just have me so tired. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I can honestly say I think I am about the same as last week. I have been fluctuating all week and it just hasn't been enjoyable to see. So hopefully I can turn it around this next week.

I have felt very hopeless this week because of not being able to work out. It has been a very painful week because I am both in pain from my ankle hurting and in emotional pain from not working out. I just really want to get back in the gym, and my body is telling me it's not ready to go back. So I sit and wait until my ankle is ready to run again. I have been doing abs and arms until then, but it is just not sufficing me. I WANT/NEED to get back in that gym on the elliptical and on the treadmill and the stepper and rower. I'm tired of being at a stand still.

I know have been complaining about this a lot lately, but it is what I am feeling. I can't help but feel so angry with my results. I am angry with how my body is treating me after I try to help it to feel better and healthier. I am ANGRY with the results that are showing up while I am not working out like I want. And I just need to figure out how to get past all this anger.

I wish I could tell you all I went back to the gym yesterday, but I couldn't. I was just in too much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to break apart as soon as I started just stretching to run. SO I think I just need to focus on very healing thoughts. Hopefully that will benefit me in the long run.

Alright...enough rambling from me. I am finally home from work, and I want to relax. You all do the same! Talk to you tomorrow AM for weigh in day!

Day 41

Good Morning Everyone! As I sit here I am just thinking of all the things I am so stressed about. I am beginning to really worry about this whole gym schedule thing! I have not gone for a few days now and I am feeling so upset about it. Sunday we were interviewing babysitters all day, yesterday I didn't get home until late and Hayden was going to work, and today I have to go grocery shopping after work to stock the house. I am so worried that I am just going to forget and go back to my old life and I DON'T want that. I am in charge of my food, and doing well on that front. I am just really worried about my work out schedule.

I know this whole full time job thing is going to take some time to get used to it. And with that, I will find out a schedule that fits me perfectly. So until then I am just going to have to bear with the results. Now I do get on the scale every day just to see how the week is going, and it is still going well, even with just eating healthy! But I know it will be better with working out, once I figure out how to schedule all of that!

Now the job (even after one day) is going well. It is a lot of responsibility, but I am ready for it! It is amazing how much information I need to stuff into my brain in a 2 week period! Things I never thought I would be able to understand, I am beginning to!

So like I said today is consisting of....Alayna hanging out with the sitter and her daughter today, going to work, and going grocery shopping this evening! Grocery shopping has recently become my favorite activities. I enjoy being able to go get new and healthy food for the house! It really calms me down. Who would have thought! I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!

Day 40

Day 40 Everyone??? Can you even believe it?? I know I can definitely not believe it. I will say, as I start my job today, I am overwhelmingly nervous. I mean who isn't nervous on the first day of work? But today I can't help but be just a little extra nervous. I'm leaving Alayna today, which I am so upset about. And I am starting a new position that I know little about and will need an insane amount of training. So at this point I'm just hoping I do well!

I have now run into the problem of when to go to the gym. I am nervous that I will come up with excuses, forget to go, or be too tired. I know that I WANT to go no matter what, but there is no telling how I am going to feel after work. So I just want to see how this first week goes and then go from there. At least I know I can be in control of the one thing that is just as important as going to the gym, and that is my diet. No matter what happens, I am in charge of that. No bad snacking, eating out, or eating anything that is processed and awful for you. I can take charge of that above all else!

So I am keeping it short today, simply because I have lots to do before work. But I did promise a recipe and I will not let you down. It's a recipe for Grilled Chicken Wraps!!

1 lb. chicken tenderloins
2 Whole grain flatbread wraps
4 cups shredded lettuce
1 tomato (diced)
2/3 cup low fat mozzarella cheese shredded
2 T. low cal. ranch

Season and grill the chicken (we had to do indoor grill because of weather). Cut and separate into 3 oz. servings. Put 2 cups shredded lettuce onto each wrap plus half the tomato, half the cheese, and 1T. ranch on each. We made ours more like Tacos, but you could probably make it like a panini wrap as well. We also made our chicken buffalo style by adding 3 T. of Frank's.

It's not very in-depth, but it was delicious and low calorie!!! Well I am off to my first day of work everyone!! Wish me luck!

Day 38

Good Morning and Happy Saturday!!! We have a very busy day today so I am going to keep it pretty short. I have decided to start using the stepper as recommended by a fellow hard worker and let me just say....it was designed by the devil himself. Don't EVER do the stepper unless you A. want to not feel your legs for three days B. feel like giving up MIGHT just be the easiest thing to do while on it C.hate your legs for days or D. all of the above.

Bottom line...I hate the stepper. It is the devil's work and it's like an adult version of don't touch the floor because it's lava. You have to keep your self up on it so it doesn't sink shamelessly to the floor however.....it hurts too bad to keep it off the ground! Pathetic, I know, but it was hard!! I could only do 40 floors today because I thought I would actually fall of the machine if I didn't stop! But at least I tried my best to keep going!!

I have been doing a lot more at the gym and I have come home feeling great after each workout! I feel better about being in that environment. I would honestly live there if I could but that could just be the adrenaline talking from this morning! It's amazing just how happy I feel when I finish working out. I still get nervous that people are pointing and laughing but I know it is all in my head. And even if they are....oh well! I know why I'm there and I know it is to better my life...NOT to worry about what other people think of me.

So I promised today I would keep it short, so I will not let you down! Give you a nice easy read of how steppers are directly correlated with Satan and how much I love the gym!! Also tonight we are making some delicious grilled chicken wraps that I will post the recipe for tomorrow! Have a great Saturday and be good!!!

Day 33

So Monday....we meet again....its incredible how this day has such a bad reputation!! It's the day that 46% of people decide to start a diet. And........are you ready for this incredibly depressing statistic? By Tuesday night, a shocking 31% of those people have quit or cheated in some way and just say "next week", but never go back. That is an incredible amount of people unable to stick to it! So if you started something today, just because it was Monday, don't. I made my decision mid week and I gave myself a whole week to just cheat!! To cheat like I had never cheated before. Eat everything that I possibly wanted, and everything I craved. Cravings can be so bad that they are all you think about, so it is good to nip some of those in the butt.

Now, I'm not saying I don't have cravings, because I absolutely do!! Maybe even more than others. But I have found a healthy way to exchange those cravings for new ones. Like pizza, I LOVE pizza. I mean I could totally eat a nice cheesy piece of pizza today...heck I used to be able to down lots of pizza. BUT like I have said previously, I just see it as every other time I quit, and I don't want it anymore. So now we make nice healthy pizzas. They have all the same flavor, but almost 75% less calories and 100% more health benefits. We started making new ones on whole grain flatbread wraps as opposed to the pitas. Much thinner than the pita, but so many more health benefits in the wrap, but same concept!

Another food I love so much is a good, juicy, cheesy, cheeseburger!!! I was a sucker for Elevation Burger in VA, but I can't even tell you how gross it was to see the calorie count next to the burger, and I still ordered it!!! So we decided to make our own version! They are lean lettuce wrapped burgers. The recipe is below!

1 lb ground beef (93/7) you could use lean ground turkey breast as another lean meat, I just prefer red meat!
salt
pepper
garlic powder
worcestershire sauce
4 large lettuce cups (I used a head of lettuce and then made a salad on the side with the leftovers)
1 cup shredded low-fat mozzarella
4 slices of tomato
57 sauce


Mix the meat with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and worcestershire sauce (like a teaspoon or two). Mix well and form into four patties (make the patties with a small bump in the middle, they cook better that way since the middle tends to sink in). We grilled ours, but you can do it any way you prefer! Once both sides are cooked to your liking, add 1/4 cup cheese to each burger and melt. Once done cooking, put a burger in each lettuce cup and add a slice of tomato and about a tablespoon of 57 sauce (or less depending on what you like). Enjoy!

I have found out through this journey that it is all about making decisions that are better for you! Just because things taste great, and look great, doesn't mean they are the best thing for your body. And on the contrary, it doesn't mean you can't have them ever again! It's about the choice to make healthier alternatives!! Your body is a temple, and you are the only one who can upkeep it!! So I will leave you all on that note, since today was a little lengthy. Just remember, if you are part of that 46% that started today....keep to it! Be the 14% that make it!! Prove that statistic wrong! I hope you all have an incredible Monday!

Day 32

Happy Sunday all you wonderful people!! I hope you all had a wonderful Saturday night! We enjoyed a delicious dinner and decided to have another movie night. We settled on Rise of the Guardians, it was pretty good, and Alayna enjoyed it too!! It was the perfect, healthy, Saturday.

I know that is pretty irrelevant but just had to share what a wonderful, and temptress free Saturday it was. Believe me, I still have some temptations, I can't go near a big cheesy pizza or some breadsticks. However....they are getting so much easier to be around. I just see them as calories and extra inches on my waist....or a longer visit to the gym and less time with my family. That piece of pizza just isn't worth it to me anymore.

My mind has evolved in just a simple matter of weeks. I read an article that says it takes 4 weeks for your brain to re-wire itself into a healthy mindset. However....on the contrary it takes only 5-7 days to undo that wiring. So just one slip...one trip to the beach or one week of going astray could make it that much harder to get back on the wagon. I will admit that I have this fear of falling off again. I do it constantly and what makes this time any different?

I think what I am getting to is that my brain has changed, and I am happy with that change. I just fear straying from that hard work and change. That was my original intention with beginning this blog. Being able to make it entirely out and in the open....my triumphs, my fears, my shortcomings, my weaknesses, and everything in between...you guys......you will keep me accountable. So falling off the wagon will not happen to me! Because of all of you!!

So I believe that is all for today....we have a nice busy Sunday ahead of us and I need to get going! I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! Enjoy the last of your weekend <3

Day 29

Good Morning everyone! I promise today's blog will be a little less....preachy! 

I have been really stressed lately. I can't seem to find any friends here at our new house, and it is effecting me more than I had anticipated. And the strange thing is, the only time I feel really okay with being alone, is when I'm at the gym. I have come to take out my stresses and worries there. Before I leaned on food, and now, I couldn't imagine turning to food. 

I have made a lot of changes in the past four weeks that I couldn't imagine I would have been able to do. I'm trying new food and eating fresh and clean food. It's not the normal me, and I'm so happy with all of the changes. I mean last night I poured Almond Milk into my cereal and couldn't even believe I was the same person. I could have never imagined drinking that 4 weeks ago!! I eat spaghetti squash now....which I'm pretty sure I refused as a child. I am just turning into the person I always knew existed. And I just couldn't be any happier about it. 

I know I talk constantly about how happy I am, and I'm sure that gets old. I apologize. But I just can't help it! No matter how stressed I get about my lack of human interaction, my happiness with myself...it's outpouring!! I was a really unhappy person before. I mean....if I'm being brutally honest....when I went to Busch Gardens with Hayden's family, most of the rides were just way too tight, or I wouldn't even try because I didn't want to be embarrassed. I hated that feeling. It was worse than going shopping! I was so disappointed in myself. And what's even worse, is I ATE because I was upset that I couldn't fit in the rides. How does that even make sense??? 

I am 24 years old, and I am finally ready to change my life for the better. I mean better late than never right? Tomorrow is indeed weigh in, and I am promised myself to be happy no matter what the outcome. Because honestly, no matter what happens, my life is changing for the better. It is insane to think one little number could change my mind of that. I hope you all have a great day!! Sorry this entry was a little redundant with entries past! I just felt I needed to tell everyone...I'm so happy!!!

Day 25

Happy Sunday!! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend and have been being good!!

I know we had a great weekend! Worked out, made yummy (and healthy) food, watched movies cuddled up with my two favorite people...great weekend!

One of our favorite weekend activities is to go grocery shopping. Before it was all about buying frozen pizzas, chips, and sugary food that made me smile. Now, it's all about weighing out the fruits and veggies to make sure we have the right amount, looking for whole grains and wheat flour as opposed to bleached flour, and finding the leanest meats. Things have changed....life has changed. You know, my mom was right, after that two week mark, it is just something that becomes habit. I no longer go in and want to go immediately to the old things, check the calorie count, and figure out if it's REALLY worth it. Because in my head....it isn't worth it. I know what is good for me and healthy for me.

I like being able to get through a grocery trip without having the urge to eat everything. I'm not hungry for it anymore. It feels great!!!

I am keeping it short because I want to enjoy the rest of my weekend, and you all should too!! Tonight on the menu is Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Lean Ground Beef meat sauce. Looking forward to it!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!