Day 120

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having an incredible morning! I woke up this morning with a new out look. My dad sent me this message yesterday that was so full of impact for me!!

"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."

That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.

I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.

To give you all a little snapshot of my days:

6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.

7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.

7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner

8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.

9:00 pm - BED!!!!!

So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!

I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!

Day 116

So today we went to the Columbia County Fair, and my goodness was it fun!!! I had such a good time with Alayna, and when we originally got there, I didn't want to ride the rides. The feelings I had when I tried to ride rides last time returned. "I'm not going to fit, I'm too big, people will ask me to get off". It was embarrassing last time. It hurt inside more than I can even explain....but this time...I fit in everything I went on!!! It was SO much fun to do these things as a family! I had such a blast with Hayden and Alayna. And we took pictures together, and guess what....I liked them!!! I for some reason just feel like I look better....happier!

Can anyone please fill me in...do I look happier in pictures? Because I feel happier in them. I don't feel like the Big Girl anymore! It is such a relieving feeling!

Tomorrow I have to be up early to go to work. So I am unfortunately going to keep it kind of short tonight. I want you all to know that I am scarily close to my Disney trip, so it is time to really step it up! I am ready to have the most amazing time of my life....I want my sister and brother to see me and say "WOW!". So I need to really start working hard. I am still tweaking how I am going to make it work, but I am going to MAKE IT WORK!!!


Have an amazing Sunday night everyone!!

Day 93 - Weigh In

Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone!!! I hope you all are excited for the weekend and ready to relax as much as I am!! I got on that scale today....ready to face whatever it had to say....and I pleasantly looked down at a 1.8 lb loss bringing my total up to 35.5 lbs!!! That's a lot of weight to be missing!!! And I truly hope I never find it!!!!!

I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.

I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!

Day 84

I knew I couldn't do it 3 days in a row!! I'm sorry everyone. And I am even more sorry that I am going to be really short tonight. Alayna is in QUITE the mood today, and I am busy dealing with that. Today I had the most awful urge to have something sugary and sweet...and I fought temptation all day with it. So when I got home, I had dinner and thought, "Maybe just a glass of lemonade". But then I REALLY thought about that decision. Was that what is best for me right now??? NOOOO!!!! I decided to go with water instead! I know it is just a small victory, but sometimes those are what we need to take. I am not the BEST at saying no to things. I am terrified when I need to go on my Disney trip, and giving in to all my favorite things. I know it is about portion control, and not over doing it, but sometimes that doesn't come as easily to me.

I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.

I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!

Day 78

Day 78.....the day before weigh in day and I will tell you it has been weighing on me all day. I DON'T think tomorrow is going to look good for me. I have not been as good as I would have hoped, and only worked out a couple times. It just wasn't the week I had hoped for. Next week is full force and taking care of myself!!! Working out, just the way that I need it to!

I know that I have been slacking on posts...I do! But we are heading into a new month and I PROMISE to take better care of all of you and post nice long posts every morning. It's just when I get up in the morning, it's either 15 minutes extra sleep or write...and some mornings, the extra sleep out weighs the writing. I'm sorry!!!! But we all know that weigh in day I am up and at em' nice and early, so I will definitely have a nice long post to write tomorrow. I also want to update you all on how things are feeling with my ankle....which is looking on the positive side!!!

SO unfortunately, Big Bang Theory is premiering tonight and I need to get watching!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening, and I will talk to you bright and early in the morning!!!

Day 70

Day 70!!!! Unbelievable! Really...I can't even believe it! I apologize for the late post again, work was crazy today, and when I got home it was time to spend with Alayna. I have a lot of long days coming up because of some new phone launches coming (can't legally discuss that information in whole ;) ). I was thinking today how much I am trying to juggle right now, that I don't even know how I'm doing it, but somehow I am making it work. I keep getting these updates from our babysitter about how well she is doing and it makes me so happy!

Today she sent me a picture and video of Alayna at the library doing craft time and reading time. It was incredible to see how much she is developing and learning! She can now write A, B, C, and D and spell her name. I am so impressed with how well she is doing, it just pushes me to do well as well.

I am going to keep tonight short, which I know I have been saying a lot lately, but I promise that one of these days I am going to write a very long post about things more personally and how I have been feeling lately. I PROMISE!!! It's coming!! So I bid you all a well evening tonight....I am off to watch a movie with Hayden and relax!

Goodnight everyone <3

Day 63

Alright everyone....I forgot to write this morning! I am so sorry!!! I am going to keep tonight VERY short! Just enough to fill you in on how yesterdays appointment went.

I got the results back (preliminarily) and the Achilles is fully in tact, which is GREAT!! However, the muscle surrounding it is damaged. And there is a lot of fluid build up in my ankle around the accessory muscle (whatever that is). So I will now have to try to get an ortho appointment and we can go from there on how to fix it. The pain has just been increasing day by day and I am hoping to get this moving quickly because of it.

I told Hayden I wanted to go to the gym tonight, but we both discussed, and I am going to wait until next week after my regular appointment to see what the doctor says I should do.

I apologize again for no post! It just completely slipped my mind this morning while getting ready. I hope you all had a wonderful Wednesday!! I will write a longer post tomorrow, I promise!!

Day 58 - Weigh In

Weigh in day...it's finally here. Seems like since I started back to work, it is happening more often than not! But it keeps me on my toes! So I was thinking today that maybe I would make all of you wait until the VERY END of this post to see what I weighed in at this week. But then I assumed that people would just scroll to the bottom, read, and then scroll back up and read the rest. So go ahead everyone.....scroll to the bottom of the page....read my numbers.................


Tricked you...I am going to put them right here! This week I weighed in 2.9 lbs. down for a total of 28.8 lbs. down in 58 days! Again, it wasn't quite where I wanted to be, but I will take 28.8 over 0 any day of the week!!!!

So for all of you that scrolled down for nothing, I apologize. Just feeling in a cheerful mood this morning! I woke up feeling tired, down, and ready to just crawl back into bed. Until I went to get my morning shake and I saw something on my fridge. It's a little card from my Nonnie's funeral and it says:

God hath not promised

skies always blue. Flowers strewn

pathways all our lives through;

God hath not promised

sun without rain, joy without sorrow,

peace without pain. 

But God hath promised 

strength for the day, rest for the labor,

light for the way, grace for the trials,

help from above, unfailing sympathy,

undying love.

It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Nonnie always has a way of coming into my life exactly when I need her. When things weren't going well, and I really needed to get a job, she was there. I know I have a guardian angel watching over me through all of this. So because I know she is reading or listening, thank you. Thank you for guiding me when you knew I needed it, and allowing me to figure things out on my own when you knew that was what was best for me. You have always had a faith and love in me that was unexplainable. You have pushed me through this journey more than I ever thought possible, because you weren't here, but I found out you are always here. It is just how you choose to make yourself present, that makes me see you now. So, thank you.

And thank YOU! All of you have kept on pushing. When I'm down, injured, sick, failing, or even just happy and having you share in that! This journey is hard. Anyone who has ever been through it, or tried and stumbled, knows it is a hard thing to do. You are changing your entire life around to adapt to a new way of life. So thank you all for sticking with me!

Have a wonderful Friday! Enjoy your family, friends, and even co-workers. They are what make you who you are, and keep you on the journey you are on. Don't ever forget that!

Day 57

Another morning up early and post late. I don't know what I need to do to get up early and just write! I have been working 12 hour days lately, and they just have me so tired. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I can honestly say I think I am about the same as last week. I have been fluctuating all week and it just hasn't been enjoyable to see. So hopefully I can turn it around this next week.

I have felt very hopeless this week because of not being able to work out. It has been a very painful week because I am both in pain from my ankle hurting and in emotional pain from not working out. I just really want to get back in the gym, and my body is telling me it's not ready to go back. So I sit and wait until my ankle is ready to run again. I have been doing abs and arms until then, but it is just not sufficing me. I WANT/NEED to get back in that gym on the elliptical and on the treadmill and the stepper and rower. I'm tired of being at a stand still.

I know have been complaining about this a lot lately, but it is what I am feeling. I can't help but feel so angry with my results. I am angry with how my body is treating me after I try to help it to feel better and healthier. I am ANGRY with the results that are showing up while I am not working out like I want. And I just need to figure out how to get past all this anger.

I wish I could tell you all I went back to the gym yesterday, but I couldn't. I was just in too much pain. I couldn't help but feel like I was about to break apart as soon as I started just stretching to run. SO I think I just need to focus on very healing thoughts. Hopefully that will benefit me in the long run.

Alright...enough rambling from me. I am finally home from work, and I want to relax. You all do the same! Talk to you tomorrow AM for weigh in day!

Day 55

Day 55......already???? I don't even believe it! It doesn't feel like it has been that long already! I know towards the beginning of this journey, I made a list of why I was doing this. Some of those things have changed, and some have stayed the same, and I have also added to that list. I thought maybe today I would take a look at that list and remind myself why I want to be this new person so bad....

• Alayna....she is so important to me, and I know that she is (other than myself) the biggest reason I want to change.
• Hayden, of course. I want him to get the best possible version of me that is possible.
• My family....they also deserve the most amazing daughter and sister and aunt that is possible. So I need to be healthy and happy for them.
• To go shopping and not walk out of the store crying. Being able to shop at the same store as Hayden. I've never been able to, and I would love to not have to go to a special store just because I can't fit in the ones where he is (the clothes, not the store...that would be ridiculous!).
• Disney world!!!!! To be able to fit in the rides and keep up with my family. I want to make the most out of this trip, and if that means being healthy and happy, so be it!
• Fitting into a nice swimsuit without having to wear a cover up or tshirt the whole time!!
• To have some ABS!!!!! This one is self explanatory!
• Being able to keep up with Alayna and letting nothing hold me back!!
• Being able to wear heels and not feel like I'm going to fall down with every step!
• To feel comfortable in front of the camera, not just behind it.

So I changed and expanded some of the list, but they are all still relevant. I just feel like there is so much left to change, but still so much that has. I most of all, more than anything on this list, just want to be 100% happy and healthy with myself. I just want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, friend, and person I can possibly be. I hope that I can constantly keep these goals in mind even when I am feeling down. 

All of you, don't forget why you start something. I know sometimes we get so blinded by what we want...like that pizza, or drink, or whatever else is something you LOVE, but you just have to remember why you started. And don't EVER forget where you came from...it will help push you through any road block you come across.

Day 52

Alright everyone, I know that I'm late with this one!!! Work truly got the best of me. And unfortunately I had a small little accident happen last night that put me out of commission through till this morning. I unfortunately was at the gym and found that with each stride I took on the elliptical, the more pain the back of my heel to my knee hurt. So I called Hayden and told him to come pick me up, because I felt like something was wrong. We went to the ER and after way too long of a wait the doctor came in and told me that it was a severe Achilles strain, and that if I continue to work out how I am now, I would tear it. So of course I began to cry. Why after all this hard work, would something like this happen to me??? I was heartbroken. So I asked him what my options were, and I am currently on a steroid pack to see if that will help with swelling. If that does not do the trick, I will need to begin physical therapy 3-5 days a week, because an Achilles injury is not something to play around with.

So that leads me to today. I was in pain all day, and just ready to be home from work, which I finally am. I am not going to spend much time on here, because it is Saturday night and I want to spend it with Hayden and Alayna. But, I wanted to update you all, and I will go into a little more detail tomorrow!

Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!!

Day 35

Good Morning Everyone! Happy Wednesday!! It is nice and rainy here, so we will be having a jammy and movie day here. I'm finally recovered from the sunburn so it's nice to be able to move without feeling like I just stepped off the surface of the sun!

Now....I will warn you of weigh-in day this week...I'm not feeling good about it. I have mother nature working against me this week, and I am just hoping not to gain! I was really hoping this would be the week that I pull out a bigger number, but it is just not in the books for me. Now I know I don't weigh in until Fridays, but I typically am weighing in every morning, just to see how the week is going. It makes Fridays a little less daunting if I have an idea of what's coming. I just prefer to only log that number once a week because I don't want to feel discouraged if the scale is going up and down through out the week.

Other than the scale possibly going up this week, I am feeling great. I have been doing about 4 miles on the Elliptical and feel incredible after it each time! I have been really dragging each time it comes time to go, but by the time I get there I don't want to leave! Who would have ever thought that would be the case!! I'm starting to just really enjoy my time there. I only stay a little over an hour each day, but I always make sure to have a significant burn. I use my Heart Rate Monitor each time. If you are going on any sort of weight loss journey I HIGHLY recommend one. I think it is really important to get a more accurate count on what kind of calories you are burning in a day. Each person's body has a different way of burning those calories, and it is helpful to see how YOUR body is burning those calories. I don't want to come across as preachy, but I really do stand by mine! It's so helpful to have that information to reference and see how your body is working each time. I hope to some day invest in a Garmin one, it holds more files and keeps track of more in-detail information, but for now, my Polar will work more than perfectly!!

Alright I have kept you all long enough...go enjoy your day and drink lots of water and be good! Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

Day 33

So Monday....we meet again....its incredible how this day has such a bad reputation!! It's the day that 46% of people decide to start a diet. And........are you ready for this incredibly depressing statistic? By Tuesday night, a shocking 31% of those people have quit or cheated in some way and just say "next week", but never go back. That is an incredible amount of people unable to stick to it! So if you started something today, just because it was Monday, don't. I made my decision mid week and I gave myself a whole week to just cheat!! To cheat like I had never cheated before. Eat everything that I possibly wanted, and everything I craved. Cravings can be so bad that they are all you think about, so it is good to nip some of those in the butt.

Now, I'm not saying I don't have cravings, because I absolutely do!! Maybe even more than others. But I have found a healthy way to exchange those cravings for new ones. Like pizza, I LOVE pizza. I mean I could totally eat a nice cheesy piece of pizza today...heck I used to be able to down lots of pizza. BUT like I have said previously, I just see it as every other time I quit, and I don't want it anymore. So now we make nice healthy pizzas. They have all the same flavor, but almost 75% less calories and 100% more health benefits. We started making new ones on whole grain flatbread wraps as opposed to the pitas. Much thinner than the pita, but so many more health benefits in the wrap, but same concept!

Another food I love so much is a good, juicy, cheesy, cheeseburger!!! I was a sucker for Elevation Burger in VA, but I can't even tell you how gross it was to see the calorie count next to the burger, and I still ordered it!!! So we decided to make our own version! They are lean lettuce wrapped burgers. The recipe is below!

1 lb ground beef (93/7) you could use lean ground turkey breast as another lean meat, I just prefer red meat!
salt
pepper
garlic powder
worcestershire sauce
4 large lettuce cups (I used a head of lettuce and then made a salad on the side with the leftovers)
1 cup shredded low-fat mozzarella
4 slices of tomato
57 sauce


Mix the meat with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and worcestershire sauce (like a teaspoon or two). Mix well and form into four patties (make the patties with a small bump in the middle, they cook better that way since the middle tends to sink in). We grilled ours, but you can do it any way you prefer! Once both sides are cooked to your liking, add 1/4 cup cheese to each burger and melt. Once done cooking, put a burger in each lettuce cup and add a slice of tomato and about a tablespoon of 57 sauce (or less depending on what you like). Enjoy!

I have found out through this journey that it is all about making decisions that are better for you! Just because things taste great, and look great, doesn't mean they are the best thing for your body. And on the contrary, it doesn't mean you can't have them ever again! It's about the choice to make healthier alternatives!! Your body is a temple, and you are the only one who can upkeep it!! So I will leave you all on that note, since today was a little lengthy. Just remember, if you are part of that 46% that started today....keep to it! Be the 14% that make it!! Prove that statistic wrong! I hope you all have an incredible Monday!

Day 31

Happy Saturday everyone!!! I started my day out my most favorite way and that is at the gym! Who would have thought?

Last night Hayden and I were talking about the last four weeks and the things that have changed. He said he was so proud that I have stuck to it this far and I can honestly say I am too. But I promise, today won't be about that. (not again!)

Today I decided to talk about Magic Pills. That magic pill that will allow you to lose weight. That magic pill that makes you skinny. That magic pill that will make every health issue go away and make you healthy. Now think about that magic pill....do you want that magic pill?? Who doesn't right??

Well I hate to break it to you all, but that magic pill doesn't exist. There is no magic pill, powder, or liquid that will make all your dreams come true. It takes hard work, dedication, and more self-motivation than you ever even thought you had inside you. I used to think that if I try this fad or that one, that the fat would just melt off of me. That if I half ass it, I can still get what I want. But I KNOW now that it won't work. Only I can make this happen for myself. It is up to my mind to push my body through this. Through the pain and through every other sacrifice I make, I push harder each day for the better of myself.

The moral of today's post is....you can't just take some magic item to make things better. It just doesn't work. You have to want the change to make it happen. What is important enough to you to make the change?? Is it your family, children, job, or just wanting to get healthy? No matter what it is, it should be important enough to make that change. So I hope today you all just do one thing....one healthy change. Whether that be drinking water instead of pop or walking around the whole mall while doing your Saturday shopping or just going for a small walk....that's all it takes.....so get out there and start today!!! There is no magic pill waiting for you...only your mind waiting to push your body!

Good luck <3

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 18

I can't believe it is Sunday already. This weekend went by so fast!!

I think back to what a normal Saturday night used to be. Sitting around, eating pizza, and having a drink or two.

Now...my Saturday night is going to the gym until 10, coming home to eating an apple and some peanut butter for protein, and drinking water. It's amazing how much better I feel. I never would have thought that just two and a half weeks would make a difference in how I see things. I haven't eaten anything fried, greasy, or processed in quite some time. My body is so happy with me.

It has been really nice to cook such healthy foods, and have Alayna and Hayden enjoy them. I feel like sometimes when I would go on health kicks, Hayden would cook something different for himself because he didn't want to eat the veggies and healthy foods that I was eating. But now, he is just as into eating healthy as I am. It's been such a good support to have that. Maybe that's why it didn't work the other times. I felt like I was doing it myself. And this time, I'm not alone.

Alayna has been loving all of the vegetables we have been eating. And ever since I have been drinking only water, I can't get her to drink any juice at all anymore. Which is GREAT!! She no longer is weighed down by all that artificial sweetener. Now I know that they still eat things they aren't supposed to...for example...last night Hayden and Alayna had milkshakes. And I didn't even want one. It smelled so sweet and sugary. And I actually got a little sick to my stomach smelling it. But as long as they enjoyed it, that's what's important!!

I'm so happy with all the progress that is being made. It has made me realize that even if the pounds aren't always going down....I'm still making a change for the better.

On my last note, I was thinking of putting up some of my daily foods (for all of you that don't follow me on My Fitness Pal). Maybe some recipes that I have been making for dinner? Would anyone be interested in that?

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!

Day 15

Well, I know I'm late today. I was lacking all motivation to write today. I'm not even sure if too many of you read this, but for the few that do, I will make sure to push through even bad days for you!

Tomorrow is weigh in, and I am so nervous. I will be happy with anything as long as I don't gain anything. I am making all the right decisions so I just hope the hard work has paid off.

Last night I was really disappointed in myself. I went for my nightly visit to the gym, and all of a sudden I felt this really sharp pain in my right knee. It felt like my knee cap was just floating around my leg. I pushed through until I had finished my walk, but I didn't push through enough to run. I know that it wasn't anything terrible, but I still feel like I quit on myself by just walking. Hayden told me I should take a day off, and of course I don't want to listen. I still plan on going to the gym tonight, but I guess I will just make it about distance tonight and not speed.

I hate that I am my worst critic through all of this. I should be happy and proud of all the hard work I have done. I have made it further than I ever thought possible. I ALWAYS stop at the two week point and say that I'm happy with how I am. But today is two weeks and one day, further than I ever thought possible. And I made it!!! So if there is anything to be proud of, I can be proud of that. After all, I'm not doing this to lose everything quickly and run a marathon tomorrow. It's work, I have to give it time to pay off. I should just be happy that I decided to make the change right?

SOOO...now that my childish rant is over. I know that no matter what number comes up tomorrow, I will be proud. Because no matter what, my life is different than it was two weeks ago. And that is the real reward.

Day 14

I made it!!! I made it to two weeks! I have never made it this far, and the feeling I have right now is indescribable. I am so proud and excited and I just want to keep going!! There is nothing quite like feeling healthier to make your life better. I feel like I keep selling my self short about this whole thing. Without sounding too full of myself, which are not my intentions at all, I am proud. I have been able to take my life from processed, oily, and deep fried, to healthier, green, and good for me. It takes a lot of focus to be able to do those things. I can honestly say that I definitely could not have done it alone.

As this week is halfway over and Friday is quickly approaching, I can't help but get nervous. I am an avid Biggest Loser watcher. The show is so inspiring and is incredible to be able to see these peoples journey to a better life. If those people can do this, there is absolutely nothing to stop me. BUT, with that being said, anyone know of the dreaded week two curse? I mean, I'm not working out for 6 hours a day, so I don't expect to compare to them at all. However, there has to be some truth to that week two plateau. If there is, I am nervous to see what Friday has in store for me. I know I have worked hard this week and pushed myself further than I have been able to go in a very long time. I guess only time will tell, and the numbers will speak for themselves on Friday.

When I originally started this blog, it was late at night. I was angry with myself, and the person I had become. I would always say, "You know I'll just start tomorrow. I'll just wait until event X happens and then I'll start. I'll just run around the house, that counts". All these were, were excuses. What I really needed to do was look in the mirror and realize how unhappy I was. I'm 24 years old and I'm not living even half the life that is possible. So I decided I needed to make a change. And with it being about the 50th time I decided to do that, I needed to do it different. And that was to involve all of you. So late at night, just 14 days ago, I decided to bring you all so much further into my life. It took more courage than I thought I had. I am a very scared person and very rarely go outside of my comfort zone. So this....this is far scarier than I thought it could ever be. I am ready to enjoy and embrace every moment of this, though. I will make it through and keep going. And I could not have made it even this short distance without all of you!

Off to hang out with Alayna today! I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

Day 13

Good Morning everyone! I'm a little late today, I know. Been a busy morning around here. It has been so nice to be able to stay home with Alayna every day. I love being able to have this time with her. I went from working every day and having just a couple hours at night with her, to having all day with her. And it's been wonderful!

However, as much as I love staying home with her, I have been growing ever so frustrated with not having a job. And this last few weeks it has been really bumming me out. And then, someone said something yesterday that really turned it around.

"At least you now have time to focus on yourself"

I NEVER thought of it that way. I just thought of it as I wasn't doing anything for my family, but that is almost entirely untrue. I AM doing something for my family. I am making sure that they have a wife and mother around for a VERY long time. I may not have a job right now (and not for lack of trying, applications flying out of this house!) but I am improving my life for my family.

Yesterday I felt amazing. I actually anxiously awaited my chance to go to the gym. I looked forward to it all day. I was finally able to use my HRM again since I got the battery changed. And let me tell you....I felt incredible. I ran faster than I have ever run. I felt so accomplished. I felt empowered. I decided after watching Biggest Loser, which I have been hooked on recently, that I want to be able to do a half-marathon with in the next two years. I know that is setting a HUGE goal for myself, but if I can do this, change my life and start my foot in the right direction, why can't I do that?

I have seen the people on that show that finish half marathons, and why couldn't I be one of them? I am enjoying what I am doing. And right now I think that the biggest thing holding me back is my weight. So I think once all this starts just melting away, I could do it. It would be the biggest challenge I could present to myself. But I.CAN.DO.IT!!!!

So what about all of you? What will you decide to do to challenge and push yourself?

Day 12

Good morning everyone!! Happy Monday!!!


You know I thought all night about what I was going to write about today. It kept me awake far longer than I care to share. But I got to thinking about all sorts of things. There has been this outreach of people both old and new from my life reading the blog. I didn't think it was anything to start writing. I just thought it was a way to get through this and it (in just 12 short days) has turned into so much more!! So today I want to say thank you! Thank you everyone who has decided to hop on during this journey!

My question to all of you is, do you know someone in your life who is struggling through weight loss or a change such as this? I would love to have them read and be a part of this journey as well! If I can do this, anyone can!

I am so blessed to have all of you in my life! From family to friends I feel so motivated by all of you. Every time I think I should just quit, or give it less time at the gym I think about all of you pushing me. I can honestly say that I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I actually look forward to it each day. It's such a nice way to spend time with myself. It's relaxing and I feel so great when I do push myself harder than the day before. I'm doing things I never thought possible. I am running again...who would have ever thought I would be running again! When I do things like this it makes me feel like all things are possible!! I dream about what my life will be like in six months. And for the first time in a long time, those aren't nightmares, but great dreams that I don't ever want to wake from!!!

I hope that in some way you all can find something that makes you as happy as I am. If that is going to the gym and running, doing Zumba, or taking a kickboxing class, that's great!! Even if it's just playing in the backyard, that is great too! You should always do something for yourself, be selfish, and make yourself happy in the healthiest way possible. That is exactly what I am doing with my life. You should do the same!!!

Hope to see some new visitors on the site! If you are new, feel free to comment!! Even if you aren't new, but a ghost reader, feel free to comment as well!! I love seeing how all of you are enjoying the blog. It makes my day!

Have a wonderful Monday all!