Day 166

Good Evening everyone! I'm sorry I haven't written in a couple days. I have been kind of busy with work and still sick. I somehow got like a third round of plague and am hoping to start feeling better soon! I thought this morning I was feeling better and somehow I am feeling sick again. So I am going to rest all day tomorrow and hopefully that will help!

So what have you missed....I recently celebrated my 4 year wedding anniversary! Went out on a date with Hayden for the first time in YEARS!! I honestly think it has been about two years since we have gone out on a date, so that was so nice!! Went to a nice Japanese steakhouse and then a movie! It was a good time.

I am keeping tonight short, since I am really not feeling all that well and I am ready for bed already. I feel like I am about a thousand years old...going to bed at 10 on a Saturday! But I am going to write a nice long post tomorrow while I am relaxing!

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!

Day 164

Good Evening everyone! I'm so sorry I forgot to write yesterday, but I have realized that I don't feel as bad if I don't write. I know before I felt obligated to write, and write long posts, but not anymore. If I don't feel up for writing, and know that all I would be writing is filler and fluff, than I know that it's probably just best if I don't write. So I am writing tonight to let you know that yesterday, I came home late and wanted to just spend time with Hayden and Alayna, so I didn't write. It was nice to just relax and have fun with them, and not feel like I HAD to write.

I felt so obligated before. Like people just sit around waiting for me to write.....which they obviously don't. So I don't feel as bad about not writing if I am too busy to...

Alright, so I don't want this post to make you feel like I don't want to write, I just wanted to explain why I don't post all the time now! Nothing personal everyone!

So today I would have written earlier, but I was enjoying watching some movies with Hayden and Alayna and wanted to just relax! Sometimes that is my favorite thing to do. I admitted to Hayden today I had the worst snack cravings, but I was so happy that I decided on oranges and some fruit leather, over some other not so great choices!!! Sometimes I just need to put things back into perspective to realize that I am doing okay!! I know it has only been a few days, but I am making it by! I am nervous and excited to see what Friday has in store, but until then.....I am going to just keep kicking butt!!!

Have a good Sunday night everyone!

Day 163

Good Evening everyone! I had a nice long day today and I am so tired. I didn't think that I would have trouble waking up this morning after getting home late, but boy was I wrong. I was so tired this morning because I could not seem to go to bed after the gym last night. I was so fired up that I wanted to just keep going, so when I came home, I wanted to just stay up!!

So back to this morning, I did get on the scale for the first time in a while. I reset my "MFP" and I am not happy with what I saw at all. But like I said, I am ready to make that number just rocket downwards! I know that I wasn't on my A game these last few months, but it is back to business. I am tired of letting myself and others down. I know that I can commit to this!! I am ready to start that initial 2 weeks that I hate so much....If I can get there, I can get back on track and start seeing the results I love so much!!!

So I hope that you all are back on board with me! I know that I was absent for some time, but I am here, and I am ready to start this journey back up again. I am not happy with myself, but I am letting it motivate me. I look in the mirror now and see potential! That's something that has taken me a very long time to come to terms with. It's not that I am demotivated by that person, but I strive to make her a better person. I love myself, and I never thought that possible. This journey is just about improving upon what is already there!!

Have a great Friday Night everyone! We are spending ours cuddled up watching movies and keeping the fire on since it's freezing!! Enjoy!!!

Day 162

Alright everyone, another night of confessions coming your way! I hate admitting this one, but it's something I have to do to really feel like I'm starting fresh this year........I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks. Probably since I got home from Disney World is the last time I weighed myself. I have been so worried about what I am going to see what I get on that scale, that I have just been avoiding it all together. So for now, I am going to just breath deep breaths tomorrow and see what it says. I will continue to weigh in on Fridays, I preferred it really, but I will have a official weigh in next week. Tomorrow will just be me getting on the scale to see a "start-ish" point. I don't want to say that I am starting completely over, because I have made progress, I just.....digressed a little bit along the way. So tomorrow...I jump on that scale and will brave it just like other week. And KNOW that it will be going down the week after that.

So I am heading back into the place I fear so much, which is the grocery store....I don't like going in just because there is just so much temptation that lurks around every corner. There are so many options to derail me, that I just hate going. I know that there are foods that are good for me there, but come on....bunch of chocolate cookies is going to look much better than cup of carrots. I mean who doesn't agree with me on that one???? So I will venture back in tonight and see what lies in store for me.

I also am headed back to the gym tonight. As tired as I know I am, I know what is more important to me. And what will always be more important to me, is making sure that I am healthy and happy, and around for forever with Alayna!!

So I leave you all with a thought, what changes are you making in your lives for the better this year? Now, I made a resolution on top of this change, to be a better person....that means mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. Sometimes I get distracted with things that I can be a bad one of the above, and this year, I want to change that. I also want to live by one of my favorite TV show quotes.....I leave you with that tonight to think about...it's my new years goal!!

Day 161 - 1

Good Evening Everyone....and Happy New Year!!!! I hope you all had a great close to 2013 and are ready to welcome 2014 with open arms!!! I know I am.  I am finally back at it, blogging that is, as well as everything else. I am here to admit something I never wanted to have to do....I gave up on myself.

I always do, and I was too scared to tell you all that. I guess I figured if I just kept blogging maybe I would be able to fake myself out. I stopped going to the gym and got so focused on work and home that I stopped worrying about me, and I gave up. But this is me making a promise that I will not do that again. I never stopped thinking about what I started. Not once. Every day I looked in the mirror and realized I am not the person I promised myself to be for 2014, and I hate that. But instead of discouraging me, it will motivate me. It has to, or I won't be able to go on in this battle.

Now, I don't want people to think this is my New Year's resolution. In no way is this a resolution. This is a solution....a lifetime fix. It's not about getting back on the horse, but about keeping on the same path. There never was a horse, just me and this journey. I may get off the path at times, but I am always headed in the right direction and am on the same journey. (so many horrible cliches here, stick with me!) I know that I can do this, and I have done it, but this time it's about staying focused. It's about having a goal in mind, small goals at first and then eventually making it to the big goal.

So in 2014, I am not making this my resolution, but my stance, my change. I apologize that I let all of you down. This blog took some sort of turn and I hate what it became. It wasn't inspiring, if anything it was demotivating. I talked myself out of everything, and I stopped caring about me. That time is over. I am here to make changes and inspire changes. I am ready to become that person I was months ago....she was a strong person, and I can't wait to welcome her back.

I thank each and every one of you that have stayed with me. And I welcome back people who choose to start reading again. I am sorry for the long wait on the lightbulb to go off, but I am here and I am ready to get back on the right path!!! I look forward to the journey with all of you by my side and cheering!!!

Happy New Year everyone....I can't wait to see what 2014 holds for me!!!