Keeping Up

So I promised that I would keep up with my blog, and I will not let you down. I will not be writing every day. I would not set myself up for that kind of failure anymore. It was ridiculous to think that I could continue that. However I will write whenever I can. I am doing a great job of keeping up with my lifestyle change! The yoga however has been a little bit more difficult to keep up with. I am trying my best to at least work out though. I have been going for walks, I have been going to work and making sure to walk around and keep busy as often as possible, walking the steps at home up and down, anything I can possibly do. I know some of those things sound silly, but they keep me active!

This change in my life has been eye opening, it has been really difficult not to weigh in every week, but as someone who has made a huge impact on my life once said, it's not the pounds that matter, but how you feel, and the inches that matter. Health is always more important, and something that should be noted is that my liver has been getting healthier and healthier. The test they did last time showed that my fatty liver disease had severely decreased which is just fantastic!!! Apparently this diet and exercise thing really do work!

I have been scolded though through this process that I have not been eating enough. I went to see a nutritionist and dietitian and they told me that what I was doing was all wrong. So I decided to switch it up, and make sure that I was doing what was right for my body and I have seen a huge difference! I am so lucky to have such a support system in this journey though. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers, since this isn't going to facebook any longer. That was my biggest market for this blog, so hopefully this will reach other people!

I am leaving you all to that, and I promise that I will make an effort to write sooner. If there is anything more you would like to read, feel free to leave a comment and let me know! I am an open book!

Day 164

Good Evening everyone! I'm so sorry I forgot to write yesterday, but I have realized that I don't feel as bad if I don't write. I know before I felt obligated to write, and write long posts, but not anymore. If I don't feel up for writing, and know that all I would be writing is filler and fluff, than I know that it's probably just best if I don't write. So I am writing tonight to let you know that yesterday, I came home late and wanted to just spend time with Hayden and Alayna, so I didn't write. It was nice to just relax and have fun with them, and not feel like I HAD to write.

I felt so obligated before. Like people just sit around waiting for me to write.....which they obviously don't. So I don't feel as bad about not writing if I am too busy to...

Alright, so I don't want this post to make you feel like I don't want to write, I just wanted to explain why I don't post all the time now! Nothing personal everyone!

So today I would have written earlier, but I was enjoying watching some movies with Hayden and Alayna and wanted to just relax! Sometimes that is my favorite thing to do. I admitted to Hayden today I had the worst snack cravings, but I was so happy that I decided on oranges and some fruit leather, over some other not so great choices!!! Sometimes I just need to put things back into perspective to realize that I am doing okay!! I know it has only been a few days, but I am making it by! I am nervous and excited to see what Friday has in store, but until then.....I am going to just keep kicking butt!!!

Have a good Sunday night everyone!

Day 162

Alright everyone, another night of confessions coming your way! I hate admitting this one, but it's something I have to do to really feel like I'm starting fresh this year........I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks. Probably since I got home from Disney World is the last time I weighed myself. I have been so worried about what I am going to see what I get on that scale, that I have just been avoiding it all together. So for now, I am going to just breath deep breaths tomorrow and see what it says. I will continue to weigh in on Fridays, I preferred it really, but I will have a official weigh in next week. Tomorrow will just be me getting on the scale to see a "start-ish" point. I don't want to say that I am starting completely over, because I have made progress, I just.....digressed a little bit along the way. So tomorrow...I jump on that scale and will brave it just like other week. And KNOW that it will be going down the week after that.

So I am heading back into the place I fear so much, which is the grocery store....I don't like going in just because there is just so much temptation that lurks around every corner. There are so many options to derail me, that I just hate going. I know that there are foods that are good for me there, but come on....bunch of chocolate cookies is going to look much better than cup of carrots. I mean who doesn't agree with me on that one???? So I will venture back in tonight and see what lies in store for me.

I also am headed back to the gym tonight. As tired as I know I am, I know what is more important to me. And what will always be more important to me, is making sure that I am healthy and happy, and around for forever with Alayna!!

So I leave you all with a thought, what changes are you making in your lives for the better this year? Now, I made a resolution on top of this change, to be a better person....that means mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. Sometimes I get distracted with things that I can be a bad one of the above, and this year, I want to change that. I also want to live by one of my favorite TV show quotes.....I leave you with that tonight to think about...it's my new years goal!!

Day 138

Good Evening everyone!! I am not writing much today, because I just got home from work! These long days have made it very difficult to stay up late at night. I hope you all are having a wonderful evening. I am going shopping this week to try and figure out what a healthy thanksgiving I can have. I need to figure out how to get that same great flavor with not so unhealthy meals!

I know that we are making the turkey healthy and looking to cut down on the carbs, as much as Hayden is begging for mac and cheese with dinner, but I am trying my best! What are all of you doing to cut down on carbs and fats for Thanksgiving??

I hate to cut it here, but I will write more tomorrow when I have time! Enjoy your evenings everyone!!!!

Day 133

Good Morning Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great morning! I am trying to keep positive. I also had a discovery last night.....no matter how much I try to focus on just me, like I talked about last night, I will always put others first, and that's okay. I don't know why, but it's just how I am. I try to switch it off, but I just can't, and that's not a bad thing! You know, when I was in school, I was the person other people came to with problems. People would let me know what was going on, and I was just a good ear, shoulder, or hug that they needed. I am okay with being that. So I will continue to focus on me, but I will make sure to have a balance. And I will ALSO make sure to go to someone if I feel the need to talk to someone!

So I also know I keep saying that I don't really have anyone here....wah wah wah...right? I hate feeling sorry for myself. And then I had a shocking realization, I do have people. They know who they are, and I am so thankful for their support. It truly does keep me going every day. I know that working, eating right, going to they gym, taking care of Alayna and Hayden, and keeping a house clean is not all that much work, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. And I am so lucky to have these people in my life. I guess I just thought it was time to give some credit, where credit is due, so to you guys, I say THANK YOU! I have been so lucky to find people here, not many, but enough to make my days so much better!!!

So I'm trying to think of what the point of this post was supposed to be....early mornings tend to mess with my brain a little bit! I guess what it really comes down to, is I don't think I can change who I am. I will always put others first. I got it from my grandmother. I guess it is why I care so much about what others have to say about me, because I work so hard to make everyone else happy. I know I shouldn't care, but I do.....So I will continue to care about others, I will thank everyone for what they do (too much usually), and I will try my very best to still keep a focus on me!!!

So I think this post was a little rambly, but I hope it got my point across. I am happy to help others, and I thought that would be what I needed to focus on to make myself more focused, but it isn't. I need to focus on doing everything! I need to just spread myself evenly across everything! So in closing, have a great Wednesday and I will talk to all of you tomorrow!!!!

Day 122

I will be honest with all of you, I am tired. So I think I am keeping today short and sweet!

I hope you all had an awesome Saturday!!! I spent it partially at work and partially at home, so it could have been better! I had to get up early and head to work for something that never even happened, and then I went home and I cuddled up with Hayden and Alayna all day watching movies and playing games!

So I guess all in all it was an awesome day. I needed some time with Hayden and Alayna, so I did get that....and am continuing now, and must return to them!!!

Enjoy what is left of your evenings and I will catch all you crazy kids tomorrow!!!

Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 120

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having an incredible morning! I woke up this morning with a new out look. My dad sent me this message yesterday that was so full of impact for me!!

"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."

That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.

I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.

To give you all a little snapshot of my days:

6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.

7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.

7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner

8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.

9:00 pm - BED!!!!!

So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!

I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!

Day 119

Good Morning Everyone!!!!!! I woke up nice and early to make sure that I could get Alayna ready, get myself ready, and STILL have time to write. I know that I have been slacking on my blog a bit. And that I have been promising things that I have not held up. But I am working on it! I have decided that I NEED to get into a routine. It will be hard at first, but as soon as I can do that, I will be better off. After all, it is all about getting into a routine! And as long as I can knock this sense of feeling tired all the time, I can do it!!!

I have tried Chia seeds as energy, and I just don't seem to be getting enough energy from them. I am looking for redbull sized energy, and am not finding it naturally occurring in nature! So I am continuing my search!! I hope that I can figure this all out soon, because I am tired.....of being tired!!!

I have to get back that motivation I had a month ago. So I MUST work hard to get back to that person. I have only 32 days, 15 hours, and 42 minutes before our trip!!! So I HAVE to get my butt going, so that this trip is the best trip I could possibly make it!!!

So all those feelings I had when I started....the frustration of the first two weeks, the angry feeling I had when not seeing results....the irritation of not being able to eat the things I wanted.....I need to find those feelings again, because they gave me results!! So back to the basics everyone....Gotta hold myself accountable, no matter what!!!!

SO on that note, I am starting off my day right!!! Focusing on things that I REALLY REALLY want!!!!! What are you focusing on today??!

Day 116

So today we went to the Columbia County Fair, and my goodness was it fun!!! I had such a good time with Alayna, and when we originally got there, I didn't want to ride the rides. The feelings I had when I tried to ride rides last time returned. "I'm not going to fit, I'm too big, people will ask me to get off". It was embarrassing last time. It hurt inside more than I can even explain....but this time...I fit in everything I went on!!! It was SO much fun to do these things as a family! I had such a blast with Hayden and Alayna. And we took pictures together, and guess what....I liked them!!! I for some reason just feel like I look better....happier!

Can anyone please fill me in...do I look happier in pictures? Because I feel happier in them. I don't feel like the Big Girl anymore! It is such a relieving feeling!

Tomorrow I have to be up early to go to work. So I am unfortunately going to keep it kind of short tonight. I want you all to know that I am scarily close to my Disney trip, so it is time to really step it up! I am ready to have the most amazing time of my life....I want my sister and brother to see me and say "WOW!". So I need to really start working hard. I am still tweaking how I am going to make it work, but I am going to MAKE IT WORK!!!


Have an amazing Sunday night everyone!!

Day 110

Good Evening Everyone!!!! Today was quite a bit to handle! I have FINALLY finished my training binders, so I thought I would be able to focus a little more on life, but unfortunately something else came around the corner.....BUT it should be a quick thing!!!

I found my old journal and have been looking through some of my posts....boy was I unhappy....I'm happy I have made the decisions I have made in my life. Granted I complain a lot, I am happier!! I have come a long way from there. So I really do have all of you to thank for that. I am so happy that 110 days ago I decided to do something about it. I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't...probably really unhappy!!!!

So I am going to work on more work...exciting right?? Like I don't do enough of that! But I am watching SNL with Hayden...and boy is it a good one. So I am going to go and multi-task and you all go and enjoy your evenings!!!

Day 106

Good evening everyone. I am sorry I did not write this morning. Hayden got in a car accident last night, and I had so many calls to make this morning with both insurance companies, work, and the hospital. He has a concussion and has been feeling pretty bad all day, but right now he seems to be feeling a little bit better. Rest will do him good.

But that's what my day has consisted of. It has been a lot of calls and emails and working on my conference call for the morning, which at 6:30 pm, I was told I was in charge of....nothing like last minute right??? But I will handle it like I always do!

So I know last week I promised you I would lose this big amount of weight...and I hate to report, that I did not. I know tomorrow is weigh in day, but I KNOW I did not lose as much as I had wanted. This week was way more hectic than I had imagined it to be.

So I am going to try and relax a little bit, and take care of Hayden. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and I will be weighing in tomorrow!!

Day 102

Good Evening everyone! I'm sorry this is so late. I got very down after my Mom and Dad left. Their time here went just way too fast! I don't know how it happens so fast!!! I wish I could slow things down to truly enjoy this time with my family. Alayna had such a great time with her Mema and Pappy! She loved carving pumpkins and making smores with them!

All in all, this weekend was incredible! I have no words for how much fun I had with them! I love being able to see them enjoy time with Alayna. I really enjoyed being able to have that special time with my parents. That race was so much fun! I can't wait to do another one with my Dad!!

So I know I should have more to say, but I have a lot to do before work tomorrow and have to be up by 5:00 am! SO you all have a wonderful evening! I'll write nice and early tomorrow.

Day 100 - Weigh In

Day 100??!!!?!?!?!?! Where are the streamers and confetti??? Isn't that what day 100 is supposed to feel like??? Well inside my head it does!! I had a really bad week this week. I mean with the party last week, to some not so great decisions this week, I kind of figured I was going to gain, I mean I should have! But I didn't......I stayed on my steady track moving downward at .8 pounds lost for a total of 36.3 pounds gone!! It may only be .8 pounds, but it is that much closer to my goal!!!

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about work, weight loss, and my family. I tossed and turned all night, and honestly, it has been like this for the past week or so. I am not sure what is causing it, but I just dream about work and Hayden, that it feels so real and when I wake up, it felt like I had been working all night and not sleeping. It is starting to get really stressful, and I don't like it. I wish I knew how to fix it, because trust me, the LAST thing I want to be doing is working more than I already am. I guess I will just have to try and figure that out on my own time.

So like I said last night, it is time for me to really kick it back into gear. I finally got my okay to get my butt back in the gym, so that will be starting as soon as my parents are gone (for obvious reasons!!), and then today starts me back on weighing all my food and making sure I am eating proportionally. We all stumble at some point during a journey, and that is all this past few weeks has been. I have been writing less, working out less, working more, and eating less then perfect. So that all stops today. My body is basically yelling at me, "Bethany, you've had your fun, now it's time to kick that butt back into gear. Do you want to be around forever for Alayna? Do I need to remind you of all those goals?? Then just do it, Bethany!!!!!". So I hear you Body, and I am!!! I am sorry I treated you less then "temple-ish" this past couple weeks. I should have never done that.

Somehow, even through the crap, no working out, and just the plateau I was on, I still managed to lose weight, but not what I know I am capable of. So now it's time to see those numbers go up (and down!). I'm ready to love the scale again and not fear it each week. SO this is me making a promise to myself, and maybe even all of you too, that I WILL lose more than .8 pounds next week!!!

Alright, I think I've made you all read enough this morning! I am going to go finish getting ready for work, so I can get my butt home to hang out with my Mom and Dad!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and remember to NEVER give up on what you truly want. Remember why you want the things you want. Remember why you started this journey, and don't you DARE settle for less than what you started all of it for! You ARE worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 99

Alright I know I told everyone that I would write earlier after my appointment, but I got very caught up in hanging out with my parents. We did so much today! We did some shopping, went bowling, and then watched movies while we ate!! It was perfect!!!

As for the doctor's appointment, I'm all good and ready to go!!!! They said that if it was something, it seems to have gone away now. It may be tendonitis, but if it flares up again, just to take it easy!!! So I will be doing my walk this weekend, and I am back to full throttle at the gym!!!

As far as everything else, I am just ready to kick my life back into gear!!!! I have slacked a little the last few weeks and I'm ready to really get back on track now that I am cleared for the gym!!!

I am really sorry that it is short again today, but I will write a little more tomorrow when I weigh in tomorrow!!!! I'm a little nervous, but I am ready for it, because I have big things ahead of me!!!!!

Have a good night everyone!!!!

Day 98

Hello everyone! I know this is a very late post, but I was trying my best to enjoy my time with my Mom and Dad since they just drove in today. It was nice being able to have lunch with them and going to dinner as well. As much as I wish I wasn't working while they were here, I am stuck working Friday still. At least I have the rest of the weekend off to spend with them. Alayna is so over the moon with them being here. It's nice to see her so excited!

So tomorrow morning is my doctors appointment and I want to be well rested for it. I will write as soon as I am done with the doctor. Hopefully it's all good news, and I am just fine!! I know this is a short post, but I just want to enjoy my time with my parents!!

Have a great night everyone!!!

Day 95

Good Evening everyone. I had to work today so I have just been lounging around since I got home. Not really wanting to do anything. I can't even put it into words how excited I am for my mom and dad to come visit. Alayna has asked every morning "are mema and pappy here yet?" She is very excited for them to come and see her!

I wish I had some insightful words for all of you tonight, but I just am not feeling up for it tonight. I really love being able to tell you how my days go and what I am up to, but not much happened today. A nice long work day and then relaxing at home, preparing for my parents to come!!!

Soooo that is that for tonight. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and I promise tomorrow will be a heartier entry!!!!!

Day 92

Good morning everyone! SO I sat down last night and thought about what the top three things that were really important to me that were related to this journey. And this is what I came up with:

1. Being able to be around for Alayna. Being able to live a long live and being able to keep up with her. If I could have as much energy as she has, that would be incredible!! She is the most important thing in the world to me, and it is so important that I am here for her.

2. My health. I really don't have much extra to say than that. It is important that I treat my body as a temple. And this is the best way I know how. Eat right and exercise, that is what is important to me and to make sure that I make it to where I want to really be in my life.

3. Disney World.....I want....no NEED....to keep that in my forefront of my mind. I want to get the absolute most out of this trip, and being over weight and not being able to keep up with my family would be the worst thing for me. I want to go on every ride and not worry "do I have to sit in that special seating, and will I even fit in that???"

So that was what I came up with. Those are the things both short term and long term that are the most important to me. Losing weight is important to me, but it shouldn't be at the front of my mind all the time. I have a full time job, come home and take care of Alayna, and somehow have to work out as well. So I really need to focus on short term goals and not long term goals. I will admit that the biggest thing that got me down was not that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but looking back on notes I had taken when I started, I thought I could do it all and get the most incredible results quickly. That is simply unrealistic for me. I have too much going on to keep up the progress I had when I was not working. So I vow to not get as easily frustrated!! Or at least I will try!!

I will leave you all with that. It is almost time for me to go to work so I will talk to all you lovely people tomorrow!! Have a wonderful Thursday!!

Day 90

Wow....day 90.....almost 100 days and I am NO where near where I wanted to be. This day was supposed to be this very celebratory day, and it is quite the opposite. I am very far from happy today. I look in the mirror and I am back to seeing the girl from 90 days ago. I am not seeing the girl I thought I would be seeing. So I just really need to hone in and figure out what is the most important to me. Figure out what it is that is important and stick to that. I know this seems like I am complaining, but I am just no where near where I thought I would be at this point in this journey.

I know this is a marathon and not a sprint, but I am unhappy with my progress so I am just going to have to figure out what I can do to fix it. I know I said that I would post a list today about what I really am going to start focusing on these next few weeks, but I don't know what that is just yet. I am thinking too long term when I really need to be thinking short term. I am thinking too much about what I want now, but can't have, then what I need now and what is to come. (if that makes sense).

I have so much work still to do that I don't know how I will ever get there. I am unfortunately thinking so much about what I want when this is over, than what I need to be focused on now. So I will leave you all with that this evening. I am trying to just vent this one out and work it out on my own, so I will let you all know how that goes tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 87

Good Evening everyone!! I had to work today, and I was unable to write this morning. I was too tired this morning to even function. After working a 13 hour day in prep of our birthday party weekend at work.....I had so much to do! But it was all worth it, because the place looked amazing!!

As far as what I want to talk about today...I want to talk about my dad. My dad is an incredible person. He is one of the most motivational and inspirational people I know. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my family more than anything, and when I talk about my mom and my dad I talk about them like they are my best friends. I am so lucky to have him in my life. It's not every day that people have a relationship like that with their dad, and I do! They are coming to visit us soon, and my dad asked if we could do a 5K together and I immediately was sooooooo excited! I can't think of anything that would make me more excited and happier than to walk with my dad in my first *post life style change* 5K. So that will be coming up shortly, but I have SO much going on that I need to start being more consistent to get ready for it!!

So that is all that is going on here. I will keep you all posted on race details and what we sign up for and all that fun stuff!!! Have a wonderful night with your families and be good everyone!!!