Day 163

Good Evening everyone! I had a nice long day today and I am so tired. I didn't think that I would have trouble waking up this morning after getting home late, but boy was I wrong. I was so tired this morning because I could not seem to go to bed after the gym last night. I was so fired up that I wanted to just keep going, so when I came home, I wanted to just stay up!!

So back to this morning, I did get on the scale for the first time in a while. I reset my "MFP" and I am not happy with what I saw at all. But like I said, I am ready to make that number just rocket downwards! I know that I wasn't on my A game these last few months, but it is back to business. I am tired of letting myself and others down. I know that I can commit to this!! I am ready to start that initial 2 weeks that I hate so much....If I can get there, I can get back on track and start seeing the results I love so much!!!

So I hope that you all are back on board with me! I know that I was absent for some time, but I am here, and I am ready to start this journey back up again. I am not happy with myself, but I am letting it motivate me. I look in the mirror now and see potential! That's something that has taken me a very long time to come to terms with. It's not that I am demotivated by that person, but I strive to make her a better person. I love myself, and I never thought that possible. This journey is just about improving upon what is already there!!

Have a great Friday Night everyone! We are spending ours cuddled up watching movies and keeping the fire on since it's freezing!! Enjoy!!!

Day 133

Good Morning Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great morning! I am trying to keep positive. I also had a discovery last night.....no matter how much I try to focus on just me, like I talked about last night, I will always put others first, and that's okay. I don't know why, but it's just how I am. I try to switch it off, but I just can't, and that's not a bad thing! You know, when I was in school, I was the person other people came to with problems. People would let me know what was going on, and I was just a good ear, shoulder, or hug that they needed. I am okay with being that. So I will continue to focus on me, but I will make sure to have a balance. And I will ALSO make sure to go to someone if I feel the need to talk to someone!

So I also know I keep saying that I don't really have anyone here....wah wah wah...right? I hate feeling sorry for myself. And then I had a shocking realization, I do have people. They know who they are, and I am so thankful for their support. It truly does keep me going every day. I know that working, eating right, going to they gym, taking care of Alayna and Hayden, and keeping a house clean is not all that much work, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. And I am so lucky to have these people in my life. I guess I just thought it was time to give some credit, where credit is due, so to you guys, I say THANK YOU! I have been so lucky to find people here, not many, but enough to make my days so much better!!!

So I'm trying to think of what the point of this post was supposed to be....early mornings tend to mess with my brain a little bit! I guess what it really comes down to, is I don't think I can change who I am. I will always put others first. I got it from my grandmother. I guess it is why I care so much about what others have to say about me, because I work so hard to make everyone else happy. I know I shouldn't care, but I do.....So I will continue to care about others, I will thank everyone for what they do (too much usually), and I will try my very best to still keep a focus on me!!!

So I think this post was a little rambly, but I hope it got my point across. I am happy to help others, and I thought that would be what I needed to focus on to make myself more focused, but it isn't. I need to focus on doing everything! I need to just spread myself evenly across everything! So in closing, have a great Wednesday and I will talk to all of you tomorrow!!!!

Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 94

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great Saturday with family!! We have been grocery shopping all day and we have been cleaning. It's been a VERY productive day. I am getting ready for my mom and dad to come, and I could NOT be any more excited!!!!

I am keeping it short because I have so much cleaning to do before our little get together tonight, but I just wanted to pop in and tell you all what I have been up to today. I have been in this absolutely amazing mood lately, that I can't seem to shake, which is a good thing!! I just want to take every day one step at a time and enjoy it. Everything that is happening to me, is happening for a reason, and I just need to enjoy it!!!

I will leave you with that. Enjoy your days and remember that every little thing that is happening in your life right now, is happening for a reason!!  Happy Saturday everyone!! Enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 76

Hello everyone. I decided to wait until late to write today because it was my day off. I wanted to enjoy my time with Alayna, and boy was it nice to relax with her all day. I didn't have a care in the world today but just me and Alayna relaxing!! It was so nice to just relax!!!

Last night I went to the gym, and it honestly felt AMAZING!!! My ankle hurt today, but not what I thought it was going to be! I am finally ready to step back into it. I know that I should take it easy, but it honestly felt good just to get back into things. I didn't stay as long as I thought I was going to but it was enough to make me feel like it was worth it!!

It was just a testament that no matter what you want to achieve, you can. Carefully, but you can!! I really do know that it may have been dumb for me to go and to somewhat push myself, but it was something I needed to do for myself. I think it is what I have REALLY needed. I have been feeling sorry for myself and looking in the mirror really unhappily, and I think this is JUST what I needed!!!

Well...I don't want to spend my evening typing on a computer, but would rather take advantage of the time I have with Alayna and Hayden!!! Have a wonderful evening yourselves and remember, it's okay to fall behind, as long as you promise yourself to catch back up!!!!

Day 71

Hello Everyone! Today is my day off, and I am enjoying my time with Alayna. Granted I spent about all morning at the doctors. I have an ortho consult in right now, and should hopefully be getting some answers soon.

I don't want to take up much time today, because I have the whole day with Alayna, and I don't want to waste it!!!

We went to Fort Gordon for the appointment, and luckily Hayden was able to meet me there. They said that unfortunately they are not able to read the MRI's like Ortho would be able to, so I have to wait until I meet with them until I find out what is going on. I am hoping that I can just get in there ASAP to get this all over with and back into the real swing of things!!

I am going to keep it just this short today. My attention span is lacking, and it may just be the full moon, but who knows....time for me to go relax with Alayna!!

Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

Day 67

Good morning, and happy Sunday to everyone! Hope you are all having a wonderful day and enjoying your time with your family. I have been blessed with two days off in a row with Hayden and Alayna. We are spending the day cleaning and watching movies and football together! It's nice to just be able to relax with each other.

After the day that we had yesterday, how happy I was, I have carried that out to today. I am having a wonderful day with my family and just trying to take advantage of it as much as possible. I am going to go to the gym tonight and then have a nice early day at work tomorrow morning. So we are going to relax all day together!

I don't want to take up too much of your time today because YOU TOO should be taking advantage of family time. I have realized through all of this that this is what is most important!!! Making the most of the time I have with them, and making sure I am around for them for as long as possible!!! That is what this is allll about! Being around for them and being able to take care of them as best I can.

Alright everyone, I am done! Have a wonderful day with your family and friends! And enjoy all the football you would like!

Day 51 - Weigh In

OH MY GOODNESSSSSS!!! You guys this morning I had to get on and off the scale a few times to make sure what I was seeing is correct!!! I am so over the moon about this number! Are you ready??? Drum roll please........................

3.9 pounds down for a total of 25.9 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!! I hit that 25 pound mark...finally!!!!!!!! I can't help but use all of these exclamation points and crazy large fonts, because I didn't think I would get it this week. I was continuously getting 2's, or 1.5's, and I just thought it was going to be another couple weeks before 25 would get here. I can't even explain to everyone what I am feeling right now!! It just goes to show that hard work really pays off. And even through really tough situations or the challenges of being a full time mom with a full time job, you can make it work!!

So on another positive note, last night at the gym, there were only two of us there. I stayed on the elliptical for about an hour, and did 3.5 miles. Nothing too extreme, but it was enough to get a good burn before my weigh in this morning. When I went to leave, the other gentleman who was there was leaving too. He approached me and asked, "How long were you on that machine?" to which I responded, "Oh, only about an hour or so...not too long....and wish it could have been a bit longer". This gentleman's face was shocked. He then came back to me with, "I could never do that machine for that long. You must be really in shape because I know I can't handle that!". I immediately thanked him, and said that I was by no means "In Shape", but that I was getting there. It was hard for me at first, until I kept to it, and now love it. I then had a HUGE moment of clarity...I was talking to myself (figuratively of course, I'm not that crazy). This man was overweight and at the gym trying to fix himself. He was me, 51 days ago. Scared of the machines, scared of people in the gym, in awe of what people were able to do, and what I was ashamed I couldn't do. But with hard work, I am getting to a better point. I wish I would have said something to this man last night. He was so nice, and he really made my night. I hope to see him more at the gym, as he was doing a great job!!

On all these wonderful notes, I am signing off for the day! Have a huge day ahead of me, and with this good news, NOTHING will bring me down today! Have a wonderful Friday everyone!!! Make today the day you make a change...it could pay off 51 days from now!!

Day 49

Good Morning everyone! I am going to have to keep today VERY short because I am running behind. Alayna is really sick again today and being very cuddly so my priority is there. But while she eats some breakfast, I am going to write to all you wonderful people!

I was going to talk today about how nice it has been to go to the gym alone every night and have the whole gym to myself, and then last night, it was packed!!! There were a surprising amount of people at the gym at 11:30 at night! I was back to my old shy self again. I kept going to the other side of the gym where no one was at, and keeping to myself...I just felt like I was starting all over again. I wish I was more confident when I was there, but I just haven't gotten to that point yet. I guess it is just another one of those things that take time.

Last night I was late coming home from work, and it was so nice to come home to dinner ready and on the table. I can honestly say that through all of this, I have had the best support system possible!!! Hayden pushes me harder than I thought possible, and I am so lucky to have him!! Remember, if any of you out there are trying to start a journey like mine, make sure you have a strong support system...because without that, it just won't work!! I used to keep it to myself, and not let anyone in on my journey, and this time I am so motivated because of my strong support system!

So like I said, I'm keeping it short to get as much cuddle time in with Alayna as I can. Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!!

Day 40

Day 40 Everyone??? Can you even believe it?? I know I can definitely not believe it. I will say, as I start my job today, I am overwhelmingly nervous. I mean who isn't nervous on the first day of work? But today I can't help but be just a little extra nervous. I'm leaving Alayna today, which I am so upset about. And I am starting a new position that I know little about and will need an insane amount of training. So at this point I'm just hoping I do well!

I have now run into the problem of when to go to the gym. I am nervous that I will come up with excuses, forget to go, or be too tired. I know that I WANT to go no matter what, but there is no telling how I am going to feel after work. So I just want to see how this first week goes and then go from there. At least I know I can be in control of the one thing that is just as important as going to the gym, and that is my diet. No matter what happens, I am in charge of that. No bad snacking, eating out, or eating anything that is processed and awful for you. I can take charge of that above all else!

So I am keeping it short today, simply because I have lots to do before work. But I did promise a recipe and I will not let you down. It's a recipe for Grilled Chicken Wraps!!

1 lb. chicken tenderloins
2 Whole grain flatbread wraps
4 cups shredded lettuce
1 tomato (diced)
2/3 cup low fat mozzarella cheese shredded
2 T. low cal. ranch

Season and grill the chicken (we had to do indoor grill because of weather). Cut and separate into 3 oz. servings. Put 2 cups shredded lettuce onto each wrap plus half the tomato, half the cheese, and 1T. ranch on each. We made ours more like Tacos, but you could probably make it like a panini wrap as well. We also made our chicken buffalo style by adding 3 T. of Frank's.

It's not very in-depth, but it was delicious and low calorie!!! Well I am off to my first day of work everyone!! Wish me luck!

Day 39

You all didn't think I was going to post today huh?? Well I did!!! I've just been really busy trying to find a full time babysitter for Alayna. It's been so fun....

On another note...a much happier one...today I put on a shirt that I haven't put on in weeks. When I would wear it before I had to wear a shirt underneath it because the buttons would pop open or spread apart to see under the shirt. I always had kind of a hard time wearing button ups because of that. But today...I put the shirt on, without an undershirt, and it fit beautifully!! It actually is a little big in the top part!!!!! I am over the moon about it! Any one who has known me knows...I am well endowed. Always have been. And I would be more than overjoyed if those things choose to leave. I hate them!! So to put a button up shirt on and not need an undershirt on, or have to keep it only buttoned half way because it is too small around the chest....is such a big thing! I am just so excited!!!

It's these small "NSV's" as you call them that keep me going (non-scale victories). Like being able to run around with Alayna outside and not getting out of breath. Fitting into clothes I couldn't before. Feeling muscles I didn't even know I had. I'm just starting to really feel and see a change and let me tell you, I LOVE it!! I love it all and it just keeps me going and going!

I am going to have to keep today short because we have some people coming in to interview for the babysitting position, but I PROMISE tomorrow I will have a more in depth post and a recipe included. I am starting my job tomorrow as well and I am beyond nervous about it! So wish me luck and I will write again tomorrow!!

Day 37 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday!! Also, today I want to wish my wonderful sister a very Happy Birthday today!!! I wouldn't be 1/1,000th of the woman, mother, sister, wife, friend or even human being I am today if it weren't for her. She is an inspiration to me every day and I couldn't imagine asking for a better sister in the world! I hope you have an incredible day!! You deserve it!!!

Now....as you know....Friday is weigh in day. So today I hopped on that scale...not feeling confident at all. And I look down....and I lost two pounds! With mother nature working against me, I didn't expect that at all this week!! So now I am down a total of 19.5 pounds!!! I am so close to that 20 pound mark!!! Hopefully I can break it next week!!

Speaking of next week, I am really nervous. I love all the time that I get to spend home with Alayna each day, and I have really just begun to get used to my working out schedule....and it is all about to change. I am so nervous about it, but I know it is what I need to do. I promised myself that I would make it work. I really don't want to fail just because I am working full time. So I have decided to try and do early morning workouts. If I have the sitter, why shouldn't I? These next few weeks will have a funny schedule because it is all training, but once I get into my routine, I think it will become easier.

Now today I can't help but think of a certain someone who has been an inspiration to me in more ways than I can begin to count. She crazily enough is still a huge motivation and inspiration point for me. She is there when I need her and there when I don't. She was a strong and powerful woman who would do anything in her power to make you happy. She was an incredibly strong woman who made everyone around her happy. She was beautiful, full of love, and always giving. She would have given you the shirt off her back if you told her you needed it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And recently I have been praying to her and with all of the good things I have been blessed with lately, I can't help but KNOW she is listening and helping. She was that person when she was here with us on Earth, and she is that person up in Heaven. I can't help but think she is doing incredible things up there. She was a saint down here, what would make it any different up there? I love you Nonnie, and I miss you more and more each day. But I KNOW you are looking down on me and I hope that I can make you proud. You make sure that I keep my head up high no matter what the situation and I swear you speak through Lauren sometimes with the things she tells me to keep going. We all love and miss you like crazy Nonnie, it's just not the same without you. But we know you are looking down on all of us, no matter what our journey is, or where our lives take us, you are there to keep us going. You push us just as far as we can go. So thank you Nonnie.....don't think I don't know you are there!

I think I am going to leave things on that note. I will write more tomorrow everyone. Have a wonderful Friday, and count your blessings!!! You don't know how long you get them for so love them whole heartedly and don't ever let a day go by without telling them just how much you love them!!!

Day 36

Good Morning everyone!!! Today couldn't be a better day....I don't care that it's rainy and gloomy out...inside this house it is all sunshiny!!!

So why the good mood you might ask? I have finally been blessed with a Full Time Job!!! I am so so thankful for this amazing opportunity and I just still can't believe that I got this position. I start Monday, and I am so nervous and excited all wrapped in one!!

Now when I called my family to tell them about finally getting a job after all the stress of not having one, they were happy, but immediately reality set in. I'm going to be working full time, opening and closing some nights, and working certain Saturdays during the Month. So when will I have time to work out? What if I slip up during the stress of work and cheat or am just too tired to work out? Since we are hiring a full time sitter, I talked with Hayden about possibly going in the morning before work to they gym and just taking advantage of having the sitter there early. I have never been one for working out early in the morning, but if that is what it's going to take to get my work out in each day, then so be it! Have any of you made it a routine to work out in the morning before work? If so, how does that work for you?

Now as overwhelmingly excited as I am about this position, I am so sad to be leaving Alayna every day. I have just enjoyed spending this time with her so much. It's been such a blessing to be able to stay with her and watch her grow these last two months. She is so intelligent and creative and funny and just FUN to be around! I will miss her, but I know she will be in good hands. And will have some friends to play with every day! I think this will be such a great opportunity for Alayna as well. Now as soon as she gets off the waiting list for Daycare, she will be going there, but until then, this is such a wonderful alternative. (as sad as I get about leaving her each day!) I think we will all just have to get used to the new schedule. Whether that is Alayna getting used to having some new friends at the house with her, Hayden getting used to me not being home when he gets home, or me getting used to working full time again...it will all work out! And I couldn't be more thankful that things ARE working out!!!


Thank you to everyone who has had nothing but encouraging words for me! You guys all got me through this last month when I was feeling down. It all paid off!! So now off to enjoy my last couple days with Alayna at home!!

Day 32

Happy Sunday all you wonderful people!! I hope you all had a wonderful Saturday night! We enjoyed a delicious dinner and decided to have another movie night. We settled on Rise of the Guardians, it was pretty good, and Alayna enjoyed it too!! It was the perfect, healthy, Saturday.

I know that is pretty irrelevant but just had to share what a wonderful, and temptress free Saturday it was. Believe me, I still have some temptations, I can't go near a big cheesy pizza or some breadsticks. However....they are getting so much easier to be around. I just see them as calories and extra inches on my waist....or a longer visit to the gym and less time with my family. That piece of pizza just isn't worth it to me anymore.

My mind has evolved in just a simple matter of weeks. I read an article that says it takes 4 weeks for your brain to re-wire itself into a healthy mindset. However....on the contrary it takes only 5-7 days to undo that wiring. So just one slip...one trip to the beach or one week of going astray could make it that much harder to get back on the wagon. I will admit that I have this fear of falling off again. I do it constantly and what makes this time any different?

I think what I am getting to is that my brain has changed, and I am happy with that change. I just fear straying from that hard work and change. That was my original intention with beginning this blog. Being able to make it entirely out and in the open....my triumphs, my fears, my shortcomings, my weaknesses, and everything in between...you guys......you will keep me accountable. So falling off the wagon will not happen to me! Because of all of you!!

So I believe that is all for today....we have a nice busy Sunday ahead of us and I need to get going! I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! Enjoy the last of your weekend <3

Day 29

Good Morning everyone! I promise today's blog will be a little less....preachy! 

I have been really stressed lately. I can't seem to find any friends here at our new house, and it is effecting me more than I had anticipated. And the strange thing is, the only time I feel really okay with being alone, is when I'm at the gym. I have come to take out my stresses and worries there. Before I leaned on food, and now, I couldn't imagine turning to food. 

I have made a lot of changes in the past four weeks that I couldn't imagine I would have been able to do. I'm trying new food and eating fresh and clean food. It's not the normal me, and I'm so happy with all of the changes. I mean last night I poured Almond Milk into my cereal and couldn't even believe I was the same person. I could have never imagined drinking that 4 weeks ago!! I eat spaghetti squash now....which I'm pretty sure I refused as a child. I am just turning into the person I always knew existed. And I just couldn't be any happier about it. 

I know I talk constantly about how happy I am, and I'm sure that gets old. I apologize. But I just can't help it! No matter how stressed I get about my lack of human interaction, my happiness with myself...it's outpouring!! I was a really unhappy person before. I mean....if I'm being brutally honest....when I went to Busch Gardens with Hayden's family, most of the rides were just way too tight, or I wouldn't even try because I didn't want to be embarrassed. I hated that feeling. It was worse than going shopping! I was so disappointed in myself. And what's even worse, is I ATE because I was upset that I couldn't fit in the rides. How does that even make sense??? 

I am 24 years old, and I am finally ready to change my life for the better. I mean better late than never right? Tomorrow is indeed weigh in, and I am promised myself to be happy no matter what the outcome. Because honestly, no matter what happens, my life is changing for the better. It is insane to think one little number could change my mind of that. I hope you all have a great day!! Sorry this entry was a little redundant with entries past! I just felt I needed to tell everyone...I'm so happy!!!

Day 27

So yesterday wasn't such a great day. I was upset, sad, and feeling sorry for myself. And usually my first instinct is to eat something....frozen pizza, ice cream, or noodles (I really love carbs!!) but I thought about how silly it would be to waste a whole days hard work on something like that, that doesn't actually make me feel any better at all. So I decided I would take it out at the gym. And boy did I!!! I got such a great burn and it really was the best medicine. My sister made it very clear by talking me out of those negative feelings. I am finally working on myself, and I SHOULD be really proud of that!! Everything else in my life will fall into place, and until then I need to worry about taking care of myself!!! So no more negative feelings for me! I have no reason at all to be negative...too many good things going on in my life!!!

So some people had asked about what a normal day looks like for me calorie wise. So I figured I would just kind of briefly map that out for all of you, see if maybe that is a little easier to understand what a day looks like for me!

8:00 am - 9:00 am - One protein shake (used as a meal replacement)

12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Whole wheat english muffin (REALLY high in fiber), 1 T. cream cheese, low fat string cheese, 1/4 cup raw almonds, and tomato and cucumber salad (sometimes)

3:00 pm Snack - Kashi cookie with 1 T. peanut butter (the cookie is really high in protein and fiber and tastes good too!!)

6:00 pm - 7:00 pm - Baked pork loin chop (seasoned with salt and pepper), brown rice, and green beans

After Work Out Snack - Green apple with 1 T. Peanut Butter


Things I look for through out my day....Make sure I am eating enough protein!!! Protein is really important because it is going to fuel your body through all the changes. I also make sure I am eating a lot of fiber so that I am feeling full throughout the day. Doing this meal guide and burning an additional 500-600 calories a day at the gym, I'm usually netting close to 1100-1200 calories. I try to keep it around 1200, but sometimes that is hard for me, which I am working on!!

I hope that it is helpful. I sometimes will snack between breakfast and lunch, just to make sure I am eating enough calories in a day, but I try not to. I try to make sure I am eating about every three hours to help my metabolism keep up. I'm not by any means saying that my daily eating is perfect or that I eat the same thing every day....I don't! But I just wanted to give you all an idea of how my day goes.

I know that this takes hard work and dedication. I know some people will say it is good to have a cheat meal (meal, not day!!) a week, but I just don't want to yet. I am working too hard to cheat yet. I think the way I have seen my cheat meals is in a really healthy way. Like my pita pizzas, whole wheat spaghetti, or my dark chocolate (one tiny square off the whole bar). It's just enough to make me feel better, but not enough to ruin any of the hard work I have put in. I have completely eliminated any drinks that aren't water, or water flavored with fruit. I have also stopped any sort of alcohol intake (which has been great!!). It definitely isn't worth it to me to drink my calories! I am just trying to take every healthy step forward that's possible and NO unhealthy steps backwards.

I really hope today's blog was helpful!! I'll think of something equally as helpful for tomorrow! I promise!! Have a great Tuesday everyone!!

Day 26

Good morning everyone and happy Monday!!

So yesterday I had quite the discussion about how many calories I should be eating and if I should be eating back exercise calories, burning as many calories as I eat in a day, and many other things. Well...as it turns out, I'm not eating enough calories in a day to fuel my body. So looks like I'm going to have to start working a little harder to make sure I am fueling my body better. Although who would have thought eating too little would be my problem?? Last night I tried to figure out how I was going to eat enough calories in a day and it is really difficult for me. I NEVER thought I would say that, but the thought of eating more in a day makes my belly hurt!! I already feel like I eat enough. But I will try my best to make sure I am fueling my body in the correct way!!

So these last couple days I have been having this strange worry. Am I losing you guys? Is the attention not there anymore? Anything I can do to keep you guys engaged? Are the titles boring? Should I change those? I know this journey isn't necessarily defined by how many people check out this blog each day, however I do think it is important. I want you all to get just as much out of this as I do. I would love to spark just a bit of energy within yourselves and inspire just a little bit...if possible! I hope that some people reading this are so inspired that they want to make changes too! Even if that is counting calories (www.myfitnesspal.com my username is whocrux, add me!), taking the steps instead of the elevator, or even just going out for a walk. I want to make sure that everyone is getting out of this blog, what they want to get out of it! So let me know if I need to change anything!! Or...if you just want me to keep tellin it like it is!

Hope you all have an excellent Monday!!!!

(on tonight's menu is leftovers, so I won't be posting a recipe, but hopefully I can think of something delicious for tomorrow night!!!)

Day 24

You know....I have never made it this far....and I am so so proud of myself for sticking to it. I know I keep saying that, but it's something that just keeps me so excited. 24 days! It's the first 24 days of the rest of my life, and I love it!!!!

Maybe it's the endorphins of the run this morning or it is just that the sun is shining and things are good....but I am happy. I sat and thought today, that the first day I went to the gym, it took me 45 minutes to do a 2 mile. And I was TIRED after it. I didn't have any energy to do anything after that 2 miles. Now, I am running/walking a 5K every day (in the time that it took me to do the 2 miles) and then doing weighted workouts after. With energy to burn when I get home. I'm feeling so good!! My body is just so happy with the hard work that I am putting in.

Now I know what people are thinking, sheesh...that's not very fast or far. It is for me. I have come from a place of no working out, and sitting on the couch every day. So doing that is a big achievement for me! I'm just filled and overflowing with this feeling of complete happiness!!!

I have been telling my family that I have been having these dreams lately. We are taking a family trip in December, and I keep dreaming about going into the gift stores and being able to buy medium shirts, and to buy pants that are smaller. These are what my dreams and goals are. These are the things I look forward to. And rightfully so. I was just so so unhappy shopping. It often ended in tears. And I REFUSE to ever go there again. That was a broken person and I don't want to be her anymore. So here is to the new me!!! Bring it on life!!!

Oh and recipes everyone! I'll post what yesterdays dinner was, it was a good one!

Barbeque Chicken Stuffed Baked Potatoes

2 Potatoes
4 T. BBQ Sauce of your choice (I did a low sugar, low calorie one)
1/2 cup cheese (low fat mozz.)
1/4 cup tomato
salt
pepper

I set the oven to 375. Rub the potatoes with olive oil and sea salt and bake on a sheet for 35 minutes. Then flip and bake the other side for 35 minutes.

I grilled the chicken, but you can cook it any way you want. I grilled each tenderloin (2 lbs worth) and then tossed them in the 4 T. sauce (I also add about 1 1/2 T. of water just so it sticks a little bit better). After tossing them, I shred the chicken, and toss again.

To assemble, cut open and mash the potato (I add a couple sprays of no-cal spray butter for flavor), add cheese, chicken, salt, pepper, and tomatoes to top.

Makes 2 servings.

I know it isn't much of a recipe, and I'm sure everyone could think of it, but thought I would share! Have a great Saturday everyone!!!

Day 22

Almost Friday...which means almost weigh in!!

I can honestly say that I am not nervous. I'm ready for the weigh in. If I lose weight, GREAT, if I don't, that's okay too. I'm changing my life, and that is all that matters!

I have decided that I will post some before and afters at week 8. I am starting to kind of see it in the mirror, but I really have to force myself to see it. There are a lot of things that sparked this whole journey. One picture in particular did it. Hayden had his promotion ceremony and we took a picture as a family. I usually avoid that if all possible. But I couldn't get out of it this time. I was embarrassed looking at them. I knew it was time to change everything. I was unhappy. I spend all my time avoiding mirrors. When I FaceTime with my family, I won't even get on the camera because I hate how I look. And that's not healthy.

It's not easy to be this way. You get made fun of, snickered at, and get really sad when shopping. I can remember as a child going to JCPenney, and heading to the juniors section to look at Mudd bellbottoms. But every pair I tried on, didn't fit. It was really hard as a young teen to feel so disappointed in your body. I then only shopped at one store, because I knew they had a size that would fit me. I could never wear the cute clothes the other kids could. For once, I want to go into a store...find something with out going aaaalll the way back to the back of the rack and hope that I can wear it. What's so strange, is I love fashion. I love design and new clothes, but I can't wear any of it. I hope that I can get there someday!

I have never really made that public before, so that is one more step in the right direction!! I usually keep those things between Hayden and I. He has seen me go out and get so frustrated and just leave with nothing because it is too emotional. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and be upset because they are all too big and I have to go a size down (Like I would EVER be upset something was too big lol). So some day I will get there. I know that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon....and someday I am going to be so proud of all the work that I put in!!

Have a great Thursday everyone! Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow!!!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!