Day 113

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!!!!

I am keeping it to just sentences today, we just finished trick or treating and I am BEAT!!! It was so nice to go out with friends to trick or treat! Alayna had a blast! Feel free to check my facebook for Alayna's pictures! She had so much fun with her friend Ja'shaun tonight! It was just too cute watching them trick or treat.

Now, I know tomorrow is weigh in day, but I know that I have not lost anything. I am sitting at the same thing I was at last night. This week got away from me!!! But I will still make sure to write nice and early in the morning!!

Have a good Halloween Everyone!!

Day 112

Good Evening everyone. I got done with work early today, and it was so nice to spend some time with Alayna. Although, I woke up with such a wonderful cold today, so I'm not feeling so well. Headed to the store now to grab the essentials. But I am lucky I have off tomorrow to kind of prepare myself. I am excited that tomorrow is Halloween, even though it is really my least favorite holiday, I love getting Alayna all ready to go. She is so excited!! She still has not decided between her two costumes. She is deciding daily what she wants to be, and whatever the verdict is tomorrow night, is what we will go with!!

I really am not into Halloween at all, but I will be walking around with Alayna and saying trick or treat!! I remember our first Halloween how I looked at the pictures and was so unhappy with myself. I felt like I looked ridiculous. I was unhappy and miserable and just all around angry with myself. This Halloween, it was so nice to be in front of the camera. I don't know why, but I am just enjoying taking pictures with Alayna and Hayden now. I like seeing myself...and I NEVER thought I would think that way.

I guess things change as you change, and I sure am changing! I hope you all have a wonderful evening. I am going to curl up with some chicken noodle soup and some hot tea and relax. Until tomorrow!

Day 111

Hello Everyone!! Today was a LONG day! I can't believe how busy it was. I ran around with the owner of the company today, and it was really awesome. When I worked at Splendid, it was no big deal to see Ken (no offense Ken, I saw you all the time!), but here, he lives in Chicago, and you are lucky to see him twice a year. So to meet him this soon....was pretty cool!!

I have been so focused on work lately, and it is paying off. I love my job, and to be noticed for doing well...it's nice. I don't want to talk just about work...but I do want to talk about life. There are only 40 days left until Disney, and I have a lot of work to start putting in. Now that this stressful period at work has slowed down a little, I can get back focused on that!!!

So I am keeping it short tonight. I'm tired, and I want to spend some time with Hayden and Alayna. I hope you all have an amazing evening and I will write more tomorrow!!!

Day 110

Good Evening Everyone!!!! Today was quite a bit to handle! I have FINALLY finished my training binders, so I thought I would be able to focus a little more on life, but unfortunately something else came around the corner.....BUT it should be a quick thing!!!

I found my old journal and have been looking through some of my posts....boy was I unhappy....I'm happy I have made the decisions I have made in my life. Granted I complain a lot, I am happier!! I have come a long way from there. So I really do have all of you to thank for that. I am so happy that 110 days ago I decided to do something about it. I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't...probably really unhappy!!!!

So I am going to work on more work...exciting right?? Like I don't do enough of that! But I am watching SNL with Hayden...and boy is it a good one. So I am going to go and multi-task and you all go and enjoy your evenings!!!

Day 109

Good Evening everyone. I have decided I'm not going to keep apologize for writing at night....it's writing at all that is important right? It's just whatever time is easiest for me!!!

So this morning I had a training at work, and it went alright. I wish I could have been home with Alayna, and so did everyone else, but it just was a long morning. I wish I could say I was totally there, but my heart just wasn't there. I was too busy thinking about other things. I wish I could spend more time with Alayna. It is becoming more and more clear, how much I'm missing from her life. I feel so guilty leaving every day and I'm not sure why it is becoming more and more difficult. But I guess it's just another schedule I need to figure out! These next few days will be busy, but once that is over, it is time to really focus on the important things over all. My family.

So with that being said, Hayden is making us a fire tonight. It's the perfect "Chilly" evening, so we will be cuddling up and watching Alayna have fun! I hope you all remember to enjoy the family time. Because through this whole journey, that is taking precedent! I promise this "fitness" blog will be returning to normal soon. I know I have let you down with all this talk of being overwhelmed and what not, but I WILL be making sure to post some interesting developments coming up!

Have a wonderful evening everyone!!!!!

Day 108

Another late post....I didn't work today and it was nice to relax with my favorite people today. But now I am working on things for our training tomorrow, so unfortunately I have to keep it short today. I will probably be keeping it very short these next few days as I am working on some extra things around the work place. But I will make sure to fill you all in along the way.

Lots of big things in the works for at work that I can't wait for you all to hear about. Managing two locations has already proven to be challenging, but NOTHING I can't handle!!! 

I hope you all had a nice Saturday!!

Day 107 - Weigh In

Well.....I knew I wasn't going to hit my goal from last week. I didn't work for it. I should have worked harder and I didn't. I made excuses. I was tired, I got home too late, I have a headache, I want to spend time at home....they are excuses. I could have gone, and I just chose not to.

So I jumped on that scale today, knowing I wouldn't be happy with it, and boy was I right. I was .2 pounds down for a total of 36.5 pounds down.

Right now I think I am in a place where I just really need to time manage more than ever. It's going to be even more difficult when trying to run two stores, not just one, and still trying to somewhat have a life outside of work. I had this thought dropping Alayna off at Miss J's house (sitter), I bet she likes her more than me, she sees her more than me....I'm a terrible mother....

I wish I could say this wasn't a real thought, but it is. I hope some day she understands that I am working so hard for her. I work the hours and times I work, to provide her a better life. She deserves the most out of life, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to provide her with that.

So....what I think I need now, more than ever, is an daily agenda. Keeping to a strict daily routine will hopefully make it a little less difficult to keep on track. So when I said I wanted to work on lists on Tuesday, this was one of them. Making a schedule for me to keep to, would be amazing, and more convenient. Forcing myself to go to the gym at least four times a week. Making family time a special time, and really being there. Getting my blogs done in the mornings, so that I can have the evenings to really focus on Hayden and Alayna. And when I'm at work, be there....but disconnect once I get home.

That is what I need to work on for myself. A routine. Once I am in a routine, the rest will all fall into place.

SO I am leaving you all with that. I still need to get ready for work and somehow wake up. I slept awful again. I keep dreaming of work, so it's like I'm pulling 24 hour shifts! So off to the coffee machine for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I know I am going to try to keep my head up and "Get em' next time". Because it's not how you start, but how you finish, and I WILL finish this next 44 days strong!!