Day 149 - Weigh In

So...I know I skipped a day of weighing in last week, due to the holiday, but I got back on that scale today...and let me tell you, I was terrified. I had felt as if I had put it all back on. I haven't been eating like I should be. I have been eating more emotionally than normal. So when I got on the scale this morning and saw that I had lost 1.6 pounds bringing my total back up to 39.5. It was exactly what I needed to kind of get me out of this funk.

I am not going to put on all smiles and say I am all better, but I am definitely on my way to being there. I feel better today. I feel more positive. I feel like this can all be managed. Which is the first time in a long time I have felt this way.

I know that a ton of people have stopped reading because this blog changed from what it originally was. But to be honest, I think this is exactly what I intended it to be. Somewhere that I could vent my daily problems to, while also taking myself on this incredible journey. I am still very much on that journey, it's just become more of a struggle than I thought it would be.

I am doing my best to play this big balancing act. I am doing my best to also keep sane through all of this. So I hope that you all can bear with me, and see that this is a journey for me. This is unlike any changes I have made in my life before and I am more than committed to it. Even if I say I quit some days, that means nothing, because I am more than committed. It's okay to slip every once in a while...but I ALWAYS get back up!!

Have a wonderful Friday everyone. I will try my best to stay more upbeat from here on out!!!

Day 135 - Weigh In

Where do I even start to write this post. I have been dreading it since I woke up this morning, because I knew when I got on that scale today, it wasn't going to be good. I gained .9 pounds this week. There is no one that could more disappointed than me. However, I knew this was coming. I don't think I have been as honest with myself or you guys as I really should be. I am stressed and the thing I do best when I am stressed....is the thing I should NOT be doing. I can't even believe that I am sitting here writing this.....I know what I NEED to do, but for some reason I am just having a really hard time with it. I really need to refocus myself and figure out what I can do to get back on track. I am so upset with this week and it was quite the realization of how bad I really have been doing.

So this week needs to be a fresh start. Restart those initial two weeks to get back on track when I started. I don't know why I have been having such a hard time, but this is me taking the high road and admitting that I have failed. I have failed pretty miserably....So I have to do something about it. I'm not trying to be negative about this situation. I know that this happens in any journey, but I just thought this time would be different. I am so used to disappointing myself and everyone around me, and I'm right back to that point. I can't believe that I have done it again. So I need to figure out what makes this time different!

I had such high hopes for this trip, and now all that is rushing through my mind are all my initial fears going on this trip. This is not how I imagined going and looking when going. But I have to somehow make the most of it. I wanted to be in a different place in this journey and I am no where near that. Not that I want to blame anyone for my mistakes, or my faults, but this job has been rough to make it all work. And it seems like any time something changes, I make an excuse to quit. So no more. I am going to make this work....I don't know how, but now it is just about figuring it out!

So to close, I think what is weighing on me most, is I had a conversation with my Mom when I started this job. I told her no matter what I would keep doing everything I was doing, because I didn't want to change anything about this journey and I failed. I hate going back on something I thought I could do. And I know that she won't be upset, but I am so disappointed in myself. I know you all are going to say I am too tough on myself, and I am, but it's how I have to be if I want something to change. And I do. I am so upset with where I am, and I am just hoping that I can turn that into motivation. I made a promise to my mom and myself that I would keep going through it all, and I have let her and myself down. Time to make the change. Better late than never right?

You all have an excellent Friday....I have a lot of thinking and rearranging to do on mine!!!

Day 128 - Weigh In

FINALLY!!!!!!! I finally saw the scale go down this week!!!!! I couldn't be happier about what I saw today. I am down 2.3 pounds for a total of 38.8 pounds GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was terrified to jump on the scale today, but turns out, it wasn't so scary!! I know this week has been crazy, and I am still feeling all the feelings I was feeling yesterday, but I feel better knowing that something is improving!!!

I sat down last night, and prayed about all my stress and worrying. I prayed for some peace of mind. I think right now, that is my biggest down fall, is that I worry too much. I stress out too easy. And most of all I think too deeply into things. I need to have some peace of mind with these things in life. God would not hand me anything I can not handle, and I have to hold true to that. If I don't, what else do I have??

I have been through a lot in life, and I tend to continue to let things weigh on me, far longer than they need to. I worry more than any other person I know, and I stress out easier than any other person I know. It's just how I have always been. How do I change that about myself? I know I get it from my grandmother, and I get wonderful things from her as well, but these are the two things I wish and try to change about myself, but am simply unable to. I have tried numerous things, and I still tend to come up short. So I guess for now I just keep trying. Like every other journey in my life I need to take time to do it. I have so much going on and I need to organize all my quirks I guess.

They make me who I am, but sometimes, they make me hate myself. They cause trouble at times. Sometimes, I need to just let go, and let God.....and I don't. I hold on and try to handle it all myself, and it NEVER works!!! So I guess as happy as I am today, I am still burdened (and pretty scatter brained too!). I hate feeling so much weight on my shoulders and still do nothing about it

So I am going to try to handle today one moment at a time, take time to celebrate the little things, and not stress or worry too much about the other things. Realize that they are out of my hands, and whatever happens, happens. No matter what I always stay true to myself....it makes me a stronger person.

I hope you all have an incredible Friday...enjoy the little things and don't worry about the big things!!!

Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 114 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone. Like I said yesterday, I knew this weigh in would be pointless. Nothing changed. And I realized that I didn't log into My Fitness Pal yesterday, so all 113 days of hard work aren't even showing on there anymore. I can't believe I didn't log in?!?! I felt very angry that I did that....I have worked too hard to give up now, but honestly, that's what it feels like I'm doing. I feel like I have been going on this journey so long, that now, I'm just kind of faking it. Yeah, I'm still losing weight, but not the way I was before. This feels so much like the lazy way.

So now, the feeling I have RIGHT NOW....is fury....and it is motivating. I am so furious with myself. I told myself (and other people too) when I got this job I would NOT let it get to me. I would keep going like I was before and I would let NOTHING get in my way. And then I let work get in my way. How could I??? I lied and cheated myself out of months of hard work. So I feel like I have to jump on this horse all over again. I don't think I wanted to admit to you guys (although I'm sure you could tell) that I had not been doing everything that I should be. And I am more mad at myself than anyone could be. I have been faking for too long, and it is time for me to jump on this horse, and try again. I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to let the food and laziness win.

I know in life that I will come into busy spots and life will just happen, but I can't let up completely. I have almost already given up on myself, and I just can't bear to do that. I am better than that. I know you all tell me, "You are too hard on yourself." "You are working and being a mom, you are doing great." "You are making it work.". But honestly, I'm not. I'm not making anything work. It is hard. Being a working mom, who is also trying to lose weight by eating healthy, and who is also trying to go to the gym at least 4 times a week, and who is also trying to make sure she is spending enough time with her family....it is so hard. I mean, like, unbelievably hard. I don't know how people do it.....I mean really...I need some professional advice, because it is just really proving difficult. I said I wouldn't use tired as an excuse, but I am so damn tired it is unreal!!! How do I dig down deep and find the energy???


I apologize for all the venting. I think the missing a day on MFP was really my final straw. I can't keep being lazy. My body is paying for it, and I am so unhappy with myself for it. I am back at not wanting to look in the mirror really....So time to re-focus myself. Remember why I started, and GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!!!!

Have a great Friday Everyone.

Day 107 - Weigh In

Well.....I knew I wasn't going to hit my goal from last week. I didn't work for it. I should have worked harder and I didn't. I made excuses. I was tired, I got home too late, I have a headache, I want to spend time at home....they are excuses. I could have gone, and I just chose not to.

So I jumped on that scale today, knowing I wouldn't be happy with it, and boy was I right. I was .2 pounds down for a total of 36.5 pounds down.

Right now I think I am in a place where I just really need to time manage more than ever. It's going to be even more difficult when trying to run two stores, not just one, and still trying to somewhat have a life outside of work. I had this thought dropping Alayna off at Miss J's house (sitter), I bet she likes her more than me, she sees her more than me....I'm a terrible mother....

I wish I could say this wasn't a real thought, but it is. I hope some day she understands that I am working so hard for her. I work the hours and times I work, to provide her a better life. She deserves the most out of life, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to provide her with that.

So....what I think I need now, more than ever, is an daily agenda. Keeping to a strict daily routine will hopefully make it a little less difficult to keep on track. So when I said I wanted to work on lists on Tuesday, this was one of them. Making a schedule for me to keep to, would be amazing, and more convenient. Forcing myself to go to the gym at least four times a week. Making family time a special time, and really being there. Getting my blogs done in the mornings, so that I can have the evenings to really focus on Hayden and Alayna. And when I'm at work, be there....but disconnect once I get home.

That is what I need to work on for myself. A routine. Once I am in a routine, the rest will all fall into place.

SO I am leaving you all with that. I still need to get ready for work and somehow wake up. I slept awful again. I keep dreaming of work, so it's like I'm pulling 24 hour shifts! So off to the coffee machine for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I know I am going to try to keep my head up and "Get em' next time". Because it's not how you start, but how you finish, and I WILL finish this next 44 days strong!!

Day 100 - Weigh In

Day 100??!!!?!?!?!?! Where are the streamers and confetti??? Isn't that what day 100 is supposed to feel like??? Well inside my head it does!! I had a really bad week this week. I mean with the party last week, to some not so great decisions this week, I kind of figured I was going to gain, I mean I should have! But I didn't......I stayed on my steady track moving downward at .8 pounds lost for a total of 36.3 pounds gone!! It may only be .8 pounds, but it is that much closer to my goal!!!

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about work, weight loss, and my family. I tossed and turned all night, and honestly, it has been like this for the past week or so. I am not sure what is causing it, but I just dream about work and Hayden, that it feels so real and when I wake up, it felt like I had been working all night and not sleeping. It is starting to get really stressful, and I don't like it. I wish I knew how to fix it, because trust me, the LAST thing I want to be doing is working more than I already am. I guess I will just have to try and figure that out on my own time.

So like I said last night, it is time for me to really kick it back into gear. I finally got my okay to get my butt back in the gym, so that will be starting as soon as my parents are gone (for obvious reasons!!), and then today starts me back on weighing all my food and making sure I am eating proportionally. We all stumble at some point during a journey, and that is all this past few weeks has been. I have been writing less, working out less, working more, and eating less then perfect. So that all stops today. My body is basically yelling at me, "Bethany, you've had your fun, now it's time to kick that butt back into gear. Do you want to be around forever for Alayna? Do I need to remind you of all those goals?? Then just do it, Bethany!!!!!". So I hear you Body, and I am!!! I am sorry I treated you less then "temple-ish" this past couple weeks. I should have never done that.

Somehow, even through the crap, no working out, and just the plateau I was on, I still managed to lose weight, but not what I know I am capable of. So now it's time to see those numbers go up (and down!). I'm ready to love the scale again and not fear it each week. SO this is me making a promise to myself, and maybe even all of you too, that I WILL lose more than .8 pounds next week!!!

Alright, I think I've made you all read enough this morning! I am going to go finish getting ready for work, so I can get my butt home to hang out with my Mom and Dad!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and remember to NEVER give up on what you truly want. Remember why you want the things you want. Remember why you started this journey, and don't you DARE settle for less than what you started all of it for! You ARE worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 93 - Weigh In

Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone!!! I hope you all are excited for the weekend and ready to relax as much as I am!! I got on that scale today....ready to face whatever it had to say....and I pleasantly looked down at a 1.8 lb loss bringing my total up to 35.5 lbs!!! That's a lot of weight to be missing!!! And I truly hope I never find it!!!!!

I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.

I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!

Day 79 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!! Unfortunately I don't come bearing good news about losing 2-3 pounds. This week I have only lost .6 pounds for a total of 32.7 pounds. Which, no I am not as happy as I would like to be, BUT.....I am .6 pounds closer to my goal, so how could I possibly be upset??

I have been thinking lately of before I started and where I am now. I can't believe how far I have come in just 79 days. It is absolutely unreal to me that I have been able to change my body, life, and routine in such (what feels like) a short amount of time. I don't ever want to go back to that person. I am no where near where I really want to be, but I am a better person than I was.

I can remember in High School and even in Elementary school being so unhappy with myself. I remember when kids would snicker and call me names. Even my own friends would whisper. But somehow it just wasn't enough for me to want to change, instead I just got sad and would eat more. I remember when girls would trade and borrow clothes in school and I could never do that with anyone. I was never able to share because I couldn't ever fit into their stuff.

I always wondered if my weight was what made me unpopular. I can remember in grade school how much I envied the popular kids, and I always wanted to be in that group. Was it my weight that held me back? Or was it just me? Who knows....I mean I've always been kind of a nerd, and that is something I am finally coping with and accepting....if not embracing! But I think as an adult I look back on all of those experiences and think, "Shame on them....". I was a beautiful girl who was smart in her own way, I was nice, I always liked putting others in front of myself, and somehow they couldn't look past that? Shame on them. I punished myself for years because of how I was treated then, and I should have NEVER done that. There was never anything that was wrong with me.

So as I continue in my adult life, and still see people with that attitude, I no longer yearn to be a part of that "popular girl group". I feel sorry that they will never be able to be honest with themselves and others. It makes me feel like I am so lucky to be living the life I am living!

I apologize for jumping down memory lane on this post, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!! Enjoy your night and be good everyone!!!

Day 72 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday! Boy am I happy that full moon is over. I couldn't handle another day of that. I don't know what it is about the full moon that just puts me in a bad mood. BUT I can't help but be happy this morning....because.....the scale said.............

2.6 pounds down for a total of 32.1 pounds down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!! I hit 30 pounds!!! I have NEVER lost this much weight before and it such motivation to KEEP losing!!! I was so tired this morning when I woke up and just couldn't help but feel so happy and awake after seeing that scale. It just goes to show that being on my feet constantly all day and eating right is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered (well actually, he ordered me to be off my feet but YOLO(I don't actually say YOLO, just seemed to fit!!))!

Now I can honestly say that I was floored this morning when I saw that number. I wasn't even sure I was awake enough to be reading that correctly. But it was right (I checked a few times!). I can't believe that all of this is happening. I still have a long way to go before Disney, but I am so so soooo happy with how far I have come already. I never, 72 days ago, thought that I would have been able to do this. I definitely thought I would have given up, or given in, by now. And I have stumbled at some points during this journey (let's not talk about the cupcake I ate last weekend), but that is exactly what is supposed to happen. Am I REALLY supposed to go on living life with out cupcakes and fried foods??? No. That would be ridiculous and I would die a very sad, but healthy, person.

I know I have been kind of flaky lately, and I wanted to give you a nice hearty entry today. I have been distant and not paying attention, but I promise....I still think of you all constantly. On the days that I don't write until late, I know that some of you don't read those, but in the mornings I am just so rushed around getting everyone ready that I forget. So I promise I will try to do better with writing in the mornings. I mean it really doesn't take up that much time!

I hope you all have an incredible Friday! Remember....don't give up on your goals....it's okay to trip or stumble at times, because it's not how you start the race, but how you finish that makes a difference. So everyone go out and KILL IT this weekend. I know I will NOT be eating any cupcakes!!!! Happy Friday again!!!

Day 65 - Weigh In

I wish I could be writing and telling you that I lost all this weight this week, and that I was feeling better this morning. But unfortunately, I can't shake this mood, and I am NOT happy with what came up on the scale today. I weighed in .7 pounds down for a total of 29.5 pounds down in 65 days.

I know what everyone is going to say, "Bethany, you've lost 29.5 pounds!!!". I am happy with that number, please don't take my bad mood as me being unhappy about losing 29.5 pounds. However, I am just not happy to lose less than 1 pound in one week.

I think it is time to go back to the gym no matter what. I guess I will just need to suck it up and try the bike again. I just can't stand this not going anymore. I know I will need to be more careful, but .7 every week is just not going to cut it in my book. I NEED to be putting in harder work to get better results. I know I am capable of more, because I have seen more in weeks previous.

On a different note, I think what has me feeling so down lately is that I feel very stuck. Granted I know changes are happening, I am feeling more stuck than ever. I think what it really is, is that I haven't seen any real physical changes in a couple weeks and it is starting to really weigh on me. I expect these great changes to happen and then nothing is happening. I look in the mirror and I am still that same person I was two weeks ago, and sometimes I look in the mirror and I feel like nothing has changed at all.

I know that I am sounding really sorry for myself right now, but I'm not. I am trying my best to take this attitude and do something about it, but it is very difficult. I just need to find that internal motivation to keep moving and I am having to dig deeper than I have in a very long time to do that. I mean.... .7 pounds in one week should be motivation enough to kick my butt into the gym and to go even harder. So hopefully this will jump start me ASAP!

I am going to leave you all there. I still have to get ready for work, and try to cheer up enough to be happy at work. I hope you all have an excellent Friday.

Day 58 - Weigh In

Weigh in day...it's finally here. Seems like since I started back to work, it is happening more often than not! But it keeps me on my toes! So I was thinking today that maybe I would make all of you wait until the VERY END of this post to see what I weighed in at this week. But then I assumed that people would just scroll to the bottom, read, and then scroll back up and read the rest. So go ahead everyone.....scroll to the bottom of the page....read my numbers.................


Tricked you...I am going to put them right here! This week I weighed in 2.9 lbs. down for a total of 28.8 lbs. down in 58 days! Again, it wasn't quite where I wanted to be, but I will take 28.8 over 0 any day of the week!!!!

So for all of you that scrolled down for nothing, I apologize. Just feeling in a cheerful mood this morning! I woke up feeling tired, down, and ready to just crawl back into bed. Until I went to get my morning shake and I saw something on my fridge. It's a little card from my Nonnie's funeral and it says:

God hath not promised

skies always blue. Flowers strewn

pathways all our lives through;

God hath not promised

sun without rain, joy without sorrow,

peace without pain. 

But God hath promised 

strength for the day, rest for the labor,

light for the way, grace for the trials,

help from above, unfailing sympathy,

undying love.

It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Nonnie always has a way of coming into my life exactly when I need her. When things weren't going well, and I really needed to get a job, she was there. I know I have a guardian angel watching over me through all of this. So because I know she is reading or listening, thank you. Thank you for guiding me when you knew I needed it, and allowing me to figure things out on my own when you knew that was what was best for me. You have always had a faith and love in me that was unexplainable. You have pushed me through this journey more than I ever thought possible, because you weren't here, but I found out you are always here. It is just how you choose to make yourself present, that makes me see you now. So, thank you.

And thank YOU! All of you have kept on pushing. When I'm down, injured, sick, failing, or even just happy and having you share in that! This journey is hard. Anyone who has ever been through it, or tried and stumbled, knows it is a hard thing to do. You are changing your entire life around to adapt to a new way of life. So thank you all for sticking with me!

Have a wonderful Friday! Enjoy your family, friends, and even co-workers. They are what make you who you are, and keep you on the journey you are on. Don't ever forget that!

Day 51 - Weigh In

OH MY GOODNESSSSSS!!! You guys this morning I had to get on and off the scale a few times to make sure what I was seeing is correct!!! I am so over the moon about this number! Are you ready??? Drum roll please........................

3.9 pounds down for a total of 25.9 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!! I hit that 25 pound mark...finally!!!!!!!! I can't help but use all of these exclamation points and crazy large fonts, because I didn't think I would get it this week. I was continuously getting 2's, or 1.5's, and I just thought it was going to be another couple weeks before 25 would get here. I can't even explain to everyone what I am feeling right now!! It just goes to show that hard work really pays off. And even through really tough situations or the challenges of being a full time mom with a full time job, you can make it work!!

So on another positive note, last night at the gym, there were only two of us there. I stayed on the elliptical for about an hour, and did 3.5 miles. Nothing too extreme, but it was enough to get a good burn before my weigh in this morning. When I went to leave, the other gentleman who was there was leaving too. He approached me and asked, "How long were you on that machine?" to which I responded, "Oh, only about an hour or so...not too long....and wish it could have been a bit longer". This gentleman's face was shocked. He then came back to me with, "I could never do that machine for that long. You must be really in shape because I know I can't handle that!". I immediately thanked him, and said that I was by no means "In Shape", but that I was getting there. It was hard for me at first, until I kept to it, and now love it. I then had a HUGE moment of clarity...I was talking to myself (figuratively of course, I'm not that crazy). This man was overweight and at the gym trying to fix himself. He was me, 51 days ago. Scared of the machines, scared of people in the gym, in awe of what people were able to do, and what I was ashamed I couldn't do. But with hard work, I am getting to a better point. I wish I would have said something to this man last night. He was so nice, and he really made my night. I hope to see him more at the gym, as he was doing a great job!!

On all these wonderful notes, I am signing off for the day! Have a huge day ahead of me, and with this good news, NOTHING will bring me down today! Have a wonderful Friday everyone!!! Make today the day you make a change...it could pay off 51 days from now!!

Day 44 - Weigh In

Well today is the day! The day I dread but get excited about all in one!!

I am down 2.5 pounds for a total of 22 pounds gone!!! And I couldn't be any happier about it! I know with everything that has gone on this week, that 2.5 is actually pretty good!! I have completely changed my life around this last week and my body has been reacting strangely. It is tired and running slow....it's just been a long week. And I STILL have to work tomorrow.

Now I am going to try my best to keep today short and sweet. It is Friday after all and I am exhausted from going to the gym last night, so my attention span is limited. I promise that I will post some progress pictures soon. I know that I talk all this talk, but you have to see some proof right? So maybe this weekend, I will finally show some progress pictures to you guys! Maybe that will keep me a little more motivated.

I can't help but feel so overwhelmingly tired these last couple days. My body is absorbing so much during the day and trying to do the same when I get home to spend time with Alayna and Hayden.....I'm just exhausted. I went from staying home all day, playing Candy Crush, and watching TV with Alayna....to getting up early, spending all day learning new things and being on my feet, and late nights at the gyms. My body is just worn out. I have a feeling I am going to sleep like a rock on my first day off. I mean I want to sleep like a rock now and just can't.

So to recap...weight is lost, I will post pictures, and I am tired! Seems like my new typical Fridays! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!! And if anyone has any advice on what would make this easier.....I am open to all suggestions!!

Day 37 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday!! Also, today I want to wish my wonderful sister a very Happy Birthday today!!! I wouldn't be 1/1,000th of the woman, mother, sister, wife, friend or even human being I am today if it weren't for her. She is an inspiration to me every day and I couldn't imagine asking for a better sister in the world! I hope you have an incredible day!! You deserve it!!!

Now....as you know....Friday is weigh in day. So today I hopped on that scale...not feeling confident at all. And I look down....and I lost two pounds! With mother nature working against me, I didn't expect that at all this week!! So now I am down a total of 19.5 pounds!!! I am so close to that 20 pound mark!!! Hopefully I can break it next week!!

Speaking of next week, I am really nervous. I love all the time that I get to spend home with Alayna each day, and I have really just begun to get used to my working out schedule....and it is all about to change. I am so nervous about it, but I know it is what I need to do. I promised myself that I would make it work. I really don't want to fail just because I am working full time. So I have decided to try and do early morning workouts. If I have the sitter, why shouldn't I? These next few weeks will have a funny schedule because it is all training, but once I get into my routine, I think it will become easier.

Now today I can't help but think of a certain someone who has been an inspiration to me in more ways than I can begin to count. She crazily enough is still a huge motivation and inspiration point for me. She is there when I need her and there when I don't. She was a strong and powerful woman who would do anything in her power to make you happy. She was an incredibly strong woman who made everyone around her happy. She was beautiful, full of love, and always giving. She would have given you the shirt off her back if you told her you needed it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And recently I have been praying to her and with all of the good things I have been blessed with lately, I can't help but KNOW she is listening and helping. She was that person when she was here with us on Earth, and she is that person up in Heaven. I can't help but think she is doing incredible things up there. She was a saint down here, what would make it any different up there? I love you Nonnie, and I miss you more and more each day. But I KNOW you are looking down on me and I hope that I can make you proud. You make sure that I keep my head up high no matter what the situation and I swear you speak through Lauren sometimes with the things she tells me to keep going. We all love and miss you like crazy Nonnie, it's just not the same without you. But we know you are looking down on all of us, no matter what our journey is, or where our lives take us, you are there to keep us going. You push us just as far as we can go. So thank you Nonnie.....don't think I don't know you are there!

I think I am going to leave things on that note. I will write more tomorrow everyone. Have a wonderful Friday, and count your blessings!!! You don't know how long you get them for so love them whole heartedly and don't ever let a day go by without telling them just how much you love them!!!

Day 30 - Weigh In

Well today has come!! It's finally weigh in day....And I can honestly say...I was REALLY hoping for more, but I am still happy!

This week I lost 2 lbs for a grand total of 17.5 pounds in 4 weeks gone. And never to be seen again!


Do I wish it was more around the 20 mark....absolutely! But I can honestly say that I am so happy to just be losing!! I know this is going to be a very long journey, and sometimes things will get frustrating, but slow and steady wins the race right? But I just need to keep my head up, and keep trucking no matter what the number says. I used to quit because the number was small, a zero, or I gained weight. I would just get so discouraged and just give up. Why keep going if I'm not doing it right??? And now I don't want to quit. Why would I change my life so drastically just to turn back into that very unhappy girl??

I can think of so many moments when I was unhappy with myself, and I could feel that disappointment in myself, but did NOTHING about it. You know Hayden and I went to a Nationals game last year, and I was so uncomfortable the whole time! The seat was too small for me and I was so embarrassed by it. I thought everyone in the whole place was looking at me....like I was not supposed to be there. Well later on in the game, we moved a couple rows down as people began to leave, and the seats were HUGE! So I began to think that maybe I over reacted a little bit, and maybe we just got really cheap seats! In my head...when things like that happen, I immediately think that everyone is just staring and laughing at me. It was almost all I thought about the whole time. I couldn't even enjoy one of the few date nights Hayden and I got because I was too upset with myself And I hate that I have that feeling (or HAD), every time I went in public. I just don't feel that way anymore, because I am so proud. I'm putting in a lot of hard work to change my life, and I wish I could just spread it around to the whole world!

So on that note, no more of that kind of negativity in my life. On to bigger and better things!! All these changes have made me a better person....and I can't wait to see the final person they change me into!!!

Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Day 23 - Weigh In

Well today was the day. And I can not deny that I am a little disappointed.  I know that losing weight is weight gone....but I was just hoping for more. Although I can understand why it wasn't as big as a number. These last couple days I have not felt well and I have not gotten as much out of the gym as I would have liked. So this week, now that I feel better...I am going to kick butt!!!

Oh...you guys wanted to know the number??


Since last week...I am down 2.8 pounds. For a grand total since starting (counting before I started blogging) of 15.5 pounds in three weeks! Not too shabby! And no matter what, I'm headed in the right direction, so I could really not be any happier!

I am hoping to work even harder this next week. I would really love to see a bigger number, but no matter what....frustration will NOT stop me.

Last night I had to go to the gym late because Hayden was working late. It was strange being one of the last people in the gym. All the TVs were off, the radio was turned off, and most of the rooms were dark and locked up. Very strange. But it was so nice with so few people in the gym. If only I was alone every time, I would love it even more. Although it's not all bad with other people. Either way, I have really warmed up to the gym.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!! I will blog this weekend (although according to the numbers, not many people read on the weekends), but for those that do, I'll make sure to write!

Happy Friday!

Day 16 - Weigh In

Well today was that dreaded day. And it was everything I knew it was going to be this week. I've lost nothing. I hopped on that scale this morning and saw the same number that was there last Friday. I can't say it doesn't hurt....because it absolutely does. I worked really hard this week through pain and blisters. And I ate exactly what I needed to be eating.

It's when things like this happen that I just want to stop. Old me would have thought, "What's the use? If all this hard work isn't going to pay off anyway, why even keep going?" But I just can't hold on to an attitude like that. I knew that the number I got last week was crazy hight, but I really thought I would have lost something in the last week.

I know I have so much to be proud of. I have done things this past week that I didn't know I was capable of. I finally started to do a little weight lifting last night, as terrified as I was. I am running for longer periods of time. I am sprinting at higher speeds. I am finally starting to not crave some of my favorite foods. With all of these things, I can't help but not be that upset about being the same weight as last week. So no matter what, I will keep my head held high, because I worked hard and I will see it pay off soon.

I feel like I have let you all down, but know that I will work twice as hard this week to prove it to myself and all of you. Next week will get better!! I just know it!!

Hope you all have an excellent Friday!

Day 9 - Weigh In

Alright.....the numbers are in.......nice and early this morning I jumped on the scale after one week of hard work. Or at least harder work than I had put in for the past few years (shamefully).

Here it is.....10.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One week and 10.5 lbs down....I'm speechless. I KNOW this will not be a weekly number. That would be unrealistic. But this is just such an incredible start. And before anyone chimes in that it is unhealthy to lose this much, I have contacted my doctor, and it is perfectly healthy as long as I am eating the calories I need to be in a day. Which I am.

I am just so overwhelmed by that number. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to see that number every week. It would be incredible if I could, but I know it just isn't going to happen.

Knowing that I am headed in the right direction...that is my motivation for this next week. This next week has never happened for me. I have ALWAYS given up by now. I  never make it this far because I love food too much and just always want to fall back into that horrible routine of my old life. I hope that seeing this number has really triggered something in my head to keep going. I want to just keep seeing that number go down.

I am so thankful to all of you for pushing me through this week. I know with all of you amazing people behind me, I can keep going and going until I reach my goal! I have been just so excited to see all of the people reading. I hope all of you incredible people have a wonderful weekend. Remember I still update on weekends, so remember to read!!!