Alright everyone.....I owe you a nice long post. A post with promise and hope....but tonight....I want to write about a comfy bed. And a fluffy pillow and blanket. Today was way longer than I had intended. Well, I guess it really went the normal length, but it felt so much longer.
I have so many things I want to say today about the day, but don't know how to put them into words. I never thought I would be lost for words, but I am. I don't know how to say what I need to say with out being angry or upset. So I think it is best if I just keep it to myself. I am going to use that frustration at the gym tonight. I am not going for long, but enough to relax myself and de-stress.
I wish I could write you more. I wish I could put into words what I need to say to all of you tonight, but I am at a loss. I am just too upset. I know I keep saying that, but it's how I feel. I will write more tomorrow. Hopefully I will be a little more of sound mind then!
Enjoy your evenings everyone!
Showing posts with label Over Come It. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Over Come It. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Day 137
Happy Sunday Everyone. I have decided that the reason I am losing readers is because I'm not talking about fitness. Remember when that's what this blog was all about??? So that's what it's going to focus on from here on out. I figured out that what really sparked my reason I essentially have given up is because when I got hurt, I thought "why bother?". But NO MORE!
I started this journey because I was so unhappy with myself that I couldn't bear the thought of living life like this forever. And I SWEAR I WON'T!!!! So I have got to step up the game. Now...I know what you are thinking, "Bethany, you say this every day and nothing changes". That's just it. I give up on myself every time I start this journey and just fall back into habits....but at least this time I haven't completely given up on myself. So I just want you all to know I am trying. Life has gotten in my way ever so slightly, but I am working through it.
It is back to clean eating (right before the holidays....I know it's risky), but I KNOW I can do it! I will work as hard as I need to to make sure that I keep on track with this journey. I don't expect the changes to come over night, and it will be a struggle, but with your support, and my families support, and my friends....I will get through this. I refuse to let in and let this win. I am stronger than that. Food will not beat me!!!!
Have a wonderful Sunday night everyone. I hope you all jump back on my wagon with me and keep reading. I know there is a lot of fight left in me! So stick around for the ride!!!
I started this journey because I was so unhappy with myself that I couldn't bear the thought of living life like this forever. And I SWEAR I WON'T!!!! So I have got to step up the game. Now...I know what you are thinking, "Bethany, you say this every day and nothing changes". That's just it. I give up on myself every time I start this journey and just fall back into habits....but at least this time I haven't completely given up on myself. So I just want you all to know I am trying. Life has gotten in my way ever so slightly, but I am working through it.
It is back to clean eating (right before the holidays....I know it's risky), but I KNOW I can do it! I will work as hard as I need to to make sure that I keep on track with this journey. I don't expect the changes to come over night, and it will be a struggle, but with your support, and my families support, and my friends....I will get through this. I refuse to let in and let this win. I am stronger than that. Food will not beat me!!!!
Have a wonderful Sunday night everyone. I hope you all jump back on my wagon with me and keep reading. I know there is a lot of fight left in me! So stick around for the ride!!!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Day 133
Good Morning Everyone!!! I hope you all are having a great morning! I am trying to keep positive. I also had a discovery last night.....no matter how much I try to focus on just me, like I talked about last night, I will always put others first, and that's okay. I don't know why, but it's just how I am. I try to switch it off, but I just can't, and that's not a bad thing! You know, when I was in school, I was the person other people came to with problems. People would let me know what was going on, and I was just a good ear, shoulder, or hug that they needed. I am okay with being that. So I will continue to focus on me, but I will make sure to have a balance. And I will ALSO make sure to go to someone if I feel the need to talk to someone!
So I also know I keep saying that I don't really have anyone here....wah wah wah...right? I hate feeling sorry for myself. And then I had a shocking realization, I do have people. They know who they are, and I am so thankful for their support. It truly does keep me going every day. I know that working, eating right, going to they gym, taking care of Alayna and Hayden, and keeping a house clean is not all that much work, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. And I am so lucky to have these people in my life. I guess I just thought it was time to give some credit, where credit is due, so to you guys, I say THANK YOU! I have been so lucky to find people here, not many, but enough to make my days so much better!!!
So I'm trying to think of what the point of this post was supposed to be....early mornings tend to mess with my brain a little bit! I guess what it really comes down to, is I don't think I can change who I am. I will always put others first. I got it from my grandmother. I guess it is why I care so much about what others have to say about me, because I work so hard to make everyone else happy. I know I shouldn't care, but I do.....So I will continue to care about others, I will thank everyone for what they do (too much usually), and I will try my very best to still keep a focus on me!!!
So I think this post was a little rambly, but I hope it got my point across. I am happy to help others, and I thought that would be what I needed to focus on to make myself more focused, but it isn't. I need to focus on doing everything! I need to just spread myself evenly across everything! So in closing, have a great Wednesday and I will talk to all of you tomorrow!!!!
So I also know I keep saying that I don't really have anyone here....wah wah wah...right? I hate feeling sorry for myself. And then I had a shocking realization, I do have people. They know who they are, and I am so thankful for their support. It truly does keep me going every day. I know that working, eating right, going to they gym, taking care of Alayna and Hayden, and keeping a house clean is not all that much work, but sometimes it gets to be a lot. And I am so lucky to have these people in my life. I guess I just thought it was time to give some credit, where credit is due, so to you guys, I say THANK YOU! I have been so lucky to find people here, not many, but enough to make my days so much better!!!
So I'm trying to think of what the point of this post was supposed to be....early mornings tend to mess with my brain a little bit! I guess what it really comes down to, is I don't think I can change who I am. I will always put others first. I got it from my grandmother. I guess it is why I care so much about what others have to say about me, because I work so hard to make everyone else happy. I know I shouldn't care, but I do.....So I will continue to care about others, I will thank everyone for what they do (too much usually), and I will try my very best to still keep a focus on me!!!
So I think this post was a little rambly, but I hope it got my point across. I am happy to help others, and I thought that would be what I needed to focus on to make myself more focused, but it isn't. I need to focus on doing everything! I need to just spread myself evenly across everything! So in closing, have a great Wednesday and I will talk to all of you tomorrow!!!!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Day 120
Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having an incredible morning! I woke up this morning with a new out look. My dad sent me this message yesterday that was so full of impact for me!!
"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."
That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.
I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.
To give you all a little snapshot of my days:
6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.
7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.
7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner
8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.
9:00 pm - BED!!!!!
So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!
I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!
"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."
That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.
I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.
To give you all a little snapshot of my days:
6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.
7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.
7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner
8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.
9:00 pm - BED!!!!!
So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!
I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!
Friday, November 1, 2013
Day 114 - Weigh In
Good Morning everyone. Like I said yesterday, I knew this weigh in would be pointless. Nothing changed. And I realized that I didn't log into My Fitness Pal yesterday, so all 113 days of hard work aren't even showing on there anymore. I can't believe I didn't log in?!?! I felt very angry that I did that....I have worked too hard to give up now, but honestly, that's what it feels like I'm doing. I feel like I have been going on this journey so long, that now, I'm just kind of faking it. Yeah, I'm still losing weight, but not the way I was before. This feels so much like the lazy way.
So now, the feeling I have RIGHT NOW....is fury....and it is motivating. I am so furious with myself. I told myself (and other people too) when I got this job I would NOT let it get to me. I would keep going like I was before and I would let NOTHING get in my way. And then I let work get in my way. How could I??? I lied and cheated myself out of months of hard work. So I feel like I have to jump on this horse all over again. I don't think I wanted to admit to you guys (although I'm sure you could tell) that I had not been doing everything that I should be. And I am more mad at myself than anyone could be. I have been faking for too long, and it is time for me to jump on this horse, and try again. I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to let the food and laziness win.
I know in life that I will come into busy spots and life will just happen, but I can't let up completely. I have almost already given up on myself, and I just can't bear to do that. I am better than that. I know you all tell me, "You are too hard on yourself." "You are working and being a mom, you are doing great." "You are making it work.". But honestly, I'm not. I'm not making anything work. It is hard. Being a working mom, who is also trying to lose weight by eating healthy, and who is also trying to go to the gym at least 4 times a week, and who is also trying to make sure she is spending enough time with her family....it is so hard. I mean, like, unbelievably hard. I don't know how people do it.....I mean really...I need some professional advice, because it is just really proving difficult. I said I wouldn't use tired as an excuse, but I am so damn tired it is unreal!!! How do I dig down deep and find the energy???
I apologize for all the venting. I think the missing a day on MFP was really my final straw. I can't keep being lazy. My body is paying for it, and I am so unhappy with myself for it. I am back at not wanting to look in the mirror really....So time to re-focus myself. Remember why I started, and GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!!!!
Have a great Friday Everyone.
So now, the feeling I have RIGHT NOW....is fury....and it is motivating. I am so furious with myself. I told myself (and other people too) when I got this job I would NOT let it get to me. I would keep going like I was before and I would let NOTHING get in my way. And then I let work get in my way. How could I??? I lied and cheated myself out of months of hard work. So I feel like I have to jump on this horse all over again. I don't think I wanted to admit to you guys (although I'm sure you could tell) that I had not been doing everything that I should be. And I am more mad at myself than anyone could be. I have been faking for too long, and it is time for me to jump on this horse, and try again. I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to let the food and laziness win.
I know in life that I will come into busy spots and life will just happen, but I can't let up completely. I have almost already given up on myself, and I just can't bear to do that. I am better than that. I know you all tell me, "You are too hard on yourself." "You are working and being a mom, you are doing great." "You are making it work.". But honestly, I'm not. I'm not making anything work. It is hard. Being a working mom, who is also trying to lose weight by eating healthy, and who is also trying to go to the gym at least 4 times a week, and who is also trying to make sure she is spending enough time with her family....it is so hard. I mean, like, unbelievably hard. I don't know how people do it.....I mean really...I need some professional advice, because it is just really proving difficult. I said I wouldn't use tired as an excuse, but I am so damn tired it is unreal!!! How do I dig down deep and find the energy???
I apologize for all the venting. I think the missing a day on MFP was really my final straw. I can't keep being lazy. My body is paying for it, and I am so unhappy with myself for it. I am back at not wanting to look in the mirror really....So time to re-focus myself. Remember why I started, and GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!!!!
Have a great Friday Everyone.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Day 107 - Weigh In
Well.....I knew I wasn't going to hit my goal from last week. I didn't work for it. I should have worked harder and I didn't. I made excuses. I was tired, I got home too late, I have a headache, I want to spend time at home....they are excuses. I could have gone, and I just chose not to.
So I jumped on that scale today, knowing I wouldn't be happy with it, and boy was I right. I was .2 pounds down for a total of 36.5 pounds down.
Right now I think I am in a place where I just really need to time manage more than ever. It's going to be even more difficult when trying to run two stores, not just one, and still trying to somewhat have a life outside of work. I had this thought dropping Alayna off at Miss J's house (sitter), I bet she likes her more than me, she sees her more than me....I'm a terrible mother....
I wish I could say this wasn't a real thought, but it is. I hope some day she understands that I am working so hard for her. I work the hours and times I work, to provide her a better life. She deserves the most out of life, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to provide her with that.
So....what I think I need now, more than ever, is an daily agenda. Keeping to a strict daily routine will hopefully make it a little less difficult to keep on track. So when I said I wanted to work on lists on Tuesday, this was one of them. Making a schedule for me to keep to, would be amazing, and more convenient. Forcing myself to go to the gym at least four times a week. Making family time a special time, and really being there. Getting my blogs done in the mornings, so that I can have the evenings to really focus on Hayden and Alayna. And when I'm at work, be there....but disconnect once I get home.
That is what I need to work on for myself. A routine. Once I am in a routine, the rest will all fall into place.
SO I am leaving you all with that. I still need to get ready for work and somehow wake up. I slept awful again. I keep dreaming of work, so it's like I'm pulling 24 hour shifts! So off to the coffee machine for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I know I am going to try to keep my head up and "Get em' next time". Because it's not how you start, but how you finish, and I WILL finish this next 44 days strong!!
So I jumped on that scale today, knowing I wouldn't be happy with it, and boy was I right. I was .2 pounds down for a total of 36.5 pounds down.
Right now I think I am in a place where I just really need to time manage more than ever. It's going to be even more difficult when trying to run two stores, not just one, and still trying to somewhat have a life outside of work. I had this thought dropping Alayna off at Miss J's house (sitter), I bet she likes her more than me, she sees her more than me....I'm a terrible mother....
I wish I could say this wasn't a real thought, but it is. I hope some day she understands that I am working so hard for her. I work the hours and times I work, to provide her a better life. She deserves the most out of life, and I will work as hard as I possibly can to provide her with that.
So....what I think I need now, more than ever, is an daily agenda. Keeping to a strict daily routine will hopefully make it a little less difficult to keep on track. So when I said I wanted to work on lists on Tuesday, this was one of them. Making a schedule for me to keep to, would be amazing, and more convenient. Forcing myself to go to the gym at least four times a week. Making family time a special time, and really being there. Getting my blogs done in the mornings, so that I can have the evenings to really focus on Hayden and Alayna. And when I'm at work, be there....but disconnect once I get home.
That is what I need to work on for myself. A routine. Once I am in a routine, the rest will all fall into place.
SO I am leaving you all with that. I still need to get ready for work and somehow wake up. I slept awful again. I keep dreaming of work, so it's like I'm pulling 24 hour shifts! So off to the coffee machine for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I know I am going to try to keep my head up and "Get em' next time". Because it's not how you start, but how you finish, and I WILL finish this next 44 days strong!!
Friday, October 11, 2013
Day 93 - Weigh In
Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone!!! I hope you all are excited for the weekend and ready to relax as much as I am!! I got on that scale today....ready to face whatever it had to say....and I pleasantly looked down at a 1.8 lb loss bringing my total up to 35.5 lbs!!! That's a lot of weight to be missing!!! And I truly hope I never find it!!!!!
I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.
I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!
I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.
I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Day 84
I knew I couldn't do it 3 days in a row!! I'm sorry everyone. And I am even more sorry that I am going to be really short tonight. Alayna is in QUITE the mood today, and I am busy dealing with that. Today I had the most awful urge to have something sugary and sweet...and I fought temptation all day with it. So when I got home, I had dinner and thought, "Maybe just a glass of lemonade". But then I REALLY thought about that decision. Was that what is best for me right now??? NOOOO!!!! I decided to go with water instead! I know it is just a small victory, but sometimes those are what we need to take. I am not the BEST at saying no to things. I am terrified when I need to go on my Disney trip, and giving in to all my favorite things. I know it is about portion control, and not over doing it, but sometimes that doesn't come as easily to me.
I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.
I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?
I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!
I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.
I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?
I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Day 78
Day 78.....the day before weigh in day and I will tell you it has been weighing on me all day. I DON'T think tomorrow is going to look good for me. I have not been as good as I would have hoped, and only worked out a couple times. It just wasn't the week I had hoped for. Next week is full force and taking care of myself!!! Working out, just the way that I need it to!
I know that I have been slacking on posts...I do! But we are heading into a new month and I PROMISE to take better care of all of you and post nice long posts every morning. It's just when I get up in the morning, it's either 15 minutes extra sleep or write...and some mornings, the extra sleep out weighs the writing. I'm sorry!!!! But we all know that weigh in day I am up and at em' nice and early, so I will definitely have a nice long post to write tomorrow. I also want to update you all on how things are feeling with my ankle....which is looking on the positive side!!!
SO unfortunately, Big Bang Theory is premiering tonight and I need to get watching!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening, and I will talk to you bright and early in the morning!!!
I know that I have been slacking on posts...I do! But we are heading into a new month and I PROMISE to take better care of all of you and post nice long posts every morning. It's just when I get up in the morning, it's either 15 minutes extra sleep or write...and some mornings, the extra sleep out weighs the writing. I'm sorry!!!! But we all know that weigh in day I am up and at em' nice and early, so I will definitely have a nice long post to write tomorrow. I also want to update you all on how things are feeling with my ankle....which is looking on the positive side!!!
SO unfortunately, Big Bang Theory is premiering tonight and I need to get watching!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening, and I will talk to you bright and early in the morning!!!
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Day 64
Good evening everyone. I am keeping it really really short tonight. I am in one foul mood and don't want to stay on for too long. I just don't have it in me to keep my attitude up and staying happy today.
I had a really awful day at work and found out some things that were very hurtful that I am just needing to think about tonight. I hope you all understand.
Tomorrow is weigh in day, so hopefully after a good nights sleep I can think a little more clearly tomorrow. Have a good night everyone....
I had a really awful day at work and found out some things that were very hurtful that I am just needing to think about tonight. I hope you all understand.
Tomorrow is weigh in day, so hopefully after a good nights sleep I can think a little more clearly tomorrow. Have a good night everyone....
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Day 55
Day 55......already???? I don't even believe it! It doesn't feel like it has been that long already! I know towards the beginning of this journey, I made a list of why I was doing this. Some of those things have changed, and some have stayed the same, and I have also added to that list. I thought maybe today I would take a look at that list and remind myself why I want to be this new person so bad....
- Alayna....she is so important to me, and I know that she is (other than myself) the biggest reason I want to change.
- Hayden, of course. I want him to get the best possible version of me that is possible.
- My family....they also deserve the most amazing daughter and sister and aunt that is possible. So I need to be healthy and happy for them.
- To go shopping and not walk out of the store crying. Being able to shop at the same store as Hayden. I've never been able to, and I would love to not have to go to a special store just because I can't fit in the ones where he is (the clothes, not the store...that would be ridiculous!).
- Disney world!!!!! To be able to fit in the rides and keep up with my family. I want to make the most out of this trip, and if that means being healthy and happy, so be it!
- Fitting into a nice swimsuit without having to wear a cover up or tshirt the whole time!!
- To have some ABS!!!!! This one is self explanatory!
- Being able to keep up with Alayna and letting nothing hold me back!!
- Being able to wear heels and not feel like I'm going to fall down with every step!
- To feel comfortable in front of the camera, not just behind it.
So I changed and expanded some of the list, but they are all still relevant. I just feel like there is so much left to change, but still so much that has. I most of all, more than anything on this list, just want to be 100% happy and healthy with myself. I just want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, friend, and person I can possibly be. I hope that I can constantly keep these goals in mind even when I am feeling down.
All of you, don't forget why you start something. I know sometimes we get so blinded by what we want...like that pizza, or drink, or whatever else is something you LOVE, but you just have to remember why you started. And don't EVER forget where you came from...it will help push you through any road block you come across.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Day 47
Well it is my first day off, and it has been so nice to hang out with Alayna. Thus, the late post. I want to take advantage of the time I do have with her since it seems like it is becoming less and less. I am still feeling pretty down today. I am trying my best to keep my head up though. I know I have made progress, and I can not deny that!
I am happy with what I am doing in my life so I can't keep getting down about the silly numbers. I am so lucky to have such wonderful family in my life to keep me going when I feel down. So thank you to everyone who had such uplifting things to say to me yesterday...I needed it!
So today I did promise you guys something, and you know what they say....a picture is worth a thousand words so here are my progress pictures until now. I posted one full body, and one of my face. I can honestly say the one of my face (before) is shameful. I can't believe I let it get to that. But I am on my way to change!!! Let me know what you guys think.
I am happy with what I am doing in my life so I can't keep getting down about the silly numbers. I am so lucky to have such wonderful family in my life to keep me going when I feel down. So thank you to everyone who had such uplifting things to say to me yesterday...I needed it!
So today I did promise you guys something, and you know what they say....a picture is worth a thousand words so here are my progress pictures until now. I posted one full body, and one of my face. I can honestly say the one of my face (before) is shameful. I can't believe I let it get to that. But I am on my way to change!!! Let me know what you guys think.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Day 46
So today I decided I wanted to talk about my frustrations as of late. I am so frustrated with where I am right now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and am so unhappy with who I see. I know she is different than the girl that I was when I started, but I still see her. I still see that girl from 46 days ago that was so unhappy. I still feel like that girl. How do I STOP from feeling like her? And then when I do feel like her, it makes me want to hole up in a corner and just cry. I know these feelings are normal but I am so tired of getting them. I am no where near where I want to be in this journey and I don't know how to get there. I wanted to be well over 35 lbs. down by now and I am still a far ways away from that. I thought I could do it, and now I'm thinking I can't. And 35 lbs at this point is nothing compared to where I really need to be. So now I'm stuck with this feeling of not being good enough to meet my goal and what if I can't meet my goal by the time we need to go on our trip in December. I would be so unhappy that I did all this work for nothing.
I know this post is a little "venty", but it's how I'm feeling. I am just really really frustrated with myself. I am really unhappy today. Maybe it's that I'm sick, or tired from working so much, or just overworked with this crazy busy schedule. But what I do know is that I have to kick this feeling and quick! I can't let it get the best of me, or I will be able to see it in my numbers next Friday! So hopefully today it will be a nice slow work day and I can keep calm and focus on what my goal really is.
Maybe if I actually take those before and during pictures I was talking about, it might give me a little bit of push. Sometimes my eye can't see exactly what is there, but a photograph captures it a little better. And a side by side is always easier to see results in. So I will do those tomorrow....with my day off. You will get to see where I started and where I am, and you all can be the judge of if I'm just crazy, or there really is nothing to see!!
Have a wonderful Sunday everyone! I'm going to try to keep calm and count my positives today!
I know this post is a little "venty", but it's how I'm feeling. I am just really really frustrated with myself. I am really unhappy today. Maybe it's that I'm sick, or tired from working so much, or just overworked with this crazy busy schedule. But what I do know is that I have to kick this feeling and quick! I can't let it get the best of me, or I will be able to see it in my numbers next Friday! So hopefully today it will be a nice slow work day and I can keep calm and focus on what my goal really is.
Maybe if I actually take those before and during pictures I was talking about, it might give me a little bit of push. Sometimes my eye can't see exactly what is there, but a photograph captures it a little better. And a side by side is always easier to see results in. So I will do those tomorrow....with my day off. You will get to see where I started and where I am, and you all can be the judge of if I'm just crazy, or there really is nothing to see!!
Have a wonderful Sunday everyone! I'm going to try to keep calm and count my positives today!
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Day 45
Good Morning Everyone! I am definitely going to be keeping today short. I am running a little late today and I have to get to work soon. I can't even put into words how exhausted I am today! All of this work is starting to catch up with me and I can't keep up!! Hopefully things start getting better once a more permanent schedule is made.
I will be trying to go to the gym tonight. I am working until 8:30 tonight and will spend some time with family and after that is gym and bed. How do people do this??? How do people work all these hours in one week and still function like a normal human being??? I can't seem to get my act together just yet. I am trying really hard, but it is proving a little more difficult than I anticipated.
On a good note, Alayna is learning so much! The woman we hired has already taught her so much!!!! She also does the dishes and makes sure the house is clean when I get home?? Something for Alayna and me! So there is nothing wrong on that end. She is doing so well!
I told you guys I was keeping it short, so I am! Have to go get ready for work! Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!
I will be trying to go to the gym tonight. I am working until 8:30 tonight and will spend some time with family and after that is gym and bed. How do people do this??? How do people work all these hours in one week and still function like a normal human being??? I can't seem to get my act together just yet. I am trying really hard, but it is proving a little more difficult than I anticipated.
On a good note, Alayna is learning so much! The woman we hired has already taught her so much!!!! She also does the dishes and makes sure the house is clean when I get home?? Something for Alayna and me! So there is nothing wrong on that end. She is doing so well!
I told you guys I was keeping it short, so I am! Have to go get ready for work! Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Day 42
So I finally got my work schedule....and let me tell you...this next two weeks they were not kidding about filling me full of as much information as possible! I have two weeks to learn everything I possibly can! And it is amazing how much information there is! Just the daily routines alone are something to be baffled by! I know that I will get to the point that I need to be at, but it is a daunting task right now. I am beginning to get stressed, and I haven't even fully been into my position yet.
I have to get used to these early mornings and early bed times. Before I had my job I was going to bed way too late and sleeping in a little later. But it is amazing that even if I am not going to the gym (for now), a good nights sleep can do wonders for you! SO that is my preachy point for the day. No matter if you eat healthy, go to the gym, stay active during the day, if you DON'T go to bed early and get a good nights sleep, you are NOT going to get as good of results! So I think this may actually be a blessing in disguise! Once I finally get into a routine of things and I am able to figure out this schedule comfortably, I think I will be A-okay!!
I would love to hear how all of you balance a diet, work life, and workout life into your daily routine! I am simply getting overwhelmed by the amount of things I need to do both at work and home that I just am too scared to take time away from that. I only really get to see Alayna for an hour or so at the end of the day, and with working weekends too, I don't see her or Hayden then either. It's quite the sacrifice working moms make and on top of that add a working mom who wants to work out? I know it is possible, I have seen other moms do it! I just need to find what works for me, and I WILL figure that out soon!
SO while I figure this whole thing out, I can not be more appreciative of all of you to support me through this. All of you loyal readers....you mean the world to me and I honestly think I would have given up by now, if it weren't for you! So thank you everyone....for pushing me and motivating me!!
Have an amazing Wednesday everyone!
I have to get used to these early mornings and early bed times. Before I had my job I was going to bed way too late and sleeping in a little later. But it is amazing that even if I am not going to the gym (for now), a good nights sleep can do wonders for you! SO that is my preachy point for the day. No matter if you eat healthy, go to the gym, stay active during the day, if you DON'T go to bed early and get a good nights sleep, you are NOT going to get as good of results! So I think this may actually be a blessing in disguise! Once I finally get into a routine of things and I am able to figure out this schedule comfortably, I think I will be A-okay!!
I would love to hear how all of you balance a diet, work life, and workout life into your daily routine! I am simply getting overwhelmed by the amount of things I need to do both at work and home that I just am too scared to take time away from that. I only really get to see Alayna for an hour or so at the end of the day, and with working weekends too, I don't see her or Hayden then either. It's quite the sacrifice working moms make and on top of that add a working mom who wants to work out? I know it is possible, I have seen other moms do it! I just need to find what works for me, and I WILL figure that out soon!
SO while I figure this whole thing out, I can not be more appreciative of all of you to support me through this. All of you loyal readers....you mean the world to me and I honestly think I would have given up by now, if it weren't for you! So thank you everyone....for pushing me and motivating me!!
Have an amazing Wednesday everyone!
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Day 31
Happy Saturday everyone!!! I started my day out my most favorite way and that is at the gym! Who would have thought?
Last night Hayden and I were talking about the last four weeks and the things that have changed. He said he was so proud that I have stuck to it this far and I can honestly say I am too. But I promise, today won't be about that. (not again!)
Today I decided to talk about Magic Pills. That magic pill that will allow you to lose weight. That magic pill that makes you skinny. That magic pill that will make every health issue go away and make you healthy. Now think about that magic pill....do you want that magic pill?? Who doesn't right??
Well I hate to break it to you all, but that magic pill doesn't exist. There is no magic pill, powder, or liquid that will make all your dreams come true. It takes hard work, dedication, and more self-motivation than you ever even thought you had inside you. I used to think that if I try this fad or that one, that the fat would just melt off of me. That if I half ass it, I can still get what I want. But I KNOW now that it won't work. Only I can make this happen for myself. It is up to my mind to push my body through this. Through the pain and through every other sacrifice I make, I push harder each day for the better of myself.
The moral of today's post is....you can't just take some magic item to make things better. It just doesn't work. You have to want the change to make it happen. What is important enough to you to make the change?? Is it your family, children, job, or just wanting to get healthy? No matter what it is, it should be important enough to make that change. So I hope today you all just do one thing....one healthy change. Whether that be drinking water instead of pop or walking around the whole mall while doing your Saturday shopping or just going for a small walk....that's all it takes.....so get out there and start today!!! There is no magic pill waiting for you...only your mind waiting to push your body!
Good luck <3
Last night Hayden and I were talking about the last four weeks and the things that have changed. He said he was so proud that I have stuck to it this far and I can honestly say I am too. But I promise, today won't be about that. (not again!)
Today I decided to talk about Magic Pills. That magic pill that will allow you to lose weight. That magic pill that makes you skinny. That magic pill that will make every health issue go away and make you healthy. Now think about that magic pill....do you want that magic pill?? Who doesn't right??
Well I hate to break it to you all, but that magic pill doesn't exist. There is no magic pill, powder, or liquid that will make all your dreams come true. It takes hard work, dedication, and more self-motivation than you ever even thought you had inside you. I used to think that if I try this fad or that one, that the fat would just melt off of me. That if I half ass it, I can still get what I want. But I KNOW now that it won't work. Only I can make this happen for myself. It is up to my mind to push my body through this. Through the pain and through every other sacrifice I make, I push harder each day for the better of myself.
The moral of today's post is....you can't just take some magic item to make things better. It just doesn't work. You have to want the change to make it happen. What is important enough to you to make the change?? Is it your family, children, job, or just wanting to get healthy? No matter what it is, it should be important enough to make that change. So I hope today you all just do one thing....one healthy change. Whether that be drinking water instead of pop or walking around the whole mall while doing your Saturday shopping or just going for a small walk....that's all it takes.....so get out there and start today!!! There is no magic pill waiting for you...only your mind waiting to push your body!
Good luck <3
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Day 29
Good Morning everyone! I promise today's blog will be a little less....preachy!
I know I talk constantly about how happy I am, and I'm sure that gets old. I apologize. But I just can't help it! No matter how stressed I get about my lack of human interaction, my happiness with myself...it's outpouring!! I was a really unhappy person before. I mean....if I'm being brutally honest....when I went to Busch Gardens with Hayden's family, most of the rides were just way too tight, or I wouldn't even try because I didn't want to be embarrassed. I hated that feeling. It was worse than going shopping! I was so disappointed in myself. And what's even worse, is I ATE because I was upset that I couldn't fit in the rides. How does that even make sense???
I have been really stressed lately. I can't seem to find any friends here at our new house, and it is effecting me more than I had anticipated. And the strange thing is, the only time I feel really okay with being alone, is when I'm at the gym. I have come to take out my stresses and worries there. Before I leaned on food, and now, I couldn't imagine turning to food.
I have made a lot of changes in the past four weeks that I couldn't imagine I would have been able to do. I'm trying new food and eating fresh and clean food. It's not the normal me, and I'm so happy with all of the changes. I mean last night I poured Almond Milk into my cereal and couldn't even believe I was the same person. I could have never imagined drinking that 4 weeks ago!! I eat spaghetti squash now....which I'm pretty sure I refused as a child. I am just turning into the person I always knew existed. And I just couldn't be any happier about it.
I know I talk constantly about how happy I am, and I'm sure that gets old. I apologize. But I just can't help it! No matter how stressed I get about my lack of human interaction, my happiness with myself...it's outpouring!! I was a really unhappy person before. I mean....if I'm being brutally honest....when I went to Busch Gardens with Hayden's family, most of the rides were just way too tight, or I wouldn't even try because I didn't want to be embarrassed. I hated that feeling. It was worse than going shopping! I was so disappointed in myself. And what's even worse, is I ATE because I was upset that I couldn't fit in the rides. How does that even make sense???
I am 24 years old, and I am finally ready to change my life for the better. I mean better late than never right? Tomorrow is indeed weigh in, and I am promised myself to be happy no matter what the outcome. Because honestly, no matter what happens, my life is changing for the better. It is insane to think one little number could change my mind of that. I hope you all have a great day!! Sorry this entry was a little redundant with entries past! I just felt I needed to tell everyone...I'm so happy!!!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Day 27
So yesterday wasn't such a great day. I was upset, sad, and feeling sorry for myself. And usually my first instinct is to eat something....frozen pizza, ice cream, or noodles (I really love carbs!!) but I thought about how silly it would be to waste a whole days hard work on something like that, that doesn't actually make me feel any better at all. So I decided I would take it out at the gym. And boy did I!!! I got such a great burn and it really was the best medicine. My sister made it very clear by talking me out of those negative feelings. I am finally working on myself, and I SHOULD be really proud of that!! Everything else in my life will fall into place, and until then I need to worry about taking care of myself!!! So no more negative feelings for me! I have no reason at all to be negative...too many good things going on in my life!!!
So some people had asked about what a normal day looks like for me calorie wise. So I figured I would just kind of briefly map that out for all of you, see if maybe that is a little easier to understand what a day looks like for me!
8:00 am - 9:00 am - One protein shake (used as a meal replacement)
12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Whole wheat english muffin (REALLY high in fiber), 1 T. cream cheese, low fat string cheese, 1/4 cup raw almonds, and tomato and cucumber salad (sometimes)
3:00 pm Snack - Kashi cookie with 1 T. peanut butter (the cookie is really high in protein and fiber and tastes good too!!)
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm - Baked pork loin chop (seasoned with salt and pepper), brown rice, and green beans
After Work Out Snack - Green apple with 1 T. Peanut Butter
Things I look for through out my day....Make sure I am eating enough protein!!! Protein is really important because it is going to fuel your body through all the changes. I also make sure I am eating a lot of fiber so that I am feeling full throughout the day. Doing this meal guide and burning an additional 500-600 calories a day at the gym, I'm usually netting close to 1100-1200 calories. I try to keep it around 1200, but sometimes that is hard for me, which I am working on!!
I hope that it is helpful. I sometimes will snack between breakfast and lunch, just to make sure I am eating enough calories in a day, but I try not to. I try to make sure I am eating about every three hours to help my metabolism keep up. I'm not by any means saying that my daily eating is perfect or that I eat the same thing every day....I don't! But I just wanted to give you all an idea of how my day goes.
I know that this takes hard work and dedication. I know some people will say it is good to have a cheat meal (meal, not day!!) a week, but I just don't want to yet. I am working too hard to cheat yet. I think the way I have seen my cheat meals is in a really healthy way. Like my pita pizzas, whole wheat spaghetti, or my dark chocolate (one tiny square off the whole bar). It's just enough to make me feel better, but not enough to ruin any of the hard work I have put in. I have completely eliminated any drinks that aren't water, or water flavored with fruit. I have also stopped any sort of alcohol intake (which has been great!!). It definitely isn't worth it to me to drink my calories! I am just trying to take every healthy step forward that's possible and NO unhealthy steps backwards.
I really hope today's blog was helpful!! I'll think of something equally as helpful for tomorrow! I promise!! Have a great Tuesday everyone!!
So some people had asked about what a normal day looks like for me calorie wise. So I figured I would just kind of briefly map that out for all of you, see if maybe that is a little easier to understand what a day looks like for me!
8:00 am - 9:00 am - One protein shake (used as a meal replacement)
12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Whole wheat english muffin (REALLY high in fiber), 1 T. cream cheese, low fat string cheese, 1/4 cup raw almonds, and tomato and cucumber salad (sometimes)
3:00 pm Snack - Kashi cookie with 1 T. peanut butter (the cookie is really high in protein and fiber and tastes good too!!)
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm - Baked pork loin chop (seasoned with salt and pepper), brown rice, and green beans
After Work Out Snack - Green apple with 1 T. Peanut Butter
Things I look for through out my day....Make sure I am eating enough protein!!! Protein is really important because it is going to fuel your body through all the changes. I also make sure I am eating a lot of fiber so that I am feeling full throughout the day. Doing this meal guide and burning an additional 500-600 calories a day at the gym, I'm usually netting close to 1100-1200 calories. I try to keep it around 1200, but sometimes that is hard for me, which I am working on!!
I hope that it is helpful. I sometimes will snack between breakfast and lunch, just to make sure I am eating enough calories in a day, but I try not to. I try to make sure I am eating about every three hours to help my metabolism keep up. I'm not by any means saying that my daily eating is perfect or that I eat the same thing every day....I don't! But I just wanted to give you all an idea of how my day goes.
I know that this takes hard work and dedication. I know some people will say it is good to have a cheat meal (meal, not day!!) a week, but I just don't want to yet. I am working too hard to cheat yet. I think the way I have seen my cheat meals is in a really healthy way. Like my pita pizzas, whole wheat spaghetti, or my dark chocolate (one tiny square off the whole bar). It's just enough to make me feel better, but not enough to ruin any of the hard work I have put in. I have completely eliminated any drinks that aren't water, or water flavored with fruit. I have also stopped any sort of alcohol intake (which has been great!!). It definitely isn't worth it to me to drink my calories! I am just trying to take every healthy step forward that's possible and NO unhealthy steps backwards.
I really hope today's blog was helpful!! I'll think of something equally as helpful for tomorrow! I promise!! Have a great Tuesday everyone!!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Day 25
Happy Sunday!! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend and have been being good!!
I know we had a great weekend! Worked out, made yummy (and healthy) food, watched movies cuddled up with my two favorite people...great weekend!
One of our favorite weekend activities is to go grocery shopping. Before it was all about buying frozen pizzas, chips, and sugary food that made me smile. Now, it's all about weighing out the fruits and veggies to make sure we have the right amount, looking for whole grains and wheat flour as opposed to bleached flour, and finding the leanest meats. Things have changed....life has changed. You know, my mom was right, after that two week mark, it is just something that becomes habit. I no longer go in and want to go immediately to the old things, check the calorie count, and figure out if it's REALLY worth it. Because in my head....it isn't worth it. I know what is good for me and healthy for me.
I like being able to get through a grocery trip without having the urge to eat everything. I'm not hungry for it anymore. It feels great!!!
I am keeping it short because I want to enjoy the rest of my weekend, and you all should too!! Tonight on the menu is Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Lean Ground Beef meat sauce. Looking forward to it!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!
I know we had a great weekend! Worked out, made yummy (and healthy) food, watched movies cuddled up with my two favorite people...great weekend!
One of our favorite weekend activities is to go grocery shopping. Before it was all about buying frozen pizzas, chips, and sugary food that made me smile. Now, it's all about weighing out the fruits and veggies to make sure we have the right amount, looking for whole grains and wheat flour as opposed to bleached flour, and finding the leanest meats. Things have changed....life has changed. You know, my mom was right, after that two week mark, it is just something that becomes habit. I no longer go in and want to go immediately to the old things, check the calorie count, and figure out if it's REALLY worth it. Because in my head....it isn't worth it. I know what is good for me and healthy for me.
I like being able to get through a grocery trip without having the urge to eat everything. I'm not hungry for it anymore. It feels great!!!
I am keeping it short because I want to enjoy the rest of my weekend, and you all should too!! Tonight on the menu is Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Lean Ground Beef meat sauce. Looking forward to it!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Day 22
Almost Friday...which means almost weigh in!!
I can honestly say that I am not nervous. I'm ready for the weigh in. If I lose weight, GREAT, if I don't, that's okay too. I'm changing my life, and that is all that matters!
I have decided that I will post some before and afters at week 8. I am starting to kind of see it in the mirror, but I really have to force myself to see it. There are a lot of things that sparked this whole journey. One picture in particular did it. Hayden had his promotion ceremony and we took a picture as a family. I usually avoid that if all possible. But I couldn't get out of it this time. I was embarrassed looking at them. I knew it was time to change everything. I was unhappy. I spend all my time avoiding mirrors. When I FaceTime with my family, I won't even get on the camera because I hate how I look. And that's not healthy.
It's not easy to be this way. You get made fun of, snickered at, and get really sad when shopping. I can remember as a child going to JCPenney, and heading to the juniors section to look at Mudd bellbottoms. But every pair I tried on, didn't fit. It was really hard as a young teen to feel so disappointed in your body. I then only shopped at one store, because I knew they had a size that would fit me. I could never wear the cute clothes the other kids could. For once, I want to go into a store...find something with out going aaaalll the way back to the back of the rack and hope that I can wear it. What's so strange, is I love fashion. I love design and new clothes, but I can't wear any of it. I hope that I can get there someday!
I have never really made that public before, so that is one more step in the right direction!! I usually keep those things between Hayden and I. He has seen me go out and get so frustrated and just leave with nothing because it is too emotional. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and be upset because they are all too big and I have to go a size down (Like I would EVER be upset something was too big lol). So some day I will get there. I know that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon....and someday I am going to be so proud of all the work that I put in!!
Have a great Thursday everyone! Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow!!!
I can honestly say that I am not nervous. I'm ready for the weigh in. If I lose weight, GREAT, if I don't, that's okay too. I'm changing my life, and that is all that matters!
I have decided that I will post some before and afters at week 8. I am starting to kind of see it in the mirror, but I really have to force myself to see it. There are a lot of things that sparked this whole journey. One picture in particular did it. Hayden had his promotion ceremony and we took a picture as a family. I usually avoid that if all possible. But I couldn't get out of it this time. I was embarrassed looking at them. I knew it was time to change everything. I was unhappy. I spend all my time avoiding mirrors. When I FaceTime with my family, I won't even get on the camera because I hate how I look. And that's not healthy.
It's not easy to be this way. You get made fun of, snickered at, and get really sad when shopping. I can remember as a child going to JCPenney, and heading to the juniors section to look at Mudd bellbottoms. But every pair I tried on, didn't fit. It was really hard as a young teen to feel so disappointed in your body. I then only shopped at one store, because I knew they had a size that would fit me. I could never wear the cute clothes the other kids could. For once, I want to go into a store...find something with out going aaaalll the way back to the back of the rack and hope that I can wear it. What's so strange, is I love fashion. I love design and new clothes, but I can't wear any of it. I hope that I can get there someday!
I have never really made that public before, so that is one more step in the right direction!! I usually keep those things between Hayden and I. He has seen me go out and get so frustrated and just leave with nothing because it is too emotional. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and be upset because they are all too big and I have to go a size down (Like I would EVER be upset something was too big lol). So some day I will get there. I know that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon....and someday I am going to be so proud of all the work that I put in!!
Have a great Thursday everyone! Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow!!!
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