Day 160

Good Evening everyone!!! I hope you all had a great Christmas! Ours was definitely interesting! Alayna got very sick on Christmas Eve, Christmas and finished it off today. And then I got a cold/cough and her stomach bug on top of it...it's been a really fun couple days! Poor Hayden has had to take care of us for the past three days. He's been such a good nurse to us!!!

I hope you all had a very blessed day yesterday!! As sick as we were, we had a great first Christmas by ourselves! It was quiet and different, but it was great! It was nice to get time off to relax and just have a day as a family!

We had a nice healthy dinner and we were very good yesterday. I decided once I get back to better, and not feeling like my insides are going to die, I am back in the gym. I got a ton of workout clothes for Christmas, and I can't wait to wear them! And the only place to wear them, would be at the gym!!

I have decided 2014 has to be my year. I make changes constantly, and I "stick to it", and then I fail....but this year is different. I WILL make 2014 my year. I mean I have made it this far, it would be a shame to have to start all over again right? SO I will make this work. And once my work schedule settles down, it will be that much easier. I am so ready to get back to the way things were before.

So I hope you all had a great Christmas, and I hope you all are preparing for the New Year, the Kennedy family sure is!! Hopefully I will be able to write a longer post tomorrow! Goodnight everyone!!!!

Day 159

Alright everyone, it's Christmas Eve so today and tomorrow will be kept small. I hope you have an incredible Christmas morning with your families tomorrow!! I know we are setting new traditions this year, so hopefully it goes well tomorrow morning!! I will write a nice little merry Christmas lost tomorrow, but it won't be long!

Have a good night everyone!!

Day 158

Well it's Christmas Eve, eve and I have still so much to do!!! I just now am starting baking cookies. We still have Christmas presents to wrap and I just feel like it all isn't going to get done. 

And then I sit down and think....that's not all that's important. What is important is that we will all be together Christmas and that is such a blessing. Not everyone has that luxury, and we do. So I should just be thankful for that. 

We are actually eating pretty healthy for the holidays. Since we have never had our own Christmas we can set whatever traditions we want. And those are what are important. Those are what Alayna will remember. The traditions. 

So tonight, as I write late and bake cookies with my daughter, remember your traditions. They are what people remember more than gifts or food or anything. The memories you make are what last!!! 

Goodnight everyone!!!

Day 157

Good Evening Everyone! I'm sorry I have been posting so late, and never in the mornings, I've decided maybe I should take a break from my blog. I don't think that anyone is reading it anymore, if I am looking at my stats, no one is really reading anymore. I know it's because I have taken a turn from weight loss and going to the gym, but it's this schedule at work that I just am waiting for the holidays to be over, so that I can get back to the gym. I have still been able to eat right, but I am not able to get to the gym because of my work schedule. But I promise I am still in this.


I hate that I have let all of you down. I write late, and you all probably don't read until next day, if at all. And I just am not writing like I used to. It's the holiday season, and I am so focused on being with my family every free second I have. I mean, if you compare last year to this year, I had all my wrapping done and everything ready to go. This year, I have NOTHING done yet. Just tonight we started wrapping presents. So I really need to use every second to spend with my family. But I do still find time to write, it's just usually late!!

SO I guess I will continue to write. I like to write, it keeps me sane!! It's always one of my ten things that I am thankful for at the end of the night!! So how could I stop writing??

Alright, I talked myself into it, even if it's just for me! I hope you all had a good night and are getting ready for Christmas!!

Day 156

So I just realized that I didn't blog today. I had to call the cops on a customer today at work, and it just was not my day. Everything and everyone is okay, but I am just really tired. I'm ready for my holiday in retail to be over!!! 

But I hope you all had a good Saturday!! I work again tomorrow, no day off until Christmas, but we are taking Alayna to see Santa tomorrow!!! So pictures will be posted tomorrow!!!

Have a good night everyone!!

Day 155

Oh what a day!!!! I don't even know where to start for today's post!!! It was a long and stressful day at work, but I had to constantly remind myself all day, to be positive. I have felt so blessed these last few weeks that I just cannot be angry about the things that are not in my control. That is what I have been doing. Things that are out of my hands, I should leave out of my hands and just worry about what I can control. 

You know, my mom told me to figure our ten things a day that I am thankful for. And she is so right, they make the rest of it seem silly. So I have started doing that, finding ten things a day I am thankful for and am blessed with. 

I am headed to bed now, but maybe tomorrow I will let you in on my ten things!! Anyone want to know?

Day 154

Good Evening Everyone!!!! When I tell you I am in a great mood...I am in a great mood! Today has been a very blessed day. I am thankful for EVERYTHING in my life today. I should really be every day, and I am, but I am just feeling so so blessed today. God is good.

When I ever feel overwhelmed, I always think of all the bad things going on in my life, and now I am thinking of all the positive things!!! I think that should have been my mind set for months and it just was not! I am sorry for all the negativity I have put you all through, but I just am going through a stage. I am ready for a new stage in my life. I am ready for 2014....it will be MY YEAR!!!!!! This blog has turned into not just a weight loss and fitness journey, but a story of my life. My ups and my downs. My life and how it functions daily be it sane or not.

Thank you to all the readers that have stayed loyal to reading. I know that this blog has changed and morphed but through it all, it has been my journey. And quite a journey it has been so far. We have lots of posts left to write, but I just want to say thank you.....and that here's to more positive attitudes!!!!!!

Day 153

I'm keeping it short tonight. Mostly because I'm on my phone, but also because I'm really sick. Seems like it's always this time of year that I am getting a really bad cold. So I am going to eat the soup that my amazing husband made for me and go to bed early. 

I hope you all had a great Wednesday and I will write lots more tomorrow!!!

Day 152

Alright Everyone, I'm back.....Disney was a BLAST!!!!!!!!! I have so much that I wish I could tell you all about, but honestly, this would be the worlds longest blog post if I told you about everything. It was so nice to spend a week with my family. I can't wait to get all of our pictures together so I can post them on Facebook. It was absolutely the best trip I could even imagine, and it went by too fast.

The Mickey Christmas party was a blast, the rides were fun, and I fit in ALL of them!! I was worried for nothing! Alayna had such an incredible time with her family and meeting all of her favorite characters at the parks. It was just such an experience just to be with my family for a whole week. It made me realize how much I just miss being around them. But it is what it is, and I am trying my best to move forward and make this Christmas the best it can be.

To highlight some of our trip, we all got a chance to be in a show, one way or another. My sister and I were able to be in the Indiana Jones show which was so awesome! Andrew and Alayna got to be pirates. Andrew got to be a Jedi in training! My dad got to be a guard at Belle's castle. And Hayden got to dance at Mike's laugh factory. Sorry Dan and Mom, you guys at least got to watch us all make fools of ourselves!!

On the first day we got there, we lost Alayna's Brave dress. I was so mad that we lost it, because Merida is one of her favorite princesses. So when we met her, I showed Merida a picture from Halloween of when she dressed up like her, and told her that we had lost the dress and couldn't dress up like her to see her. The "guard" that was with Merida then proceeded to get Alayna a dress and give it to her out of the kindness of their hearts. I was in tears that they had done that for her. He said, "No princess should be without her dress".

Disney truly was an incredibly, amazingly, magically, awesome experience. I was so blessed I got to spend a whole week their with my family. And I promise I am back to blogging every day!!

I hope you were all good while I was gone and didn't miss me too much! Talk with you all tomorrow!!!

Day 151

Hello from the car everyone. We have begun our travels down to Florida and have been been taking turns driving. I still have not decided if I am going to actually write while I am down there. Part of me doesn't want to break my streak, but the other part wants to completely disconnect from the outer world. You know what I mean?

I mean I have uninstalled my email on my phone and have completely checked our from work. I want this vacation to just be about family and fun. I NEED fun right now. 

So I guess I'll leave it to all of you...write while I'm here or not? 

And vote!!!!

Off to the rest of my trip!!!

Day 150

Alright....shorter than ever because we are in packing mode!!!! I have so much packing to do it is unreal!!! I hope you all have an incredible evening and I will talk more to you all tomorrow!!

I'm in a better mood though, so that's a good thing!!

Have a good Saturday night everyone!!!!!!!!!

Day 149 - Weigh In

So...I know I skipped a day of weighing in last week, due to the holiday, but I got back on that scale today...and let me tell you, I was terrified. I had felt as if I had put it all back on. I haven't been eating like I should be. I have been eating more emotionally than normal. So when I got on the scale this morning and saw that I had lost 1.6 pounds bringing my total back up to 39.5. It was exactly what I needed to kind of get me out of this funk.

I am not going to put on all smiles and say I am all better, but I am definitely on my way to being there. I feel better today. I feel more positive. I feel like this can all be managed. Which is the first time in a long time I have felt this way.

I know that a ton of people have stopped reading because this blog changed from what it originally was. But to be honest, I think this is exactly what I intended it to be. Somewhere that I could vent my daily problems to, while also taking myself on this incredible journey. I am still very much on that journey, it's just become more of a struggle than I thought it would be.

I am doing my best to play this big balancing act. I am doing my best to also keep sane through all of this. So I hope that you all can bear with me, and see that this is a journey for me. This is unlike any changes I have made in my life before and I am more than committed to it. Even if I say I quit some days, that means nothing, because I am more than committed. It's okay to slip every once in a while...but I ALWAYS get back up!!

Have a wonderful Friday everyone. I will try my best to stay more upbeat from here on out!!!

Day 148

Good Evening everyone!!! I'm trying my best to keep my mind set positive and a good outlook on life. I am unfortunately so tired today. I haven't been sleeping well, so we will see how tonight goes, since I am exhausted. I have been so busy today, packing and preparing for our trip to Disney World. It is incredible how much stuff you think you need! And don't even realize it!

I am supposed to be up early tonight, so I should be able to write a little longer. It seems like time is going by so quickly these days, so I am just trying to make the best of it all. I know that we are almost done with this year, but I really want to go back on 2013 and realize all the things I am thankful for.

So while I close out this short post tonight, I want you all to remember what you are thankful for this past year! I hope you come up with some good things, and I would love to see them!! Have a wonderful evening everyone!!

Day 147

Good Evening everyone. I know I keep promising these long posts, but I just can't tonight. I have a had a long day, and I am just not feeling it tonight. I feel like that seems to be a very common these days. I feel like I'm just giving up on myself, and I feel like everyone else has already given up on me. It should motivate me, but I'm just running out of energy. I'm running out of "want". So I guess I just need to reassess what is going on with me.

I don't want everyone to give up on me, and more than anything I don't want to give up on myself. So please, don't take these last few days or weeks or however long it has been for me giving up. Take it as I am just finding my way. I am figuring out what I need to do to get where I need to be. I am trying....I really am!

So I guess this is my plea...I am still here...I am still trying (I am just hitting my bottom)....I'm ready to start digging my way out, I guess! So I am leaving you with those words for the night. Have a great evening everyone, and I will write tomorrow.

Day 146

I don't really even want to write tonight. I am not in any mood to dish how I feel tonight, because how I feel tonight will hurt others, and not intentionally. I have been very emotional lately, and it will be my downfall. I'm trying to stay focused on Disney world next week, and let that be the positive thing that propels me through this next week. Because honestly, it is all that is keeping me going.

I don't want you all to think I am this negative person, because I am not. I honestly usually have a very positive outlook on life, but lately, I am just thinking of all the bad things that are keeping me down. I am trying my best to move on from them and stay positive, but it is difficult.

I don't want to write tonight, and bring you all down, so hopefully tomorrow will bring sunshine and some positive vibes! I will always make it work!! So hopefully this small burst of energy I may have gotten now, will help with tomorrow's attitude.

Enjoy your evening everyone! I'm sorry about the blah post!!

Day 145

Good Morning everyone!! I woke up with a bit of a better attitude today. I am trying my best to think optimistically. I have a lot going on before Disney, and as my sister has put it so simply, I just need to make some lists and go through them! That will help organize and attack what I need to get done!!! Sometimes I find that lists help me more than anything else. Maybe that's how I should attack everything in life?? With lists!

I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday weekend. It brought on a lot of thoughts of family and holidays. I am so thankful that I was able to spend it with Hayden and Alayna and even made a couple new friends. But it truly felt like things were missing. We are so blessed that we live this life rather independently, and are lucky to do that. I love my family and I truly have the best one around, so I know that no matter how near or far we are from each other, we love each other and can feel that from any distance!!! So maybe if I just keep an attitude like that for the holidays, that will help!

Now, Christmas is literally right around the corner and I am getting ready for that as well. Last night Hayden and I talked about my gym schedule! It's been a little much with all this holiday planning, so I am trying my best to do as much at home, as well as being able to go to the gym a couple days a week. SO right now, that is the game plan! Do as much as possible so the holidays will be as awesome as possible!!

Alright, today was a bit rambly! I know it was shorter than I promised, but I only have a little bit of time left with Alayna and I want to enjoy it! I hope you all have a great day!!!

Day 144

Oh my....so much for that early post huh?? I didn't get up until 10 today, and was too late to be able to write. So, my apologies. I hope you all had an excellent Sunday home and were able to relax quite a bit. This week should be nice and busy for me, because I have to get work ready for my week long absence, and also, have to get ready at home to prepare for our week long absence!!!

I have been contemplating on whether or not I want to write while I'm on vacation. It is my first vacation in over a year. We did not go on our annual beach trip, so it is a long time coming!! It will be nice to be with family, and I want to completely disconnect, but I know that I want to keep you all in the loop. I know I am disconnecting my email from my phone so that I am not tempted to be in contact with anyone. I just want to ENJOY!!!

I need a week away. I need some time away from this place. I'm tired and stressed and just ready to get away. I have a lot going on in my life, and a lot of things that I am thinking about, that a break will be perfect. I know that I have been rambling a lot about work, but I have just been so tired. And not feeling all that well. I need to really start focusing on me. I have put that on the back burner too many times. I need to focus on that.

So I am leaving with that today. I am tired and need to get a good nights sleep. I really do apologize that my posts have been short, and pointless...but I'm working on getting it together.