Day 145

Good Morning everyone!! I woke up with a bit of a better attitude today. I am trying my best to think optimistically. I have a lot going on before Disney, and as my sister has put it so simply, I just need to make some lists and go through them! That will help organize and attack what I need to get done!!! Sometimes I find that lists help me more than anything else. Maybe that's how I should attack everything in life?? With lists!

I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday weekend. It brought on a lot of thoughts of family and holidays. I am so thankful that I was able to spend it with Hayden and Alayna and even made a couple new friends. But it truly felt like things were missing. We are so blessed that we live this life rather independently, and are lucky to do that. I love my family and I truly have the best one around, so I know that no matter how near or far we are from each other, we love each other and can feel that from any distance!!! So maybe if I just keep an attitude like that for the holidays, that will help!

Now, Christmas is literally right around the corner and I am getting ready for that as well. Last night Hayden and I talked about my gym schedule! It's been a little much with all this holiday planning, so I am trying my best to do as much at home, as well as being able to go to the gym a couple days a week. SO right now, that is the game plan! Do as much as possible so the holidays will be as awesome as possible!!

Alright, today was a bit rambly! I know it was shorter than I promised, but I only have a little bit of time left with Alayna and I want to enjoy it! I hope you all have a great day!!!

Day 123

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I will be very honest with all of you....I forgot to even think about writing today!! I was so caught up with work, and then when I got home....I wanted nothing more than to relax with Hayden and Alayna. I know that my commitment is still here, but I just wanted to spend the day with them, uninterrupted.

This next few weeks is going to be very very busy. I have to work on training a new hire, and making sure that my team is ready for the holidays. I also have to make sure that I am all ready to go for this Disney trip, so the posts will be just as frequent, but maybe a little shorter....and more scatter brained. But I WILL make it work!!!

I know some times I can get a bit distracted, but I promise I am still here. I promise I am still totally present and ready to do what comes at me. And I will try my very best to communicate that to all of you. So I know most of you won't get this until the morning, but I will write again tomorrow. A little more in detail, I promise!!!! Have a wonderful sleep tonight everyone!!

Day 120

Hello Everyone!!! I hope you all are having an incredible morning! I woke up this morning with a new out look. My dad sent me this message yesterday that was so full of impact for me!!

"Life is a pilgrimage, but sometimes you need pilgrimage to discover life."

That couldn't be more true! I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget to really experience and figure it out. So I really need to hone in and figure out what is important. I only have so many days left before I go to Disney World, and not like I am stopping then, but I need to really kick it into gear. So I need to really focus on what is important right now.

I know I keep saying that, and then doing nothing, but I REALLY mean it this time. I don't know what has been my problem lately, and why I have been so lazy, but I just want to get back into my routines. I know it is about getting into a routine, but I am just really struggling with it. It is so hard to work, long days at that, and to come home and cook, and then to work out too??? It gets to be a lot. So I guess it is about just sucking it up, and figuring it out. So now I WILL figure it out.

To give you all a little snapshot of my days:

6:00 am - Get up, get me ready, get Alayna ready, and Miss J. comes.

7:30 am - Head to work for the day, and run around ALL day until around 6:00/7:00.

7:00 pm - Make and eat dinner

8:30 pm - Watch a little bit of TV with Hayden and Alayna and work on anything I need to finalize for work.

9:00 pm - BED!!!!!

So I guess what it really comes down to, is that at 9:00....I need to go to the gym and then go to bed after that. It will just be about sucking it up and getting there. So I promise....starting today...my butt is GOING TO THE GYM!!!!!!

I hope you all hold me accountable here! I better get a slurry of messages telling me to get to the gym!!!! I hope you all have a great day, and I will write tomorrow...for weigh in day. (Which I KNOW will not be a good one). Until tomorrow!

Day 119

Good Morning Everyone!!!!!! I woke up nice and early to make sure that I could get Alayna ready, get myself ready, and STILL have time to write. I know that I have been slacking on my blog a bit. And that I have been promising things that I have not held up. But I am working on it! I have decided that I NEED to get into a routine. It will be hard at first, but as soon as I can do that, I will be better off. After all, it is all about getting into a routine! And as long as I can knock this sense of feeling tired all the time, I can do it!!!

I have tried Chia seeds as energy, and I just don't seem to be getting enough energy from them. I am looking for redbull sized energy, and am not finding it naturally occurring in nature! So I am continuing my search!! I hope that I can figure this all out soon, because I am tired.....of being tired!!!

I have to get back that motivation I had a month ago. So I MUST work hard to get back to that person. I have only 32 days, 15 hours, and 42 minutes before our trip!!! So I HAVE to get my butt going, so that this trip is the best trip I could possibly make it!!!

So all those feelings I had when I started....the frustration of the first two weeks, the angry feeling I had when not seeing results....the irritation of not being able to eat the things I wanted.....I need to find those feelings again, because they gave me results!! So back to the basics everyone....Gotta hold myself accountable, no matter what!!!!

SO on that note, I am starting off my day right!!! Focusing on things that I REALLY REALLY want!!!!! What are you focusing on today??!

Day 101

Hello Everyone!!! Today my dad and I did our walk, and let me tell you, it was AWESOME!!! We even ran some of it!!!! It felt nice to get back in my running shoes and have fun with it!! Granted not many people were running, we finished in the top 25! It was so nice to have that experience with my dad. He even at one point said, "Our first race together!!" and I replied with, "And I can't wait till our last one at Disney!". Because remember...that's my goal, to at some point finish a half marathon or maybe even a marathon with my Dad!

It wasn't the longest run I've ever done, and it probably wasn't my best, but I had a blast! We walked all around before the race and then walked/ran the whole thing together. It was for such a great cause too. I even thought right before I started running, "This is for you Mom!". What a powerful group of women to run for. I am so happy we picked that race to do.

So as I help my dad cook dinner and I enjoy my last day and a half with them, I think of how far I have come. I am so excited to be on this journey and for them to be such a huge part of it!

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!! I know I am...small little shout out to my Mom and Dad for coming to visit. This has been such an incredible visit so far, I wish it never had to end. Thank you for all you do, and thank you for supporting me in all that I do, as crazy as some of it seems sometimes. I wouldn't be an ounce of the person I am today with out you. I am on this journey because you have supported me through it.

Have a good Saturday Night Everyone!

Day 96

I am so so sorry it is so late tonight!! I got home late and then decided to eat dinner and enjoy it with my family instead of keeping my nose in my computer. I am going to work late tomorrow so I will be able to be up and blogging in the morning!!!

I know I have been kind of short with you guys, and I am sorry for that, but life has been really busy these last few days with work and trying to catch up around the house. BUT I will make sure to write a nice long post tomorrow. Tell you all about my upcoming doctors appointment and my visit that is coming up with my mom and dad!!!!

SO you all have a wonderful evening and I PROMISE you more to come tomorrow!!

Day 85

Good Afternoon everyone! Day 85 is here....I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but it happened!!!! I am so happy that I have been able to keep my focus for 85 days. Not only in life, but in writing. I don't know how I have done it, but I have done it. I have managed to write to all you wonderful people for 85 days!!!!

I have never thought of myself as a writer. It isn't something I have ever been all that good at. I don't know a ton of big words and my grammar isn't the best....I mean I just spelled grammar-grammer and auto-correct had to tell me it was wrong. But I have always known how to express myself. Not necessarily to others, but to myself. I have always been able to be brutally honest with myself, and that is all this blog really is, me being brutally honest with myself, and I have just finally chosen to let you all in on it. I know that sometimes I am overly harsh on myself, but it's how I have always been. I have always had this attitude that was all or nothing. But I was never able to be serious about it.....and this time I am more than serious...I think 85 days proves it!!!

So I don't want to keep you too long, but I have been trying to keep the blogs a little heartier. I wanted to just fill you in on the newest with my ankle. I am heading to the Ortho on October 17th and hopefully will get some answers. I have been actually feeling pretty good, but I still want to know what is going on and how to prevent any further damage!!!! So I will make sure to keep you all posted on that!!

Alright I am done...I promise! I hope you all have a wonderful evening and enjoy the rest of your day!!!!!

Day 61

Good Morning everyone! Day 61!!! Made it to month three! I can't believe I have been on this journey for this long already! I am truly speechless in this whole situation!! I have struggled a lot already, and I can't imagine what is still to come, but I couldn't have done it without this blog. For all of you that read this every day, I literally could not have done this without any of you!!!

If I had not started this blog, I can promise you that I would have given up already. I would have gone ahead and just given into my old ways and nothing would have changed. Granted I have hit some what of a roadblock lately with gym activities, I have still been making progress.

Sometimes I take a look at this one picture I have of me, and think what happened? Why was I so unhappy that I let it get to that. I mean eating just because I was sad, and eating because I thought that was the solution. I was so unhappy and angry at myself that I won't ever let it get that way again. I refuse to put myself in that body again.

Now I know I said I would put up a Teriyaki Pork Taco Recipe, but we tried them, and they were not very good, so I will NOT be passing on that recipe! I have to keep getting ready for work, but I hope you all have a wonderful Monday. If you are struggling, remember why you started, and keep that in your front focus today. Don't quit. You CAN do it!!!

Day 60

Day 60!!!!! Two Months down and a lifetime to go!! I can't even believe I am almost 30 pounds down! I am so so soooo ready to get back in that gym and make an even bigger difference. I tried biking last night and let me just tell you....probably one of my worst ideas I've had in a while. If anyone knows anything about me, I'm stubborn. When I hurt my thumb in high school, playing volleyball, I went back after resting three weeks instead of the recommended 6-9 months. I don't like to rest. Although I'm sure that is why my thumb still hurts to this day. From everyone I have spoken to, an Achilles injury is nothing to mess around with, so I won't. Hayden is going to talk to the Radiologist tomorrow and see about getting an MRI as soon as possible. And then we will go from there.

I feel like I have been really lucky so far to still be losing weight, even though I am unable to go to the gym. But I don't know how long that will be happening for. I am hoping that I can heal quickly and be back at it in no time!! No matter what has happened though, I have still been eating right and making sure to take care of myself as much as possible.

Well today is football day in our house, it's Pittsburgh Steeler time!! We are a house divided, but at least I have Alayna on my side!! I know I said I would write an in-depth post, but I can't help but spend my one day off with Hayden and Alayna. I hope you all enjoy your Sundays with family and friends. I will post our recipe for Teriyaki Pork Wraps tomorrow after we eat them tonight!!!!

Day 38

Good Morning and Happy Saturday!!! We have a very busy day today so I am going to keep it pretty short. I have decided to start using the stepper as recommended by a fellow hard worker and let me just say....it was designed by the devil himself. Don't EVER do the stepper unless you A. want to not feel your legs for three days B. feel like giving up MIGHT just be the easiest thing to do while on it C.hate your legs for days or D. all of the above.

Bottom line...I hate the stepper. It is the devil's work and it's like an adult version of don't touch the floor because it's lava. You have to keep your self up on it so it doesn't sink shamelessly to the floor however.....it hurts too bad to keep it off the ground! Pathetic, I know, but it was hard!! I could only do 40 floors today because I thought I would actually fall of the machine if I didn't stop! But at least I tried my best to keep going!!

I have been doing a lot more at the gym and I have come home feeling great after each workout! I feel better about being in that environment. I would honestly live there if I could but that could just be the adrenaline talking from this morning! It's amazing just how happy I feel when I finish working out. I still get nervous that people are pointing and laughing but I know it is all in my head. And even if they are....oh well! I know why I'm there and I know it is to better my life...NOT to worry about what other people think of me.

So I promised today I would keep it short, so I will not let you down! Give you a nice easy read of how steppers are directly correlated with Satan and how much I love the gym!! Also tonight we are making some delicious grilled chicken wraps that I will post the recipe for tomorrow! Have a great Saturday and be good!!!

Day 27

So yesterday wasn't such a great day. I was upset, sad, and feeling sorry for myself. And usually my first instinct is to eat something....frozen pizza, ice cream, or noodles (I really love carbs!!) but I thought about how silly it would be to waste a whole days hard work on something like that, that doesn't actually make me feel any better at all. So I decided I would take it out at the gym. And boy did I!!! I got such a great burn and it really was the best medicine. My sister made it very clear by talking me out of those negative feelings. I am finally working on myself, and I SHOULD be really proud of that!! Everything else in my life will fall into place, and until then I need to worry about taking care of myself!!! So no more negative feelings for me! I have no reason at all to be negative...too many good things going on in my life!!!

So some people had asked about what a normal day looks like for me calorie wise. So I figured I would just kind of briefly map that out for all of you, see if maybe that is a little easier to understand what a day looks like for me!

8:00 am - 9:00 am - One protein shake (used as a meal replacement)

12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Whole wheat english muffin (REALLY high in fiber), 1 T. cream cheese, low fat string cheese, 1/4 cup raw almonds, and tomato and cucumber salad (sometimes)

3:00 pm Snack - Kashi cookie with 1 T. peanut butter (the cookie is really high in protein and fiber and tastes good too!!)

6:00 pm - 7:00 pm - Baked pork loin chop (seasoned with salt and pepper), brown rice, and green beans

After Work Out Snack - Green apple with 1 T. Peanut Butter


Things I look for through out my day....Make sure I am eating enough protein!!! Protein is really important because it is going to fuel your body through all the changes. I also make sure I am eating a lot of fiber so that I am feeling full throughout the day. Doing this meal guide and burning an additional 500-600 calories a day at the gym, I'm usually netting close to 1100-1200 calories. I try to keep it around 1200, but sometimes that is hard for me, which I am working on!!

I hope that it is helpful. I sometimes will snack between breakfast and lunch, just to make sure I am eating enough calories in a day, but I try not to. I try to make sure I am eating about every three hours to help my metabolism keep up. I'm not by any means saying that my daily eating is perfect or that I eat the same thing every day....I don't! But I just wanted to give you all an idea of how my day goes.

I know that this takes hard work and dedication. I know some people will say it is good to have a cheat meal (meal, not day!!) a week, but I just don't want to yet. I am working too hard to cheat yet. I think the way I have seen my cheat meals is in a really healthy way. Like my pita pizzas, whole wheat spaghetti, or my dark chocolate (one tiny square off the whole bar). It's just enough to make me feel better, but not enough to ruin any of the hard work I have put in. I have completely eliminated any drinks that aren't water, or water flavored with fruit. I have also stopped any sort of alcohol intake (which has been great!!). It definitely isn't worth it to me to drink my calories! I am just trying to take every healthy step forward that's possible and NO unhealthy steps backwards.

I really hope today's blog was helpful!! I'll think of something equally as helpful for tomorrow! I promise!! Have a great Tuesday everyone!!

Day 26

Good morning everyone and happy Monday!!

So yesterday I had quite the discussion about how many calories I should be eating and if I should be eating back exercise calories, burning as many calories as I eat in a day, and many other things. Well...as it turns out, I'm not eating enough calories in a day to fuel my body. So looks like I'm going to have to start working a little harder to make sure I am fueling my body better. Although who would have thought eating too little would be my problem?? Last night I tried to figure out how I was going to eat enough calories in a day and it is really difficult for me. I NEVER thought I would say that, but the thought of eating more in a day makes my belly hurt!! I already feel like I eat enough. But I will try my best to make sure I am fueling my body in the correct way!!

So these last couple days I have been having this strange worry. Am I losing you guys? Is the attention not there anymore? Anything I can do to keep you guys engaged? Are the titles boring? Should I change those? I know this journey isn't necessarily defined by how many people check out this blog each day, however I do think it is important. I want you all to get just as much out of this as I do. I would love to spark just a bit of energy within yourselves and inspire just a little bit...if possible! I hope that some people reading this are so inspired that they want to make changes too! Even if that is counting calories (www.myfitnesspal.com my username is whocrux, add me!), taking the steps instead of the elevator, or even just going out for a walk. I want to make sure that everyone is getting out of this blog, what they want to get out of it! So let me know if I need to change anything!! Or...if you just want me to keep tellin it like it is!

Hope you all have an excellent Monday!!!!

(on tonight's menu is leftovers, so I won't be posting a recipe, but hopefully I can think of something delicious for tomorrow night!!!)

Day 25

Happy Sunday!! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend and have been being good!!

I know we had a great weekend! Worked out, made yummy (and healthy) food, watched movies cuddled up with my two favorite people...great weekend!

One of our favorite weekend activities is to go grocery shopping. Before it was all about buying frozen pizzas, chips, and sugary food that made me smile. Now, it's all about weighing out the fruits and veggies to make sure we have the right amount, looking for whole grains and wheat flour as opposed to bleached flour, and finding the leanest meats. Things have changed....life has changed. You know, my mom was right, after that two week mark, it is just something that becomes habit. I no longer go in and want to go immediately to the old things, check the calorie count, and figure out if it's REALLY worth it. Because in my head....it isn't worth it. I know what is good for me and healthy for me.

I like being able to get through a grocery trip without having the urge to eat everything. I'm not hungry for it anymore. It feels great!!!

I am keeping it short because I want to enjoy the rest of my weekend, and you all should too!! Tonight on the menu is Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Lean Ground Beef meat sauce. Looking forward to it!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!

Day 17

Happy Saturday Everyone!!!

All that is on our schedule is to watch some movies, clean, and have a nice relaxing day. I did a lot of weight training last night, so my body feels like jello today. But in a really good, blueberry jello kind of jello! There is something so satisfying about working out and feeling like your whole body is about to fall apart. It feels good! I really pushed myself yesterday and I think it was part frustration, anger, and motivation. 

I have been working really hard and am finally starting to feel the difference. I feel stronger. I can feel that gym high that people talk about. I am always so happy when I get home from the gym. I have been staying at the gym longer and longer because I just don't want to leave and lose that amazing feeling I get. 

I will admit that yesterday was a bad day. I beat myself up all day and kept asking, "Am I doing the right thing". But yesterday at the gym solidified every small positive feeling I was having. I absolutely am at the correct place in my life. You know there is an old wives tail that says Deja Vu is just your life's way of telling you that you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. And last night, at the gym, I had this strange feeling of Deja Vu. And it hit me like a ton of bricks...I am exactly where I need to be! 

SO...what I am really saying...is I'm feeling great!! And I am right where I need to be in my life. I know there will be a lot of doubts along this journey. And I know that I will get angry and frustrated through this, but it is how I handle this that makes the difference between being weak and being strong. 

I owe a huge thank you to all of you. Yesterday was tough for me, but all of you made a difference!! So thank you <3

Have a great weekend!