Day 81

Good Evening everyone!!! I know this sounds absolutely terrible, but today, I just wanted to be totally invested in my time with Hayden and Alayna. I know I have been short and late as of lately, but I am just loving every and all amount of time I have with them. I love them and don't seem to get much time with them lately, so I want to breath it all in while I can.

It seems a little crazy that ever since I got this job, I have been realizing how precious my time with Alayna is! I mean I did before, but I REALLY do now. I look back on pictures that were as little as 6 months ago, and I can't believe how big she has gotten. She, in such a short amount of time, has just become such a little lady. It pains me to see her not needing me as much anymore and it scares me. I don't know what I will do when it comes time to send her to school...I can barely handle leaving her every day! I miss her more and more each day!! So that is why I write late, and take advantage of my time with her!

I know this blog has taken a weird turn, away from fitness, but I am starting this week with a very strict eating plan and going to the gym every day. I keep saying that, but am "too tired" but those are just excuses. So this week starts a very strict eating and exercise plan. That is just how it needs to be for a couple weeks so I can start seeing results! I did it before I got this job, and I can do it while I have this job. So I am making a promise that you WILL see an increase in more fitness and food related posts!! Not "Boo, I'm so tired and working hard". No more excuses....they don't exist anymore!

Day 80

Can you believe how late I am today??? I have had the most amazing do nothing day with Hayden and Alayna! We are currently watching a movie and snuggling up!!!!! When I heard the most poetic thing ever when watching Batman for the first time...

"Why do we fall down Bruce? So we can pick ourselves back up."

I'll leave you with that because it is poetic, beautiful, and so relevant! 

Day 79 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!! Unfortunately I don't come bearing good news about losing 2-3 pounds. This week I have only lost .6 pounds for a total of 32.7 pounds. Which, no I am not as happy as I would like to be, BUT.....I am .6 pounds closer to my goal, so how could I possibly be upset??

I have been thinking lately of before I started and where I am now. I can't believe how far I have come in just 79 days. It is absolutely unreal to me that I have been able to change my body, life, and routine in such (what feels like) a short amount of time. I don't ever want to go back to that person. I am no where near where I really want to be, but I am a better person than I was.

I can remember in High School and even in Elementary school being so unhappy with myself. I remember when kids would snicker and call me names. Even my own friends would whisper. But somehow it just wasn't enough for me to want to change, instead I just got sad and would eat more. I remember when girls would trade and borrow clothes in school and I could never do that with anyone. I was never able to share because I couldn't ever fit into their stuff.

I always wondered if my weight was what made me unpopular. I can remember in grade school how much I envied the popular kids, and I always wanted to be in that group. Was it my weight that held me back? Or was it just me? Who knows....I mean I've always been kind of a nerd, and that is something I am finally coping with and accepting....if not embracing! But I think as an adult I look back on all of those experiences and think, "Shame on them....". I was a beautiful girl who was smart in her own way, I was nice, I always liked putting others in front of myself, and somehow they couldn't look past that? Shame on them. I punished myself for years because of how I was treated then, and I should have NEVER done that. There was never anything that was wrong with me.

So as I continue in my adult life, and still see people with that attitude, I no longer yearn to be a part of that "popular girl group". I feel sorry that they will never be able to be honest with themselves and others. It makes me feel like I am so lucky to be living the life I am living!

I apologize for jumping down memory lane on this post, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!! Enjoy your night and be good everyone!!!

Day 78

Day 78.....the day before weigh in day and I will tell you it has been weighing on me all day. I DON'T think tomorrow is going to look good for me. I have not been as good as I would have hoped, and only worked out a couple times. It just wasn't the week I had hoped for. Next week is full force and taking care of myself!!! Working out, just the way that I need it to!

I know that I have been slacking on posts...I do! But we are heading into a new month and I PROMISE to take better care of all of you and post nice long posts every morning. It's just when I get up in the morning, it's either 15 minutes extra sleep or write...and some mornings, the extra sleep out weighs the writing. I'm sorry!!!! But we all know that weigh in day I am up and at em' nice and early, so I will definitely have a nice long post to write tomorrow. I also want to update you all on how things are feeling with my ankle....which is looking on the positive side!!!

SO unfortunately, Big Bang Theory is premiering tonight and I need to get watching!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening, and I will talk to you bright and early in the morning!!!

Day 77

Good evening everyone! I'm stuck on my phone tonight because my computer is acting up. Like a thousand other things couldn't be going wrong at the same time. Because I am on my phone, and I have a really terrible headache, I am going to keep it REALLY short today. 

It was a very long morning at work and I really don't feel like typing too much. My head has been pounding for days now. And I can't seem to knock it for anything. Any advice would be welcomed on how to cure a HORRIBLE migraine that I have had for days. I get them a lot but Advil usually helps. But not this one. 

So on that horrible migraine note, I'm pathetically headed to bed! Have a great evening everyone!!

Day 76

Hello everyone. I decided to wait until late to write today because it was my day off. I wanted to enjoy my time with Alayna, and boy was it nice to relax with her all day. I didn't have a care in the world today but just me and Alayna relaxing!! It was so nice to just relax!!!

Last night I went to the gym, and it honestly felt AMAZING!!! My ankle hurt today, but not what I thought it was going to be! I am finally ready to step back into it. I know that I should take it easy, but it honestly felt good just to get back into things. I didn't stay as long as I thought I was going to but it was enough to make me feel like it was worth it!!

It was just a testament that no matter what you want to achieve, you can. Carefully, but you can!! I really do know that it may have been dumb for me to go and to somewhat push myself, but it was something I needed to do for myself. I think it is what I have REALLY needed. I have been feeling sorry for myself and looking in the mirror really unhappily, and I think this is JUST what I needed!!!

Well...I don't want to spend my evening typing on a computer, but would rather take advantage of the time I have with Alayna and Hayden!!! Have a wonderful evening yourselves and remember, it's okay to fall behind, as long as you promise yourself to catch back up!!!!

Day 75

Good Morning!! And a very happy Monday!!! I don't know why, but I am just in a great mood, ready to face the day!! I have been trying really hard to just keep a very positive attitude about all of these changes that are going on. I know that more than anything right now, this is what will keep me going each day, is a positive attitude.

Last week I just had this glum attitude and I can't keep going like that. It makes me feel like I am giving up when I feel so down. So onward with the good attitude!!!!

So I have decided that I need to get back into that really tight diet. I have been slacking a little lately and allowing things here and there, and I just HAVE to stop doing that. I am not going to lose anything if I keep eating things I KNOW I am not supposed to. I know that every once in a while I am going to find myself in a situation that it will be okay, but I just can't allow that to happen right now. I have such a long way to go that I CAN NOT let off the gas now. I will admit that it will take some serious motivation, but it is not impossible!! So that is my goal for this week. Find my way back to that really tight diet!!!

I am signing off there. Lots to think about and figure out!! Have a wonderful Monday everyone! Enjoy whatever life throws at you!