Day 165

Good Evening Everyone!! Sorry about yesterday....I am coming down with the plague...again....I can't seem to catch a break this season. I was starting to feel better and then all of a sudden, I took another turn for the worse. It started yesterday at work, and then this morning I woke up with a 102 temperature. So I'm starting to feel a little better tonight, but I am still not at 100%. The biggest reason I am not getting better is that I am not resting. Every night when I get home I am so busy trying to take care of things at home, that I don't just sit down and relax. So I am going to try my best, over the next couple days, to just relax. Because this illness is just too much for me to handle.

As for the working out thing, it's going well! I am enjoying getting back into the swing of things. I enjoy being in the element I most enjoy! I forgot how much happier I was when I was at the gym. Other things don't seem to be as stressful or worrisome when I have been working out.

I wanted to be a new person this year. Really focus on doing good for others. I want to look into new things and new adventures, and so far, I have had great support in that area. My mother in particular has been very helpful with some great bugs in my ear. I want to just "DO GOOD" this year. I can't really put it into more detailed words, but that's my goal for 2014. I have had so many positive influences in my life, that I have been lucky to have, that I just want to give that positive energy back to my friends and people that I meet. They deserve to meet someone like that, just like I deserved to meet someone like that. I guess what it really comes down to, is I want to pay it forward. I think that I have the ability to do that, pay it forward I mean. I even looked into how I can help at possible homeless shelters, volunteering at the local hospitals, and possibly even going to nursing homes to volunteer there as well. I just want to bring joy to the people around me.

SO I know that today's post was a little here and there, but I hope it was readable! I hope you all have a great night!!!

Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 97

Good Morning everyone!! I told you I was going to be up and at em this morning!!! I just wanted to let you all in on what was going on with me and this week!!!

On Thursday morning I have a doctors appointment with the ortho doctor. Hopefully I can figure out what is going on with my ankle. It seems to be feeling a little bit better, but all of a sudden this past week, it started hurting really bad. So I will just have to take it one step at a time and see what he thinks is going on.

My dad and I figured out which race we are going to do. It is a nice casual walk, so it should be easy on both of us!! It's the miracle mile, 3 mile race in Augusta. It's the Breast Cancer Awareness walk, and it should be a blast!! I love supporting a good cause, so it should be a good time for everyone!!

The other thing we were planning on doing this weekend was going pumpkin picking!!! Alayna is so excited to go pick pumpkins with Mema and Pappy!!! This years holidays are going to be so much different with her actually understanding, and getting excited about them! We have been talking up Santa for quite some time now, and she couldn't be more excited! So these holidays are DEFINITELY going to be different!!!!

Well, I know I didn't talk much about how my fitness life is going, but I am just so excited for this week/weekend!! I hope you all have a great day and enjoy yourselves!!!

Day 89

Good Evening everyone!! I can't apologize enough for yesterday! I was so tired and honestly I am again today. I can't believe how much I have been trying to catch up on the last couple days, that it is really wearing me out. I want to to keep it really short today and just talk a little bit about some goals I want to set tomorrow morning. I want to figure out some things that I really want to achieve before December, and I will post it tomorrow.

Any good goals you all think I should try to reach soon? I can't wait to hear them!

Have a wonderful evening everyone! I am heading to bed early again tonight!! Sleep well everyone!!!

Day 87

Good Evening everyone!! I had to work today, and I was unable to write this morning. I was too tired this morning to even function. After working a 13 hour day in prep of our birthday party weekend at work.....I had so much to do! But it was all worth it, because the place looked amazing!!

As far as what I want to talk about today...I want to talk about my dad. My dad is an incredible person. He is one of the most motivational and inspirational people I know. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my family more than anything, and when I talk about my mom and my dad I talk about them like they are my best friends. I am so lucky to have him in my life. It's not every day that people have a relationship like that with their dad, and I do! They are coming to visit us soon, and my dad asked if we could do a 5K together and I immediately was sooooooo excited! I can't think of anything that would make me more excited and happier than to walk with my dad in my first *post life style change* 5K. So that will be coming up shortly, but I have SO much going on that I need to start being more consistent to get ready for it!!

So that is all that is going on here. I will keep you all posted on race details and what we sign up for and all that fun stuff!!! Have a wonderful night with your families and be good everyone!!!

Day 76

Hello everyone. I decided to wait until late to write today because it was my day off. I wanted to enjoy my time with Alayna, and boy was it nice to relax with her all day. I didn't have a care in the world today but just me and Alayna relaxing!! It was so nice to just relax!!!

Last night I went to the gym, and it honestly felt AMAZING!!! My ankle hurt today, but not what I thought it was going to be! I am finally ready to step back into it. I know that I should take it easy, but it honestly felt good just to get back into things. I didn't stay as long as I thought I was going to but it was enough to make me feel like it was worth it!!

It was just a testament that no matter what you want to achieve, you can. Carefully, but you can!! I really do know that it may have been dumb for me to go and to somewhat push myself, but it was something I needed to do for myself. I think it is what I have REALLY needed. I have been feeling sorry for myself and looking in the mirror really unhappily, and I think this is JUST what I needed!!!

Well...I don't want to spend my evening typing on a computer, but would rather take advantage of the time I have with Alayna and Hayden!!! Have a wonderful evening yourselves and remember, it's okay to fall behind, as long as you promise yourself to catch back up!!!!

Day 70

Day 70!!!! Unbelievable! Really...I can't even believe it! I apologize for the late post again, work was crazy today, and when I got home it was time to spend with Alayna. I have a lot of long days coming up because of some new phone launches coming (can't legally discuss that information in whole ;) ). I was thinking today how much I am trying to juggle right now, that I don't even know how I'm doing it, but somehow I am making it work. I keep getting these updates from our babysitter about how well she is doing and it makes me so happy!

Today she sent me a picture and video of Alayna at the library doing craft time and reading time. It was incredible to see how much she is developing and learning! She can now write A, B, C, and D and spell her name. I am so impressed with how well she is doing, it just pushes me to do well as well.

I am going to keep tonight short, which I know I have been saying a lot lately, but I promise that one of these days I am going to write a very long post about things more personally and how I have been feeling lately. I PROMISE!!! It's coming!! So I bid you all a well evening tonight....I am off to watch a movie with Hayden and relax!

Goodnight everyone <3

Day 67

Good morning, and happy Sunday to everyone! Hope you are all having a wonderful day and enjoying your time with your family. I have been blessed with two days off in a row with Hayden and Alayna. We are spending the day cleaning and watching movies and football together! It's nice to just be able to relax with each other.

After the day that we had yesterday, how happy I was, I have carried that out to today. I am having a wonderful day with my family and just trying to take advantage of it as much as possible. I am going to go to the gym tonight and then have a nice early day at work tomorrow morning. So we are going to relax all day together!

I don't want to take up too much of your time today because YOU TOO should be taking advantage of family time. I have realized through all of this that this is what is most important!!! Making the most of the time I have with them, and making sure I am around for them for as long as possible!!! That is what this is allll about! Being around for them and being able to take care of them as best I can.

Alright everyone, I am done! Have a wonderful day with your family and friends! And enjoy all the football you would like!

Day 56

Well....I am late again today!!! I apologize, it was an early day at work today, but at least I am home now and relaxing. I have decided today is definitely going to be a very short post since I have some very much needed time with Alayna. It is very rare that I am home with her, so I want to take advantage of it!!

So I am headed back to the gym tonight for the first time in a little under a week (since I hurt my ankle), and we will see how it goes. I am in a pretty severe amount of pain, but I'm hoping it is something I can work through.

I know what you all are thinking, "You need to take time off to heal". I feel like I have taken the time I need and I just need to get back in the gym and see how it goes. I need to feel like I am doing something other than just eating healthy!!

Okay......I told you it was going to be short, I wasn't kidding!!! Off to spend time with my favorite little girl! Have a wonderful rest of the day!

Day 49

Good Morning everyone! I am going to have to keep today VERY short because I am running behind. Alayna is really sick again today and being very cuddly so my priority is there. But while she eats some breakfast, I am going to write to all you wonderful people!

I was going to talk today about how nice it has been to go to the gym alone every night and have the whole gym to myself, and then last night, it was packed!!! There were a surprising amount of people at the gym at 11:30 at night! I was back to my old shy self again. I kept going to the other side of the gym where no one was at, and keeping to myself...I just felt like I was starting all over again. I wish I was more confident when I was there, but I just haven't gotten to that point yet. I guess it is just another one of those things that take time.

Last night I was late coming home from work, and it was so nice to come home to dinner ready and on the table. I can honestly say that through all of this, I have had the best support system possible!!! Hayden pushes me harder than I thought possible, and I am so lucky to have him!! Remember, if any of you out there are trying to start a journey like mine, make sure you have a strong support system...because without that, it just won't work!! I used to keep it to myself, and not let anyone in on my journey, and this time I am so motivated because of my strong support system!

So like I said, I'm keeping it short to get as much cuddle time in with Alayna as I can. Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!!

Day 38

Good Morning and Happy Saturday!!! We have a very busy day today so I am going to keep it pretty short. I have decided to start using the stepper as recommended by a fellow hard worker and let me just say....it was designed by the devil himself. Don't EVER do the stepper unless you A. want to not feel your legs for three days B. feel like giving up MIGHT just be the easiest thing to do while on it C.hate your legs for days or D. all of the above.

Bottom line...I hate the stepper. It is the devil's work and it's like an adult version of don't touch the floor because it's lava. You have to keep your self up on it so it doesn't sink shamelessly to the floor however.....it hurts too bad to keep it off the ground! Pathetic, I know, but it was hard!! I could only do 40 floors today because I thought I would actually fall of the machine if I didn't stop! But at least I tried my best to keep going!!

I have been doing a lot more at the gym and I have come home feeling great after each workout! I feel better about being in that environment. I would honestly live there if I could but that could just be the adrenaline talking from this morning! It's amazing just how happy I feel when I finish working out. I still get nervous that people are pointing and laughing but I know it is all in my head. And even if they are....oh well! I know why I'm there and I know it is to better my life...NOT to worry about what other people think of me.

So I promised today I would keep it short, so I will not let you down! Give you a nice easy read of how steppers are directly correlated with Satan and how much I love the gym!! Also tonight we are making some delicious grilled chicken wraps that I will post the recipe for tomorrow! Have a great Saturday and be good!!!

Day 37 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday!! Also, today I want to wish my wonderful sister a very Happy Birthday today!!! I wouldn't be 1/1,000th of the woman, mother, sister, wife, friend or even human being I am today if it weren't for her. She is an inspiration to me every day and I couldn't imagine asking for a better sister in the world! I hope you have an incredible day!! You deserve it!!!

Now....as you know....Friday is weigh in day. So today I hopped on that scale...not feeling confident at all. And I look down....and I lost two pounds! With mother nature working against me, I didn't expect that at all this week!! So now I am down a total of 19.5 pounds!!! I am so close to that 20 pound mark!!! Hopefully I can break it next week!!

Speaking of next week, I am really nervous. I love all the time that I get to spend home with Alayna each day, and I have really just begun to get used to my working out schedule....and it is all about to change. I am so nervous about it, but I know it is what I need to do. I promised myself that I would make it work. I really don't want to fail just because I am working full time. So I have decided to try and do early morning workouts. If I have the sitter, why shouldn't I? These next few weeks will have a funny schedule because it is all training, but once I get into my routine, I think it will become easier.

Now today I can't help but think of a certain someone who has been an inspiration to me in more ways than I can begin to count. She crazily enough is still a huge motivation and inspiration point for me. She is there when I need her and there when I don't. She was a strong and powerful woman who would do anything in her power to make you happy. She was an incredibly strong woman who made everyone around her happy. She was beautiful, full of love, and always giving. She would have given you the shirt off her back if you told her you needed it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And recently I have been praying to her and with all of the good things I have been blessed with lately, I can't help but KNOW she is listening and helping. She was that person when she was here with us on Earth, and she is that person up in Heaven. I can't help but think she is doing incredible things up there. She was a saint down here, what would make it any different up there? I love you Nonnie, and I miss you more and more each day. But I KNOW you are looking down on me and I hope that I can make you proud. You make sure that I keep my head up high no matter what the situation and I swear you speak through Lauren sometimes with the things she tells me to keep going. We all love and miss you like crazy Nonnie, it's just not the same without you. But we know you are looking down on all of us, no matter what our journey is, or where our lives take us, you are there to keep us going. You push us just as far as we can go. So thank you Nonnie.....don't think I don't know you are there!

I think I am going to leave things on that note. I will write more tomorrow everyone. Have a wonderful Friday, and count your blessings!!! You don't know how long you get them for so love them whole heartedly and don't ever let a day go by without telling them just how much you love them!!!

Day 36

Good Morning everyone!!! Today couldn't be a better day....I don't care that it's rainy and gloomy out...inside this house it is all sunshiny!!!

So why the good mood you might ask? I have finally been blessed with a Full Time Job!!! I am so so thankful for this amazing opportunity and I just still can't believe that I got this position. I start Monday, and I am so nervous and excited all wrapped in one!!

Now when I called my family to tell them about finally getting a job after all the stress of not having one, they were happy, but immediately reality set in. I'm going to be working full time, opening and closing some nights, and working certain Saturdays during the Month. So when will I have time to work out? What if I slip up during the stress of work and cheat or am just too tired to work out? Since we are hiring a full time sitter, I talked with Hayden about possibly going in the morning before work to they gym and just taking advantage of having the sitter there early. I have never been one for working out early in the morning, but if that is what it's going to take to get my work out in each day, then so be it! Have any of you made it a routine to work out in the morning before work? If so, how does that work for you?

Now as overwhelmingly excited as I am about this position, I am so sad to be leaving Alayna every day. I have just enjoyed spending this time with her so much. It's been such a blessing to be able to stay with her and watch her grow these last two months. She is so intelligent and creative and funny and just FUN to be around! I will miss her, but I know she will be in good hands. And will have some friends to play with every day! I think this will be such a great opportunity for Alayna as well. Now as soon as she gets off the waiting list for Daycare, she will be going there, but until then, this is such a wonderful alternative. (as sad as I get about leaving her each day!) I think we will all just have to get used to the new schedule. Whether that is Alayna getting used to having some new friends at the house with her, Hayden getting used to me not being home when he gets home, or me getting used to working full time again...it will all work out! And I couldn't be more thankful that things ARE working out!!!


Thank you to everyone who has had nothing but encouraging words for me! You guys all got me through this last month when I was feeling down. It all paid off!! So now off to enjoy my last couple days with Alayna at home!!

Day 32

Happy Sunday all you wonderful people!! I hope you all had a wonderful Saturday night! We enjoyed a delicious dinner and decided to have another movie night. We settled on Rise of the Guardians, it was pretty good, and Alayna enjoyed it too!! It was the perfect, healthy, Saturday.

I know that is pretty irrelevant but just had to share what a wonderful, and temptress free Saturday it was. Believe me, I still have some temptations, I can't go near a big cheesy pizza or some breadsticks. However....they are getting so much easier to be around. I just see them as calories and extra inches on my waist....or a longer visit to the gym and less time with my family. That piece of pizza just isn't worth it to me anymore.

My mind has evolved in just a simple matter of weeks. I read an article that says it takes 4 weeks for your brain to re-wire itself into a healthy mindset. However....on the contrary it takes only 5-7 days to undo that wiring. So just one slip...one trip to the beach or one week of going astray could make it that much harder to get back on the wagon. I will admit that I have this fear of falling off again. I do it constantly and what makes this time any different?

I think what I am getting to is that my brain has changed, and I am happy with that change. I just fear straying from that hard work and change. That was my original intention with beginning this blog. Being able to make it entirely out and in the open....my triumphs, my fears, my shortcomings, my weaknesses, and everything in between...you guys......you will keep me accountable. So falling off the wagon will not happen to me! Because of all of you!!

So I believe that is all for today....we have a nice busy Sunday ahead of us and I need to get going! I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! Enjoy the last of your weekend <3

Day 24

You know....I have never made it this far....and I am so so proud of myself for sticking to it. I know I keep saying that, but it's something that just keeps me so excited. 24 days! It's the first 24 days of the rest of my life, and I love it!!!!

Maybe it's the endorphins of the run this morning or it is just that the sun is shining and things are good....but I am happy. I sat and thought today, that the first day I went to the gym, it took me 45 minutes to do a 2 mile. And I was TIRED after it. I didn't have any energy to do anything after that 2 miles. Now, I am running/walking a 5K every day (in the time that it took me to do the 2 miles) and then doing weighted workouts after. With energy to burn when I get home. I'm feeling so good!! My body is just so happy with the hard work that I am putting in.

Now I know what people are thinking, sheesh...that's not very fast or far. It is for me. I have come from a place of no working out, and sitting on the couch every day. So doing that is a big achievement for me! I'm just filled and overflowing with this feeling of complete happiness!!!

I have been telling my family that I have been having these dreams lately. We are taking a family trip in December, and I keep dreaming about going into the gift stores and being able to buy medium shirts, and to buy pants that are smaller. These are what my dreams and goals are. These are the things I look forward to. And rightfully so. I was just so so unhappy shopping. It often ended in tears. And I REFUSE to ever go there again. That was a broken person and I don't want to be her anymore. So here is to the new me!!! Bring it on life!!!

Oh and recipes everyone! I'll post what yesterdays dinner was, it was a good one!

Barbeque Chicken Stuffed Baked Potatoes

2 Potatoes
4 T. BBQ Sauce of your choice (I did a low sugar, low calorie one)
1/2 cup cheese (low fat mozz.)
1/4 cup tomato
salt
pepper

I set the oven to 375. Rub the potatoes with olive oil and sea salt and bake on a sheet for 35 minutes. Then flip and bake the other side for 35 minutes.

I grilled the chicken, but you can cook it any way you want. I grilled each tenderloin (2 lbs worth) and then tossed them in the 4 T. sauce (I also add about 1 1/2 T. of water just so it sticks a little bit better). After tossing them, I shred the chicken, and toss again.

To assemble, cut open and mash the potato (I add a couple sprays of no-cal spray butter for flavor), add cheese, chicken, salt, pepper, and tomatoes to top.

Makes 2 servings.

I know it isn't much of a recipe, and I'm sure everyone could think of it, but thought I would share! Have a great Saturday everyone!!!

Day 23 - Weigh In

Well today was the day. And I can not deny that I am a little disappointed.  I know that losing weight is weight gone....but I was just hoping for more. Although I can understand why it wasn't as big as a number. These last couple days I have not felt well and I have not gotten as much out of the gym as I would have liked. So this week, now that I feel better...I am going to kick butt!!!

Oh...you guys wanted to know the number??


Since last week...I am down 2.8 pounds. For a grand total since starting (counting before I started blogging) of 15.5 pounds in three weeks! Not too shabby! And no matter what, I'm headed in the right direction, so I could really not be any happier!

I am hoping to work even harder this next week. I would really love to see a bigger number, but no matter what....frustration will NOT stop me.

Last night I had to go to the gym late because Hayden was working late. It was strange being one of the last people in the gym. All the TVs were off, the radio was turned off, and most of the rooms were dark and locked up. Very strange. But it was so nice with so few people in the gym. If only I was alone every time, I would love it even more. Although it's not all bad with other people. Either way, I have really warmed up to the gym.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!! I will blog this weekend (although according to the numbers, not many people read on the weekends), but for those that do, I'll make sure to write!

Happy Friday!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 20

Day 20??? It can't be!!!

I keep looking in the mirror and thinking "nothing has changed", but I know that I have. I feel my shirts and pants fit differently. I can feel my watch getting bigger each time I put it on, and needing to tighten it. I can feel my wedding rings slipping around more than usual. So I have to stop looking in the mirror and hoping that I'm looking skinny. Because that is so absurdly ridiculous! My sister sent me a little picture message the other day that said "It takes four weeks for you to start seeing a difference, eight weeks for your family and friends to start seeing a difference, and 12 weeks for the world to start seeing a difference, so give it 12 weeks, and don't quit" And I have no intentions of.

Yesterday for a split second I was really down and just wanted to eat a Ho Ho....and I really thought about how bad it would REALLY be for me. I was down, and I wanted chocolate to pull me out of it. I didn't want to go to the gym either. I wanted to hang out with Alayna and Hayden and not leave for two hours away from them. I then paused.....and thought about a biiiiiig steak. With a big mashed potato side and cheesy broccoli. And I started to get a little sick. I wasn't hungry....I was sad, and my body was getting those two confused. I have learned that when you are hungry and craving something, think of a HUGE meal that is really filling. If the thought of it makes your stomach hurt, you aren't hungry. Your brain is just playing tricks on you! So I stopped thinking about the Ho Ho and got ready for the gym, and ran all the negative feelings away.

I did a sprint yesterday at 8.0 MPH.......I couldn't even believe it!! I know it doesn't sound like much, but 8.0 is a lot for me!!!! I was so happy when I got home. I also leg pressed 380 lbs, which made me feel amazing too!!! I love that feeling I get after working out. I just have to keep that feeling in my head when I want to give up, and know that it feels great when I succeed!!

Hope you all have an excellent Tuesday!! I'm working on this weeks meals tonight, so I will keep you all in the loop on the recipes!

Day 19

Good Morning all! Happy Monday!!!

I have been trying really hard these last couple days to keep calm and relaxed. Stress, as I'm sure you know, can hinder weight loss. And believe me, I have been under an incredible amount. I try so hard to keep calm, because for once in my life I'm thinking about me first, but that is hard. I feel so much pressure from everyone and now from myself that I am finding it difficult to keep calm and (cliche-ly enough) carry on. Everything that I am stressing about is out of my hands and really just needs to be prayed and thought over. So maybe that is what I should just buck up and do. Maybe it will help me de-stress a little. I'm doing everything I can possibly do to eliminate the stress, and that's the best I can do right?

So with all that stress, it has been difficult to focus on not eating. I am an emotional eater. I always have been. Even when I was in school, if I got upset over someone making fun of me because I was overweight, I ate. How does that even make sense? You would think that if other kids were making fun of me, I would want to stop and make the change. But for some reason, my head didn't want to do that. My head wanted to just eat more to numb the pain of other peoples crude opinions. I tried different things through high school. I ate differently, I played a TON of volleyball, and I actually kept pretty active. But it didn't stop the food from going in my mouth. I have no one to blame but myself for the way that I am, but I can blame it on the stress of high school. The stress of being a teenager that is overweight. Stress has always been a trigger for me to just eat to make myself feel better.

That has been one of the hardest things to try and change. Stress eating. I know that it isn't the solution to my problems. And my stress isn't just going to disappear because I am eating a fried, cheesy, calorie packed death trap. I am getting better or at least trying to get better about thinking like that. Hopefully this feeling is only temporary and I can shake this feeling quickly. It can't possibly be permanent to be this stressed or nervous about things! And eating is DEFINITELY not the solution!!


On a side note.....today I put on an outfit that I really don't like much. It's tighter pants and a tighter shirt. I don't like it because I feel like it makes me look like the Michelin man. BUT, I looked in the mirror after I put it on, and I actually felt good. I felt like I looked really cute and less puffy than usual! So hopefully this is the start of many happy feelings! Have an awesome Monday everyone!

Day 18

I can't believe it is Sunday already. This weekend went by so fast!!

I think back to what a normal Saturday night used to be. Sitting around, eating pizza, and having a drink or two.

Now...my Saturday night is going to the gym until 10, coming home to eating an apple and some peanut butter for protein, and drinking water. It's amazing how much better I feel. I never would have thought that just two and a half weeks would make a difference in how I see things. I haven't eaten anything fried, greasy, or processed in quite some time. My body is so happy with me.

It has been really nice to cook such healthy foods, and have Alayna and Hayden enjoy them. I feel like sometimes when I would go on health kicks, Hayden would cook something different for himself because he didn't want to eat the veggies and healthy foods that I was eating. But now, he is just as into eating healthy as I am. It's been such a good support to have that. Maybe that's why it didn't work the other times. I felt like I was doing it myself. And this time, I'm not alone.

Alayna has been loving all of the vegetables we have been eating. And ever since I have been drinking only water, I can't get her to drink any juice at all anymore. Which is GREAT!! She no longer is weighed down by all that artificial sweetener. Now I know that they still eat things they aren't supposed to...for example...last night Hayden and Alayna had milkshakes. And I didn't even want one. It smelled so sweet and sugary. And I actually got a little sick to my stomach smelling it. But as long as they enjoyed it, that's what's important!!

I'm so happy with all the progress that is being made. It has made me realize that even if the pounds aren't always going down....I'm still making a change for the better.

On my last note, I was thinking of putting up some of my daily foods (for all of you that don't follow me on My Fitness Pal). Maybe some recipes that I have been making for dinner? Would anyone be interested in that?

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!