Keeping Up

So I promised that I would keep up with my blog, and I will not let you down. I will not be writing every day. I would not set myself up for that kind of failure anymore. It was ridiculous to think that I could continue that. However I will write whenever I can. I am doing a great job of keeping up with my lifestyle change! The yoga however has been a little bit more difficult to keep up with. I am trying my best to at least work out though. I have been going for walks, I have been going to work and making sure to walk around and keep busy as often as possible, walking the steps at home up and down, anything I can possibly do. I know some of those things sound silly, but they keep me active!

This change in my life has been eye opening, it has been really difficult not to weigh in every week, but as someone who has made a huge impact on my life once said, it's not the pounds that matter, but how you feel, and the inches that matter. Health is always more important, and something that should be noted is that my liver has been getting healthier and healthier. The test they did last time showed that my fatty liver disease had severely decreased which is just fantastic!!! Apparently this diet and exercise thing really do work!

I have been scolded though through this process that I have not been eating enough. I went to see a nutritionist and dietitian and they told me that what I was doing was all wrong. So I decided to switch it up, and make sure that I was doing what was right for my body and I have seen a huge difference! I am so lucky to have such a support system in this journey though. I hope I haven't lost all of my readers, since this isn't going to facebook any longer. That was my biggest market for this blog, so hopefully this will reach other people!

I am leaving you all to that, and I promise that I will make an effort to write sooner. If there is anything more you would like to read, feel free to leave a comment and let me know! I am an open book!

Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 95

Good Evening everyone. I had to work today so I have just been lounging around since I got home. Not really wanting to do anything. I can't even put it into words how excited I am for my mom and dad to come visit. Alayna has asked every morning "are mema and pappy here yet?" She is very excited for them to come and see her!

I wish I had some insightful words for all of you tonight, but I just am not feeling up for it tonight. I really love being able to tell you how my days go and what I am up to, but not much happened today. A nice long work day and then relaxing at home, preparing for my parents to come!!!

Soooo that is that for tonight. I hope you all have a wonderful night, and I promise tomorrow will be a heartier entry!!!!!

Day 68

Good Morning. I had a very early start to this Monday morning so I promised I would write! I unfortunately did not go to the gym yesterday evening because I realized I had to be up so early. So It didn't seem to make sense to keep myself exhausted today. So tonight I will be going since I am off early today! I am going to try the bike again. Especially since I have another doctors appointment Thursday.

It is nothing special, just going to try and get an Ortho referral. Hopefully they will look over the scans with me so I can at least see what is going on with the muscle. Which apparently is where the damage is. SO hopefully I am on my way to some answers this week!!

So I think these last couple weeks I have let my frustrations get the best of me, and this week I REFUSE to let that happen again. No matter what the numbers say, or what I am fitting in, I am making a change some how.

Alright, time to get the baby up and ready, and time for me to head out to work! I hope you all have a wonderful Monday and keep positive this week!!!

Day 51 - Weigh In

OH MY GOODNESSSSSS!!! You guys this morning I had to get on and off the scale a few times to make sure what I was seeing is correct!!! I am so over the moon about this number! Are you ready??? Drum roll please........................

3.9 pounds down for a total of 25.9 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!! I hit that 25 pound mark...finally!!!!!!!! I can't help but use all of these exclamation points and crazy large fonts, because I didn't think I would get it this week. I was continuously getting 2's, or 1.5's, and I just thought it was going to be another couple weeks before 25 would get here. I can't even explain to everyone what I am feeling right now!! It just goes to show that hard work really pays off. And even through really tough situations or the challenges of being a full time mom with a full time job, you can make it work!!

So on another positive note, last night at the gym, there were only two of us there. I stayed on the elliptical for about an hour, and did 3.5 miles. Nothing too extreme, but it was enough to get a good burn before my weigh in this morning. When I went to leave, the other gentleman who was there was leaving too. He approached me and asked, "How long were you on that machine?" to which I responded, "Oh, only about an hour or so...not too long....and wish it could have been a bit longer". This gentleman's face was shocked. He then came back to me with, "I could never do that machine for that long. You must be really in shape because I know I can't handle that!". I immediately thanked him, and said that I was by no means "In Shape", but that I was getting there. It was hard for me at first, until I kept to it, and now love it. I then had a HUGE moment of clarity...I was talking to myself (figuratively of course, I'm not that crazy). This man was overweight and at the gym trying to fix himself. He was me, 51 days ago. Scared of the machines, scared of people in the gym, in awe of what people were able to do, and what I was ashamed I couldn't do. But with hard work, I am getting to a better point. I wish I would have said something to this man last night. He was so nice, and he really made my night. I hope to see him more at the gym, as he was doing a great job!!

On all these wonderful notes, I am signing off for the day! Have a huge day ahead of me, and with this good news, NOTHING will bring me down today! Have a wonderful Friday everyone!!! Make today the day you make a change...it could pay off 51 days from now!!

Day 46

So today I decided I wanted to talk about my frustrations as of late. I am so frustrated with where I am right now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and am so unhappy with who I see. I know she is different than the girl that I was when I started, but I still see her. I still see that girl from 46 days ago that was so unhappy. I still feel like that girl. How do I STOP from feeling like her? And then when I do feel like her, it makes me want to hole up in a corner and just cry. I know these feelings are normal but I am so tired of getting them. I am no where near where I want to be in this journey and I don't know how to get there. I wanted to be well over 35 lbs. down by now and I am still a far ways away from that. I thought I could do it, and now I'm thinking I can't. And 35 lbs at this point is nothing compared to where I really need to be. So now I'm stuck with this feeling of not being good enough to meet my goal and what if I can't meet my goal by the time we need to go on our trip in December. I would be so unhappy that I did all this work for nothing.

I know this post is a little "venty", but it's how I'm feeling. I am just really really frustrated with myself. I am really unhappy today. Maybe it's that I'm sick, or tired from working so much, or just overworked with this crazy busy schedule. But what I do know is that I have to kick this feeling and quick! I can't let it get the best of me, or I will be able to see it in my numbers next Friday! So hopefully today it will be a nice slow work day and I can keep calm and focus on what my goal really is.

Maybe if I actually take those before and during pictures I was talking about, it might give me a little bit of push. Sometimes my eye can't see exactly what is there, but a photograph captures it a little better. And a side by side is always easier to see results in. So I will do those tomorrow....with my day off. You will get to see where I started and where I am, and you all can be the judge of if I'm just crazy, or there really is nothing to see!!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone! I'm going to try to keep calm and count my positives today!

Day 45

Good Morning Everyone! I am definitely going to be keeping today short. I am running a little late today and I have to get to work soon. I can't even put into words how exhausted I am today! All of this work is starting to catch up with me and I can't keep up!! Hopefully things start getting better once a more permanent schedule is made.

I will be trying to go to the gym tonight. I am working until 8:30 tonight and will spend some time with family and after that is gym and bed. How do people do this??? How do people work all these hours in one week and still function like a normal human being??? I can't seem to get my act together just yet. I am trying really hard, but it is proving a little more difficult than I anticipated.

On a good note, Alayna is learning so much! The woman we hired has already taught her so much!!!! She also does the dishes and makes sure the house is clean when I get home?? Something for Alayna and me! So there is nothing wrong on that end. She is doing so well!

I told you guys I was keeping it short, so I am! Have to go get ready for work! Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!

Day 43

Hello everyone!! Day before my weigh in and I can honestly say that this week...I'm not nervous!! I will be happy with whatever happens, because this week was really hard! And is still going to be. I will be working this weekend, with my first day off being Tuesday. But it is all worth it to have a job at all! I mean full time WAS what I wanted after all! So no matter what, I will not let tomorrow scare me away!

These last few days have not been easy. ESPECIALLY with no working out. So Hayden and I had been discussing different schedules that we could possibly switch around and try to make it so I miss the smallest amount of family time possible. So we finally came up with a solution. With what I am spending on gas at the Fort Gordon gym every day, it would actually be cheaper for me to go to the Anytime Fitness a little over half a mile from the house. And because they are open all the time, I am able to go for an hour once everyone is in bed and won't miss out on ANY family time, which is really important to me since we only get a couple hours a night together. So that was the solution we came up with! And a mighty good one I think!

Now I know that it will be really hard to get used to all of this. I mean I wake up around 6-7 everyday and am home from work around 7-8:30 every night. Have dinner and tuck Alayna in for bed. Head to the gym for an hour or so and then head home, shower, and back in bed to sleep and do it all over again  in the morning!! I think once I settle into a routine, it won't be as scary to do that everyday as it feels now.

So I did decide to go to the gym last night (since I could go right away, why waste any time??). The equipment is really nice and there were only 2 other people there so I didn't feel so many eyes on me! It was really nice to be there without so many people there. There is a nice room where you can do more aerobic like activities. They provide kettle bells and small weights and stability balls and yoga mats and just anything you can think of, they have it! And the good thing about going late at night is that no one is there and you can do what is comfortable for you! Now last night I didn't do very well because I was tired after running around all day. And I have been off for 4 days so I knew I was going to be a little bit behind the curve, but I just need to get back in the swing of things! All-in-all I think it was the best decision I could have made for what I needed most. SO....today I will be starting day 4 at work and hopefully can keep the energy level up! See you all tomorrow for weigh in!!

Day 42

So I finally got my work schedule....and let me tell you...this next two weeks they were not kidding about filling me full of as much information as possible! I have two weeks to learn everything I possibly can! And it is amazing how much information there is! Just the daily routines alone are something to be baffled by! I know that I will get to the point that I need to be at, but it is a daunting task right now. I am beginning to get stressed, and I haven't even fully been into my position yet.

I have to get used to these early mornings and early bed times. Before I had my job I was going to bed way too late and sleeping in a little later. But it is amazing that even if I am not going to the gym (for now), a good nights sleep can do wonders for you! SO that is my preachy point for the day. No matter if you eat healthy, go to the gym, stay active during the day, if you DON'T go to bed early and get a good nights sleep, you are NOT going to get as good of results! So I think this may actually be a blessing in disguise! Once I finally get into a routine of things and I am able to figure out this schedule comfortably, I think I will be A-okay!!

I would love to hear how all of you balance a diet, work life, and workout life into your daily routine! I am simply getting overwhelmed by the amount of things I need to do both at work and home that I just am too scared to take time away from that. I only really get to see Alayna for an hour or so at the end of the day, and with working weekends too, I don't see her or Hayden then either. It's quite the sacrifice working moms make and on top of that add a working mom who wants to work out? I know it is possible, I have seen other moms do it! I just need to find what works for me, and I WILL figure that out soon!

SO while I figure this whole thing out, I can not be more appreciative of all of you to support me through this. All of you loyal readers....you mean the world to me and I honestly think I would have given up by now, if it weren't for you! So thank you everyone....for pushing me and motivating me!!

Have an amazing Wednesday everyone!

Day 38

Good Morning and Happy Saturday!!! We have a very busy day today so I am going to keep it pretty short. I have decided to start using the stepper as recommended by a fellow hard worker and let me just say....it was designed by the devil himself. Don't EVER do the stepper unless you A. want to not feel your legs for three days B. feel like giving up MIGHT just be the easiest thing to do while on it C.hate your legs for days or D. all of the above.

Bottom line...I hate the stepper. It is the devil's work and it's like an adult version of don't touch the floor because it's lava. You have to keep your self up on it so it doesn't sink shamelessly to the floor however.....it hurts too bad to keep it off the ground! Pathetic, I know, but it was hard!! I could only do 40 floors today because I thought I would actually fall of the machine if I didn't stop! But at least I tried my best to keep going!!

I have been doing a lot more at the gym and I have come home feeling great after each workout! I feel better about being in that environment. I would honestly live there if I could but that could just be the adrenaline talking from this morning! It's amazing just how happy I feel when I finish working out. I still get nervous that people are pointing and laughing but I know it is all in my head. And even if they are....oh well! I know why I'm there and I know it is to better my life...NOT to worry about what other people think of me.

So I promised today I would keep it short, so I will not let you down! Give you a nice easy read of how steppers are directly correlated with Satan and how much I love the gym!! Also tonight we are making some delicious grilled chicken wraps that I will post the recipe for tomorrow! Have a great Saturday and be good!!!

Day 37 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone and Happy Friday!! Also, today I want to wish my wonderful sister a very Happy Birthday today!!! I wouldn't be 1/1,000th of the woman, mother, sister, wife, friend or even human being I am today if it weren't for her. She is an inspiration to me every day and I couldn't imagine asking for a better sister in the world! I hope you have an incredible day!! You deserve it!!!

Now....as you know....Friday is weigh in day. So today I hopped on that scale...not feeling confident at all. And I look down....and I lost two pounds! With mother nature working against me, I didn't expect that at all this week!! So now I am down a total of 19.5 pounds!!! I am so close to that 20 pound mark!!! Hopefully I can break it next week!!

Speaking of next week, I am really nervous. I love all the time that I get to spend home with Alayna each day, and I have really just begun to get used to my working out schedule....and it is all about to change. I am so nervous about it, but I know it is what I need to do. I promised myself that I would make it work. I really don't want to fail just because I am working full time. So I have decided to try and do early morning workouts. If I have the sitter, why shouldn't I? These next few weeks will have a funny schedule because it is all training, but once I get into my routine, I think it will become easier.

Now today I can't help but think of a certain someone who has been an inspiration to me in more ways than I can begin to count. She crazily enough is still a huge motivation and inspiration point for me. She is there when I need her and there when I don't. She was a strong and powerful woman who would do anything in her power to make you happy. She was an incredibly strong woman who made everyone around her happy. She was beautiful, full of love, and always giving. She would have given you the shirt off her back if you told her you needed it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. And recently I have been praying to her and with all of the good things I have been blessed with lately, I can't help but KNOW she is listening and helping. She was that person when she was here with us on Earth, and she is that person up in Heaven. I can't help but think she is doing incredible things up there. She was a saint down here, what would make it any different up there? I love you Nonnie, and I miss you more and more each day. But I KNOW you are looking down on me and I hope that I can make you proud. You make sure that I keep my head up high no matter what the situation and I swear you speak through Lauren sometimes with the things she tells me to keep going. We all love and miss you like crazy Nonnie, it's just not the same without you. But we know you are looking down on all of us, no matter what our journey is, or where our lives take us, you are there to keep us going. You push us just as far as we can go. So thank you Nonnie.....don't think I don't know you are there!

I think I am going to leave things on that note. I will write more tomorrow everyone. Have a wonderful Friday, and count your blessings!!! You don't know how long you get them for so love them whole heartedly and don't ever let a day go by without telling them just how much you love them!!!

Day 36

Good Morning everyone!!! Today couldn't be a better day....I don't care that it's rainy and gloomy out...inside this house it is all sunshiny!!!

So why the good mood you might ask? I have finally been blessed with a Full Time Job!!! I am so so thankful for this amazing opportunity and I just still can't believe that I got this position. I start Monday, and I am so nervous and excited all wrapped in one!!

Now when I called my family to tell them about finally getting a job after all the stress of not having one, they were happy, but immediately reality set in. I'm going to be working full time, opening and closing some nights, and working certain Saturdays during the Month. So when will I have time to work out? What if I slip up during the stress of work and cheat or am just too tired to work out? Since we are hiring a full time sitter, I talked with Hayden about possibly going in the morning before work to they gym and just taking advantage of having the sitter there early. I have never been one for working out early in the morning, but if that is what it's going to take to get my work out in each day, then so be it! Have any of you made it a routine to work out in the morning before work? If so, how does that work for you?

Now as overwhelmingly excited as I am about this position, I am so sad to be leaving Alayna every day. I have just enjoyed spending this time with her so much. It's been such a blessing to be able to stay with her and watch her grow these last two months. She is so intelligent and creative and funny and just FUN to be around! I will miss her, but I know she will be in good hands. And will have some friends to play with every day! I think this will be such a great opportunity for Alayna as well. Now as soon as she gets off the waiting list for Daycare, she will be going there, but until then, this is such a wonderful alternative. (as sad as I get about leaving her each day!) I think we will all just have to get used to the new schedule. Whether that is Alayna getting used to having some new friends at the house with her, Hayden getting used to me not being home when he gets home, or me getting used to working full time again...it will all work out! And I couldn't be more thankful that things ARE working out!!!


Thank you to everyone who has had nothing but encouraging words for me! You guys all got me through this last month when I was feeling down. It all paid off!! So now off to enjoy my last couple days with Alayna at home!!

Day 34

Good Morning :)

I took a rest day yesterday after getting a little too rosy at the park with Alayna. So today I plan to kick some serious butt at the gym!!

I'm going to be honest, ever since I started this journey, I have started to realize things about myself that I didn't even know were possible. Things I want to do with my life once I am able to, and things that I NEVER thought I would have the urge to do. For example, I want to do a half-marathon which will hopefully lead to a full-marathon at some point. I know that is a far way away, but I can definitely see it in the future.

Another thing I really want to do (along with a lot of other things, but this is the most extreme)......go skydiving. I don't know why I have the urge to, but I do! Something about falling into a new life, or leaving the old life behind seems so symbolic! I never would have thought that I would want to jump from a perfectly good plane, but I see it more and more in my future.

I want to experience life to it's fullest now. I want to make sure I get the most out of this and experience everything I can. That is what our lives are all about. Getting the most out of it. Now I'm not saying yolo, yoyo, or whatever it is....I'm saying that we have the capabilities and motivation to do whatever we want!! And I am now able to see beyond the couch and chair. Beyond the plate of pizza and cake....I can see other things that are potential life changers, and all in good ways!

So I challenge you all to set a goal. Set a goal that seems impossible...give yourself a year (it will pass quicker than you think!!), and make that goal into another checked item on your bucket list!! I would love to hear what goals you are going to set!!!  Have a good Tuesday!

Day 31

Happy Saturday everyone!!! I started my day out my most favorite way and that is at the gym! Who would have thought?

Last night Hayden and I were talking about the last four weeks and the things that have changed. He said he was so proud that I have stuck to it this far and I can honestly say I am too. But I promise, today won't be about that. (not again!)

Today I decided to talk about Magic Pills. That magic pill that will allow you to lose weight. That magic pill that makes you skinny. That magic pill that will make every health issue go away and make you healthy. Now think about that magic pill....do you want that magic pill?? Who doesn't right??

Well I hate to break it to you all, but that magic pill doesn't exist. There is no magic pill, powder, or liquid that will make all your dreams come true. It takes hard work, dedication, and more self-motivation than you ever even thought you had inside you. I used to think that if I try this fad or that one, that the fat would just melt off of me. That if I half ass it, I can still get what I want. But I KNOW now that it won't work. Only I can make this happen for myself. It is up to my mind to push my body through this. Through the pain and through every other sacrifice I make, I push harder each day for the better of myself.

The moral of today's post is....you can't just take some magic item to make things better. It just doesn't work. You have to want the change to make it happen. What is important enough to you to make the change?? Is it your family, children, job, or just wanting to get healthy? No matter what it is, it should be important enough to make that change. So I hope today you all just do one thing....one healthy change. Whether that be drinking water instead of pop or walking around the whole mall while doing your Saturday shopping or just going for a small walk....that's all it takes.....so get out there and start today!!! There is no magic pill waiting for you...only your mind waiting to push your body!

Good luck <3

Day 29

Good Morning everyone! I promise today's blog will be a little less....preachy! 

I have been really stressed lately. I can't seem to find any friends here at our new house, and it is effecting me more than I had anticipated. And the strange thing is, the only time I feel really okay with being alone, is when I'm at the gym. I have come to take out my stresses and worries there. Before I leaned on food, and now, I couldn't imagine turning to food. 

I have made a lot of changes in the past four weeks that I couldn't imagine I would have been able to do. I'm trying new food and eating fresh and clean food. It's not the normal me, and I'm so happy with all of the changes. I mean last night I poured Almond Milk into my cereal and couldn't even believe I was the same person. I could have never imagined drinking that 4 weeks ago!! I eat spaghetti squash now....which I'm pretty sure I refused as a child. I am just turning into the person I always knew existed. And I just couldn't be any happier about it. 

I know I talk constantly about how happy I am, and I'm sure that gets old. I apologize. But I just can't help it! No matter how stressed I get about my lack of human interaction, my happiness with myself...it's outpouring!! I was a really unhappy person before. I mean....if I'm being brutally honest....when I went to Busch Gardens with Hayden's family, most of the rides were just way too tight, or I wouldn't even try because I didn't want to be embarrassed. I hated that feeling. It was worse than going shopping! I was so disappointed in myself. And what's even worse, is I ATE because I was upset that I couldn't fit in the rides. How does that even make sense??? 

I am 24 years old, and I am finally ready to change my life for the better. I mean better late than never right? Tomorrow is indeed weigh in, and I am promised myself to be happy no matter what the outcome. Because honestly, no matter what happens, my life is changing for the better. It is insane to think one little number could change my mind of that. I hope you all have a great day!! Sorry this entry was a little redundant with entries past! I just felt I needed to tell everyone...I'm so happy!!!

Day 28

Day 28!!!!! I made it to the 4 week mark already!! I am just so happy about it!! I can't even to put it into words how great I feel! Can't you tell by all the exclamation marks?

Now today I thought of things I could talk about....what I do at the gym or food I eat, or what I do every day to keep myself going, or what goals I set for myself...But then I realized last night that I want to talk about gym etiquette! This may not apply to everyone, so if you want to jump ship for the rest of todays lesson feel free!

I have been going to the gym for almost 28 straight days (missed 2 days) and feel like I have made sure to do everything right. I bring my required towel, wipe my machine down after I'm done with each machine, go through each machine correctly without letting the weights bang around, and I take it really seriously!! Oh, and most of all.......I don't bring FOOD into the gym.

Last night was not the first time I have seen this happen. I don't know why it bothers me so, but it does! When I got to the gym yesterday, I got on my treadmill and started off any normal evening. I look to my right and there is a woman eating a Twix....ON the treadmill. I couldn't even believe it. But I got past it, because it's not me! She can do what she wants I guess!

And then...these two girls come in. Bigger girls and my thought was "good for you girls! That's great for you!!" But nay....they stayed on the treadmills taking (and I sadly quote) "SELFIESSSSS!!!". I quickly turned my headphones up higher. They continued to stay on the treadmills for about 5 minutes after taking a good amount of pictures and then moved onto the stepper for 5 minutes, elliptical for 5 minutes, bike for 5 minutes, then on to the weighted machines. Oh, and do you think they wiped any of the machines down after use??? Now I don't know if that goes for all gyms that you have to wipe them down with a disinfectant wipe, but you do here. Because who wants to touch a machine with all of your body sweat on it....ew.

So then they move onto the weight machines...which I have seen some really sweaty people get on and they always wipe it off with multiple wipes when finished. Now when I am on a machine I am doing 3-4 sets of 10-15 reps on each machine with a 60 second break in between. That is a (somewhat) proper way to be on a machine. I go slowly as to not let the weights bang when you go back to your start. (I have seen people get yelled out for the banging of weights) But these girls went to each machine and did one rep of each while loudly banging the weights around.

Now I don't know why I am so frustrated by this....I didn't think I was going to be a gym snob about it, but I am being one. This is not the first time any of these things have happened, but each time it does....my skin crawls with the idea of having to sit in someone else's sweat on a machine!!! So I apologize for the rant, but hopefully it can help you to prevent gym germs!!

Tonight we are doing lean lettuce wrapped burgers! I will post the recipe tomorrow!! Enjoy your Wednesday everyone!!

Day 27

So yesterday wasn't such a great day. I was upset, sad, and feeling sorry for myself. And usually my first instinct is to eat something....frozen pizza, ice cream, or noodles (I really love carbs!!) but I thought about how silly it would be to waste a whole days hard work on something like that, that doesn't actually make me feel any better at all. So I decided I would take it out at the gym. And boy did I!!! I got such a great burn and it really was the best medicine. My sister made it very clear by talking me out of those negative feelings. I am finally working on myself, and I SHOULD be really proud of that!! Everything else in my life will fall into place, and until then I need to worry about taking care of myself!!! So no more negative feelings for me! I have no reason at all to be negative...too many good things going on in my life!!!

So some people had asked about what a normal day looks like for me calorie wise. So I figured I would just kind of briefly map that out for all of you, see if maybe that is a little easier to understand what a day looks like for me!

8:00 am - 9:00 am - One protein shake (used as a meal replacement)

12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Whole wheat english muffin (REALLY high in fiber), 1 T. cream cheese, low fat string cheese, 1/4 cup raw almonds, and tomato and cucumber salad (sometimes)

3:00 pm Snack - Kashi cookie with 1 T. peanut butter (the cookie is really high in protein and fiber and tastes good too!!)

6:00 pm - 7:00 pm - Baked pork loin chop (seasoned with salt and pepper), brown rice, and green beans

After Work Out Snack - Green apple with 1 T. Peanut Butter


Things I look for through out my day....Make sure I am eating enough protein!!! Protein is really important because it is going to fuel your body through all the changes. I also make sure I am eating a lot of fiber so that I am feeling full throughout the day. Doing this meal guide and burning an additional 500-600 calories a day at the gym, I'm usually netting close to 1100-1200 calories. I try to keep it around 1200, but sometimes that is hard for me, which I am working on!!

I hope that it is helpful. I sometimes will snack between breakfast and lunch, just to make sure I am eating enough calories in a day, but I try not to. I try to make sure I am eating about every three hours to help my metabolism keep up. I'm not by any means saying that my daily eating is perfect or that I eat the same thing every day....I don't! But I just wanted to give you all an idea of how my day goes.

I know that this takes hard work and dedication. I know some people will say it is good to have a cheat meal (meal, not day!!) a week, but I just don't want to yet. I am working too hard to cheat yet. I think the way I have seen my cheat meals is in a really healthy way. Like my pita pizzas, whole wheat spaghetti, or my dark chocolate (one tiny square off the whole bar). It's just enough to make me feel better, but not enough to ruin any of the hard work I have put in. I have completely eliminated any drinks that aren't water, or water flavored with fruit. I have also stopped any sort of alcohol intake (which has been great!!). It definitely isn't worth it to me to drink my calories! I am just trying to take every healthy step forward that's possible and NO unhealthy steps backwards.

I really hope today's blog was helpful!! I'll think of something equally as helpful for tomorrow! I promise!! Have a great Tuesday everyone!!

Day 26

Good morning everyone and happy Monday!!

So yesterday I had quite the discussion about how many calories I should be eating and if I should be eating back exercise calories, burning as many calories as I eat in a day, and many other things. Well...as it turns out, I'm not eating enough calories in a day to fuel my body. So looks like I'm going to have to start working a little harder to make sure I am fueling my body better. Although who would have thought eating too little would be my problem?? Last night I tried to figure out how I was going to eat enough calories in a day and it is really difficult for me. I NEVER thought I would say that, but the thought of eating more in a day makes my belly hurt!! I already feel like I eat enough. But I will try my best to make sure I am fueling my body in the correct way!!

So these last couple days I have been having this strange worry. Am I losing you guys? Is the attention not there anymore? Anything I can do to keep you guys engaged? Are the titles boring? Should I change those? I know this journey isn't necessarily defined by how many people check out this blog each day, however I do think it is important. I want you all to get just as much out of this as I do. I would love to spark just a bit of energy within yourselves and inspire just a little bit...if possible! I hope that some people reading this are so inspired that they want to make changes too! Even if that is counting calories (www.myfitnesspal.com my username is whocrux, add me!), taking the steps instead of the elevator, or even just going out for a walk. I want to make sure that everyone is getting out of this blog, what they want to get out of it! So let me know if I need to change anything!! Or...if you just want me to keep tellin it like it is!

Hope you all have an excellent Monday!!!!

(on tonight's menu is leftovers, so I won't be posting a recipe, but hopefully I can think of something delicious for tomorrow night!!!)

Day 24

You know....I have never made it this far....and I am so so proud of myself for sticking to it. I know I keep saying that, but it's something that just keeps me so excited. 24 days! It's the first 24 days of the rest of my life, and I love it!!!!

Maybe it's the endorphins of the run this morning or it is just that the sun is shining and things are good....but I am happy. I sat and thought today, that the first day I went to the gym, it took me 45 minutes to do a 2 mile. And I was TIRED after it. I didn't have any energy to do anything after that 2 miles. Now, I am running/walking a 5K every day (in the time that it took me to do the 2 miles) and then doing weighted workouts after. With energy to burn when I get home. I'm feeling so good!! My body is just so happy with the hard work that I am putting in.

Now I know what people are thinking, sheesh...that's not very fast or far. It is for me. I have come from a place of no working out, and sitting on the couch every day. So doing that is a big achievement for me! I'm just filled and overflowing with this feeling of complete happiness!!!

I have been telling my family that I have been having these dreams lately. We are taking a family trip in December, and I keep dreaming about going into the gift stores and being able to buy medium shirts, and to buy pants that are smaller. These are what my dreams and goals are. These are the things I look forward to. And rightfully so. I was just so so unhappy shopping. It often ended in tears. And I REFUSE to ever go there again. That was a broken person and I don't want to be her anymore. So here is to the new me!!! Bring it on life!!!

Oh and recipes everyone! I'll post what yesterdays dinner was, it was a good one!

Barbeque Chicken Stuffed Baked Potatoes

2 Potatoes
4 T. BBQ Sauce of your choice (I did a low sugar, low calorie one)
1/2 cup cheese (low fat mozz.)
1/4 cup tomato
salt
pepper

I set the oven to 375. Rub the potatoes with olive oil and sea salt and bake on a sheet for 35 minutes. Then flip and bake the other side for 35 minutes.

I grilled the chicken, but you can cook it any way you want. I grilled each tenderloin (2 lbs worth) and then tossed them in the 4 T. sauce (I also add about 1 1/2 T. of water just so it sticks a little bit better). After tossing them, I shred the chicken, and toss again.

To assemble, cut open and mash the potato (I add a couple sprays of no-cal spray butter for flavor), add cheese, chicken, salt, pepper, and tomatoes to top.

Makes 2 servings.

I know it isn't much of a recipe, and I'm sure everyone could think of it, but thought I would share! Have a great Saturday everyone!!!

Day 22

Almost Friday...which means almost weigh in!!

I can honestly say that I am not nervous. I'm ready for the weigh in. If I lose weight, GREAT, if I don't, that's okay too. I'm changing my life, and that is all that matters!

I have decided that I will post some before and afters at week 8. I am starting to kind of see it in the mirror, but I really have to force myself to see it. There are a lot of things that sparked this whole journey. One picture in particular did it. Hayden had his promotion ceremony and we took a picture as a family. I usually avoid that if all possible. But I couldn't get out of it this time. I was embarrassed looking at them. I knew it was time to change everything. I was unhappy. I spend all my time avoiding mirrors. When I FaceTime with my family, I won't even get on the camera because I hate how I look. And that's not healthy.

It's not easy to be this way. You get made fun of, snickered at, and get really sad when shopping. I can remember as a child going to JCPenney, and heading to the juniors section to look at Mudd bellbottoms. But every pair I tried on, didn't fit. It was really hard as a young teen to feel so disappointed in your body. I then only shopped at one store, because I knew they had a size that would fit me. I could never wear the cute clothes the other kids could. For once, I want to go into a store...find something with out going aaaalll the way back to the back of the rack and hope that I can wear it. What's so strange, is I love fashion. I love design and new clothes, but I can't wear any of it. I hope that I can get there someday!

I have never really made that public before, so that is one more step in the right direction!! I usually keep those things between Hayden and I. He has seen me go out and get so frustrated and just leave with nothing because it is too emotional. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and be upset because they are all too big and I have to go a size down (Like I would EVER be upset something was too big lol). So some day I will get there. I know that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon....and someday I am going to be so proud of all the work that I put in!!

Have a great Thursday everyone! Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow!!!