Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 20

Day 20??? It can't be!!!

I keep looking in the mirror and thinking "nothing has changed", but I know that I have. I feel my shirts and pants fit differently. I can feel my watch getting bigger each time I put it on, and needing to tighten it. I can feel my wedding rings slipping around more than usual. So I have to stop looking in the mirror and hoping that I'm looking skinny. Because that is so absurdly ridiculous! My sister sent me a little picture message the other day that said "It takes four weeks for you to start seeing a difference, eight weeks for your family and friends to start seeing a difference, and 12 weeks for the world to start seeing a difference, so give it 12 weeks, and don't quit" And I have no intentions of.

Yesterday for a split second I was really down and just wanted to eat a Ho Ho....and I really thought about how bad it would REALLY be for me. I was down, and I wanted chocolate to pull me out of it. I didn't want to go to the gym either. I wanted to hang out with Alayna and Hayden and not leave for two hours away from them. I then paused.....and thought about a biiiiiig steak. With a big mashed potato side and cheesy broccoli. And I started to get a little sick. I wasn't hungry....I was sad, and my body was getting those two confused. I have learned that when you are hungry and craving something, think of a HUGE meal that is really filling. If the thought of it makes your stomach hurt, you aren't hungry. Your brain is just playing tricks on you! So I stopped thinking about the Ho Ho and got ready for the gym, and ran all the negative feelings away.

I did a sprint yesterday at 8.0 MPH.......I couldn't even believe it!! I know it doesn't sound like much, but 8.0 is a lot for me!!!! I was so happy when I got home. I also leg pressed 380 lbs, which made me feel amazing too!!! I love that feeling I get after working out. I just have to keep that feeling in my head when I want to give up, and know that it feels great when I succeed!!

Hope you all have an excellent Tuesday!! I'm working on this weeks meals tonight, so I will keep you all in the loop on the recipes!

Day 19

Good Morning all! Happy Monday!!!

I have been trying really hard these last couple days to keep calm and relaxed. Stress, as I'm sure you know, can hinder weight loss. And believe me, I have been under an incredible amount. I try so hard to keep calm, because for once in my life I'm thinking about me first, but that is hard. I feel so much pressure from everyone and now from myself that I am finding it difficult to keep calm and (cliche-ly enough) carry on. Everything that I am stressing about is out of my hands and really just needs to be prayed and thought over. So maybe that is what I should just buck up and do. Maybe it will help me de-stress a little. I'm doing everything I can possibly do to eliminate the stress, and that's the best I can do right?

So with all that stress, it has been difficult to focus on not eating. I am an emotional eater. I always have been. Even when I was in school, if I got upset over someone making fun of me because I was overweight, I ate. How does that even make sense? You would think that if other kids were making fun of me, I would want to stop and make the change. But for some reason, my head didn't want to do that. My head wanted to just eat more to numb the pain of other peoples crude opinions. I tried different things through high school. I ate differently, I played a TON of volleyball, and I actually kept pretty active. But it didn't stop the food from going in my mouth. I have no one to blame but myself for the way that I am, but I can blame it on the stress of high school. The stress of being a teenager that is overweight. Stress has always been a trigger for me to just eat to make myself feel better.

That has been one of the hardest things to try and change. Stress eating. I know that it isn't the solution to my problems. And my stress isn't just going to disappear because I am eating a fried, cheesy, calorie packed death trap. I am getting better or at least trying to get better about thinking like that. Hopefully this feeling is only temporary and I can shake this feeling quickly. It can't possibly be permanent to be this stressed or nervous about things! And eating is DEFINITELY not the solution!!


On a side note.....today I put on an outfit that I really don't like much. It's tighter pants and a tighter shirt. I don't like it because I feel like it makes me look like the Michelin man. BUT, I looked in the mirror after I put it on, and I actually felt good. I felt like I looked really cute and less puffy than usual! So hopefully this is the start of many happy feelings! Have an awesome Monday everyone!

Day 18

I can't believe it is Sunday already. This weekend went by so fast!!

I think back to what a normal Saturday night used to be. Sitting around, eating pizza, and having a drink or two.

Now...my Saturday night is going to the gym until 10, coming home to eating an apple and some peanut butter for protein, and drinking water. It's amazing how much better I feel. I never would have thought that just two and a half weeks would make a difference in how I see things. I haven't eaten anything fried, greasy, or processed in quite some time. My body is so happy with me.

It has been really nice to cook such healthy foods, and have Alayna and Hayden enjoy them. I feel like sometimes when I would go on health kicks, Hayden would cook something different for himself because he didn't want to eat the veggies and healthy foods that I was eating. But now, he is just as into eating healthy as I am. It's been such a good support to have that. Maybe that's why it didn't work the other times. I felt like I was doing it myself. And this time, I'm not alone.

Alayna has been loving all of the vegetables we have been eating. And ever since I have been drinking only water, I can't get her to drink any juice at all anymore. Which is GREAT!! She no longer is weighed down by all that artificial sweetener. Now I know that they still eat things they aren't supposed to...for example...last night Hayden and Alayna had milkshakes. And I didn't even want one. It smelled so sweet and sugary. And I actually got a little sick to my stomach smelling it. But as long as they enjoyed it, that's what's important!!

I'm so happy with all the progress that is being made. It has made me realize that even if the pounds aren't always going down....I'm still making a change for the better.

On my last note, I was thinking of putting up some of my daily foods (for all of you that don't follow me on My Fitness Pal). Maybe some recipes that I have been making for dinner? Would anyone be interested in that?

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!

Day 17

Happy Saturday Everyone!!!

All that is on our schedule is to watch some movies, clean, and have a nice relaxing day. I did a lot of weight training last night, so my body feels like jello today. But in a really good, blueberry jello kind of jello! There is something so satisfying about working out and feeling like your whole body is about to fall apart. It feels good! I really pushed myself yesterday and I think it was part frustration, anger, and motivation. 

I have been working really hard and am finally starting to feel the difference. I feel stronger. I can feel that gym high that people talk about. I am always so happy when I get home from the gym. I have been staying at the gym longer and longer because I just don't want to leave and lose that amazing feeling I get. 

I will admit that yesterday was a bad day. I beat myself up all day and kept asking, "Am I doing the right thing". But yesterday at the gym solidified every small positive feeling I was having. I absolutely am at the correct place in my life. You know there is an old wives tail that says Deja Vu is just your life's way of telling you that you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. And last night, at the gym, I had this strange feeling of Deja Vu. And it hit me like a ton of bricks...I am exactly where I need to be! 

SO...what I am really saying...is I'm feeling great!! And I am right where I need to be in my life. I know there will be a lot of doubts along this journey. And I know that I will get angry and frustrated through this, but it is how I handle this that makes the difference between being weak and being strong. 

I owe a huge thank you to all of you. Yesterday was tough for me, but all of you made a difference!! So thank you <3

Have a great weekend!

Day 16 - Weigh In

Well today was that dreaded day. And it was everything I knew it was going to be this week. I've lost nothing. I hopped on that scale this morning and saw the same number that was there last Friday. I can't say it doesn't hurt....because it absolutely does. I worked really hard this week through pain and blisters. And I ate exactly what I needed to be eating.

It's when things like this happen that I just want to stop. Old me would have thought, "What's the use? If all this hard work isn't going to pay off anyway, why even keep going?" But I just can't hold on to an attitude like that. I knew that the number I got last week was crazy hight, but I really thought I would have lost something in the last week.

I know I have so much to be proud of. I have done things this past week that I didn't know I was capable of. I finally started to do a little weight lifting last night, as terrified as I was. I am running for longer periods of time. I am sprinting at higher speeds. I am finally starting to not crave some of my favorite foods. With all of these things, I can't help but not be that upset about being the same weight as last week. So no matter what, I will keep my head held high, because I worked hard and I will see it pay off soon.

I feel like I have let you all down, but know that I will work twice as hard this week to prove it to myself and all of you. Next week will get better!! I just know it!!

Hope you all have an excellent Friday!

Day 15

Well, I know I'm late today. I was lacking all motivation to write today. I'm not even sure if too many of you read this, but for the few that do, I will make sure to push through even bad days for you!

Tomorrow is weigh in, and I am so nervous. I will be happy with anything as long as I don't gain anything. I am making all the right decisions so I just hope the hard work has paid off.

Last night I was really disappointed in myself. I went for my nightly visit to the gym, and all of a sudden I felt this really sharp pain in my right knee. It felt like my knee cap was just floating around my leg. I pushed through until I had finished my walk, but I didn't push through enough to run. I know that it wasn't anything terrible, but I still feel like I quit on myself by just walking. Hayden told me I should take a day off, and of course I don't want to listen. I still plan on going to the gym tonight, but I guess I will just make it about distance tonight and not speed.

I hate that I am my worst critic through all of this. I should be happy and proud of all the hard work I have done. I have made it further than I ever thought possible. I ALWAYS stop at the two week point and say that I'm happy with how I am. But today is two weeks and one day, further than I ever thought possible. And I made it!!! So if there is anything to be proud of, I can be proud of that. After all, I'm not doing this to lose everything quickly and run a marathon tomorrow. It's work, I have to give it time to pay off. I should just be happy that I decided to make the change right?

SOOO...now that my childish rant is over. I know that no matter what number comes up tomorrow, I will be proud. Because no matter what, my life is different than it was two weeks ago. And that is the real reward.

Day 14

I made it!!! I made it to two weeks! I have never made it this far, and the feeling I have right now is indescribable. I am so proud and excited and I just want to keep going!! There is nothing quite like feeling healthier to make your life better. I feel like I keep selling my self short about this whole thing. Without sounding too full of myself, which are not my intentions at all, I am proud. I have been able to take my life from processed, oily, and deep fried, to healthier, green, and good for me. It takes a lot of focus to be able to do those things. I can honestly say that I definitely could not have done it alone.

As this week is halfway over and Friday is quickly approaching, I can't help but get nervous. I am an avid Biggest Loser watcher. The show is so inspiring and is incredible to be able to see these peoples journey to a better life. If those people can do this, there is absolutely nothing to stop me. BUT, with that being said, anyone know of the dreaded week two curse? I mean, I'm not working out for 6 hours a day, so I don't expect to compare to them at all. However, there has to be some truth to that week two plateau. If there is, I am nervous to see what Friday has in store for me. I know I have worked hard this week and pushed myself further than I have been able to go in a very long time. I guess only time will tell, and the numbers will speak for themselves on Friday.

When I originally started this blog, it was late at night. I was angry with myself, and the person I had become. I would always say, "You know I'll just start tomorrow. I'll just wait until event X happens and then I'll start. I'll just run around the house, that counts". All these were, were excuses. What I really needed to do was look in the mirror and realize how unhappy I was. I'm 24 years old and I'm not living even half the life that is possible. So I decided I needed to make a change. And with it being about the 50th time I decided to do that, I needed to do it different. And that was to involve all of you. So late at night, just 14 days ago, I decided to bring you all so much further into my life. It took more courage than I thought I had. I am a very scared person and very rarely go outside of my comfort zone. So this....this is far scarier than I thought it could ever be. I am ready to enjoy and embrace every moment of this, though. I will make it through and keep going. And I could not have made it even this short distance without all of you!

Off to hang out with Alayna today! I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

Day 13

Good Morning everyone! I'm a little late today, I know. Been a busy morning around here. It has been so nice to be able to stay home with Alayna every day. I love being able to have this time with her. I went from working every day and having just a couple hours at night with her, to having all day with her. And it's been wonderful!

However, as much as I love staying home with her, I have been growing ever so frustrated with not having a job. And this last few weeks it has been really bumming me out. And then, someone said something yesterday that really turned it around.

"At least you now have time to focus on yourself"

I NEVER thought of it that way. I just thought of it as I wasn't doing anything for my family, but that is almost entirely untrue. I AM doing something for my family. I am making sure that they have a wife and mother around for a VERY long time. I may not have a job right now (and not for lack of trying, applications flying out of this house!) but I am improving my life for my family.

Yesterday I felt amazing. I actually anxiously awaited my chance to go to the gym. I looked forward to it all day. I was finally able to use my HRM again since I got the battery changed. And let me tell you....I felt incredible. I ran faster than I have ever run. I felt so accomplished. I felt empowered. I decided after watching Biggest Loser, which I have been hooked on recently, that I want to be able to do a half-marathon with in the next two years. I know that is setting a HUGE goal for myself, but if I can do this, change my life and start my foot in the right direction, why can't I do that?

I have seen the people on that show that finish half marathons, and why couldn't I be one of them? I am enjoying what I am doing. And right now I think that the biggest thing holding me back is my weight. So I think once all this starts just melting away, I could do it. It would be the biggest challenge I could present to myself. But I.CAN.DO.IT!!!!

So what about all of you? What will you decide to do to challenge and push yourself?

Day 12

Good morning everyone!! Happy Monday!!!


You know I thought all night about what I was going to write about today. It kept me awake far longer than I care to share. But I got to thinking about all sorts of things. There has been this outreach of people both old and new from my life reading the blog. I didn't think it was anything to start writing. I just thought it was a way to get through this and it (in just 12 short days) has turned into so much more!! So today I want to say thank you! Thank you everyone who has decided to hop on during this journey!

My question to all of you is, do you know someone in your life who is struggling through weight loss or a change such as this? I would love to have them read and be a part of this journey as well! If I can do this, anyone can!

I am so blessed to have all of you in my life! From family to friends I feel so motivated by all of you. Every time I think I should just quit, or give it less time at the gym I think about all of you pushing me. I can honestly say that I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I actually look forward to it each day. It's such a nice way to spend time with myself. It's relaxing and I feel so great when I do push myself harder than the day before. I'm doing things I never thought possible. I am running again...who would have ever thought I would be running again! When I do things like this it makes me feel like all things are possible!! I dream about what my life will be like in six months. And for the first time in a long time, those aren't nightmares, but great dreams that I don't ever want to wake from!!!

I hope that in some way you all can find something that makes you as happy as I am. If that is going to the gym and running, doing Zumba, or taking a kickboxing class, that's great!! Even if it's just playing in the backyard, that is great too! You should always do something for yourself, be selfish, and make yourself happy in the healthiest way possible. That is exactly what I am doing with my life. You should do the same!!!

Hope to see some new visitors on the site! If you are new, feel free to comment!! Even if you aren't new, but a ghost reader, feel free to comment as well!! I love seeing how all of you are enjoying the blog. It makes my day!

Have a wonderful Monday all!

Day 11

I survived the movie theater everyone....no candy, no pop, and no pretzels!! I was so proud! And the movie wasn't half bad either.

We went to the mall yesterday afterwards so that I could look for some new shoes. I was told that the reason my hips and knees were hurting could possibly be the shoes I was running in. So while on the search I encountered another one of my fears. How do I go into a store and request running shoes? With me looking the way I look, I was terrified. There were a few whispers and giggles when I was asking for a running shoe, but I just brushed it off. I'll show them.

Anyway, the woman helped me just fine. I found an amazing shoe that I really liked and that would last long enough for me. But my oh my that price!!! I know I'm paying for quality and to be able to use the shoe for far longer than any cheaper shoe that I buy. Hopefully Amazon.com will have a lower price for me because if not, I will NOT be getting those shoes any time soon. I did buy some of the Dr. Scholl's custom fit inserts so maybe that will help. They were much cheaper and hopefully will solve my problem. I'm really enjoying the running/jogging and it is getting easier and easier. I can't wait until I am able to do it for longer than I can now! Maybe I'll even do a 5k before the year is up!!

I know that sometimes this journey will get difficult. The shoe store definitely proved that. But I am strong and I can put up with anything from anyone!! You wonderful guys and gals are what are keeping me going. I am just so blessed to have you all by my side!

Today we are going grocery shopping, which is getting easier and easier. And then a nice workout with the new shoe inserts. We will see how it goes!!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!

Day 10

Hope you all are having a wonderful start to your weekend. Today Hayden, Alayna, and I will be going to the movies. I am going to really have to test my temptations here with all the milk duds, popcorn, and pretzels. It's hard for me. I am not sure when it will get easier. Yesterday we went to Wal-Mart to get a food scale, and walking through the grocery part was harder than I thought it would be. There are temptations lurking around every single corner. You go around one corner and the candy is hiding. You go around the next and the chips are laughing at you.

This is the last thing I really need to get into control. I am having a really hard time with food cravings. Last night, I finally broke down and made pita pizzas. I had been trying to avoid them, but with every pizza commercial, it got harder and harder to hold out. I know it is unrealistic to think I will NEVER eat another donut, slice of pizza, or fried food again. I'm 24 with a lot of years ahead of me. Things are bound to happen. BUT, right now I need to stay as far away from it as I can so that I can be okay without it.

This is always the harder part for me. I love food. Obviously or I wouldn't be in the position I'm in. My father is this incredible cook and you can't help but to love food growing up in that house. Every function my family has we cook for about 4,385 people, and you just feel like you have to eat. And I could blame it on that if I really wanted, but it isn't like anyone was forcing the food in my mouth. (Although my Nonnie was pretty persuasive "Mangia, Mangia!") I made the decisions and I put the food in my mouth. I made myself this way, and it's up to me to fix what I've done.

Even with all of the food doubt in my head I can honestly say that I feel good. I'm on my way to happy. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I am doing something for me. I am very conscience of others. I try so hard to make everyone else happy and I am VERY hard on myself when I fail at that. And I should have the same mentality about this. I can't and won't let myself down. Time to start doing things for me. And this is my first step!

Have a good Saturday everyone!!

Day 9 - Weigh In

Alright.....the numbers are in.......nice and early this morning I jumped on the scale after one week of hard work. Or at least harder work than I had put in for the past few years (shamefully).

Here it is.....10.5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One week and 10.5 lbs down....I'm speechless. I KNOW this will not be a weekly number. That would be unrealistic. But this is just such an incredible start. And before anyone chimes in that it is unhealthy to lose this much, I have contacted my doctor, and it is perfectly healthy as long as I am eating the calories I need to be in a day. Which I am.

I am just so overwhelmed by that number. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to see that number every week. It would be incredible if I could, but I know it just isn't going to happen.

Knowing that I am headed in the right direction...that is my motivation for this next week. This next week has never happened for me. I have ALWAYS given up by now. I  never make it this far because I love food too much and just always want to fall back into that horrible routine of my old life. I hope that seeing this number has really triggered something in my head to keep going. I want to just keep seeing that number go down.

I am so thankful to all of you for pushing me through this week. I know with all of you amazing people behind me, I can keep going and going until I reach my goal! I have been just so excited to see all of the people reading. I hope all of you incredible people have a wonderful weekend. Remember I still update on weekends, so remember to read!!!

Day 8

I can't believe the things that have changed in just one week. My attitude for one is probably the biggest thing to change. I feel so so driven through this. Maybe it is you guys pushing me that is making this so much easier. You know last night I came home from the gym and was in a lot of pain. Every time I walk my hip feels as though it is going to dislocate from my body, but I PUSHED through it. I got home and was so upset. Hayden asked why I was so upset over it and I responded with, "It means I either can't work out, or it is just going to have to be really painful while I do".

The old me would have just given up. Hip pain = DONE. But now, I'm upset that I can't work out as hard as I want to.

Also last night, for the first time in a long time, I ran...

Well I think that's what it was. I mean I probably looked like Pheobe from Friends, but I did it. It wasn't for long. It was for short amounts of times, but enough to get a good sweat out of me. I was so proud that I was running. I would love to be a runner and my head just always stops me from taking that next step. And last night....I just went for it.

I keep putting up my blinders to make this easier. I will be completely honest with myself that I am having a hard time these past couple days with temptation. I really do love food and I have to understand that I am just fine without it. I feel happier and healthier without all that processed food. But let's be honest....who doesn't crave a big slice of pizza every once in a while. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. BUT, it's times like these that make me put those blinders up again and keep my eye on the prize. I have to realize who and what and why I am doing this. Those things are more important than any one of those greasy, fatty, processed foods.


As a close, tomorrow is weigh in morning. And that terrifies me. I know that I have worked hard this past week. I know I have done what I can in the kitchen to make a change. I just hope I can see it tomorrow morning. I know that I could work harder, and I will try this next week, but for my first week doing this....I pushed it. I pushed harder and faster every day. So tomorrow will tell if all the hard work will pay off.

Day 7

So it has arrived....Day 7...this is the day I always say that I'm happy enough with who I am. Hayden loves me the way I am so why change? But all those are just excuses. I'm not happy and I'm not fooling anyone! I decided when I got to this day I would make a list. A list of all the things that should be keeping me in this. So here goes!!

• Alayna
• Hayden
• My Family
• To be able to go into the same store Hayden shops at, and pick something out!
• To be able to run and not run out of breath
• Disney World
• A swim suit
• ABS!!!
• To not be out of breath doing something simple
• Run around with Alayna and play
• To have a healthier outlook on life
• To be able to wear heels comfortably!!
• To raise my arms without looking like a lunch lady 
• To not be afraid of being in front of the camera as opposed to being behind it
• To not be so hurt by what others say
• most of all.....FOR ME!!!!

I know that some of the things on the list are silly. But they are honest. There are more but these things are what keep me going. Knowing that I have these things to motivate and keep me going...then I can stay on track. 

I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life to support me through this. My Mom and Dad are the best parents in the entire world. They are my heroes. They are who I want to make proud in life, and if this one small thing can achieve that, then I will push through until the very end. They are strong...and if they can be strong, then so can I!!

My sister and her family are one of my other biggest motivators. They are incredible people who push and motivate me in every way. My brother (in-law doesn't need to be said, because he just isn't that anymore) is such an inspiration to me. He has made it to where I want to be and I couldn't be anymore proud. They have such faith, drive, and motivation. I hope that some day I can make it to a point in my life where they can see me as such!

I love my family, and I wouldn't be here without them. They are what push me every day. When I want to give up...I KEEP GOING...because I know I have them. I love you guys and I couldn't be 1/1,000th of the person I am without you guys.

So I leave you all with this, who is your motivation? Who pushes you to do more?

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

Day 6

Well I have a few VERY small victories to share with all of you. Please....don't be too harsh, they are very very small!!

My wedding rings are MUCH looser, which is great!!

And

Yesterday at the gym, I ran....I HATE to run and I ran. I would walk for 4 minutes and then run for 1 minute, for a total of 45 minutes. I felt good. At a certain point it actually felt better to run than it did to walk!!

I know these are such small things, and there are much bigger things to come, but I just felt like I had to share. Sometimes I feel like looking at the small things is what keeps me motivated. Last night for the first time through this, I was actually very hungry. Hayden had made a frozen pizza and it took every single muscle in my body to not have a slice. I thought about it...over and over again. It's just one slice...what will one slice do?? But I didn't. I ate my dinner, I drank some water, and I had a banana and peanut butter as a snack later in the evening to curb any of those feelings.

I am so happy I did what I did. I am surprised I was able to stick to my guns and keep clean.

I have significantly cut out the amount of processed foods in my daily eating habits and I just feel better because of it! The only real foods I have been eating that are pre-packaged are string cheese, peanut butter, and cream cheese. I can't believe I am actually doing this!

Again, I know these are just some small acheievements, but they feel so big to me! I hope you all have an amazing Tuesday and KEEP MOTIVATED...no matter what little obstacle comes along!

Day 5

Today has started out really slow. It's usually about now that I start contemplating if I should really be doing this, and if it is all worth it. And then a couple days later I give up. This time feels different. While I am lagging today, I do not have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that says it's time to give up.

I have had a couple people ask what I am using to track my caloric intake, and I just wanted to talk a little bit about my day to day. Seeing as I am just starting out, I am no expert, but this is how I do things every day! I use a website called www.myfitnesspal.com to track my calories, keep track of my water intake, and also track my exercise. It is free and really helpful to make sure I log every single thing that goes into my mouth. Please feel free to add me as a friend on there if you would like, my username is whocrux (nerdy, I know). It is really nice because it has a large database of foods both name brand and generic, and it includes all the nutritional information you would possibly want for a product.

Now, I used it a while back, and fell off the bandwagon then. I decided to delete that account because I was so embarrassed that I had just given up. I feel like that is what I am good at. So I will do everything I possibly can this time to make sure that giving up is not an option. I know I have what it takes, I am ready to stick it through to the end.

Now as for exercise, I am keeping it really simple for now. I am walking about 2-3 miles a day on a treadmill. I usually do a minute run/jog, and then 5 minutes walking at a comfortable pace. I repeat it a couple times, or until I know my body just can't do it anymore. I like to try to go for about an hour, or 3 miles, whichever I hit first. I know it isn't much, but believe me, my body would beg to differ. It works for me. I do some stability ball ab workouts as well, but I really do just enjoy walking/jogging most.

I hope to some day get better with my jogging and hopefully I can run some day...but for now....I just need to keep doing what I am doing until I feel comfortable. Two weeks and I should start getting more comfortable (and less sore!!).

Now I see on my stats page that my numbers are dropping :( If there is anything I can write that would keep everyone more captivated, or if there is something you are really curious about, I would love any suggestions on topics! Enjoy your Monday everyone! I know mine will involve job searching, cleaning, and prepping for the week!

Day 4

I know it is so silly, but one of my biggest fears is going to the gym. Everyone there is so fit and built up, and here I am, my flabby self just trying to do my best. I hate looking to my left and right and seeing that everyone else is running and I am at best strolling (sometimes a jog here and there). It makes me feel like they are all just looking at me with a "she shouldn't be here" thought in their head.

BUT, contrary to my beliefs, no looks were given. No words were said. And best of all...I felt really confident. I felt empowered by the sweat just pouring off of me. You know they say that pain is fear leaving the body...and if that's the case, my body is about to be terrified!

Yesterday I really didn't want to go to the gym. I was tired and my head hurt and I thought maybe I could just take one day off. Then Hayden and I talked and I realized that I am just making excuses. I think about Alayna, Hayden, my family, and it makes me just want to work harder. There is no excuse in the world that could be big enough to make this goal unimportant.

I don't know how many of you actually read this, and I don't think it matters. Maybe I am just doing this for my own selfish reasons but more importantly, I am doing this so that if I can just inspire ONE person to change something in their lives for the better, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I know I am not perfect in my ways. I know I am not a physical fitness or health nut, but I am trying. Harder than anyone will know. Some days it scares the living day lights out of me. Some times I get frustrated because I know there is a plate of fried cheesesticks out there, waiting for me to eat them. But I have to keep my head on straight. I HAVE to keep pushing and looking at my end goal. I know this is not a Diet, and I hate that word. This is a life change and life style choice. I am making that choice to change for the better.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! To my family (If you are reading this!), I hope you have fun at the beach this week! I miss you guys more than you know, but next year...I'll be bikini ready!!!

Day 3

What an adventure today was!!! I had down a list of all the new things I wanted to try and had been reading that eating organic was a better way to go when it came to putting all those veggies in your body. So I looked up the closest place to buy all organic and come across a store called Earth Fare...beautiful store, wonderful choices....but my oh my that price!!! For now I think we will just have to stick to our regular grocery store. However, most of what I did get was organic with a much more reasonable price attached to it (excluding cherries....those things are super expensive!! $9 for a small bag!). I am so proud of myself for getting all these new things to try! We got sweet potatoes, which in my head I swear I hate. I got spaghetti squash which I am also very weary of, but excited to try. And I got ginger! Not sure what exactly I am going to use it for, but I am excited to try!!

I am notorious for spending money on all these healthy foods, and then never keeping up my end of the bargain. I don't know what is so different about this time, but I feel so motivated. I feel excited and nervous but most of all ready. I am 24 years old and I am ready to start really living.

I hope that in some small way I am motivating other people to make smart decisions when it comes to what you are putting in your bodies. I know I am not one to talk because I am a sucker for a grilled cheese or anything fried, but I am accepting change, and finding that other things can be just as delicious as well.

So for your question today...what is your favorite vegetable and how do you like to eat it best?

Day 2

Before I post anything I just wanted to make a small note that I have enabled commenting from anyone, not just those with a blogger account, so PLEASE feel free to comment if you would like to....actually I encourage it!!!

So, Happy Friday everyone! I know for me I couldn't be more thrilled. I woke up this morning really lagging and was so tempted to hit snooze, BUT I have been reading so many things that say getting up early is better for your metabolism, so my butt got out of bed anyway! I woke up with a nice big glass of cold water which I have also been reading about. I am on average drinking at least 120 oz. of water a day. I have a blender bottle that I fill every time I finish it, and it just adds up so quickly. I know sometimes it is hard to get that water down, so I am looking into using fruit to flavor the water. Anyone have any luck with that?

Along with my own flavored water as opposed to any name brand water sweetener, I am going to do something I have never in my life done. I am going to try something new! As I posted yesterday on Facebook....I have never been one for seafood. I can remember as a child waiting at the dinner table well after everyone else, just because I didn't want to eat the seafood cause it was "GROSS!!!". And believe me, I still have a good majority of those feelings. BUT....I know all the benefits of fish and I know that I need to broaden my horizons...so I will try it. All of the times that I have tried this losing weight thing, or getting healthy thing it has been with just a normal "salad, chicken, veggies, and fruit". This is the first time I have really branched out and told myself that everything has to change in order for my body to want to change. I may not like it now, but once I get to my finish line....I am going to thank my past self for the hard work I put in.

And speaking of hard work, I should get on to my workout today. Usually I would take Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, but until my body starts getting used to this and doesn't feel like it got run over by a truck....every day it is! I am definitely hurting today from yesterday (which some people would say was a weak workout, but I'm trying here!!), but it's just fear leaving the body. And my mother has always said..."Anything you can do for two weeks becomes a habit".....so let's do this friends! Do something new...and do it for two weeks so it is a permanent change in your life!

I leave you all with this question today....What is a food you don't like but would be willing to eat for the sake of change and a healthier way of living??

Day 1 - Part 2

Let me just begin with a huge THANK YOU!!! The support that has already been shown is appreciated more than I can put into words!

I ironically enough woke up this morning feeling very sick. Stayed in bed longer than I should have and thought to myself "Bethany, tomorrow may be a better day to start if you are feeling like this" and then and even louder voice said "BETHANY!!! No....no excuses. Giving up isn't an option no matter how you feel! Get it..."

Needless to say I followed the second voice (I should get that looked at) and worked out today. It hurt and I expected it to. I haven't worked out in a long time and my body was happy to tell me that it hated me afterwards. I then pep talked that I'm doing this for you and I want to make you happier...you just wait and see body, you are going to be so happy in six months!!!

I am not going full Crossfit or P90X right away. I am starting out with what feels comfortable to me. I think that is for the best if I want to make sure I don't get hurt or discouraged. And as far as eating, I will not be going Paleo or Juicing or whatever other Food Fads there are right now...I will cut back portions and watch that what I am eating is healthy.

I want to take this one day at a time. That is how it's done after all! Progress doesn't happen overnight and I don't expect to start out like a body builder right away.

I want to leave you with this my supporters.....what is your LEAST favorite workout to do that you just REALLY have to push yourself to do??

Day 1

Attention Everyone!!!!

I have invited you all here today to announce that I am ready to take the first step in the right direction and I want you ALL to be a part of this process with me. Some of you I have known my whole life, and some of you I barely know, if at all. And that's okay. Support is support right? My only request on this ride is that you keep all NEGATIVE energy to yourselves. Ain't nobody got time for dat!

I hope that everyone can understand what a HUGE step this is for me. This is meant to be a positive change for me, and I think it will keep me right on the track that I need to stay on. I have tried fad after fad, and nothing seems to work. I am ready to put in the time and effort for my family, friends, and most of all Myself! I want to live this lifestyle that I know I am meant for. Every time I try to make these life changes, I keep it to myself and refuse to let anyone know what I am up to. I expect after a day of training "NOTICE ME!". And that simply is not possible. It takes hard work, dedication, and people there to support you. That is what I was missing these last few times and you know what, NO MORE! This journey will be something that I will share with all of you. I want to keep you all with me to support and help me through this. Now....I know I have done the blog thing before, and failed miserably at it. I blog for about a month or two, and then forget I even have it. Again, not this time. I have until November to really kick my ass in gear, and get fit.

Now...the reason this is the Picky Eater Pound by Pound is, if anyone knows me, they know I am probably one of the most picky eaters there are. So I am going to try my darndest to change that, but I am going to start off with what is comfortable with me. I welcome any and all advice from people who want to help and support me in a positive way (there is a link to email me privately if you would like).

I feel like I am trying to sell you all a life insurance policy, but please...follow me on this journey. (although I caution, follow because you want to and not because you feel obligated to, I want supportive people here and I can't emphasize that enough). This is going to be a very up and down journey. We will laugh, cry, inspire, and most of all CHANGE!!

So who is in it with me???