Day 93 - Weigh In

Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone!!! I hope you all are excited for the weekend and ready to relax as much as I am!! I got on that scale today....ready to face whatever it had to say....and I pleasantly looked down at a 1.8 lb loss bringing my total up to 35.5 lbs!!! That's a lot of weight to be missing!!! And I truly hope I never find it!!!!!

I can't believe it has really been 3 months. It just doesn't feel like it. Time seems to just fly by down here. In just two weeks it will be Halloween and then shortly after that, Thanksgiving, and then our Disney trip, and then Christmas!!!! I am so nervous for the holidays. There are just temptations lurking around every single corner!!! I know that I can be strong when I need to be, but I am a sucker for a good stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and gravy! I mean, who isn't??? But I will make it through one way or another.

I know in the long run, 93 days is nothing, when compared to my whole life being ahead of me. But I want to take all celebrations, both big and small along the way. So come celebrate with me this weekend with a reward. I think it is always good to reward yourself with something. Mine....is going to be a fresh new pair of running socks. It doesn't sound like much, but once you find that perfect pair, it's hard not to buy more!!! So treat yourselves...non food wise of course!!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!! Enjoy your family and friends and just BE happy!!!!

Day 84

I knew I couldn't do it 3 days in a row!! I'm sorry everyone. And I am even more sorry that I am going to be really short tonight. Alayna is in QUITE the mood today, and I am busy dealing with that. Today I had the most awful urge to have something sugary and sweet...and I fought temptation all day with it. So when I got home, I had dinner and thought, "Maybe just a glass of lemonade". But then I REALLY thought about that decision. Was that what is best for me right now??? NOOOO!!!! I decided to go with water instead! I know it is just a small victory, but sometimes those are what we need to take. I am not the BEST at saying no to things. I am terrified when I need to go on my Disney trip, and giving in to all my favorite things. I know it is about portion control, and not over doing it, but sometimes that doesn't come as easily to me.

I know I am one to go back for seconds. I sometimes think about my family functions. I can't tell you how many events that we base strictly on food. I mean every Thanksgiving we have a huge breakfast, a round of appetizers, and then dinner, ohhh and dessert too......none of which we REALLY need!!! But we just keep eating it!! I don't know how I am going to do this holiday season. I won't even let Hayden keep the Halloween candy in the house, because I just am not ready to say no to that yet. But I am working hard at that.

I hope to grow this Holiday season. I hope that I can become a stronger person for it. I am leaving you with this tonight....what do you tell yourself to stop those awful cravings? What do you tell yourselves to get through tough situations?

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!!

Day 46

So today I decided I wanted to talk about my frustrations as of late. I am so frustrated with where I am right now. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and am so unhappy with who I see. I know she is different than the girl that I was when I started, but I still see her. I still see that girl from 46 days ago that was so unhappy. I still feel like that girl. How do I STOP from feeling like her? And then when I do feel like her, it makes me want to hole up in a corner and just cry. I know these feelings are normal but I am so tired of getting them. I am no where near where I want to be in this journey and I don't know how to get there. I wanted to be well over 35 lbs. down by now and I am still a far ways away from that. I thought I could do it, and now I'm thinking I can't. And 35 lbs at this point is nothing compared to where I really need to be. So now I'm stuck with this feeling of not being good enough to meet my goal and what if I can't meet my goal by the time we need to go on our trip in December. I would be so unhappy that I did all this work for nothing.

I know this post is a little "venty", but it's how I'm feeling. I am just really really frustrated with myself. I am really unhappy today. Maybe it's that I'm sick, or tired from working so much, or just overworked with this crazy busy schedule. But what I do know is that I have to kick this feeling and quick! I can't let it get the best of me, or I will be able to see it in my numbers next Friday! So hopefully today it will be a nice slow work day and I can keep calm and focus on what my goal really is.

Maybe if I actually take those before and during pictures I was talking about, it might give me a little bit of push. Sometimes my eye can't see exactly what is there, but a photograph captures it a little better. And a side by side is always easier to see results in. So I will do those tomorrow....with my day off. You will get to see where I started and where I am, and you all can be the judge of if I'm just crazy, or there really is nothing to see!!

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone! I'm going to try to keep calm and count my positives today!

Day 34

Good Morning :)

I took a rest day yesterday after getting a little too rosy at the park with Alayna. So today I plan to kick some serious butt at the gym!!

I'm going to be honest, ever since I started this journey, I have started to realize things about myself that I didn't even know were possible. Things I want to do with my life once I am able to, and things that I NEVER thought I would have the urge to do. For example, I want to do a half-marathon which will hopefully lead to a full-marathon at some point. I know that is a far way away, but I can definitely see it in the future.

Another thing I really want to do (along with a lot of other things, but this is the most extreme)......go skydiving. I don't know why I have the urge to, but I do! Something about falling into a new life, or leaving the old life behind seems so symbolic! I never would have thought that I would want to jump from a perfectly good plane, but I see it more and more in my future.

I want to experience life to it's fullest now. I want to make sure I get the most out of this and experience everything I can. That is what our lives are all about. Getting the most out of it. Now I'm not saying yolo, yoyo, or whatever it is....I'm saying that we have the capabilities and motivation to do whatever we want!! And I am now able to see beyond the couch and chair. Beyond the plate of pizza and cake....I can see other things that are potential life changers, and all in good ways!

So I challenge you all to set a goal. Set a goal that seems impossible...give yourself a year (it will pass quicker than you think!!), and make that goal into another checked item on your bucket list!! I would love to hear what goals you are going to set!!!  Have a good Tuesday!

Day 25

Happy Sunday!! Hope you all enjoyed your weekend and have been being good!!

I know we had a great weekend! Worked out, made yummy (and healthy) food, watched movies cuddled up with my two favorite people...great weekend!

One of our favorite weekend activities is to go grocery shopping. Before it was all about buying frozen pizzas, chips, and sugary food that made me smile. Now, it's all about weighing out the fruits and veggies to make sure we have the right amount, looking for whole grains and wheat flour as opposed to bleached flour, and finding the leanest meats. Things have changed....life has changed. You know, my mom was right, after that two week mark, it is just something that becomes habit. I no longer go in and want to go immediately to the old things, check the calorie count, and figure out if it's REALLY worth it. Because in my head....it isn't worth it. I know what is good for me and healthy for me.

I like being able to get through a grocery trip without having the urge to eat everything. I'm not hungry for it anymore. It feels great!!!

I am keeping it short because I want to enjoy the rest of my weekend, and you all should too!! Tonight on the menu is Whole Wheat Spaghetti and Lean Ground Beef meat sauce. Looking forward to it!! I hope you all have a wonderful evening!!

Day 23 - Weigh In

Well today was the day. And I can not deny that I am a little disappointed.  I know that losing weight is weight gone....but I was just hoping for more. Although I can understand why it wasn't as big as a number. These last couple days I have not felt well and I have not gotten as much out of the gym as I would have liked. So this week, now that I feel better...I am going to kick butt!!!

Oh...you guys wanted to know the number??


Since last week...I am down 2.8 pounds. For a grand total since starting (counting before I started blogging) of 15.5 pounds in three weeks! Not too shabby! And no matter what, I'm headed in the right direction, so I could really not be any happier!

I am hoping to work even harder this next week. I would really love to see a bigger number, but no matter what....frustration will NOT stop me.

Last night I had to go to the gym late because Hayden was working late. It was strange being one of the last people in the gym. All the TVs were off, the radio was turned off, and most of the rooms were dark and locked up. Very strange. But it was so nice with so few people in the gym. If only I was alone every time, I would love it even more. Although it's not all bad with other people. Either way, I have really warmed up to the gym.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!! I will blog this weekend (although according to the numbers, not many people read on the weekends), but for those that do, I'll make sure to write!

Happy Friday!

Day 22

Almost Friday...which means almost weigh in!!

I can honestly say that I am not nervous. I'm ready for the weigh in. If I lose weight, GREAT, if I don't, that's okay too. I'm changing my life, and that is all that matters!

I have decided that I will post some before and afters at week 8. I am starting to kind of see it in the mirror, but I really have to force myself to see it. There are a lot of things that sparked this whole journey. One picture in particular did it. Hayden had his promotion ceremony and we took a picture as a family. I usually avoid that if all possible. But I couldn't get out of it this time. I was embarrassed looking at them. I knew it was time to change everything. I was unhappy. I spend all my time avoiding mirrors. When I FaceTime with my family, I won't even get on the camera because I hate how I look. And that's not healthy.

It's not easy to be this way. You get made fun of, snickered at, and get really sad when shopping. I can remember as a child going to JCPenney, and heading to the juniors section to look at Mudd bellbottoms. But every pair I tried on, didn't fit. It was really hard as a young teen to feel so disappointed in your body. I then only shopped at one store, because I knew they had a size that would fit me. I could never wear the cute clothes the other kids could. For once, I want to go into a store...find something with out going aaaalll the way back to the back of the rack and hope that I can wear it. What's so strange, is I love fashion. I love design and new clothes, but I can't wear any of it. I hope that I can get there someday!

I have never really made that public before, so that is one more step in the right direction!! I usually keep those things between Hayden and I. He has seen me go out and get so frustrated and just leave with nothing because it is too emotional. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and be upset because they are all too big and I have to go a size down (Like I would EVER be upset something was too big lol). So some day I will get there. I know that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon....and someday I am going to be so proud of all the work that I put in!!

Have a great Thursday everyone! Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow!!!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!