Day 128 - Weigh In

FINALLY!!!!!!! I finally saw the scale go down this week!!!!! I couldn't be happier about what I saw today. I am down 2.3 pounds for a total of 38.8 pounds GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was terrified to jump on the scale today, but turns out, it wasn't so scary!! I know this week has been crazy, and I am still feeling all the feelings I was feeling yesterday, but I feel better knowing that something is improving!!!

I sat down last night, and prayed about all my stress and worrying. I prayed for some peace of mind. I think right now, that is my biggest down fall, is that I worry too much. I stress out too easy. And most of all I think too deeply into things. I need to have some peace of mind with these things in life. God would not hand me anything I can not handle, and I have to hold true to that. If I don't, what else do I have??

I have been through a lot in life, and I tend to continue to let things weigh on me, far longer than they need to. I worry more than any other person I know, and I stress out easier than any other person I know. It's just how I have always been. How do I change that about myself? I know I get it from my grandmother, and I get wonderful things from her as well, but these are the two things I wish and try to change about myself, but am simply unable to. I have tried numerous things, and I still tend to come up short. So I guess for now I just keep trying. Like every other journey in my life I need to take time to do it. I have so much going on and I need to organize all my quirks I guess.

They make me who I am, but sometimes, they make me hate myself. They cause trouble at times. Sometimes, I need to just let go, and let God.....and I don't. I hold on and try to handle it all myself, and it NEVER works!!! So I guess as happy as I am today, I am still burdened (and pretty scatter brained too!). I hate feeling so much weight on my shoulders and still do nothing about it

So I am going to try to handle today one moment at a time, take time to celebrate the little things, and not stress or worry too much about the other things. Realize that they are out of my hands, and whatever happens, happens. No matter what I always stay true to myself....it makes me a stronger person.

I hope you all have an incredible Friday...enjoy the little things and don't worry about the big things!!!

Day 119

Good Morning Everyone!!!!!! I woke up nice and early to make sure that I could get Alayna ready, get myself ready, and STILL have time to write. I know that I have been slacking on my blog a bit. And that I have been promising things that I have not held up. But I am working on it! I have decided that I NEED to get into a routine. It will be hard at first, but as soon as I can do that, I will be better off. After all, it is all about getting into a routine! And as long as I can knock this sense of feeling tired all the time, I can do it!!!

I have tried Chia seeds as energy, and I just don't seem to be getting enough energy from them. I am looking for redbull sized energy, and am not finding it naturally occurring in nature! So I am continuing my search!! I hope that I can figure this all out soon, because I am tired.....of being tired!!!

I have to get back that motivation I had a month ago. So I MUST work hard to get back to that person. I have only 32 days, 15 hours, and 42 minutes before our trip!!! So I HAVE to get my butt going, so that this trip is the best trip I could possibly make it!!!

So all those feelings I had when I started....the frustration of the first two weeks, the angry feeling I had when not seeing results....the irritation of not being able to eat the things I wanted.....I need to find those feelings again, because they gave me results!! So back to the basics everyone....Gotta hold myself accountable, no matter what!!!!

SO on that note, I am starting off my day right!!! Focusing on things that I REALLY REALLY want!!!!! What are you focusing on today??!

Day 69

Good morning everyone! You know it's going to be a good day when you hit snooze 4 times in a row....I can only imagine how today is going to go!! Last night I was talking to a friend and it really did make me look at my life in a whole new way.

When I moved to Virginia with Hayden, I was lucky enough to land an amazing job. I got to do something I love, learn new things, and work with some of the most incredible people that I have ever met to this day. I thought even living in Virginia was hard. I was far from family, I was far from friends, and people kept coming and going. But it was truly nothing compared to here. I still have yet to make any real friends that I have hung out with recreationally, and it was starting to take a toll on me. But then, I realized that I have been so blessed with an amazing daughter, incredible husband, and a wonderful job to occupy my time. So in reality I have a very small amount of free time, that is already being kept by my family. It is hard to be so far from everything you know, but I make the most of it! I love traveling, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I love the life we live and I am thankful that I was able to write like this to keep myself motivated.

I will admit the last weeks I haven't been doing the best. I have been slacking and giving excuses, but it was just a stumble. I am no longer going to make those excuses. I am going to stick to my guns and be ready for December! After all, I need to make the most out of the one vacation I have this year!

I hope you all have an incredible day today. I have to go out of town for a meeting all day, so I will be in the car most of the day. Stay on track today...it happens (tripping that is), but it's how you handle it that makes you who you are!

Day 48

So the illness that Hayden and I were holding onto finally got Alayna yesterday. Her temperature was much higher than it has ever been with a cold and reached up into the 102's. I hate seeing her so miserable and unhappy so luckily today Hayden gets to stay home with her to make her feel a little bit better (although she keeps asking for Riley, our babysitter's daughter). So hopefully tomorrow she will feel better and be able to play all day.

It was so nice getting to spend the day just Alayna and I yesterday. I really do miss that. We played, did our nails, and watched movies. It was the perfect day (other than being sick). So much of my motivation comes from all of you but even more so from her. Every day I look into that face and realize that I NEED to be around as long as possible for that little girl. And I am taking every possible step to make sure that is possible.

I sometimes have to take a reality check and figure out how I have made it this far. It seems now, more than ever, I have had some really bad cravings, and have almost given into them. I have come so close to just ordering that piece of pizza, or carb loaded lunch, or something even worse. I have come close to drinking that pop, lemonade, or tea....I hate those feelings. I know that I will some day be in control of them, but right now, I feel very out of control. I hope that the cravings get easier. I am tired of constantly feeling that struggle when I say no to things.

I am signing off early today, still have to work and get the baby comfortable before I go. I hope you all have a wonderful day! And thank you again for all of your kind words yesterday!! I was so honored that you all had such wonderful things to say! Have a wonderful day!

Day 43

Hello everyone!! Day before my weigh in and I can honestly say that this week...I'm not nervous!! I will be happy with whatever happens, because this week was really hard! And is still going to be. I will be working this weekend, with my first day off being Tuesday. But it is all worth it to have a job at all! I mean full time WAS what I wanted after all! So no matter what, I will not let tomorrow scare me away!

These last few days have not been easy. ESPECIALLY with no working out. So Hayden and I had been discussing different schedules that we could possibly switch around and try to make it so I miss the smallest amount of family time possible. So we finally came up with a solution. With what I am spending on gas at the Fort Gordon gym every day, it would actually be cheaper for me to go to the Anytime Fitness a little over half a mile from the house. And because they are open all the time, I am able to go for an hour once everyone is in bed and won't miss out on ANY family time, which is really important to me since we only get a couple hours a night together. So that was the solution we came up with! And a mighty good one I think!

Now I know that it will be really hard to get used to all of this. I mean I wake up around 6-7 everyday and am home from work around 7-8:30 every night. Have dinner and tuck Alayna in for bed. Head to the gym for an hour or so and then head home, shower, and back in bed to sleep and do it all over again  in the morning!! I think once I settle into a routine, it won't be as scary to do that everyday as it feels now.

So I did decide to go to the gym last night (since I could go right away, why waste any time??). The equipment is really nice and there were only 2 other people there so I didn't feel so many eyes on me! It was really nice to be there without so many people there. There is a nice room where you can do more aerobic like activities. They provide kettle bells and small weights and stability balls and yoga mats and just anything you can think of, they have it! And the good thing about going late at night is that no one is there and you can do what is comfortable for you! Now last night I didn't do very well because I was tired after running around all day. And I have been off for 4 days so I knew I was going to be a little bit behind the curve, but I just need to get back in the swing of things! All-in-all I think it was the best decision I could have made for what I needed most. SO....today I will be starting day 4 at work and hopefully can keep the energy level up! See you all tomorrow for weigh in!!

Day 34

Good Morning :)

I took a rest day yesterday after getting a little too rosy at the park with Alayna. So today I plan to kick some serious butt at the gym!!

I'm going to be honest, ever since I started this journey, I have started to realize things about myself that I didn't even know were possible. Things I want to do with my life once I am able to, and things that I NEVER thought I would have the urge to do. For example, I want to do a half-marathon which will hopefully lead to a full-marathon at some point. I know that is a far way away, but I can definitely see it in the future.

Another thing I really want to do (along with a lot of other things, but this is the most extreme)......go skydiving. I don't know why I have the urge to, but I do! Something about falling into a new life, or leaving the old life behind seems so symbolic! I never would have thought that I would want to jump from a perfectly good plane, but I see it more and more in my future.

I want to experience life to it's fullest now. I want to make sure I get the most out of this and experience everything I can. That is what our lives are all about. Getting the most out of it. Now I'm not saying yolo, yoyo, or whatever it is....I'm saying that we have the capabilities and motivation to do whatever we want!! And I am now able to see beyond the couch and chair. Beyond the plate of pizza and cake....I can see other things that are potential life changers, and all in good ways!

So I challenge you all to set a goal. Set a goal that seems impossible...give yourself a year (it will pass quicker than you think!!), and make that goal into another checked item on your bucket list!! I would love to hear what goals you are going to set!!!  Have a good Tuesday!

Day 24

You know....I have never made it this far....and I am so so proud of myself for sticking to it. I know I keep saying that, but it's something that just keeps me so excited. 24 days! It's the first 24 days of the rest of my life, and I love it!!!!

Maybe it's the endorphins of the run this morning or it is just that the sun is shining and things are good....but I am happy. I sat and thought today, that the first day I went to the gym, it took me 45 minutes to do a 2 mile. And I was TIRED after it. I didn't have any energy to do anything after that 2 miles. Now, I am running/walking a 5K every day (in the time that it took me to do the 2 miles) and then doing weighted workouts after. With energy to burn when I get home. I'm feeling so good!! My body is just so happy with the hard work that I am putting in.

Now I know what people are thinking, sheesh...that's not very fast or far. It is for me. I have come from a place of no working out, and sitting on the couch every day. So doing that is a big achievement for me! I'm just filled and overflowing with this feeling of complete happiness!!!

I have been telling my family that I have been having these dreams lately. We are taking a family trip in December, and I keep dreaming about going into the gift stores and being able to buy medium shirts, and to buy pants that are smaller. These are what my dreams and goals are. These are the things I look forward to. And rightfully so. I was just so so unhappy shopping. It often ended in tears. And I REFUSE to ever go there again. That was a broken person and I don't want to be her anymore. So here is to the new me!!! Bring it on life!!!

Oh and recipes everyone! I'll post what yesterdays dinner was, it was a good one!

Barbeque Chicken Stuffed Baked Potatoes

2 Potatoes
4 T. BBQ Sauce of your choice (I did a low sugar, low calorie one)
1/2 cup cheese (low fat mozz.)
1/4 cup tomato
salt
pepper

I set the oven to 375. Rub the potatoes with olive oil and sea salt and bake on a sheet for 35 minutes. Then flip and bake the other side for 35 minutes.

I grilled the chicken, but you can cook it any way you want. I grilled each tenderloin (2 lbs worth) and then tossed them in the 4 T. sauce (I also add about 1 1/2 T. of water just so it sticks a little bit better). After tossing them, I shred the chicken, and toss again.

To assemble, cut open and mash the potato (I add a couple sprays of no-cal spray butter for flavor), add cheese, chicken, salt, pepper, and tomatoes to top.

Makes 2 servings.

I know it isn't much of a recipe, and I'm sure everyone could think of it, but thought I would share! Have a great Saturday everyone!!!

Day 23 - Weigh In

Well today was the day. And I can not deny that I am a little disappointed.  I know that losing weight is weight gone....but I was just hoping for more. Although I can understand why it wasn't as big as a number. These last couple days I have not felt well and I have not gotten as much out of the gym as I would have liked. So this week, now that I feel better...I am going to kick butt!!!

Oh...you guys wanted to know the number??


Since last week...I am down 2.8 pounds. For a grand total since starting (counting before I started blogging) of 15.5 pounds in three weeks! Not too shabby! And no matter what, I'm headed in the right direction, so I could really not be any happier!

I am hoping to work even harder this next week. I would really love to see a bigger number, but no matter what....frustration will NOT stop me.

Last night I had to go to the gym late because Hayden was working late. It was strange being one of the last people in the gym. All the TVs were off, the radio was turned off, and most of the rooms were dark and locked up. Very strange. But it was so nice with so few people in the gym. If only I was alone every time, I would love it even more. Although it's not all bad with other people. Either way, I have really warmed up to the gym.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!! I will blog this weekend (although according to the numbers, not many people read on the weekends), but for those that do, I'll make sure to write!

Happy Friday!

Day 22

Almost Friday...which means almost weigh in!!

I can honestly say that I am not nervous. I'm ready for the weigh in. If I lose weight, GREAT, if I don't, that's okay too. I'm changing my life, and that is all that matters!

I have decided that I will post some before and afters at week 8. I am starting to kind of see it in the mirror, but I really have to force myself to see it. There are a lot of things that sparked this whole journey. One picture in particular did it. Hayden had his promotion ceremony and we took a picture as a family. I usually avoid that if all possible. But I couldn't get out of it this time. I was embarrassed looking at them. I knew it was time to change everything. I was unhappy. I spend all my time avoiding mirrors. When I FaceTime with my family, I won't even get on the camera because I hate how I look. And that's not healthy.

It's not easy to be this way. You get made fun of, snickered at, and get really sad when shopping. I can remember as a child going to JCPenney, and heading to the juniors section to look at Mudd bellbottoms. But every pair I tried on, didn't fit. It was really hard as a young teen to feel so disappointed in your body. I then only shopped at one store, because I knew they had a size that would fit me. I could never wear the cute clothes the other kids could. For once, I want to go into a store...find something with out going aaaalll the way back to the back of the rack and hope that I can wear it. What's so strange, is I love fashion. I love design and new clothes, but I can't wear any of it. I hope that I can get there someday!

I have never really made that public before, so that is one more step in the right direction!! I usually keep those things between Hayden and I. He has seen me go out and get so frustrated and just leave with nothing because it is too emotional. I want to be able to go into a dressing room and be upset because they are all too big and I have to go a size down (Like I would EVER be upset something was too big lol). So some day I will get there. I know that this isn't a sprint, but a marathon....and someday I am going to be so proud of all the work that I put in!!

Have a great Thursday everyone! Can't wait for weigh in tomorrow!!!

Day 19

Good Morning all! Happy Monday!!!

I have been trying really hard these last couple days to keep calm and relaxed. Stress, as I'm sure you know, can hinder weight loss. And believe me, I have been under an incredible amount. I try so hard to keep calm, because for once in my life I'm thinking about me first, but that is hard. I feel so much pressure from everyone and now from myself that I am finding it difficult to keep calm and (cliche-ly enough) carry on. Everything that I am stressing about is out of my hands and really just needs to be prayed and thought over. So maybe that is what I should just buck up and do. Maybe it will help me de-stress a little. I'm doing everything I can possibly do to eliminate the stress, and that's the best I can do right?

So with all that stress, it has been difficult to focus on not eating. I am an emotional eater. I always have been. Even when I was in school, if I got upset over someone making fun of me because I was overweight, I ate. How does that even make sense? You would think that if other kids were making fun of me, I would want to stop and make the change. But for some reason, my head didn't want to do that. My head wanted to just eat more to numb the pain of other peoples crude opinions. I tried different things through high school. I ate differently, I played a TON of volleyball, and I actually kept pretty active. But it didn't stop the food from going in my mouth. I have no one to blame but myself for the way that I am, but I can blame it on the stress of high school. The stress of being a teenager that is overweight. Stress has always been a trigger for me to just eat to make myself feel better.

That has been one of the hardest things to try and change. Stress eating. I know that it isn't the solution to my problems. And my stress isn't just going to disappear because I am eating a fried, cheesy, calorie packed death trap. I am getting better or at least trying to get better about thinking like that. Hopefully this feeling is only temporary and I can shake this feeling quickly. It can't possibly be permanent to be this stressed or nervous about things! And eating is DEFINITELY not the solution!!


On a side note.....today I put on an outfit that I really don't like much. It's tighter pants and a tighter shirt. I don't like it because I feel like it makes me look like the Michelin man. BUT, I looked in the mirror after I put it on, and I actually felt good. I felt like I looked really cute and less puffy than usual! So hopefully this is the start of many happy feelings! Have an awesome Monday everyone!

Day 13

Good Morning everyone! I'm a little late today, I know. Been a busy morning around here. It has been so nice to be able to stay home with Alayna every day. I love being able to have this time with her. I went from working every day and having just a couple hours at night with her, to having all day with her. And it's been wonderful!

However, as much as I love staying home with her, I have been growing ever so frustrated with not having a job. And this last few weeks it has been really bumming me out. And then, someone said something yesterday that really turned it around.

"At least you now have time to focus on yourself"

I NEVER thought of it that way. I just thought of it as I wasn't doing anything for my family, but that is almost entirely untrue. I AM doing something for my family. I am making sure that they have a wife and mother around for a VERY long time. I may not have a job right now (and not for lack of trying, applications flying out of this house!) but I am improving my life for my family.

Yesterday I felt amazing. I actually anxiously awaited my chance to go to the gym. I looked forward to it all day. I was finally able to use my HRM again since I got the battery changed. And let me tell you....I felt incredible. I ran faster than I have ever run. I felt so accomplished. I felt empowered. I decided after watching Biggest Loser, which I have been hooked on recently, that I want to be able to do a half-marathon with in the next two years. I know that is setting a HUGE goal for myself, but if I can do this, change my life and start my foot in the right direction, why can't I do that?

I have seen the people on that show that finish half marathons, and why couldn't I be one of them? I am enjoying what I am doing. And right now I think that the biggest thing holding me back is my weight. So I think once all this starts just melting away, I could do it. It would be the biggest challenge I could present to myself. But I.CAN.DO.IT!!!!

So what about all of you? What will you decide to do to challenge and push yourself?

Day 12

Good morning everyone!! Happy Monday!!!


You know I thought all night about what I was going to write about today. It kept me awake far longer than I care to share. But I got to thinking about all sorts of things. There has been this outreach of people both old and new from my life reading the blog. I didn't think it was anything to start writing. I just thought it was a way to get through this and it (in just 12 short days) has turned into so much more!! So today I want to say thank you! Thank you everyone who has decided to hop on during this journey!

My question to all of you is, do you know someone in your life who is struggling through weight loss or a change such as this? I would love to have them read and be a part of this journey as well! If I can do this, anyone can!

I am so blessed to have all of you in my life! From family to friends I feel so motivated by all of you. Every time I think I should just quit, or give it less time at the gym I think about all of you pushing me. I can honestly say that I'm starting to enjoy going to the gym. I actually look forward to it each day. It's such a nice way to spend time with myself. It's relaxing and I feel so great when I do push myself harder than the day before. I'm doing things I never thought possible. I am running again...who would have ever thought I would be running again! When I do things like this it makes me feel like all things are possible!! I dream about what my life will be like in six months. And for the first time in a long time, those aren't nightmares, but great dreams that I don't ever want to wake from!!!

I hope that in some way you all can find something that makes you as happy as I am. If that is going to the gym and running, doing Zumba, or taking a kickboxing class, that's great!! Even if it's just playing in the backyard, that is great too! You should always do something for yourself, be selfish, and make yourself happy in the healthiest way possible. That is exactly what I am doing with my life. You should do the same!!!

Hope to see some new visitors on the site! If you are new, feel free to comment!! Even if you aren't new, but a ghost reader, feel free to comment as well!! I love seeing how all of you are enjoying the blog. It makes my day!

Have a wonderful Monday all!

Day 8

I can't believe the things that have changed in just one week. My attitude for one is probably the biggest thing to change. I feel so so driven through this. Maybe it is you guys pushing me that is making this so much easier. You know last night I came home from the gym and was in a lot of pain. Every time I walk my hip feels as though it is going to dislocate from my body, but I PUSHED through it. I got home and was so upset. Hayden asked why I was so upset over it and I responded with, "It means I either can't work out, or it is just going to have to be really painful while I do".

The old me would have just given up. Hip pain = DONE. But now, I'm upset that I can't work out as hard as I want to.

Also last night, for the first time in a long time, I ran...

Well I think that's what it was. I mean I probably looked like Pheobe from Friends, but I did it. It wasn't for long. It was for short amounts of times, but enough to get a good sweat out of me. I was so proud that I was running. I would love to be a runner and my head just always stops me from taking that next step. And last night....I just went for it.

I keep putting up my blinders to make this easier. I will be completely honest with myself that I am having a hard time these past couple days with temptation. I really do love food and I have to understand that I am just fine without it. I feel happier and healthier without all that processed food. But let's be honest....who doesn't crave a big slice of pizza every once in a while. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. BUT, it's times like these that make me put those blinders up again and keep my eye on the prize. I have to realize who and what and why I am doing this. Those things are more important than any one of those greasy, fatty, processed foods.


As a close, tomorrow is weigh in morning. And that terrifies me. I know that I have worked hard this past week. I know I have done what I can in the kitchen to make a change. I just hope I can see it tomorrow morning. I know that I could work harder, and I will try this next week, but for my first week doing this....I pushed it. I pushed harder and faster every day. So tomorrow will tell if all the hard work will pay off.

Day 7

So it has arrived....Day 7...this is the day I always say that I'm happy enough with who I am. Hayden loves me the way I am so why change? But all those are just excuses. I'm not happy and I'm not fooling anyone! I decided when I got to this day I would make a list. A list of all the things that should be keeping me in this. So here goes!!

• Alayna
• Hayden
• My Family
• To be able to go into the same store Hayden shops at, and pick something out!
• To be able to run and not run out of breath
• Disney World
• A swim suit
• ABS!!!
• To not be out of breath doing something simple
• Run around with Alayna and play
• To have a healthier outlook on life
• To be able to wear heels comfortably!!
• To raise my arms without looking like a lunch lady 
• To not be afraid of being in front of the camera as opposed to being behind it
• To not be so hurt by what others say
• most of all.....FOR ME!!!!

I know that some of the things on the list are silly. But they are honest. There are more but these things are what keep me going. Knowing that I have these things to motivate and keep me going...then I can stay on track. 

I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life to support me through this. My Mom and Dad are the best parents in the entire world. They are my heroes. They are who I want to make proud in life, and if this one small thing can achieve that, then I will push through until the very end. They are strong...and if they can be strong, then so can I!!

My sister and her family are one of my other biggest motivators. They are incredible people who push and motivate me in every way. My brother (in-law doesn't need to be said, because he just isn't that anymore) is such an inspiration to me. He has made it to where I want to be and I couldn't be anymore proud. They have such faith, drive, and motivation. I hope that some day I can make it to a point in my life where they can see me as such!

I love my family, and I wouldn't be here without them. They are what push me every day. When I want to give up...I KEEP GOING...because I know I have them. I love you guys and I couldn't be 1/1,000th of the person I am without you guys.

So I leave you all with this, who is your motivation? Who pushes you to do more?

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

Day 6

Well I have a few VERY small victories to share with all of you. Please....don't be too harsh, they are very very small!!

My wedding rings are MUCH looser, which is great!!

And

Yesterday at the gym, I ran....I HATE to run and I ran. I would walk for 4 minutes and then run for 1 minute, for a total of 45 minutes. I felt good. At a certain point it actually felt better to run than it did to walk!!

I know these are such small things, and there are much bigger things to come, but I just felt like I had to share. Sometimes I feel like looking at the small things is what keeps me motivated. Last night for the first time through this, I was actually very hungry. Hayden had made a frozen pizza and it took every single muscle in my body to not have a slice. I thought about it...over and over again. It's just one slice...what will one slice do?? But I didn't. I ate my dinner, I drank some water, and I had a banana and peanut butter as a snack later in the evening to curb any of those feelings.

I am so happy I did what I did. I am surprised I was able to stick to my guns and keep clean.

I have significantly cut out the amount of processed foods in my daily eating habits and I just feel better because of it! The only real foods I have been eating that are pre-packaged are string cheese, peanut butter, and cream cheese. I can't believe I am actually doing this!

Again, I know these are just some small acheievements, but they feel so big to me! I hope you all have an amazing Tuesday and KEEP MOTIVATED...no matter what little obstacle comes along!

Day 5

Today has started out really slow. It's usually about now that I start contemplating if I should really be doing this, and if it is all worth it. And then a couple days later I give up. This time feels different. While I am lagging today, I do not have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that says it's time to give up.

I have had a couple people ask what I am using to track my caloric intake, and I just wanted to talk a little bit about my day to day. Seeing as I am just starting out, I am no expert, but this is how I do things every day! I use a website called www.myfitnesspal.com to track my calories, keep track of my water intake, and also track my exercise. It is free and really helpful to make sure I log every single thing that goes into my mouth. Please feel free to add me as a friend on there if you would like, my username is whocrux (nerdy, I know). It is really nice because it has a large database of foods both name brand and generic, and it includes all the nutritional information you would possibly want for a product.

Now, I used it a while back, and fell off the bandwagon then. I decided to delete that account because I was so embarrassed that I had just given up. I feel like that is what I am good at. So I will do everything I possibly can this time to make sure that giving up is not an option. I know I have what it takes, I am ready to stick it through to the end.

Now as for exercise, I am keeping it really simple for now. I am walking about 2-3 miles a day on a treadmill. I usually do a minute run/jog, and then 5 minutes walking at a comfortable pace. I repeat it a couple times, or until I know my body just can't do it anymore. I like to try to go for about an hour, or 3 miles, whichever I hit first. I know it isn't much, but believe me, my body would beg to differ. It works for me. I do some stability ball ab workouts as well, but I really do just enjoy walking/jogging most.

I hope to some day get better with my jogging and hopefully I can run some day...but for now....I just need to keep doing what I am doing until I feel comfortable. Two weeks and I should start getting more comfortable (and less sore!!).

Now I see on my stats page that my numbers are dropping :( If there is anything I can write that would keep everyone more captivated, or if there is something you are really curious about, I would love any suggestions on topics! Enjoy your Monday everyone! I know mine will involve job searching, cleaning, and prepping for the week!

Day 4

I know it is so silly, but one of my biggest fears is going to the gym. Everyone there is so fit and built up, and here I am, my flabby self just trying to do my best. I hate looking to my left and right and seeing that everyone else is running and I am at best strolling (sometimes a jog here and there). It makes me feel like they are all just looking at me with a "she shouldn't be here" thought in their head.

BUT, contrary to my beliefs, no looks were given. No words were said. And best of all...I felt really confident. I felt empowered by the sweat just pouring off of me. You know they say that pain is fear leaving the body...and if that's the case, my body is about to be terrified!

Yesterday I really didn't want to go to the gym. I was tired and my head hurt and I thought maybe I could just take one day off. Then Hayden and I talked and I realized that I am just making excuses. I think about Alayna, Hayden, my family, and it makes me just want to work harder. There is no excuse in the world that could be big enough to make this goal unimportant.

I don't know how many of you actually read this, and I don't think it matters. Maybe I am just doing this for my own selfish reasons but more importantly, I am doing this so that if I can just inspire ONE person to change something in their lives for the better, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I know I am not perfect in my ways. I know I am not a physical fitness or health nut, but I am trying. Harder than anyone will know. Some days it scares the living day lights out of me. Some times I get frustrated because I know there is a plate of fried cheesesticks out there, waiting for me to eat them. But I have to keep my head on straight. I HAVE to keep pushing and looking at my end goal. I know this is not a Diet, and I hate that word. This is a life change and life style choice. I am making that choice to change for the better.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!! To my family (If you are reading this!), I hope you have fun at the beach this week! I miss you guys more than you know, but next year...I'll be bikini ready!!!

Day 3

What an adventure today was!!! I had down a list of all the new things I wanted to try and had been reading that eating organic was a better way to go when it came to putting all those veggies in your body. So I looked up the closest place to buy all organic and come across a store called Earth Fare...beautiful store, wonderful choices....but my oh my that price!!! For now I think we will just have to stick to our regular grocery store. However, most of what I did get was organic with a much more reasonable price attached to it (excluding cherries....those things are super expensive!! $9 for a small bag!). I am so proud of myself for getting all these new things to try! We got sweet potatoes, which in my head I swear I hate. I got spaghetti squash which I am also very weary of, but excited to try. And I got ginger! Not sure what exactly I am going to use it for, but I am excited to try!!

I am notorious for spending money on all these healthy foods, and then never keeping up my end of the bargain. I don't know what is so different about this time, but I feel so motivated. I feel excited and nervous but most of all ready. I am 24 years old and I am ready to start really living.

I hope that in some small way I am motivating other people to make smart decisions when it comes to what you are putting in your bodies. I know I am not one to talk because I am a sucker for a grilled cheese or anything fried, but I am accepting change, and finding that other things can be just as delicious as well.

So for your question today...what is your favorite vegetable and how do you like to eat it best?

Day 2

Before I post anything I just wanted to make a small note that I have enabled commenting from anyone, not just those with a blogger account, so PLEASE feel free to comment if you would like to....actually I encourage it!!!

So, Happy Friday everyone! I know for me I couldn't be more thrilled. I woke up this morning really lagging and was so tempted to hit snooze, BUT I have been reading so many things that say getting up early is better for your metabolism, so my butt got out of bed anyway! I woke up with a nice big glass of cold water which I have also been reading about. I am on average drinking at least 120 oz. of water a day. I have a blender bottle that I fill every time I finish it, and it just adds up so quickly. I know sometimes it is hard to get that water down, so I am looking into using fruit to flavor the water. Anyone have any luck with that?

Along with my own flavored water as opposed to any name brand water sweetener, I am going to do something I have never in my life done. I am going to try something new! As I posted yesterday on Facebook....I have never been one for seafood. I can remember as a child waiting at the dinner table well after everyone else, just because I didn't want to eat the seafood cause it was "GROSS!!!". And believe me, I still have a good majority of those feelings. BUT....I know all the benefits of fish and I know that I need to broaden my horizons...so I will try it. All of the times that I have tried this losing weight thing, or getting healthy thing it has been with just a normal "salad, chicken, veggies, and fruit". This is the first time I have really branched out and told myself that everything has to change in order for my body to want to change. I may not like it now, but once I get to my finish line....I am going to thank my past self for the hard work I put in.

And speaking of hard work, I should get on to my workout today. Usually I would take Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, but until my body starts getting used to this and doesn't feel like it got run over by a truck....every day it is! I am definitely hurting today from yesterday (which some people would say was a weak workout, but I'm trying here!!), but it's just fear leaving the body. And my mother has always said..."Anything you can do for two weeks becomes a habit".....so let's do this friends! Do something new...and do it for two weeks so it is a permanent change in your life!

I leave you all with this question today....What is a food you don't like but would be willing to eat for the sake of change and a healthier way of living??

Day 1 - Part 2

Let me just begin with a huge THANK YOU!!! The support that has already been shown is appreciated more than I can put into words!

I ironically enough woke up this morning feeling very sick. Stayed in bed longer than I should have and thought to myself "Bethany, tomorrow may be a better day to start if you are feeling like this" and then and even louder voice said "BETHANY!!! No....no excuses. Giving up isn't an option no matter how you feel! Get it..."

Needless to say I followed the second voice (I should get that looked at) and worked out today. It hurt and I expected it to. I haven't worked out in a long time and my body was happy to tell me that it hated me afterwards. I then pep talked that I'm doing this for you and I want to make you happier...you just wait and see body, you are going to be so happy in six months!!!

I am not going full Crossfit or P90X right away. I am starting out with what feels comfortable to me. I think that is for the best if I want to make sure I don't get hurt or discouraged. And as far as eating, I will not be going Paleo or Juicing or whatever other Food Fads there are right now...I will cut back portions and watch that what I am eating is healthy.

I want to take this one day at a time. That is how it's done after all! Progress doesn't happen overnight and I don't expect to start out like a body builder right away.

I want to leave you with this my supporters.....what is your LEAST favorite workout to do that you just REALLY have to push yourself to do??