Day 121 - Weigh In

Good Morning Everyone!!! I know I said I wasn't going to do well at the weigh in, and boy was I right. I didn't gain, but I for a split second thought I did. I am right where I was last week, and that is my own doing!! I didn't eat like I should be these last few weeks. But from here on out, I REFUSE to get back off this horse. I want to make sure I am ready for Disney, and LIFE!!! I did go back to the gym last night, and I felt awesome after I was done. Granted I am exhausted this morning, I know that I can make it work. I still am happy with the amount of weight I have lost, but I am just ready to get back to how I was losing. So that means eating right and working out, NO EXCUSES.


Sometimes we have to take a look at why we do things again (and again), which I have done quite a few times! I am doing this for myself and Alayna long term, but for short term, it was always Disney, so I WILL BE READY!!!! I have 30 days left to make it work, and I can promise you all that I will. I will really kick it into gear and be ready for fun and ride riding when I get down there! I am excited and motivated now more than ever. I don't know what has changed, but I am ready to take it all on. I mean in the grand scheme of things, what is one hour a night???

SO I hope you enjoy your Friday!! I am certainly going to enjoy mine!! I am motivated and taking it one step and one day at a time. That's what it really takes.....taking smaller steps will make it easier to tackle all of this!! So enjoy your Fridays and take things one step at a time!!

Day 100 - Weigh In

Day 100??!!!?!?!?!?! Where are the streamers and confetti??? Isn't that what day 100 is supposed to feel like??? Well inside my head it does!! I had a really bad week this week. I mean with the party last week, to some not so great decisions this week, I kind of figured I was going to gain, I mean I should have! But I didn't......I stayed on my steady track moving downward at .8 pounds lost for a total of 36.3 pounds gone!! It may only be .8 pounds, but it is that much closer to my goal!!!

I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking too much about work, weight loss, and my family. I tossed and turned all night, and honestly, it has been like this for the past week or so. I am not sure what is causing it, but I just dream about work and Hayden, that it feels so real and when I wake up, it felt like I had been working all night and not sleeping. It is starting to get really stressful, and I don't like it. I wish I knew how to fix it, because trust me, the LAST thing I want to be doing is working more than I already am. I guess I will just have to try and figure that out on my own time.

So like I said last night, it is time for me to really kick it back into gear. I finally got my okay to get my butt back in the gym, so that will be starting as soon as my parents are gone (for obvious reasons!!), and then today starts me back on weighing all my food and making sure I am eating proportionally. We all stumble at some point during a journey, and that is all this past few weeks has been. I have been writing less, working out less, working more, and eating less then perfect. So that all stops today. My body is basically yelling at me, "Bethany, you've had your fun, now it's time to kick that butt back into gear. Do you want to be around forever for Alayna? Do I need to remind you of all those goals?? Then just do it, Bethany!!!!!". So I hear you Body, and I am!!! I am sorry I treated you less then "temple-ish" this past couple weeks. I should have never done that.

Somehow, even through the crap, no working out, and just the plateau I was on, I still managed to lose weight, but not what I know I am capable of. So now it's time to see those numbers go up (and down!). I'm ready to love the scale again and not fear it each week. SO this is me making a promise to myself, and maybe even all of you too, that I WILL lose more than .8 pounds next week!!!

Alright, I think I've made you all read enough this morning! I am going to go finish getting ready for work, so I can get my butt home to hang out with my Mom and Dad!!! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and remember to NEVER give up on what you truly want. Remember why you want the things you want. Remember why you started this journey, and don't you DARE settle for less than what you started all of it for! You ARE worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 86 - Weigh In

Good Morning everyone!!! Today was the day...and I am just going to say that I am satisfied. It's not that I'm overwhelmingly happy, but I am content with what popped up today! I promise next week is going to be bigger because I am stepping it up this next week!!!

So the scale was exactly 1 pound down today for a grand total of 33.7 pounds gone and never coming back!!!!!! I can't believe in just 86 days....33.7 pounds is no where to be found!!!! It is mind blowing. I mean...33.7.....that's a lot of weight. I have almost lost Alayna!!! Come to think of it....lifting her up....I can't believe that I used to carry that around with me....how did I do it??? Either way...I am happy to be rid of it!!!

SO I know what you are all going to say, a pound is a pound which is better than a gain!! Which I am totally agreeing with! However, I'm ready to see bigger numbers which is why this week is a no excuses week. I know I have been saying that, but I really mean it this time! I can not keep making excuses for why I can't get everything done. I just need to suck it up, and get it done!! I really wanted to be past a certain goal by now, and I am currently no where near it. SO it is time to step up the intensity a bit!

Lastly today....I'm going to shamelessly promote myself! I know that there are so many of you that read every day! And I couldn't be any more thankful to you all than I already am, but do any of you have friends, family, coworkers, or even just a gym you go to where people are struggling? Not sure if they can do it? Well send them over to my blog!!! I write in hopes of inspiring. I don't ever want anyone to feel how I feel. No child or adult should have to go through this! So please...I don't have anything to gain from it, other than inspiring people. Which is what I really want this blog to be. SO again...any one you know needing some extra motivation or who really likes to read, send em my way!!! We can ALL do this together!

SO I will leave you at that! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!! Be inspired to make a change. You are a beautiful person...yes you!!! Get up and take your life back....you deserve it!!!

Day 70

Day 70!!!! Unbelievable! Really...I can't even believe it! I apologize for the late post again, work was crazy today, and when I got home it was time to spend with Alayna. I have a lot of long days coming up because of some new phone launches coming (can't legally discuss that information in whole ;) ). I was thinking today how much I am trying to juggle right now, that I don't even know how I'm doing it, but somehow I am making it work. I keep getting these updates from our babysitter about how well she is doing and it makes me so happy!

Today she sent me a picture and video of Alayna at the library doing craft time and reading time. It was incredible to see how much she is developing and learning! She can now write A, B, C, and D and spell her name. I am so impressed with how well she is doing, it just pushes me to do well as well.

I am going to keep tonight short, which I know I have been saying a lot lately, but I promise that one of these days I am going to write a very long post about things more personally and how I have been feeling lately. I PROMISE!!! It's coming!! So I bid you all a well evening tonight....I am off to watch a movie with Hayden and relax!

Goodnight everyone <3

Day 56

Well....I am late again today!!! I apologize, it was an early day at work today, but at least I am home now and relaxing. I have decided today is definitely going to be a very short post since I have some very much needed time with Alayna. It is very rare that I am home with her, so I want to take advantage of it!!

So I am headed back to the gym tonight for the first time in a little under a week (since I hurt my ankle), and we will see how it goes. I am in a pretty severe amount of pain, but I'm hoping it is something I can work through.

I know what you all are thinking, "You need to take time off to heal". I feel like I have taken the time I need and I just need to get back in the gym and see how it goes. I need to feel like I am doing something other than just eating healthy!!

Okay......I told you it was going to be short, I wasn't kidding!!! Off to spend time with my favorite little girl! Have a wonderful rest of the day!

Day 23 - Weigh In

Well today was the day. And I can not deny that I am a little disappointed.  I know that losing weight is weight gone....but I was just hoping for more. Although I can understand why it wasn't as big as a number. These last couple days I have not felt well and I have not gotten as much out of the gym as I would have liked. So this week, now that I feel better...I am going to kick butt!!!

Oh...you guys wanted to know the number??


Since last week...I am down 2.8 pounds. For a grand total since starting (counting before I started blogging) of 15.5 pounds in three weeks! Not too shabby! And no matter what, I'm headed in the right direction, so I could really not be any happier!

I am hoping to work even harder this next week. I would really love to see a bigger number, but no matter what....frustration will NOT stop me.

Last night I had to go to the gym late because Hayden was working late. It was strange being one of the last people in the gym. All the TVs were off, the radio was turned off, and most of the rooms were dark and locked up. Very strange. But it was so nice with so few people in the gym. If only I was alone every time, I would love it even more. Although it's not all bad with other people. Either way, I have really warmed up to the gym.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!! I will blog this weekend (although according to the numbers, not many people read on the weekends), but for those that do, I'll make sure to write!

Happy Friday!

Day 21

Happy Wednesday all!

I decided last night to take a break from the gym. After lots of back and forth's, and input from others, I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for me to take a day off. I haven't been feeling well lately so it felt good to just relax. But today I am going to kick it in to gear at the gym!

I have been working out in a lot of different ways lately. I think I am going to finally try and venture into the studio tonight. They have all of the equipment that I really want to be working out with. The stability ball, the free weights, the bars, and those weird looking half stability balls for balancing on. I have never used a lot of them, but I have seen them used and they seem to give a good sweat. I know I am going to have to get into some routine when it comes to cardio, arms, legs, and others...but I don't know how to do that correctly. Any advice anyone?

I came to the conclusion that the bike....is not for me...Until I can get this behind smaller...biking is NOT for me. I don't know people do that. It hurts. I mean it hurts for days following. So to all you bikers....God bless, because I am just not there yet. I even thought maybe I should do the one that has the bigger seat and you are sitting back in, but I just don't get that burn that I get with the others. So I will stick to running/walking intervals on the Treadmill and work on what else to do in the gym weight wise. I wish I knew my way around better. I'm like a lost duckling in a huge sea of turtles....I just have no idea what I'm doing. Two days ago someone asked me how to use a piece of equipment...and I'm pretty sure I just stood there looking really confused and started looking at the machine like it was something out of the future. Not my proudest moment. Although, I did like the fact that the guy thought I looked like I knew what I was doing! In the end we figured out how the machine worked...good team work! But that just goes to show I need to learn more. I usually just watch all the big dudes at the gym...see how they do it, and then follow in their footsteps. Sometimes it works...sometimes I forget to change the weight so I almost pop my arms out like Spongebob. BUT...I'm getting there. And that is what matters!

I didn't get to writing recipes last night since I didn't feel well, so today I will make sure to do that!!

Day 19

Good Morning all! Happy Monday!!!

I have been trying really hard these last couple days to keep calm and relaxed. Stress, as I'm sure you know, can hinder weight loss. And believe me, I have been under an incredible amount. I try so hard to keep calm, because for once in my life I'm thinking about me first, but that is hard. I feel so much pressure from everyone and now from myself that I am finding it difficult to keep calm and (cliche-ly enough) carry on. Everything that I am stressing about is out of my hands and really just needs to be prayed and thought over. So maybe that is what I should just buck up and do. Maybe it will help me de-stress a little. I'm doing everything I can possibly do to eliminate the stress, and that's the best I can do right?

So with all that stress, it has been difficult to focus on not eating. I am an emotional eater. I always have been. Even when I was in school, if I got upset over someone making fun of me because I was overweight, I ate. How does that even make sense? You would think that if other kids were making fun of me, I would want to stop and make the change. But for some reason, my head didn't want to do that. My head wanted to just eat more to numb the pain of other peoples crude opinions. I tried different things through high school. I ate differently, I played a TON of volleyball, and I actually kept pretty active. But it didn't stop the food from going in my mouth. I have no one to blame but myself for the way that I am, but I can blame it on the stress of high school. The stress of being a teenager that is overweight. Stress has always been a trigger for me to just eat to make myself feel better.

That has been one of the hardest things to try and change. Stress eating. I know that it isn't the solution to my problems. And my stress isn't just going to disappear because I am eating a fried, cheesy, calorie packed death trap. I am getting better or at least trying to get better about thinking like that. Hopefully this feeling is only temporary and I can shake this feeling quickly. It can't possibly be permanent to be this stressed or nervous about things! And eating is DEFINITELY not the solution!!


On a side note.....today I put on an outfit that I really don't like much. It's tighter pants and a tighter shirt. I don't like it because I feel like it makes me look like the Michelin man. BUT, I looked in the mirror after I put it on, and I actually felt good. I felt like I looked really cute and less puffy than usual! So hopefully this is the start of many happy feelings! Have an awesome Monday everyone!

Day 18

I can't believe it is Sunday already. This weekend went by so fast!!

I think back to what a normal Saturday night used to be. Sitting around, eating pizza, and having a drink or two.

Now...my Saturday night is going to the gym until 10, coming home to eating an apple and some peanut butter for protein, and drinking water. It's amazing how much better I feel. I never would have thought that just two and a half weeks would make a difference in how I see things. I haven't eaten anything fried, greasy, or processed in quite some time. My body is so happy with me.

It has been really nice to cook such healthy foods, and have Alayna and Hayden enjoy them. I feel like sometimes when I would go on health kicks, Hayden would cook something different for himself because he didn't want to eat the veggies and healthy foods that I was eating. But now, he is just as into eating healthy as I am. It's been such a good support to have that. Maybe that's why it didn't work the other times. I felt like I was doing it myself. And this time, I'm not alone.

Alayna has been loving all of the vegetables we have been eating. And ever since I have been drinking only water, I can't get her to drink any juice at all anymore. Which is GREAT!! She no longer is weighed down by all that artificial sweetener. Now I know that they still eat things they aren't supposed to...for example...last night Hayden and Alayna had milkshakes. And I didn't even want one. It smelled so sweet and sugary. And I actually got a little sick to my stomach smelling it. But as long as they enjoyed it, that's what's important!!

I'm so happy with all the progress that is being made. It has made me realize that even if the pounds aren't always going down....I'm still making a change for the better.

On my last note, I was thinking of putting up some of my daily foods (for all of you that don't follow me on My Fitness Pal). Maybe some recipes that I have been making for dinner? Would anyone be interested in that?

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone!!

Day 17

Happy Saturday Everyone!!!

All that is on our schedule is to watch some movies, clean, and have a nice relaxing day. I did a lot of weight training last night, so my body feels like jello today. But in a really good, blueberry jello kind of jello! There is something so satisfying about working out and feeling like your whole body is about to fall apart. It feels good! I really pushed myself yesterday and I think it was part frustration, anger, and motivation. 

I have been working really hard and am finally starting to feel the difference. I feel stronger. I can feel that gym high that people talk about. I am always so happy when I get home from the gym. I have been staying at the gym longer and longer because I just don't want to leave and lose that amazing feeling I get. 

I will admit that yesterday was a bad day. I beat myself up all day and kept asking, "Am I doing the right thing". But yesterday at the gym solidified every small positive feeling I was having. I absolutely am at the correct place in my life. You know there is an old wives tail that says Deja Vu is just your life's way of telling you that you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. And last night, at the gym, I had this strange feeling of Deja Vu. And it hit me like a ton of bricks...I am exactly where I need to be! 

SO...what I am really saying...is I'm feeling great!! And I am right where I need to be in my life. I know there will be a lot of doubts along this journey. And I know that I will get angry and frustrated through this, but it is how I handle this that makes the difference between being weak and being strong. 

I owe a huge thank you to all of you. Yesterday was tough for me, but all of you made a difference!! So thank you <3

Have a great weekend!